


Try

by samoosifer



Series: Try/Aim/Succeed [1]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Frerard, M/M, some pikey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-25
Updated: 2013-04-26
Packaged: 2017-12-09 11:23:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 57
Words: 130,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/773653
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samoosifer/pseuds/samoosifer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Frank has just turned 16 which means he is moving from the orphanage to the halfway house. He also has to move schools. He never really had friends at his old school so is determined to make a fresh start. But of course, the jocks can spot a fag a mile away. As Frank accepts the fact that the dorm boys have already established their group and refuse to let the latecomer in and puts up with the constant bullying. What happens when a new kid joins him at the halfway house equally as weird?</p><p>DISCLAIMER: I don't own any band members, dead or alive, in this fic. Any other characters are my creation please dont steal and pls dnt sue</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Try

**Author's Note:**

> i plan on rewriting this one day in the future bc its so shit and i messed shit up majorly but ive been told its doesnt make it that difficult to read so im uploading it here if you have any questions then please dont hesitate to ask bc in my head i know everything but written out its a little muddled yeah ha

Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. I hated these days. Everyone was on edge. Trying to look nice. Trying to look lovable. None of us were lovable though. If we were then we wouldnt be here would we?

''Frank? Aren't you even going to try?''Lily, my best friend, my only friend, at this god forsaken place looked at me from my bedroom door. I was one of the very few kids here that had their own room. I think they gave it to me after I punched the Johnson kid so I could lash out in peace. It was his own fault for laughing about the fact that they had no idea who my parents were. A lot of the kids here still had access to their parents for when they wanted to meet them when they were older but I was just dumped on the doorstep in the night when I was 2 years old. I didnt remember that night much. Only what I saw in my dreams.

''Whats the point? No one has even looked at me as an option let alone try talking to me.''I said blankly and sank further into my pillows, pretending I was reading.  
"Frank, I know you arent reading. Come on, will you please just get up off your lazy ass and get dressed? Just once, will you try? Please?''Lily sat down on the end of my bed and peered at me over my book. I stared at her face and evaluated the situation.

Today was the last chance I would have to at least try and get some foster parents before I went to the halfway house. A smile broke out on my face as I shoved The Prisoner of Azkaban onto my bedside table.

''Right. Get out so I can dress.''I grinned at her.  
''Ha ha.''She smiled at me and took my place.  
''You better get off my bed.'' I said as I yanked open my drawer and studied the meager amount of clothes I had.  
''Yeah sure. Whatever.''She didnt budge.  
I glared at her and said,''Black skinnies? Or black?''I held up my only pairs of jeans.

''I think you should go wiiith... Those ones.''She said and pointed to what was most likely the cleaner of the two. I nodded and shoved the other ones back in. I grabbed a random t-shirt and pulled it on, covering up my illegal tattoos. The staff here hadnt been too happy when I skipped school to get these. To make things worse they had given me the asswipe Johnson's chores so he had plenty of time to gloat.

I took off my pj bottoms and pulled my jeans on. Lily knows I like dick so I was fine with getting changed in front of her. She never really paid attention to me when I did anyway.  
''Frank dont wear that. Not that t-shirt.''She said as she stared at it.

''Why not? I doubt anyone will take an interest but if someone is gonna even think to adopt me I refuse to go near them if this top offends them in some way.''I said as I scratched at some dirt. It was one of my favourite tops. It didnt have much of the design left on it so I had written on it 'homophobia is gay' which was a bit stupid considering the amount there are at my fucking school.

''Too late its on now I cant take it back. Get off my bed bitch.''I sat down on top of her and picked up my book again, pretending to read.  
''Fine its your funer- Frank! Get off me! Oh my god Frank you fucking asshole get off me!''She screamed as I farted on her. She managed to push me off her and glare at me.

''Sorry. I dont know how many times I have told you that there is a chair there for a reason.''I pointed at the lonely old green stool that stood in the corner.

''If I sat on that it would break. Now come on, this couple is going to be here in like ten minutes.''She said as she pulled my book out of my reach. I pulled my hand back towards me sadly. I got up and followed her out of my dark room into the brightly painted hallway. I was barely to the top of the stairs and I was already regretting it.

''Mrs Macy! The hermits out!''One of Johnsons buddies spotted me from his bed and went racing downstairs, shoving Lily and I to the side. I glared at his back as he went on telling the whole world that I had ventured out of my room on a day that soon to be parents were coming for a visit. The last time I had done that was when I was 12, almost 4 years ago now. God that had been a terrible day.

''He's wearing his fag shirt again!''Someone else called on the floor below.  
''Come on Frankie. I did warn you though.''Lily grabbed my arm before I could rush back into the safety of my room.

''Its not them calling names I just- dont really like people.''I said feeling stupid the second the words had left my mouth.  
''Thats just stupid. Come on, do you want to get out of this place?''She asked me as we started our descent into hell.

The orphanage had 4 floors and the ground floor. I was on the top floor at the back so no one would disturb me. The oldest were all on the top and the youngest were on the first floor so that the carers could look after them.  
''I spose so...''I sighed.

We reached the bottom of the stairs and I had to fight to not laugh out loud. A bunch of kids were standing in their doorways, watching me on my journey. It pissed me off sometimes how much effort these people put into looking good for strangers.  
''What are you all looking at?''Lily glared at them, sending them back into their rooms to finish getting ready.

We went down another floor and found the same situation. Kids staring at me. Wanting to get a look at the freak of the building. We ignored them as we made our way down to the bottom floor. Mrs Macy, the owner of the orphanage, was standing with her arms crossed at the bottom of the stairs.  
''Lily could you be a dear and go help Claire get dressed?''She smiled sweetly at Lily who nodded and went back up to the first floor.

I stopped as soon as Lily was gone, unsure if I should go back to my room or actually try for once.  
''Franklin please tell me this wont be a repeat of last time. Please.''She unfolded her arms and went into the kitchen. I followed her hesitantly and stood in the doorway awkwardly, folding my arms across my chest.

''Frank. Please tell me you will actually try to be friendly. To be nice. To be nor- not-''  
''Me?''I supplied helpfully.  
''No Franklin, you are allowed to be yourself and express yourself. I was going to say to not be so angry.''She smiled as she emptied a packet of biscuits into the biscuit tin.

''Fine. I will try.''I said sarcastically and turned to walk away.  
''Oh and Franklin?''She called behind me. I stopped walking but didnt face her,''You didnt do your bathroom duties last week so you will have them this week on top of your dishes duty.''

I could hear the annoyance in her voice. The annoyance the fact that I still had to wait a week before I could move to the halfway house. I was pissed about it too. As soon as I left this place I would move to a new school and a new place to sleep til I turned 18. What a life. I knew I wouldn't do my stupid chores in the bathroom. It fucking stunk in there.

''What did she say?''Lily stood at the top of the stairs, putting Claire's hair into a pony tail. Most of the little kids were scared of me but Claire would happily watch me play air guitar instead of play dolls with the other girls. She liked to play with my lip ring as well and was dying for the day she could get one herself.

She and Lily were going to be the only ones I missed once I left.  
''She said she wanted me to try and not to be me. And I have bathroom duties this week cause I didnt do them last week.''I shrugged my shoulders.  
''I dont know how many times I told you to do it. You just didnt listen.''She said and got up off her knees.

''Fwankie!''Claire shoved her arms around my neck as I grabbed her under her arms and picked her up.  
''Hey Claire bear! How are you kiddo?''I smiled at her and ignored Lily's words.

''Happy!''She screamed in my ear as she started fiddling with my lip ring.  
''You wanna play some guitar?''I asked her.  
''Yes please!''She clapped her hands as I started up the next set of stairs, Lily following close behind.

''Are you going to come out when they get here?''Lily asked me.  
''I- dont- no. I wont. Whats the point? No one ever wants someone my age. They probably want someone like Claire. Or the twins. Claire can you stop that for a second?''I asked as she pulled slightly too hard on my ring. I stopped on the third floor. Lily was younger than me so slept one floor below but she usually came into my room to talk before going to sleep.

''But you dont know that! If you just came outside to meet them. Just do that and if you're right then you can go back to your room.''She said and grabbed my hand to stop me from going upward.  
''Okay. I will meet them. But thats it okay?''I shook her off as best I could with Claire in my arms who had started playing with my hair.

''Thank you. Bring her down with you okay?''Lily started walking towards her shared room.  
''Like I would leave her alone in my bedroom.''I yelled back, smiling at the thought.

''What do you want to play today? We only have time for one song though.''I asked Claire as I turned the CD player on and picked out her favourite CD's.  
''Ummm can we listen to the one that goes 'dododo do dodo dooooooo' and then umm. I cant wemember the west.''She giggled at me. I nodded and put Green Day in. I turned around to see Claire already putting her guitar around her. I picked mine up and pressed play.

''You ready for this?''I grinned at her and prepared to play.  
''Lets do it!''She screamed a little too loud as American Idiot kicked in. I laughed as she started jumping on my bed.

She looked like she would be shredding the shit out of an actual guitar of she had one. I abandoned pretending to play and picked her up, spinning her around my room. She screamed with joy and sung along, not knowing the words but trying anyway.

''Frank!''Lily screamed from the doorway. I dropped Claire onto my bed and paused the music.

''Come on, they're here.''She bent down to pick up Claire who waved at me sadly over Lily's shoulder. When I started following her face lit up.  
''Are you ready for this Frankie?''Lily asked me as we made our way downstairs followed by a few other kids. I thought deeply about what I was about to do.

''Yes.''


	2. Two Adorable American Idiots

''I'm Victoria and this is my husband, Dean.''The woman who looked in her early thirties shook Mrs Macy's hand. Everyone was out in the garden, the sun beating down on us, and Mrs Macy was just inside with the couple, where everyone could see and hear them.  
''Honestly, we've been so excited about this! We want two girls. Big age differences, you know, so one can teach the other.''The man, Dean, said. Immediately there was a groan from all the guys sitting on the lawn.

''There you have it. I have no chance.''I said to Lily as we Claire tried tackling me to the ground. I fell onto my back to please her.  
''Well Claire has a chance. Dont you want to see if they like her?''Lily tried to stop me from getting up but she didnt have to, Claire was too busy sitting on my stomach.

''No one is taking Claire from me. If she gets adopted you tell me straight away because I refuse to let her grow up without me.''I held Claire close to me as I sat up straight, all serious like.  
''You know I was going to anyway. You will have to talk to Mrs Macy when I join you at the halfway house though.''Lily watched as the couple and Mrs Macy came outside and walked across the grass to greet us all.

A group of guys got up and stalked off inside. I stared as the couple went round and greeted everyone. When they got over to us Claire jumped off of me, winding me in the process, and shook their hands. Lily laughed and pulled them away, then shook hands with them. I smiled up at them briefly before looking down and picking at my jeans.

''I wanna play guitar!''Claire screamed and started playing air guitar. I could tell from the way she was doing it that she had American Idiot in her head.  
''Oh my, aren't you a little bubble of joy?''Victoria said. Claire just ruined her chance of getting adopted I think. She was a fucking nut job and I loved her for it.

''Fwank play with me!''She yelled as she started head banging. I didnt really want to with all the other kids around. They didnt know we did this when the music was on.

''Okay. What are we playing?''I asked her as I got up.  
''Doctor Alibi!''She stopped and waited for me to 'put on' my guitar. The couple were watching us with a deep interest.  
''1 2 3 4!''She yelled and started going nuts. I smiled as I played along with her, watching her shred like a fucking boss.

''Sorry about these two. Complete weirdos.''Lily smiled.  
''Oh no matter. They're absolutely adorable together!''Dean smiled and nodded his head and hummed along to my quiet singing. He knew the song. What a cool guy.I wondered if he knew American Idiot. Claire and I were definitely American Idiots right now. I grabbed Claire and swung her around like I usually did at that point in the song. I put her down and blushed as I realised everyone was staring at us. Claire hadn't noticed. Instead she was playing with Lily's necklace.

''Um... Sorry?''I blushed even more as Lily started laughing her ass off at me.  
''Lily quit it its not fucking funny.''I glared at her. Victoria and Dean looked at me, shocked that I had sworn in front of Claire. They didnt know I did it all the time though and that she didnt care. She knew not to repeat them until she was at high school. I had taught her that a while ago.

''Frank you are adorable. Just adorable when you blush.''She grinned, wiping tears away from her eyes. I glared at her and sat down next to her again as Victoria said,''It was nice meeting you.'' and walked off to talk to other kids.

''Well that was a complete fuck up.''I grumbled.  
''Frank. Do you realise what you just did?''She said as she took off her necklace and put it around Claires neck. She ran off to Victoria and Dean, telling them about the necklace and then rambling off about god only knows. I shrugged my shoulders at Lily.

''You just met new people and didnt lash out. Aren't you proud of yourself?''She asked me. I stared at her as I realised it was true. Whenever people come here looking to adopt kids I get so angry and upset because these people are literally coming here to judge whether they could love us or not. Whether we are good enough to be in their lives. I hate it. Claire distracted me with her awesomeness.

''Oh right... whatever... I guess...''I didnt look at her cause I was quite proud of her. I hated these people and usually ended up shouting at them.  
''Not whatever. You're growing up.''She grinned at me.  
''Hey, they wont leave for like, another hour or something so I can still do it if I want to.''I grinned back. She rolled her eyes at me and watched Claire show off her air guitar skills. I loved her so much.

''You are such a dork.''She sighed and fell onto her back, watching the light fluffy clouds go by through her golden hair that was covering her face.  
''Fuck off.''I mumbled as I lay down next to her. It was a nice day for once instead of the usual dreary rain of autumn. We lay there, watching more and more clouds form a blanket over us until we realised that the nice day was gone and we were all about to get rained on.

''Lets go inside. I said as a raindrop landed on my nose. All the little kids were suddenly screaming and running inside. Claire came running to us and clutched my arm, trying to pull me to my feet.  
''Come on Fwank!''She was pulling so hard I was actually a little scared she would pull my arm off.  
''Yeah okay Claire. Come on Lily.''I said as I got up. I picked Claire up and with Lily, we all ran back into the house.

''Phew! It really rains on this side of town doesnt it?''Someone said behind me. I turned around and came face to face with Dean.  
''Where do you live?''I asked him curiously.  
''Right next to the high school, St Mary's. I dont know why but it hardly ever rains and when it does, its pathetic little drizzles.''He said.  
''I want to live there! I dont like the wain.''Claire reached over to Dean, wanting him to hold her. I reluctantly handed her over.

''I'd love to live where theres no rain.''Lily came up behind me. I could see it happening already. My two best friends were going to leave me. This couple were going to choose them and I was going to be left here by myself for a week. Fuck that.  
''I'm going to my room.''I sighed and left them as they started talking immediately while Claire played with Deans collar.

I got to my room and slammed the door. Hard. I regretted it as a crack sounded out loudly. I turned around and checked the door for signs of breakage. Right by the top hinge there was a crack going to the top of the door. I was too short to check it properly though. For fucks sake.

I lay down on my bed and sighed. I wanted out. I pressed play on the radio and my ears were immediately attacked with the sounds of American Idiot again. I closed my eyes and listened to the sound of the music, slowly falling asleep.


	3. No-Face-Gerard

"Fwank I don't want you to go."Claire whined as she clung to my leg.  
"I'm sorry Claire. I have to."I sighed. I knelt down in front of her and looked her in the eye,"It's going to be absolutely fine. Lily will take care of you."  
She nodded at me as I pulled her in for a hug. Her small body was shaking in my arms and her tears were soaking my t-shirt. I held her tightly and rocked her from side to side slowly until her sniffles had stopped and she was still.

For the last hour we had been rocking out to Slash and now she was exhausted I had hoped she would be asleep for when I left..

"Frank you have to go now."Lily said.

Through the whole week there had been no word from the couple. Lily had been quietly disappointed. She said she was fine when I asked her but I knew better. Claire seemed completely oblivious. No one had explained to her what this place actually was. Mrs Macy had said she was too young to understand. Which I spose she was at 4.

"Okay..."I carefully got up, being careful not to wake Claire. Lily walked with me in silence down to Claires room. I lay her down carefully on her bed and kissed her on the forehead.  
"Fwaank I don't want you to go!"She screamed suddenly and clung to me. She started sobbing as I tried to hold back my tears.

"Claire its okay. I'll be back to visit you okay? Please don't cry."I cried. Her face was breaking me.  
"Can I come down with you?"She whispered.  
"Of course you can."I smiled. She hooked her arms around my neck and started humming along to Promise.

"About time. Mr Lockhart is waiting for you."Mrs Macy was standing at the bottom of the stairs looking pissed off. I could see the happiness over my leaving in her eyes though. She wasn't hiding it that well.

"Shit I forgot my bag."I said. I put Claire down and rushed all the way upstairs to grab my bag filled with more cds than clothes.

"Right. Are you ready now?"Mrs Macy scanned me. I looked around the place I had grown up in. As much as I hated it, it was still my home and childhood. The only people seeing me off were Lily, Claire and Mrs Macy. Although I'm pretty sure she was here to make sure I actually went.

I took a deep breath in and said,"I'm ready."

"I'm gonna miss you Frank. You better write and visit and call everryday okay?"Lily sniffed. I smiled at her and nodded as the tears found a way out. She rushed at me and wrapped her arms around me tightly. I closed my eyes and gripped her back.

We let go and smiled at each other.  
"Fwank!"Claire clung to my leg, digging her nails in as she cried.  
"Hey kiddo."I sniffed and picked her up,"You heard Lily. I'm gonna call everyday so we can talk on the phone okay?"

She nodded sadly and buried her head in my neck.  
"I love you Frankie."She whispered.  
"I love you too Claire."I smiled as she somehow managed to pronounce the 'r' in my name.

"I'm gonna see you in no time. You'll see guys.'I said as I backed away towards the front door. I waved goodbye to the two greatest people in the world. Before I ran back to them I turned around quickly and walked out the door.

There was a sleek black car waiting for me with a very kind old man in the drivers seat.  
"Goodbye Franklin. Its been..."Mrs Macy had no idea how to finish her sentence.  
"I know. Thank you for everything. Please make sure Claire gets a good loving home. Nothing less than what she deserves."I felt more tears leaking down my face.  
"Of course. Bye Frankie."She smiled. I chuckled on the outside at her calling me Frankie but on the inside I was throwing a glass bottle at her.

"Morning sonny."The man that must have been Mr Lockhart smiled at me as I got in the passenger serat. I had never been in such a flash car.  
_: :2) mr Lockhart is it?"I asked him.  
"No. Call me Steven."He held his hand out for me to shake. I took it and almost gasped at how soft his hands were. They were so fucking soft. I put my seatbelt on and looked up at the house. Lily and Claire were in the front window waving at me furiously. More tears welled up in my eyes as I waved back.

As the car pulled away I couldn't help shake the feeling that that was the last time I would see my two best friends. I ignored it and looked ahead as we started driving a way I had never been before.

-time lapse-

"This is your room. You have to share it with two other boys I'm afraid. Mrs Macy did say to give you your own room but we're short of those at the moment sorry."Steven said as he opened the door to a room with dark red walls and three beds, one of which was bare.

I took one step in and dumped my bag on the bare bed. The room smelt like cologne and cum. Great. I had probably intruded on to dickheads that watched porn and jacked off together. Perfect.

"Lunch is at half past 12 so whenever you're ready just come down to meet everyone."He smiled and left me to unpack. There was a set of drawers underneath the window on the far side of the room. I walked over to it and started looking for an empty drawer. I opened the middle one and was about to close it but I stopped when I spotted something familiar. I pulled out the black t-shirt and stared at it.

Never in my life had I met another person that liked greenday. Now I was sharing a room with someone that had an american idiot t-shirt. I folded it back up and closed the drawer feeling happy in anticipation of meeting this guy.

I emptied my clothes out into the empty drawer below then sat down on my bed and started to assess the situation.

I was in a place I didn't know filled with people I didn't know. The two people I did know were far away and I had no fucking idea how to get back to them. My only chance was the boy with the greenday top.

I looked over at the two beds, trying to figure out which one his would be. Oine of them had a white duvet cover and was made up nicely. There was a book on the bedside table and I could just see some pjs peeking out from under the pillow. The other bed was completely messy with a black duvet and an ashtray on the bedside table. Under there were empty beer cans and bottles and cigareete butts. I think I found my guy.

I jumped as a kid slammed the door open and stared at me angrily.  
"Uhh hey?"I tried.  
"What the fuck Steven?! I told you I don't want to share a fucking room!"The kid screamed over his shoulder. I stared at him uncertainly. What a fucking nutjob. He already shared a room.

"Jack I fucking told you yesterday this was happening but you were too fucking obssessed with your stupid girlfriend!"I heard Steven yell back. Jesus christ. Jack glared over his shoulder at Steven who must have been down the hallway. He looked back at me and walked in, slamming the door behind him.

"So kid. What's your name?"He asked politely. My mouth opened and closed with no noise coming out. What the fuck was up with this guy?  
"I asked you what your fucking name was!"He yelled and took a step closer. I didn't even see it coming. His fist collided with my jaw and made my lip split instantly.  
"Fuck."I coughed out the hot metallic blood allk over my favourite fucking t-shirt.

"Oh is that it? Is your name fuck?"He grinned at me. I glared at him and stood up. I wasn't going to live like this anymore. Moving away from that school and home was supposed to be the end of it.

"Fucking hit me again and see what happens."I spat out. He laughed quietly and brought his fist back and smiled at me. Right before he started swinging I spat the blood in my mouth at him, hitting him square in his face. He swung at me blindly but I caught his fist in my hand and shoved him back until he hit the wall, smacking his head.

"You little punk!"He screamed at me and came towards me but was held back by Steven.  
"Nice shot Frank. Now no more of this. Jack you should know better than to cause fucking fights.He growled down at the fuming Jack. He rolled his eyes and shook himself free of Steven.

"You better fucking watch your back."He said and jabbed a finger in my chest. I shot daggers at his back as he walked away.  
"Nice going there."Steven said.  
"Wy didn't you come in earlier and sop him?"I asked as I sat down and wiped away the dried blood.  
"You'll find that this place is very different to your previous home. Everyone here is tough as guts over being abandoned and won't take shit from anyone. I wanted to see how well you could defend yourself."

I stared at him before answering,"And? How well did I do?"  
"Pretty damn good. Jack is considered the second roughest in the house by some of the kids."  
"Who's more brutal than that bastard?"I asked him as I took off my top and stared at the little spots of blood on the eye of the skull. (Its a misfits top fyi)

"You'll see at lunch. If he's still here that is."He said and got up.  
"Aye?"I looked up at him.  
"Gimme that. I'll get it washed for you so it doesn't stain."He said and yanked my top out of my hands before I could say anything.

"Uh thanks?" I said and got up to get a new top. Without looking I pulled a t-shirt out and shoved it over my head.  
"Good luck."Steven grinned as he stared at my top. I looked down and saw that it was my 'homophobia is gay' one.  
"I aint taking it off."I said as he raised an eyebrow at me.

"Come on then."He motioned for me to follow him so I did. The building was set out similar to my old place. Four floors with lots of rooms. Only difference was that one side of the house had all the gilrs and the otherside the bnoys. Oh and there was a basement.

We got to the bottom floor and entered the kitchen. There was a tall man with hairy arms stirring something in a large pot. On one side there was a window looking out to the garden and on the other side there was a large hatch to pass food through. Through it I could see people sitting round a long dining room table. Some of them were looking through at me but most of them didn't give a damn and were talking to their friends.

"This is Taylor the cook. He cooks everything. And by that I don't mean breakfast, lunch and dinner I mean literally every meal you could possibly think of."Steven pointed to the hairy dude who turned and grinned at me.

"Can you do anything vegetarian?"I asked him.  
"Oh suure! Got a couple of other vege dudes here as well. What do you want? Lasagne? Moussaka?"  
"Oh god. I was thinking more along the lines of a sandwich."I laughed slightly trying to ignore the looks I could see out of the corner of me eye.  
"Well now I can whip you up a nice sandwich. After I've fed the lions in there though."He chuckled.

I decided that I liked taylor.  
"Come on. Come meet everyone."Steven pulled me out of the kitchen and round the corner into an open planned dining room/tv room.  
"Everyone shut the fuck up."He yelled over the babble of voices. Immediately everyone went wuiet and stared at me.

"This is Frank. He came from the Mace house."Steven informed them. Therre were a few mumrurs around the table. It was almost like a mexican wave. I looked round the table at everyone. Jack was sitting with what must have been his cronies with a very pretty brunette holding an ice bag to the back of his head.

I spotted a kid that I used to share a room with until I got my own room. My eyes fell on a kid whose face I couldn't see. He had a big black hoodie on with his hood up covering his face. The ends of his long black hair was falling out from underneath.

He wasn't paying attention to what steven was saying (something about treating me right or some stupid fucking thing). I couldn't stop staring at this unknown person. He was scratching something into the table with his knife.

"Frank? You in there?"Steven waved a hand in front of my face and broke my concentration on the boy.  
"Uhh what?"I blinked at him.  
"You wanna say hi? Find a seat?"He grinned.

"Uh sure... Hello?"I shrugged my shoulders and looked for a seat far away from jack. I couldn't help but notice that the faceless kid was by himself. Three free seats on one side and two on the other. I contemplated sitting next to him. When I realised I would have to sit at least a little close to him I decided to fuck it.

I marched round the table and plonked my arse down on the seat to his right. There was more mutterings straight away and someone gasped.  
"Hey. What's your name?"I asked him quietly. He ignored me and continued scratching what looked like a grenade into the table.

"What are you drawing?"I tried again. He dropped his knife and pushed his chair back to stand up. I watched as he turned away and left the room, only just managing to catch a glimpse of bright green eyes under the hood.  
"Damn. I was hoping to get some foor in him before he left."Steven sighed.  
"Uhh what did I do?"I asked as I noticed a bunch of people staring at me.

"That's Gerard. Moved here from Pansy last year. He's a runaway."A girl close to me informed me.  
"Oh... What's Pansy?"I asked suddenly.  
"Another orphanage. You came from Mace house cause of Mrs Macy. Pansy is cause of Mr Pettle and the fact that the only flowers in the garden are pansies. I'm from the library."She said and sat up straight as Taylor brought in the pot of soup. Steven was bringing bowls through the hatch and handing them out.

"Why is it the library?"I asked her.  
"Cause the building used to be a library."She said and patted the chair next to her. I moved over to sit next to her as Taylor came round and sat two plates with club sandwiches down in front of us.  
"Thanks Tay."The girl said.

"You a vege dude?"She asked as she picked up a sandwich.  
"Uh yeah. If that's a vegetarian in this place."I laughed and picked one up for myself.  
"Yeah. This place has a lot of nicknames for things. I'm Sarah by the way."She smiled at me.  
"Frank."I replied.  
"I know."She grinned at me. I blushed and looked around at everyone.

"So how is the old mace?"Someone asked me. I looked for the source of the voice and spotted the kid I used to share a room with.  
"As shitty as ever."I smiled as I tried to remember his name.  
"Its Ryan. I can see you struggling to remember me."He supplied helpfully.  
"Ryan! Good to see you man."I said.

It wasn't too bad here. Friendly enough people apart from Jack and his mates. One familiar face and a friend made already. Not bad for a couple of hours. If only school would be as easy as this.


	4. I Miss You

I grinned as I got up to my favourite part. I was now onto the half blood prince and Harry and Ginny were about to kiss.  
"Fucking weirdo."Jack mumbled as I giggled at my book. At dinner time jack had been forced to swear a truce. Or whatever it was that they called it. Either way Jack wasn't allowed to touch me. I could handle harsh words being thrown at me so sharing a room with Jack was going to be fine.

"Who's bed is that?"I asked him suddenly.  
"Gerards. He hardly ever uses it though cause he is never fucking here. Prick."Jack glared at the bed. I looked at it and felt a twitch in my pants as I pictured no-faced-Gerard sleeping there.

He hadn't turned up at dinner which made me feel very disappointed. That was probably bad.

"So are you a fag?"Jack asked me. He put down his book and stared at me with a piercing gaze.  
"If you mean am I gay then yes."I said slowly. I braced myself for a beating through words or some thing but all he said was,"Huh."  
"What is up with this place? You are one of those first class bully homophobe dicks but you don't have some smart arse remark about that.

"Alright look. Its obvious no one else has told you so I may as well so I don't have to thump you one in future. The rules of this place are different to the mace. Rule numbver 1: we don't make fun of anyone for being a fag. Rule numbver 2: we don't make jokes about suicide. And rule number 3: don't ask questions about why someone is in this place unless they say they'll talk about it with you."He looked at me seriously.

"Isn't calling me a fag making fun of me?"I asked after a minutes thought.  
"Probably. But I don't give a fuck. Don't forget those rules cause if you do then prepare for a beating."He said then returned to reading his book. I watched him read it eagerrly. We weren't really that different. We both loved reading. Okay that was one.

He didn't look like me though. His hair was light brown and was combed back with gel. He wore straight cut jeans and a shirt tucked into it. And he was a neat freak. I on the other hand had a scruffy black mohawk and wore eye liner. I never gave a shit about my clothes so long as I liked them.

"Usually on nights that Gerard is here I go into Melissas room. Its probably best you find a place to go when he is here. He isn't a lot of fun to be around when he's been drinking."Jack put his book down again and got up,"Don't think we're fucking friends okay? As soon as I see you at school you are dead fucking meat. We may have rules here but at school we are playing a completely different game."He spat at me before walking out.

I watched him go before getting into my pjs. I looked at my bed and realised it was still bare. I sighed and walked out into the hallway, looking for a linen closet of some kind. I spotted a small door at the top of the stairs (once again I was on the top floor) and walked over to it. There was only one other room up here which was a bathroom.

I opened the door and started pulling out blankets and sheets until I was buried and could varely move without almost falling down the stairs. I picked a purple duvet and pillow and grabbed at a random sheet then somehow got out of the pile of blankets and back into my room.

I pulled open my drawer and stared at it. Pushed to one side was all my clothes and to the other side was all my cds surrounding my cd player. I pluggedd it in and pulled out The Spaghetti Incident. I turned it on and was immediately reminded of Claire and Lily.

I hadn't thought about them since I left but now the need to make up a bedtime story with Lily to tell to Claire and then kiss her goodnight came rushing up and out in the form of tears. I bit my lip to hold in the sob but made it worse by breaking open my lip. Great. Crying on the first night. What a fucking baby.

"Whoa dude you okay?"Someone said from the doorway. I spun around and slipped over, falling so I couldn't see who it was. I didn't want to get up I just wanted the floor to swallow me whole. Unfortunately that wasn't gonna happen.

I stood up slowly and grinned sheepishly at-hello gorgeous! Gerard was standing in the doorway, leaning against it like he owned the damn place. His hood was down so I could see his perfect face. He was beautiful. His cheeks had a slight pink tinge from the cold outside and I could smell the smell of smokes on him from here. Intant boner.

"Uh yeah. Thanks. Just uhm... Yeah."I mumbled and rushed to my cd player and pressed stop.  
"Why'd you turn it off?"He asked, his deep voice rolling off his tongue and into my ears causing my stomach to flip.

"Uhhh..."I stared at him with my mouth open. I was making a complete fool of myself. I looked like a fucking idiot.  
"Who else do you have?"He finally came into the room properly and shut the door.  
"Um. They're all in my drawer just below yours."Fuck.  
"How do you know which one is mine?"He asked me suspiciously. My cheeks bloomed bright red as I somehow stammered out,"Uh w-when I was looking for an empty one I o-opened yourd a-and saw your greenday top."It didn't explain how I knew it was his though. Although I suppose it doesn't take a scientist to work out that Jack wouldn't like that type of music.

"Kay. Cool. Shit you have Slash?! Can you please play this?"He asked me and held up Claires favourite album. I really didn't want to play it for fear of it making me cry again.  
"Uhh no. I- sorry its just I- it it reminds me o-of a friend I had to leave today."I said feeling as stupid as I sounded.

"No problem. I understand what music can do to you."He smiled at me and I almost fainted. He glanced down and raised an eye brow. Fucking hell. Before he could see it long enough I fell sat down on my bed and placed all the blankets and pillows on my lap.

"Nice top."Gerard grinned at me. I looked down and realised that was what he was looking at.  
"Uh thanks. When the design started coming off I got bored."I said as I picked at what looked like chocolate.

"Awesome. You smoke?"He asked me and grabbed a packet of cigarettes.  
"Sort of. I spose I don't anynore cause I haven't had one in so fucking long."I sighed as I realised it had been a month since my last one.

"You want one now?"He shook the carton at me.  
"Uh nah. I'm good."I waved it away and started pulling at a thread on the pillow. I didn't want to stop talking to him but I had no idea what to say to him. He seemed so complex and mysterious.

"So what school are you going to?''He asked me.  
''Uhh i'm moving to St. Mary's.''I said. I watched him take a drag on his cigarette. His pink lips were slightly moist so they stuck to the smoke. His eyes were closed as he relaxed back into the pillows on his bed.  
''Sweet. What did you go to before then?''He opened his eyes and looked at me. I blushed insanely and looked away quickly even though it was obvious I had been staring at him. Way to go fucking moron.

''I um went to. The- the um the catholic school..."I didn't think it was possible for me to blush anymore than I already was yet there I go turning the colour of fucking beetroot.  
''Cool. How old are you?''He appeared to have not noticed me looking like I had spent 6 hours in the sun.  
''I just turned 16.''I looked away from his bright eyes and picked up my book.

"Guess that means you'll be in some of my classes."He made me look away from my book at him.  
"Aren't you older than me?"I asked him.  
''Yeah but I got held back a year cause apparently i'm a fuckwit that doesn't know anything."He grumbled and took another puff. God I wished I was that smoke so bad right now.  
''Oh... What um classes do you take?''I asked him carefully. I didn't want to offend him in some way.

''Art and music. I dont go to any other classes often. Usually its just for a test so I dont fail art or music."He waved his hand, wafting smoke over in my direction. I breathed in deeply and felt an instant craving for it.  
"Oh okay... I take music and art as well. But also english and science. Any other ones I couldnt give two fucks about."I was staring at him again. I was trying not to but it was so hard when he had his eyes closed and was taking long drags on the smoke.

"Hey uh c-could I bum one of those now?"I scratched the back of my head hopefully. He laughed at me and nodded, reaching into his pocket and pulling out the carton. He threw it at me along with his lighter.

I tried to catch it but it hit my face and dropped to the floor. I blushed and got off my bed and onto my knees. I reached under the bed to where they carton was. I tried to keep turn down the heat in my face before I got up but it was useless.

I moved out from under my bed and sat up. Gerard was on my bed. I froze, unsure of what to do. He took the carton of cigarettes from my hand an chucked them onto his bed. I stood up and stared at him. What the fuck was he planning?

I made the mistake of looking into his eyes. He looked into mine and took the last puff of his smoke. He breathed in deeply, closing his eyes. I stayed still, not wanting to move away from him. When he opened his eyes again he let out his breath, blowing all the smoke into my face. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in.

Gerards hands snaked around my back and pulled me so I was sitting on his lap. He pushed his lips up against mine, moving one of his hands to the back of my head. At first I didn't know what to do. I had never kissed anyone before. Didn't know how it worked. He squeezed my hips and broke away from me.

He didnt say anything. He just watched my blank face for my reaction. My hands were at my side, twitching and sweating. Gerard pushed me off his lap and stood up.  
"See you at school tomorrow."He winked at me then turned and left me alone in the room.  
"Ohh fuck me..."I breathed. What the fuck do I do now?


	5. First Day Of School

Jesus christ. I stared at how dorky and pretentious I looked. This fucking uniform made me look like a complete and utter fucking douche bag.  
''Frank its not that bad."Sarah grinned next to me. She had helped me tie my tie. I was never going to get used to wearing a fucking tie.

"Not that bad? I look worse than fucking Ron Weasley did at the yule ball. Holy fucking god."I said. I tugged at my tie. It was too tight.  
"Calm down. If that's what you look like then so does everyone else."She said as she flattened out her skirt.

"I wish we didn't have to walk in these things."I complained. I scratched at my blazer collar. It was a fucking horrible uniform. Long black pants, white shirt, red tie and a blue blazer. A fucking blazer. How the fuck was the government affording to send all these kids to this fucking school.

"Well no one is going to take us so get over it."She sighed and left me alone in the bathroom. I went back into my room and picked up my bag. I shoved my book in it and the pens and paper I had been given by Steven. Apparently this school didn't supply that shit like my old one.

"We have to go now Frank."Ryan popped his head through the door. I nodded and took one last look at the horror that was me before following Ryan out and downstairs.

Last night Gerard hadn't come back to my disappointment but he had said he will see me at school today so maybe that meant we had a class together or something. I sure hoped so. Jesus I was like a fucking kid getting excited over fucking candy.

We got down to the bottom of the stairs and were met by Taylor.  
''Frank, they don't serve no vegetarian food there so I made this for you and the others."He smiled at me, holding up a brown bag. I took it from him and looked inside. There was a little lunch box was left over vege lasagne from last night.

''Thanks man."I nodded at him and went out the front door. Some of the kids had already left for school. I was eager to leave to see where Gerard had spent the night but I didn't want to be caught dead looking like this even though there were a bunch of kids on the street looking like this and there will be a shitload more at school.

"Come on then let's go."Sarah shoved me down the front steps.  
"Yeah yeah alright."I mumbled as I caught myself.

"I'm gonna walk with the others kay?"Sarah touched me on the arm before rushing ahead to walk with some of her friends.

"Just stick with me. I'll show you the way to school. But I'm won't be in any of your classes so I can't help you there mate. Sorry."Ryan said. I nodded and breathed out hard. It was so cold you could see our breaths twisting around in front of us.

"Ryan! Why didn't you text me back you prick!"Someone yelled behind us. We both spun around to see a blonde geeky looking kid running up to us.  
"Brendon! Sorry man I ran out of credit."Ryan said as Brendon collided with Ryan. They stood there and hugged for almost a minute with me standing there awkwardly.

When they broke apart they were blushing furiously. I supressed a laugh and started walking ahead of them, following the direction other kids were going. Brendon and Ryan were lagging behind, making jokes. I walked with my shoulders hunched over awkwardly.

Before long the school was in sight down the road. Ryan was a whole block away and I couldn't be bothered waiting for him. He barely walked me there anyway. I walked in the front doors slowly, trying to take everything in.

In the doors there was a round room with a round desk in the middle. 3 hallways were leading off the sides. Behind the desk was a grumpy old woman reading a book.  
"Uh excuse me?"I asked when I reached her. She held up a finger to silence me.

After a few seconds she put her book down and looked up at me expectantly.  
"Uh I just um started here. First day. No idea what to do and whatnot."I shrugged my shoulders at her blank face.

"Name?"  
"Frank Iero."  
"Okayy Mr Iero. Your first class is english just down the hall. Here-"She grabbed some freshly printed pieces of paper and handed them to me,"is your timetable and a map of the school. Seeing as your class is only down the hall you can ask your teacher to find you a buddy. Unless you are smart enough to work out the map?"She raised her eyebrow at me. Judging me. I glared at her and nodded.

"I'll find my own way."I said through gritted teeth. She nodded and immediately went back to her book.

I looked down at my timetable. English was in room 4. I looked at the map and saw it was on down the hallway to the left of the front doors. I turned away and made my way down the hallway slowly.

It was like being in preschool. There was shitloads of artwork on the wall but this stuff was actually good. I stopped and looked at a particular one that caught my eye. It was a beautiful painting of an angel sitting on a rock in a darkened forest. The only light came from the full moon high in the sky.

I stared at it until the bell roused me from my trance. I started moving down the hall again. Kids were rushing to get to there class on time, shoving past me without a care in the world. I looked at a door and saw the number 4 above it.

"Here goes nothing."I said under my breath and opened the door. Half the seats were filled with kids at ease. I however was extremely tense. My palms were sweaty as I closed the door again. I walked up to the teachers desk and cleared my throat.

He looked up at me from his laptop.  
"You must be Franklin. Find a seat. Yesterday we had a test to see how well we could remember everything we've learnt so far so I will just give that to you and we'll work from there shall we?"He said as he pulled out a thin booklet and handed it to me.

I nodded and turned around to try and find a seat. I took the one closest to the door and looked down at the test. Apparently they had been doing a lot of shakespeare. I knew nothing about him. That wasn't fair. I sighed and got out my pens as the teacher started the class.

"Guys settle down please. Before we begin I want you all to meet Franklin. Its his first day so please, don't be idiots. Franklin would you like to stand up and tell us a bit about yourself?"He asked me. I looked him in the eye, trying to convey my feelings of horror and having everyone stare at me.

Reluctantly I stood up at his nod and said,"Hi I'm Frank. I'm 16 and just moved from the orphanage across town to the halfway house just down the road."I ignored some of the sniggers and sat back down.

"Thank you Franklin. Now, can anyone tell me what they thought of Romeo and Juliet?"He started droning on as I tried to focus on my paper. There was no way I was going to be able to answer any of his fucking questions so instead I started drawing on myself.

Before long the bell was ringing and everyone was rushing out. I shoved my stuff in my bag and took my paper up to the teachers desk.  
"Thank you. How did you go?"  
"Terrible. I don't know anything about shakespeare or any of that shi- stuff."I sighed.  
"That's alright. Today was our last lesson to do with shakespeare. We are moving on to more modern literature now."He smiled at me kindly. I nodded and left him to himself.

The halls were empty as I looked down at my timetable. I had art next. I grinned as I followed my map across the school to a lone building next to the field. I opened the door and found the class had already started. Shit.  
"And who might you be latecomer?"The teacher stopped his demonstration and came up to me, closing the door behind me.

"I'm Frank. Just transferred here."I said as I scanned the room. He was sitting in the back corner drawing already. His hands were covered in paint and I could even see bits in his hair. Cute.  
"Goodie! Fresh meat."The teacher grabbed my arm and pulled me further into the room.

"Sit down! I'm Mr Stump."He smiled at me and went back to talking about brush techniques. I went straight over to Gerard and sat down next to him.  
"Hey. What are you-"  
"Shh. Listen to him."Gerard didn't even look at me. I felt my heart sink slightly at the dismissal but turned and faced Mr Stump anyway. He was really young for a teacher. Slightly chubby with short and spiky white blonde hair.

"Frank do you want to grab some paper from the side and show me what you can do with a pencil?"He asked me. I nodded and got up to get the paper. The walls were completely covered in art. Barely an inch left of bare wall. A lot of the paintings had the same technique to them and the same mood as the one I saw in the corridor. I glanced over at Gerard who was changing his water at the sink on the back wall. I looked at his painting and realised they were all his.

I looked back at Gerard who was walking back towards me. I felt my stomach jump about inside me but he ignored me again and continued painting. I watched him as he started making delicate little swipes of green at the bottom of a thick tree stump.

"Frank could you please start now?"Mr Stump was suddenly leaning on my desk.  
"Uh yeah sorry."I blushed as I got out my pencils and started sketching. I didn't really know what I was drawing until I properly focused and realised it was Lily.

It had been a while since I had drawn her. I started forgetting about drawing when my favourite art teacher had moved away and was replaced with a crabby old substitute.

"I finished shading her hair before staring at it.  
"I'm sorry. About last night."Gerard said quietly. I looked over at him. He wasn't doing anything but he still wouldn't look at me.  
"Uh what about it?"I asked him, confused.

"Um for kissing you and being a dick."He said to his painting,"I- a friend of mine gave me some pot so I wasn't really myself. Sorry if you like get in trouble with your girlfriend or whatever."

I stared at his long black hair. He had tucked some of it behind his ear but bits were still falling down. Shit. Maybe I really had been too fast at assuming things. This guy obviously doesn't like me. I'm a fucking idiot.

"I-uh its okay."I stammered as I dropped my pencil. It rolled into the middle of our desks. I reached down to pick it up but my hand collided with Gerards. I yanked my hand back fast and looked away as he put it on my desk.

"She's pretty. What's her name?"He asked me as he started painting again.  
"Uh what?"  
"Your girlfriend. What's she called?"He finally looked at me. Or at my drawing of Lily.  
"Her name is Lily but uhm she isn't my girlfriend, just my best friend."I sighed as I looked down at the picture. I looked back at Gerard to see him staring at me curiously.

"Stumpy! I'm done."He yelled suddenly. The teacher came over and studied Gerards painting. I stared at it as well. It was a girl with flowing black hair in a white gown that had hung herself from a tree. It was beautifully spooky.

"Will you ever stop painting her?"Mr Stump sighed.  
"Is it good enough or not?"Gerard glared at him.  
"Its perfect and you know it."Mr Stump sighed again.  
"No more paintings for a week. I want you to draw something. Something that makes your heart beat fast. Something exciting. Something different."He said as he took the painting away and placed it on a drying rack.  
"Right. I'm out."Gerard stood up and left even though the class was only halfway through. I stared at the door. Gerard was one of the weirdest guys I had ever met. I looked back down at my drawing and sighed. I really needed to call.


	6. Embarrassment Is The Worst

The bell rung and signalled everyone to grab their shit and run. First break. I got up slowly, gathering my things and took my work up to Mr Stump.

"Alright Frank what have you got for me?"He asked as he took my work and examined it."This is pretty good. What else can you do?"He asked me eagerly.  
"Uh I can trace things really well I guess. And painting I'm not too bad at either."I scratched at the back of my head.

"I think I just found something I never knew I was looking for."He winked at me.  
"Uh what do you mean?"I asked him.  
"Gerards an interesting character don't you think?"He said, completely ignoring my question.

"Uh I guess you could say that."I said as I thought back to last night. Instantl) my lips tingled. I rrubbed the the feeling away and listened as Mr Stump started telling a storie.

"Today was the first time I have ever seen Gerard talk to somebody in class. You had a lot of guts sitting next to him. Usually if somebody tries to he yells at them and leaves. Once I realised that was happening I made sure no one went near him. He's a talented kid."Mr stump was staring into space. No he wasn't, he was looking at the wall behind me.

"He only ever talks to me about what I want him to paint. He never does what I say though. Always the same gloomy ones."He sighed.  
"Why does he only talk to you?"I asked him curiously as I sat down on the desk behind me.  
"Well um I probably shouldn't be telling you this but um. The second class I had with him he wanted to finish his painting before going. When he finished it he took one look at it and he started crying."Mr Stumps face took on a sad look now.

"I asked him what was wrong and he told me everything. It was the whole word vomit thing. He couldn't stop himself."He looked away from the wall and at me.  
"What did he say? Why was he crying?"I asked him sadly.  
"Oh I can't tell you that. Probably shouldn't have said anything at all really."He stood up straight and stretched his arms.

"Right. Sorry. I won't say a word."I smiled at him. He nodded and turned around. He started fiddling with some papers behind him before pulling a single sheet out.  
"I don't wanna be rude but I need you to go now. I can never grade artwork with people around. Sorry. I just really need to get these done."He pointed to a large pile of 3D sketches next to his desk.  
"Right right no problem, don't worry about it."I smiled and got up.

"Thanks."I nodded at him and left the room. There was five minutes left for me to find my way over to my history class. I took out my map and started walking along the edge of the field. There were a few groups of friends sitting down but otherwise no one.

As I got further along I realised that sitting at the base of a lone tree was someone smoking. Already knowing who it was I found myself walking over to him before I could stop myself.

When I reached him I didn't know what to do.  
"What do you want?"He sighed. He didn't look at me. His hood was up again. I wished I had my hoodie. It was really cold.

"Um. A smoke?"I asked him slowly,"Seeing how I didn't get one last night?"I added.  
"Right right sorry. I would but this was my last one. You can come with me to the store if you want?"He suggested.

"Uhhmm..."I looked down at my watch. 2 minutes left before class started.  
"Right sorry. Do you have english or science? I know you don't have music cause otherwise I would be there and english and science are the only other ones you care about. Am I right? Or did I just imagine our conversation last night?''He looked up at me finally, letting me take in his beautiful features.

''Oh right I just um. Didn't think it would look too good skipping class on my first day here...''I replied. I scuffed my feet on the ground, feeling like a complete idiotic wuss.  
''No problem. I'll go by myself.''He said as he threw away his butt and got up.

''Sorry...''I mumbled not wanting him to go without me but not wanting to skip class on my first fucking day.  
''Dude its alright. Quit fucking apologising.''He laughed. He dusted his ass off, jesus, and started walking away. I watched him go, staring at his ass, before the bell rang and made me jump. I glanced down at my map before running off the field and towards my history class.

I burst through the door to stunned faces and a very short old man looking like he had just seen a ghost.  
''Sorry... I'm late... Got... Lost...''I puffed as I spotted a seat right in front of me and sat down.  
''I-its alright. Franklin is it?''He went over to his desk and clicked something on his computer.

"Yes sir."I mumbled as my breath slowly caught up with me.  
''Right well just tune in and do your best.''He said to me. I watched him as he went back to the whiteboard and started explaining something about a war. Immediately I knew I would never ever listen to this man again. His voice was so fucking monotonous and deep that I could barely fucking understand him.

The class dragged on and on slowly killing me inside. I looked around at everyone else. Almost everyone was doodling or sleeping. I didn't blame them. I stared at my hands and let my thoughts wander over to Gerard. I wondered what he was doing now.

I thought about the kiss and immediately my lips started tingling again. They were so soft and smooth. And his hands. They had felt so fucking good on my hip. Why did he kiss me? Oh yeah, he was fucking high and didn't know what he was doing. I sighed as I realised everyone was leaving.

I got up and followed them out, checking to see I had science next halfway across the school. I started walking down the hall and found myself in the reception area again.

''Frank! Hows it going?''Ryan bashed into my side playfully.  
''Uh okay I guess. Bit boring. Big school."I shrugged my shoulders. Why was everybody asking me how I liked it?  
''Yeah you get used to the size after about a week.''He laughed at me. He left me to go up a different hallway. I walked up the other hall behind the front desk and found my science classroom.

I went inside and sat down not even bothering to introduce myself to the teacher. He didnt even notice me, just kept writing on the board what we had to do. On our desks there were already sheets of paper with the work on it. I took a look at it all before sighing and thumping my head down on my desk.

The bell rang loudly just outside the door, waking me up with a jolt. I got up and left the room immediately. I got out my timetable and with a sinking feeling saw I had fucking gym after lunch. Out of every single class you could ever have in the whole fucking world, gym was the worst one. I hated everything to do with it. I hated it more than I fucking hated soon to be foster parents.

I trudged along slowly not really noticing where I was going. I didnt know where the cafeteria was and I didnt really want to go there because I didnt know anybody. I couldnt find Sarah cause that would have been fucking weird. The weird new kid hanging out with a bunch of girls.

"Oof. I'm sorry.''I rubbed my nose as I took a step away from the person I had walked into.  
''Fucking watch where you're going you fucking- oh its you. Don't worry about it then. You want that smoke now?''He asked me. I looked up and was met by bright green eyes. I froze as I realised Gerard was asking me if I wanted to 'hang' with him.  
''Uhh sure.''I smiled up at him. There was no hope for my face now that it was fucking cherry red.

''Kay. Here.''He held out his new carton of smokes and gave one to me. I had gotten it wrong once again. Fucking dumbass.  
''Th-thanks."I took it from him and walked away immediately. I didnt want him to see the amount of disappointment that was spreading across my face. I rushed away blindly. I spotted a boys toilets up ahead so I rushed in and locked myself in a cubicle.

''... and so like, I fucked her on her mothers kitchen floor.''A boy said outside. Fuck me.  
''Nice one man! What did she say?''Another one said.  
''Said I was fucking boss at it of course.''The first one replied smugly. I rolled my eyes as I sat down on the toilet seat to try and calm down. The door opened then closed.

''Out. Now.''I heard him say. Why did he have to fucking follow me? I lifted my feet up as the boys scampered away and Gerard started pacing.  
''Are you gonna come out?''He asked, breaking the heavy silence. I didnt reply. Maybe he would just go.

I heard him sigh then light up a cigarette. I saw the smoke rising and wanted to breathe it deep into my lungs.  
''I've got all day you know.''Gerard breathed out. I stared at some of the graffiti on the walls of the cubicle.

A lot of it was about which girls were easiest but then I spotted Gerards name.  
'gerard is a fucking home' one read. I saw his name again,'gerard is a vampire'  
I snorted as I read that one. Fuck.  
''So you are in here. Come out. Now.''He commanded. There seemed to be such power in his voice. I slowly got up and unlocked the door. I stepped out and watched him. He was sitting up next to the sink. He had almost finished his smoke.

''So whats up?''He asked casually. I stared at him incredulously.  
''I hide from you in a fucking bathroom and you ask me whats up?''I raised an eyebrow at him.  
''Yeah and? Whats your problem?''He raised an eyebrow back at me and made me feel stupid.  
I blushed and said,''Nothing. I have to uhm go.''I stuttered and ran off. I rounded a corner and stopped to catch my breath. I had just made a complete and utter fucking fool of myself again and to make things worse I still needed a fucking smoke.


	7. Fifth Period Massacre

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. I fucking hated gym so fucking much. I stared at all the buff jocks getting changed. I didnt want to take my fucking uniform off and let them see my tattoos and white skinny body. They all had big fucking muscles that could beat me to a pulp if they wanted to.

''Iero! Get changed now!"The gym teacher yelled. I jumped and quickly took off my blazer. I stripped myself and pulled on the stinky gym shorts and the disgusting t-shirt the teacher had given me.

"Hey man. Those were some nice tats."The biggest dude of them all came over and slapped his hand down on my shoulder.  
''Uh thanks I guess."I looked at his massive hand. I wanted nothing more than to shove it off me but I did not want to have a fucking black eye at the end of the day.

''So where have you come from then?"He asked me and started walking me out onto the court.  
''I came from the catholic school."I said politely.  
''Do you believe?''He brought me round roughly to face him.  
''Uhhh..."I had no idea what to say. I didnt want him to be pissed off with whatever my answer was,''No?''

''Right... So that must make you a fag right?''He glared at me.  
"Uhh no. It means I was forced to go there. I live in an orphanage so I don't have a choice over what school I go to."I informed hin.

"Oh... One of my mates little brother has a friend at an orphanage. His names Johnson or something. You know him?"He let go of my shoulder.  
"Uh yeah I used to share a room with him in my old orphanage. Then I moved to the halfway house yesterday.

"That must suck man. I'm Cole."  
"Frank."  
" So, you seen any hotties you wanna bang?"He grinned at me.  
"There is this one g-chick. She has gorgeous black hair and stunning green eyes and the ass of a fucking god."I smiled as I thought about Gerard.  
"Shit she sounds hot!"He winked at me and left me to go talk to his friends. Oh if only he knew.

I looked around for the teacher. He was yelling at two small looking students to hurry up and pull a rack out filled with dodgeballs. Fuck.

Cole and his mates started cheering and wooping when they realised what they were playing.

"Alright guys. Cole you can be team leader and let's see Matthew you can be the other team leader. Pick your teams now."The teacher pulled Cole and Matthew, a very skinny boy who looked like he would snap in a breeze, up to stand next to him.

Cole and Matthew started picking teams, all their friends first. Once Cole had picked his friends he called some girl called Mindy over who ran to him and hooked her arm around his waist. Matthew picked some other random and then Cole picked me.

At that point I had been fucking certain I would be left til last but here was Cole slapping me on the back as I joined his team. His mates all high fived me as I stood there awkwardly. The rest of the teams were picked and the teacher called Cole over. He whispered something in his ear and Cole nodded at him.

When he turned around he looked directly at me and winked. Something was going to happen. If Cole knew I was gay then asking to go to the nurse wouldn't help because Cole would just be sent to show me the way.

"Cole your team can start."The teacher yelled. The balls were handed out to us as the other weaker team lined up against a wall. This was unlike any other game of dodge ball I had played.

The whistle was blown and the balls went flying. Immediately 6 or 7 kids were out.  
''Cole! No faces!"The teacher yelled and blew the whistle as one boy fell to the ground holding his broken glasses in one hand and the back of his head in the other.

"Cole! Iero! You can take Leon here to the nurse."The teacher yelled as Leon took his hand away to show the teacher some blood.  
"What?! Da- Sir I cant be bothered!"Cole yelled. Great. Father and son. Planning my fucking beating together.

''Go. Now."He growled at Cole. Cole nodded at him as we took Leon under the arms and walked back into the locker room and out a different hallway. There didnt seem to be any rooms on this hallway. Just storage closets. I was in big fucking trouble.

"Leon you know the way dont you?"Cole glared down at him, squeezing his arm. He nodded, fear bubbling in his eyes. Cole let go of him and bared his teeth at him as Leon took one look at me, mouthed the word sorry and fucking ran.

''Get hel-"I started to yell but Cole had already punched me in the fucking face and ,jesus fucking christ, that fucking hurt. His fist was fucking huge.

"I knew from the fucking beginning you were a fag you fucking dumbass. You think Johnson didnt tell his fucking mate who told his brother who fucking told me? Or was that too much for your tiny fucking brain to work out. Maybe you were too busy sucking dick?"Cole was advancing on me. Backing me up against the wall.

I couldnt run. He would fucking catch me within a second. Fighting back would be suicide. Not doing anything was suicide. Fuck. He swung at me again and got me in the stomach. I fell back into the wall and hit my head. I was slumped against the wall as he rubbed his fist and took a step closer.

"What... have I ever fucking done to you?"I asked and spat out the blood that was now slowly filling my mouth and dribbling down the side.  
''Oh nothing personally. Its just most fags around here dont fucking get away with it."He laughed as he slammed his fist into the side of my head. I closed my eyes as the throbbing started and I slowly slid down the floor.

"You. Better. Stay. The. Fuck. Away. From. Me!"He punctuated every word with a kick to my ribs. Oh god it fucking hurt. He bent down close to me and whispered something I couldnt understand. Fuck I could barely see.

"Hey! What the fuck do you think you're fucking doing?!"Someone screamed. Now that I heard. And that voice I fucking recognised.  
''Gerard! I- uh. Fuck."He kicked me one last time then ran off. What the fuck was going on. I tried opening my swollen eyes. And failed.

"Jesus christ Frank."Gerard sighed. He was close to me. I couldnt see him. But I could fucking feel him lifting my top up. Oh god he was gonna fucking rape me or something. I felt panic run through me as he started feeling my chest.

''Probably some broken ribs."He mumbled. Oh. He was checking for broken bones. I whined as he somehow got his hands underneath me and fucking lifted me up.

-time lapse-

"... wont get in trouble cause of his fucking dad! Its no fucking fair!"Someone was yelling. I tried opening my eyes and found I was in a sky blue room with three other beds as well as the one I was on and a woman that looked familiar somehow talking to- fucking Gerard.

"What the fuck happened?"I asked. I tried to sit up but was immediately stopped by the woman who must have been the nurse.  
"Not just yet buddy. Two cracked ribs so just take it easy."She had a kind voice.  
"Gerard I know its not fair but what more do you want me to do?"She said to Gerard who had come closer to me but not too close.

"That fucking bastard Cole beat you up. For being fucking gay. Its not fucking right!"Gerard threw his hands in the air and stalked over to a seat.  
'Right... His dad is the gym teacher right?"I asked groggily as I remembered earlier.  
"Yeah. Its how he gets away with most of the shit he does."The nurse said sadly,"I dont know how many kids I've had in here because of him."

"How long have I been in here?"I asked slowly.  
"Two hours. School finished about ten minutes ago."Gerard sighed and stood up again. I started to take in what he was wearing. He had taken his blazer off and his tie was loose and his top two shirt buttons were undone. His hair was rumpled from him running his hands through it and he had blood on him.

"Is that my blood?"I asked.  
"Yeah. You were bleeding from your m- mouth a lot."He blushed and looked away.  
"Uh o-okay... When can I leave?"I asked. I really wanted to get the fuck out of here.  
"Not until I say so."The nurse said. She went over to a drawer and pulled it open. She stared at something inside before slamming it shut and opening the one below.

"Here."She pulled a little box out and handed it to me,"Painkillers. I want you to take some at night, in the morning and at lunch."  
"Kay."I mumbled. I slowly sat up and took a deep painful breath in.

"How do you feel?"Gerard asked me slowly. He walked up to me even slower and stood next to my bed.  
"Fucking spectacular."I swung my legs off the bed and jumped down, ignoring the pain that shot up and down my body.

"I spose you can go."The nurse sighed and looked down at her watch.  
"Why are we waiting?"I asked her.  
"Cole and his buddies usually hang around a little bit but if Gerards got you guys a ride then I dont see why you cant go now."She looked at me sadly. There was something about her that was ticking something in the back of my mind.

"A ride?"I turned to Gerard and raised my eye brows.  
"Yeah one of my mates is letting me borrow his car tonight and I was gonna pick it up in half an hour but I told him what had happened and he is giving it to me now."He half smiled at me.

"You be safe okay boys?"The nurse said.  
"Yeah yeah sure thing Linda. See you tomorrow."Gerard smiled at her. Linda. Why did that sound familiar?  
"Yup. Same time. Bye."She waved at us as we walked out.

A billion questions were buzzing through my mind and I had no idea which one to fucking choose.

"Why did Cole run away when he realised it was ou?"I asked, deciding to run through the events.  
"Uhm. When I was in my second year here, he started and he didn't like me for obvious reasons.he would throw names at me and think of the worst possible insult but given my upbringing I have quite a tough shell. So he tried to beat me up. Him and his mates cornered me one day after school. I was on my way back to the home for a change of clothes and I don't even know how they did it but they had me cornered and so Cole, he hit me.

"They were all laughing as I fell backwards into some trash cans, getting fucking fort on my fucking Def Leppard top. When I realised that had happened I completely lost it. I set fire to the garbage and threw it at them. Three of them were burnt slightly but Cole got the worst of it. His entire back is scarred cause of what I did."Gerard's voice had gotten steadily quieter.

I was so transfixed with his story that I barely noticed the pain that went through my body with each step. We were almost out of school bounds.  
"What happened?"I croaked.  
"Oh I got in trouble. Was stuck in an institute for a month. I'm not exactly proud of what I did Frank. I didn't ask for them or anyone else to be afraid of me I just... Lost it."He sighed.

"Oh..."I had no fucking idea what to say.  
"Wait why did they try to beat you up?"I asked. I was pretty sure Gerard was gay but I wanted to be completely sure before I made a fool of myself.

"Well because I'm a fag."He said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.  
"Right right... How are you good friends with the nurse?"I asked him as I remembered how friendly they had been.  
"Oh right. Um that's not actually my story to tell. Sorry."He smiled at me sheepishly through his hair. I hadn't even noticed him put his hood up.

"Kay. Thanks. For you know. Stopping him and stuff."I looked down at my feet.  
"No problem. Kids like us don't deserve to be treated the way they treat us. Our lives have been hard enough already."Gerard sighed and looked up and down the road we had reached. We had taken the back exit of the school which was across the field.

I looked too even though I didn't know what the car looked like.  
"He's gonna be fucking late again the jerk off. He knows I need to pick Mikey up."Gerard was mumbling to himself as he pulled out a cellphone and dialled some numbers. I stared at his phone, wondering how he got it.

"Dude where the fuck are you? I told you I need to pick Mikey up at 4. Its quarter to and it takes twenty minutes to fucking get there. And I have to drop a friend off at the home."Gerard turned away from me and growled into the phone.

"Oh... Okay. So I'll see you soon?"He turned to face me again and rolled his eyes. As if I could hear what the person was saying.

I looked around at the street. Never in my life had I been here. There was a starbucks next to a record store. This looked like a good sort of street. Except it was completely dead for some reason. The shops were closed and no one was around.

"Bob is gonna be here in 5. Mikey is gonna be so mad at me."Gerard sighed as he put his phone away.  
"Who are Bob and Mikey?"I asked, curiosity getting the better of me.

"We go to school with Bob. He's in our music class. Mikey is my brother. He doesn't go to school though. He occasionally will come visit me during an art or music lesson but usually he is just working at the comic book store."Gerard smiled and pointed to a car that had just turned onto the otherwise empty street.

A guy with short blonde hair and a beard was in the drivers seat. It pulled up next to us and Gerard opened the back door for me.  
"Sorry bout the mess dude. Although not really."The guy who I assumed was Bob said as Gerard helped me get in the car.

I relaxed into the seat gratefully and let my joints rest.  
"No problem mate."I smiled at him and closed my eyes.  
"Dude let me fucking drive."Gerard complained as Bob didn't move. I zoned out as they started squabbling and before long I had fallen asleep.


	8. Oh Memories

"Frank! Get the fuck up!"Someone screamed in my ear. I winced as immediately all my aches and pains announced their arrival.  
"Fuck off."I grumbled as I tried to ignore the yelling.  
"Frank you have to get to fucking school."They yelled again. I rolled over slowly and opened my eyes to see Sarah.

"Fucking hell mate who hit you?"Srah gaped at what I assumed was a black eye. Fucking great.  
"Not just hit. Literally gave me a fucking beating. That stupid Cole kid. Two cracked ribs and possibly a concussion or some shit I can't remember what the nurse said."I closed my eyes again as one thing came back to me.

"Painkillers."I sat up straight away at the thought of feeling less pain.  
"Where are they? I'll get them for you, you can stay here."She smiled. She was already in her uniform. Must be close to school time.

"In my bag."Shit who brought my bag back from the gym?  
"Kay. I'll get you some water to take them with."She said as she grabbed them out for me.  
"Nah don't worry I don't need it."I waved her away.  
"Uhh okay. Steven says you have to get dressed and go to school though. Sorry. But I have to leave."She smiled at me apologetically as I nodded and waved at her.

I stared at the ceiling and waited for the pills to kick in. I did not want to look in the mirror. My face was probably swollen with a black eye and my lips felt like they had been split in three different- how the fuck did I get in bed?

I jumped out of bed and ran downstairs. I was still in my uniform so that was something.  
"Steven? Steven! Hey uh-"  
"You need to get to school Frank."Steven said from the dining room table. He had a file open and a shit load of papers spread out. He looked very busy.

"Uh yeah I know just quickly um. How did I get into bed?"I asked him.  
"Um. I dont actually know. All I know is that Sarah saw you come in and she yelled at me that you were like this."He said and gestured to me. I nodded sadly.

"Frank! Lunch!"Taylor yelled through the hatch and slid another brown bag through. I didnt even eat my lunch from yesterday and wow, I was fucking starving.  
"Shit uh thanks. You dont have anything I could eat now do you? I didnt get to eat at all yesterday and im fucking starving."I smiled at him sheepishly. He nodded and went to grab something for me.

"Frank you really do need to go. I cant talk right now i'm busy."Steven said and went back to his work.  
"Thanks Taylor!"I yelled as I took the sandwich Taylor was handing me and ran back to my room. I grabbed my bag and rushed down the stairs and out the front door.

Damn I needed a watch. I sighed as I started walking down the empty and cold street. I looked around as someone tooted at me. It was a very familiar looking car. I stopped walking as it slowed to a stop and Gerard poked his head out of the drivers seat.

"No way. Get in. You aint walking to school.'He said. I stared at him and sighed. I really didnt want to walk and I knew that if I said no he would keep pestering me.  
"Kay."I said quietly as I got in the back seat. Oh! It was the car I had gotten into yesterday.

"What do you have first?"He asked me.  
"Uhh I dont actually know. I'll check."I reached for my bag and pulled out my time table,"Fucking geography."I sighed.  
"Sweet. You wanna go to art with me instead?'He asked me. I stared at his face in the rearview mirror. He wasnt joking.

"Uhh..."I didnt want to skip my first lesson of geography. I was a fucking wuss.  
"Cole is in that class. It was when I first started skipping my classes."Gerard glanced at me in the mirror and spotted me staring at him. Shit.

"Okay sure. If he is in there I dont wanna be there."I smiled to myself at the thought of spending extra time with Gerard by myself. And Mr Stump of course. But mainly Gerard.

'Sweet that means we have time to stop for a coffee. I need a fucking fix.''Gerard suddenly turned a corner so violently I slid and hit my already very sore head.

"Fuck I'm sorry man."He slowed down to a stop and turned around to look at me,"You okay?"He sent me a searching look that sent shivers down my spine. No way in hell was I fucking fine when he gave me looks like that.  
"Uh yeah. Its all good."I smiled at him and resisted the urge to rub my head.

He started driving again and started rambling about this great coffee shop that was somehow better than starbucks and cheaper as well.

"Uh I dont drink coffee."I stopped him dead in his tracks. Literally. I was thrown forward into the back of his seat.  
"Jesus christ! Be fucking careful!'I yelled as a car tooted behind us and Gerard shook his head and started driving again.

"Sorry. Have you ever had it before?"He asked me as we turned another corner.  
"No. The house I came from, the mace or whatever, had a very small budget compared to this fucking place.

"Yeah well this is a halfway house. A lot of the kids realised if they wanted things they needed a job. I had one for a while but got sick of it. Now I just work at the comic book shop with Mikey every now and then. But coffee is great. Its perfect just wait- fuck."Gerard swerved suddenly. He didnt seem to be a very good driver.

"I swear I'm a better driver than this I just have- some things on my mind."He smiled as he read my thoughts somehow. I nodded and looked out the window. We were back on the street at the back of the school. Once again it was completely empty. No cars, no people no nothing.

"What is this street? Why is it so empty?"I asked as I watched the shops go by. I spotted a tattoo parlous and immediately made a note to go visit it.

"Its called The Moon. The real street name is Baton Rd. but everyone calls it The Moon because its only ever busy at night time.

"Oh... Why is it busy at night time?"I asked as we slowed to a stop.  
"Cause its for people like me. Creatures of the night. A lot of the shops arent open til like 5."Gerard turned the car off and looked round at me,"Stay."

I watched as he got out of the car and opened my door and got half in the car.  
"Are you feeling okay?"He looked me in the eye. It was a good thing I was sitting down because my legs had just turned to jelly and I knew my face would be brighter than a fucking I dont even know. It was just burning up real badly.

"Uhm yeah why wouldn't I be?"I raised an eyebrow at him. He looked at me weirdly and moved an inch closer before moving out of the car completely. What the fuck.

'Well get out."He called. I moved my legs to check they had their usual strength before sliding out of the car. I squinted through the brightness of the sun at the coffee shop we were outside,'The Magic Beans'

"They really are magic fucking beans.'Gerard smiled up at the sign. The front windows of the store were filled up with posters for bands. Oh, this place had live music.

"Come on. I think Ray might be in."Gerard lead the way through a door I hadn't noticed into a large darkened room. On one side there was a bar with all the stations for making drinks and on the other side partly in the corner, was a stage.

In the middle spreading out across the floor were chairs and tables. Except for in front of the stage. That spot was empty except for a few people leaning on the stage watching a guy with crazy afro hair play the guitar quietly. He was actually really fucking good.

"Alright... Di! First time coffee drinker! Fix him up with the best!"Gerard yelled to a girl behind the counter. She smiled and waved at Gerard before looking at me for a few seconds before grabbing a cup and making a drink.

"She is awesome at guessing peoples favourite."Gerard smiled at me as he lead us over to a table. He fucking pulled out the chair for me. Either he thought I was really badly hurt still or he was a fucking gentleman. I didnt know what I wanted it to be.

"Hey Gee. Who's this?"The guy with the guitar was now at our table. He had finished his song and was sitting down with us. I stared at his guitar. A fucking Les Paul. Jesus fucking christ. I couldnt stop staring at it.

'Ray this is Frank. Just moved into the house. Frank this is R- Ray... You okay?"He asked as I didnt look away from the guitar. I had only ever seen pictures of electric guitars. I had played an acoustic in school but had never ever seen a real fucking electric let alone a Les fucking Paul.

"Its beautiful isn't it."Ray smiled and stroked the neck.  
"Yes."I croaked. I reached out slowly but retracted it,"Can I t- touch it?"  
"Ahaha sure! Here.'He handed it over to me, shocking me to the bone. He was letting me touch his fucking guitar.

I cradled it on my arms carefully, shitting my pants over dropping it.  
"Can you play?"He asked me. I nodded and moved it into position before picking out the beginning of Promise.

"Shit you're really good Frankie."Gerard watched me. I stopped playing and looked at him. The last person who had called me Frankie, excluding Mrs Macy, was Claire.

"Is there a phone I can use?"I asked immediately. I carefully handed the guitar back to Ray and stood up as Gerard pointed to a pay phone over by a doorway to the toilets.

'Uhh can I borrow some change?"I asked quietly. I fucking hated not having money,  
"Sure. Who're you calling?"Gerard asked as he reached into his pocket and dumped some coins into my hand.  
"Claire."I replied before marching off straight away to the phone.

I pushed the coins in the slot and dialled the number to the mace house. There was ringing before Mrs Macy picked it up and answered in her horrible nasally voice.  
"Uh hi its Frank."I said down the phone.  
'Franklin! What on earth are you calling for? Shouldn't you be in school?"She asked me. Shit. I completely forgot that.

"Uhhh I- I am. I just, I needed to talk to Lily. Or Claire if she is there."I was hoping to the fucking high heavens she wouldn't ask why but being Mrs Macy I knew she would.

"Neither of them are here i'm afraid. That couple from across town adopted the two of them but they didn't leave any numbers."She said. I froze. What?  
"Franklin? Are you still there?"She asked. I couldn't understand.  
"But... How? W- when did the couple come back?"I asked as wave after wave of shock and regret for not calling sooner washed over me.

"Yesterday. Came as quite a bit of a shock really cause-"The line went dead. I looked at the screen that read 'out of credit' and slammed the phone back into the receiver. Fuck.  
"Fuck!'I yelled in frustration. I thumped my head against the wall and leaned there as I tried to figure out what to do.

"Frank are you okay?"Gerard came up behind me and put his hand on my shoulder. I jumped at the contact and turned to face him.  
"Not exactly no."I sighed and leaned my back against the wall to slide down onto the floor.

"Frank what happened?'He crouched down in front of me.  
"My ah you know my best friend Lily? The one I drew?"I looked up at him and had to look away from the intensity of his gaze.

"Yes... Was she adopted?"He asked me quietly.  
"Yes! Along with my other best friend! Claire. She- they-"I stopped talking as I broke down in tears. I did not want to be fucking crying in front of Gerard but here I was blubbering like a baby.

"Oh Frank. C'mere."He held his arms out and I fell into them, sobbing onto his shoulder. He rubbed my back and shushed me as I slowly stopped crying. I had no idea what to do to find them.

"We'll help you find them okay? You'll see. It'll be fine."He whispered into my ear. I nodded against his shoulder and took a deep shaky breath. No more fucking crying on his shoulder.

"Come on, your coffee is ready. Drink it and feel better."He smiled as he pulled me up. We walked back over to the table where Ray was drinking his coffee and writing something that looked like music. What a fucking cool guy. Seriously, I wanted to fucking be him or rape his guitar or some shit.

"Drink it. Its a hazelnut latte."Gerard smiled at me. I nodded and took a sip. Immediately my mouth exploded from the hotness but underneath I could taste the sweet symphony of hazelnut and coffee. Fucking bliss.

"This is really good."I mumbled and took another drink, ignoring the heat completely.  
"Told you. You're turned forever now."Gerard grinned at me. I smiled back at him and relaxed slightly.

"We gotta go. Art starts in half an hour. Sorry Toro."Gerard got up and pulled Ray into a hug.  
"I'll see you tonight right?"  
"Of course. Like I would fucking miss it."Gerard laughed at Ray. I waved at Ray like a little kid and followed Gerard back out into the unbelievably bright world, holding my drink like a lifeline.

"I want his guitar."I said slowly.  
"Ha! Wait til you see mine."Gerard laughed.  
"You have a guitar?"I looked at him. That meant he played. Which made him even hotter somehow.

"Yeah. I cant play very well though. I'm sorta better at singing."He blushed slightly as we got in the car. I was in the front seat this time.  
"What um. Whats tonight?"I asked him curiously.  
"Nothing for you. Lets go."Gerard brushed me off completely and didnt even look at me for the rest of the ride.

"Gerard! And Frank. Didnt think you would be one to skip class. But oh well. So long as it wasnt important.'Mr Stump smiled at us as we walked in. He had a class in progress. I think he was officially my favourite teacher.

"Hey Stumpy."Gerard smiled at him and went to sit in his corner but there were a bunch of little kids there.  
"Move. Go."Gerard glared down at them all as they grabbed their shit and moved to another group of desks.

Gerard said nothing as he sat down and got out a large sketch book. He angled himself so that he had his legs up on the desk and I couldn't see what he was drawing.  
"So um-"  
"No more talking."He barely glanced at me as he continued drawing whatever it was he was drawing.

I sighed and took another sip of my coffee. I spotted a cup on Gerards desk that I hadn't even seen him carry in, let alone buy it.  
"Frank what are you gonna do for me? A painting?"Mr Stump came over as his class worked.  
"Uh I guess. What do you want me to paint?"

"Oooh let me see. Draw something that's stuck in your mind."He smiled at me knowingly and walked away. Something stuck in my mind. Immediately Gerard popped into my head but I couldnt exactly do that without revealing that he had been on my mind a whole fucking lot lately.

Something else came to mind. Not clearly but it was there and had been stuck there ever since the night I was given to the mace house.

*flashback*

"... ever disrespect me again!"He yelled and slapped her hard across the face. She fell to the floor and I ran to her.  
"Frankie go! Go to your room get out!"She yelled at me as he started getting closer to us. I held her head in my hands.

"Mummy are you okay?'I whispered.  
"Frank do you wanna go draw something for me?"He asked me as he picked me up and shoved me away. In that time mum had gotten up and I was running to her again.

We were both running. No she had picked me up and was running out the door. We were racing down the street with him chasing after us.  
"Michael dont do this!"She screamed.

"You cant take my son away from me! Get back here now bitch!"He yelled. I buried my face in her neck as we slowed to a stop. She started pounding on a door hard and fast, screaming as he caught up to us.

"Hel-"The door was opened my an old lady.  
"Take him! Please!"Mum screamed. Immediately the woman took me from my mother.  
"His name is Frank please lock the door now!"She yelled and started running again.

"Mummy!"I yelled as I watched her run away, her black hair whipping around behind her. He sped past us and then the door was shut. I struggled out of the old womans arms and tried to open the door but couldn't. I heard a scream outside and started crying.

*end flashback*

"No."I whispered as I opened my eyes.  
"What?"Gerard looked up from his drawing at me.  
"Ah nothing I was just um. Thinking. Dont worry."I smiled at him as I started drawing.  
"Kay..."He looked at me weirdly before going back to his drawing.


	9. Your Desire

"What is this? Frank this is brilliant."Mr Stump held my drawing up and stared at it. I stared at it as well. At the terror on her face. At my crying eyes. At Him running towards us down the street.

"Frank this is amazing. This- can I put this on the wall?"He asked me. I looked at it and decided that I wanted it for myself.  
"No. I need it."I said weakly.

"Oh okay... Do you wanna talk about this?"He asked me. Mr Stump must have had fucking super powers or something. He knew something was wrong but I wasn't going to talk to him about it. I needed Lily.

"I'm good.'I smiled at him as he handed it back to me and went over to Gerard who was still drawing whatever.  
"Oh my. Something that excites you aye? Something different."He laughed as he looked down at Gerard's sketchbook.

"Yeah yeah whatever. Any improvements?"Gerard glared up at him. When it came to his art Gerard didn't really like peoples judgement for some reason but he always asked if it could be better.

"Yeah that bit right there. Compare it to the real life uh... Image."Mr Stump pointed to the drawing. Gerard looked at him and nodded.

"Well we have to get to music now so I will fix it another time."Gerard snapped it shut and stood up,"Come on Frank. Time to go."  
"Kay. Bye."I waved t0 Mr Stump and carefully placed my drawing in my bag.

"Can I uh see your drawing?"I asked Gerard once we were outside.  
"If I can see yours."Gerard smiled at me.  
"No."I said immediately. I didn't want anyone to see it. I hadn't even want Mr Stump to see it. He had fucking snatched it from me before I could stop him.

"Then there you go. Come on, Mikey is coming in today."Gerard smiled as we trudged across the school and into an area that hadn't been to before. There was one long building with three rooms. We went into the middle one.

"Gee!"Someone screamed and banged into Gerard, sending him back a few steps.  
"Pete get the fuck off me."Gerard grumbled. The boy detached himself and grinned at Gerard.

He had short black hair and shit loads of eye liner smeared around his eyes.  
"Who's this?"Pete asked as he looked at me.

"This is Frank. He started yesterday."Gerard gestured to me and walked inside as Pete locked eyes on my scorpion tattoo. His fingers slowly moved up towards it and he started tracing it.

"I love your tattoo. Like, seriously, I have pretty much my whole sleeve fucking planned and a shit load of others."He grinned at me and stopped touching my neck. He was pretty damn cute. I was half tempted to life up my top and show him my chest piece.

"So! What do you think of Gerard?"Pete asked me quietly as we walked inside the room properly.  
"Uhhh..."  
"He's hot right?"He grinned at me. I blushed and nodded as I watched him talk to a kid with sweeping black hair and glasses. He also had an Anthrax top on. I liked him already.

"I prefer his brother though..."Pete sighed and looked at the kid with glasses.  
"Thats Mikey?"I asked him.  
"Yup. Such an amazing person... Eh em if you know, you uh, like um..."Pete mumbled off and turned away from me. That was adorable.

"So who else is in this class?"I asked him.  
"We got two more guys coming in. They skip french to come jam with us."He said as he sat down at a desk.

"Oh cool. What about the teacher?"I asked him.  
"Oh! Mrs Bellato. She's cool with whatever we do, so long as its music related."Pete smiled and pointed as she walked in the door.

I sat down and looked at everyone. Bob had just walked in the door and was making a beeline to a set of drums in the corner. Mikey and Gerard were arguing over- Gerards sketchbook. Mrs Bellato was sitting down at a desk, listening to her headphones while writing something down. Ray was sitting huddled with his guitar in another corner, strumming something out.

"Hey Frank, wanna come sign this for me?"Mrs Bellato suddenly called. I looked over at her, shocked that she knew my name.  
"Uhh yeah?"I slowly walked up to her and looked down at the piece of paper.

"What is it?"  
"So you dont have to do homework."She winked at me. I saw tattoos curling out from underneath her top and covering her arms. This chick was awesome.  
"Oh right. Sweet."I smiled at her and signed at the bottom.

"Thanks! Right, there are three rules to this class. Number one, no bullying whatsoever. None of those douchy jocks take this class, its just you guys. So you are all equal okay? Rule number two, there isnt any actual work. So long as you try play a few songs on some things, try write some music, its all sweet. Rule number three. Have some fucking fun!"She grinned at my blank face.

A teacher just fucking swore in front of me. Holy shit.  
"Okay... I think I have a new favourite class."I smiled at her as she put her headphones back in and grabbed a bass I hadnt noticed sitting behind her. Shit it was beautiful.

I turned away and walked into the middle of the classroom. I had no idea what the fuck I was supposed to do. Gerard was sitting with Mikey still looking upset and embarrassed, Bob way playing the drums, and shit he was fucking good at it, and Ray was starting to tune into Bobs drumming and play along to it.

"Guys can we like- um. Play something together?"I asked sheepishly.  
"Sure. What can you play?"Gerard stood up and left Mikey. He went over to Bob and grabbed some microphone stands I hadnt seen.

"Mrs Bellato!"Mikey yelled at her. She looked up and saw what Gerard was doing.  
"What are we playing today?"She asked as she got up and came over with her bass guitar.

"We dont know. Frank wants to play with us."Ray said as he came over as well and stood behind a microphone on bobs far left.  
"Well Frank what sort of guitar can you play?"Mrs Bellato looked at me as she pulled over some amps.

"Um. Rhythm?"I asked. I was starting to regret this. I couldn't actually play that well and I didn't even have a fucking guitar.  
"Perfect. That part was usually played by a guy called Jon but he left last year."Mikey said as he was putting a bass over his shoulder.

"Dude."I sighed and went to look at it.  
"I know, my pride and joy."Mikey grinned as he hugged it close to him.  
"Do you have a guitar Frank?"Pete grabbed me from behind. Whoa.

"Uh no. Sadly I do not."I sighed again and took a step away from the whole setup.  
"Okay. Lemme go get you one from the other room."Mrs Bellato said and left us alone.

"So what can you play then?"Gerard asked me.  
"Uhm. American Idiot?"I asked them hopefully.  
"Fuck yeah!"Pete yelled in my ear and let go of me. I glanced at Mikey who was looking very stony and something else. Jealous?

"Lets fucking do it!"Bob yelled. He started thumping out a beat that Ray and Mikey started playing to. My skin started crawling as I realised how fucking much I wanted to be behind that third microphone.

Holy fucking god. Gerard had just started singing. Jesus fucking christ. I quickly moved to a seat and sat down to try and hide the hard on that was brought on by Gerard looking at me intensely as he sung. Fuck me.

Mrs Bellato came back in and rushed to my side, handing me the guitar. I took it from here, completely forgetting about my problem, and went straight to the third microphone. I listened for a second before picking where I needed to start.

I grinned as I actually played a real fucking guitar with a group of guys who were fucking awesome. I closed my eyes and let myself go. The last time I had listened to this was with Claire on the morning those bastards came. I opened my eyes and found I was crying. Immediately I stopped playing and left the set up. Everyone else stopped playing and looked at me, confused.

"I um. I just- th-that song has uh a lot of um memories and um G-Gerard you know what i'm talking about right?"I looked at him as I couldnt stop the tears from rolling down my cheeks.

"Of course. Lily and Claire right?"He asked as he came to me and pulled me into a hug. His hugs were the fucking best. I took a deep shaky breath in and pulled away.

"We need to find them."I sighed. He nodded and sat me down slowly at a round table.  
"So, what do we have to go by?"He asked me. Everyone else slowly realised the jam was over so Mikey went to sit with Pete, Mrs Bellato started packing everything away and Bob and Ray huddled together and started writing some things down

"Uhm. Nothing?"I slumped onto the table and buried my head in my arms.  
"Okay... Did The Mace say anything at all about where they went?"He asked me.

"No..."I mumbled,"Except!"I snapped my head up, giving myself whiplash,"The day the couple came to visit they said they live right next to school."

"Perfect! After school we can go for a drive by and see if they are around. On the weekend we can go knocking."Gerard smiled at me. I nodded and smiled at him, staring at his gorgeous bright green eyes. He stared right back at mine, sending shivers down my spine.

Shit, was he getting closer? Oh fuck he was. Shit what do I do? Fuck fuck fuuuuck!  
"Hey Gee, um."Mikey turned up next to the table, breaking the contact and creating awkwardness.

"What?"Gerard said angrily and glared up at Mikey.  
"Uh Ian needs you at the store tomorrow."Mikey said and held up his phone. I wanted a phone.  
"Oh right. Tell him okay. Except I cant until after art."Gerard said and glanced over at his bag. I really wanted to see his drawing.

"Kay. I'll tell him."Mikey smiled at Gerard, winked at me then walked back over to Pete.  
"Ian owns the comic book store."Gerard explained unnecessarily. I nodded and looked over at Pete and Mikey. Oh my they had their tongues down each others throats.

"Look."I nodded in their direction and tried to ignore the flutters in my stomach as Gerard fucking snorted. Never in my life had I thought of a snort as cute.

"About fucking time."Gerard mumbled. We both jumped as the bell rang and signaled the end of one of the greatest lessons in my whole entire life.

"Wonder why Ry and Brendon didnt turn up."Ray said as he put his guitar in a case. I watched it the whole time.  
"Wait, Ryan Ross?"I asked everyone that had gathered around Gerard and I's table for some reason.

"Yeah. Why?"Pete asked me.  
"Oh uh, he lives at the halfway house with me and Gerard and he was at the house before with me for a bit."I mumbled.

"Pfft, thats exaggerating a bit don't you think?"Bob scoffed at me.  
"Uhh how?"I looked up at him as I slung my bag over my shoulder and we started walking in a group to the door, Pete and Mikey holding hands.

"See ya later Bella!"Ray called.  
"Bye boys. I'll see you all tonight right?"She asked as Gerard took the lead and opened the door.  
"Yup. Although I dont think Mikey will be there."Ray laughed as Bob wolf whistled.

When we were outside I noticed that Pete and Mikey were walking a little apart and were no longer holding hands. Instead everyone had sort of formed a circle around me. What the fuck.

"Uh guys? I'm not a fucking kid, I can defend myself you know."I pushed through to the front before my claustrophobia set in. No one said anything but Gerard suddenly made his way to the front of the group and started walking next to me.

"What do you have now?"He asked me quietly as we marched towards the main building.  
"Uhm. Hold up lemme check."I said as I started rummaging around in my bag and produced my timetable,"History."

"Cool. You wanna skip and come to the coffee shop again?"He asked me. I thought about it for all of about two seconds before nodding.  
"I want another coffee."I grinned. He smiled back as we all altered our direction towards the field.

"What about Bobs car?"I asked as the field came into site.  
"I'll get it later for when we go home. I wanna go back to art before I take you back so I'll be going back through the school anyway."Gerard informed me.

"Oh no you don't. I don't want you to leave my car on school grounds when you aren't. Do you not realise what those fuckwits will do to it?"Bob came around in front of Gerard and stopped him walking. I stopped as well but everyone continued walking as Bob and Gerard had thei little spat.

"Okay okay, I'll go get it now and meet you all at the coffee house."Gerard sighed and turned around.  
"You coming Frank?"Mikey asked, ahead with the others. I looked back at Gerard who was looking at me.

"Do you want someone to go with you?"I asked Gerard, meaning I wanted to be alone with him so fucking badly.  
"Uhh sure, if you're offering?"He raised a hopeful eyebrow at me. I nodded and waved to the guys. It was nice having proper friends for once.

"Thanks for joining me on this epic journey."Gerard joked. I laughed slightly and kept my head down and my arms folded.  
"What are you doing tonight?"I asked quietly. I really wanted to join him and not be stuck in the room with Jack all fucking night.

"Oh um. Well, you know how the coffee house has the whole live music thing going on?"Gerard asked me. When I nodded he continued,"Me and the guys will play there occasionally. Whenever we play we get a prwetty sweet turn up."

"Really? Thats awesome!"I exclaimed as we rounded into the carpark.  
"Yeah it is pretty sweet."Gerard grinned at me as he unlocked the car. I had my hand on the door handle, about to get in, when Gerards hand was on mine. The sudden warmth from his hand spread into mine and went straight to my cheeks.

"What uh what are you doing?"I asked slowly. I didnt dare turn to face him for fear of me fucking it all up.  
"Well can I see your face?"He whispered in my ear. I nodded and slowly turned to face him. He was so close I could feel his warm breath smelling of coffee on my cold face.

He didnt move at all, just stared at me, in my eyes.  
"You have gorgeous eyes. They're like a swirling pool of hazel."He whispered. I felt myself shiver,"I would love to draw them one day."

"Ouhh um."I inhaled at the thought of Gerard drawing my eyes. I watched him as his eyes darted down from my eyes to my lips and back again. I could see something in them. Desire. A strong desire for- fuck, me. Jesus christ I had no idea what to do. I wanted to kiss him so fucking bad but what if he didnt want- fuck.

I grabbed his shirt collar and pulled him closer, following my instincts as his lips moved against mine. They were so fucking soft. Softer than Stevens. Okay dont make fucking comparisons like that, dont even think of that when you are fucking kissing someone. Far out.

Our eyes were closed. Well mine were anyway. I sure as hell fucking hoped his were otherwise this would have been awkward.

I felt Gerards hands on my waist as he pushed me up against the car. Jesus this was fucking hot. I didn't want it to ever end. Ever. He swiped his tongue against my lips and my mouth opened of its own accord. When did I say they could do that? Fuck it felt good to have his tongue in my mouth.

He licked the roof of my mouth as he moved his hands up my sides and into my hair. I dragged my hands down his front, not really noticing what they were doing until I realised they were starting to undo his belt buckle. Fuck.

"Mmph- Frank. Not in the fucking carpark."He giggled against my lips.  
"Ihm sorry."I smiled and opened my eyes. He was smiling at me. I grinned at him as he opened the car door behind me.

"I think I might blow the guys off for tonight."He winked at me. What the fuck did that mean?  
"Um."Was all I said. Was all I could say after that mindblowing kiss.

"Fucking disgusting fags."Someone said behind us. I glanced over Gerards shoulder as he spun around and stayed in front of me. One of Coles mates was skulking around. Weird.  
"Fuck off dickwad."Gerard rolled his eyes and motioned for me to get in the car. I did so and watched as he shut the door and went round to the drivers side.

"What the fuck is he doing just watching us- just standing around like that?"I asked as Gerard locked the doors and started the car. I looked out the window to see that the guy wasgone. What the fuck was going on?

"I dunno. I dont like it though. Maybe we should walk. For all we know he could have fucking done something to the car."Gerard sighed and turned the car off again.  
"Like what?"I asked him and I tried searching for the guy. He was literally no where to be seen.

"I dunno. I don't think they know much about cars but one of them knows how to fucking cut brakes. Jesus christ okay. Um. Do you know anything about cars?"He asked me hopefully.

"Not one useful fact."I replied.  
"Shit... Um. Lets just have a look around and see if there are any cut wires?"Gerard shrugged his shoulders at me.

"Kay. Where are we looking?"I asked him.  
"I'll look underneath of the car, you can look underneath the staring wheel."Gerard said as he got out, leaving the door open.

"See anything?"I called as I tried to see underneath.  
"Nope. You?"He called back.  
"No- not mu- fuck get off me!"I yelped as hands grabbed me under my arms and dragged me out of the car, banging my head on the door in the process.

"Hey get the fuck off him!"Gerard yelled as he got out from under the car. I couldnt see who had their hands on me but whoever it was, they were fucking huge and strong.  
"Um let me see... No?"The deep voice said behind me. I recognised that voice slightly. But couldnt recall from where.

"Dude get the fuck off him or your buddy Cole will have an even bigger fucking scar."Gerard growled. He wasnt getting closer but my captor had stopped moving as well. I struggled to get out of his vice grip but his hands wouldnt budge.

"Wait!"I shouted suddenly.  
"Frank shush I will sort this."Gerard never took his eyes off the douchebag holding me.

"No. I know what to do. If he doesnt let me go, we can just fuck him up the arse and tell everyone he fucking liked it."I said happily. It wasnt very funny but it made the guy loosen his grip in fear of being fucked up the arse.

"Frank that would actually be a shit load of fun!"Gerard grinned. The grip was loosened more.  
"I dont have any lube left though."I pretended to be sad.  
"Thats okay, we'll just do it dry, more fucking pleasure for us that way."Gerard winked at my captor who immediately let go of me. I turned around before he could run and grabbed his junk. Jesus he was fucking huge.

"Wow, you're huge! Can you give? I dont mind taking."I winked at him as well. He looked at me, fear blooming in his eyes as I gave his dick a hard squeeze, making him whimper in pain before letting go.

"Frank that was fucking hilarious."Gerard smiled as he ran to me and held me close. I wrapped my arms around him and breathed in his scent.  
"I try."I smiled up at him. He grinned down at me and kissed me on the nose. I smiled to myself as we got in the car.

"Hold on I gotta take this."Gerard held up his hand as he opened his ringing phone.  
"Yeah yeah we are on our way. We had a little trouble with one of the fuckwits Bob was talking about but otherwise we are good. Yeah okay whatever. Tell him to keep calm. There is nothing wrong with his fucking car."Gerard grumbled and ran a hand through his hair. Hair that I really wanted to touch for fucking ever.

"Right lets go."He smiled at me and started the car and left the school.


	10. I'm With The Band

When I had lived in The Mace, the only friends I had ever had were Lily and Claire. No one else had wanted to be friends with me. They were all scared of my tattoos, eyeliner and piercings. Suddenly being thrown into a small social situation was difficult. There were inside jokes that only I didn't get, peoples names I didn't know and secrets. I fucking loved it.

Diane the barista was fucking awesome. She made the best coffees and was really nice. Plus she owned the place and let everyone play here every night. Mikey and Pete were currently no where to be seen and Ray and Gerard were working something out for tonight. I was sitting with Bob drinking a hazelnut latte and he had a black coffee.

"What are they doing?"I asked, nodding in the direction of Gerard and Ray who were by the stage.  
"Deciding on the setup for tonight."Bob didnt even look away from the comic he was reading.

"Oh..."I sighed and took a large gulp of the hot drink, burning my throat in the process. Bob was a really quiet person when he wanted to be.

Suddenly Mikey turned up out of the blue looking very... puffed.  
"Hey guys."Mikey grinned and sat down next to me.  
"Hey. Where did you get to?"I asked him.

"Oh you know... Out and about."He winked at me. Pete came and sat down next to MIkey with drinks for the two of them.

Bob got up as Gerard and Ray called him over. Pete kissed Mikey on the cheek, whispering something in his ear and making Mikey blush, before following Bob.

"So. How did you end up in a home?"Mikey asked me as he took a large gulp of his drink.  
"Oh um. I was left on the doorstep when I was two."I mumbled as I remembered the terrible flashback.

"Oh that sucks. Did they leave anything to go buy? Like, a lot of kids have some sort of reference as to where their parents might be or whatever."Mikey looked at me over his drink.  
"Nope. Nothing. Just my name."I sighed.

"Thats real shit."Mikey said and took another drink. I nodded and had some of mine, relishing the flavour and warmth of it all.  
"What about you and Gerard? How come you guys are in here?"I asked him. He took another drink and sighed.

"We only ever had our Mum and Nana. Our Nana died from cancer when Gerard was 7 and I was 6. During the year after Mum got really depressed over everything and our situation and she um. She killed herself."Mikey was staring at Bobs discarded drink, his eyes glazed over.

"How did she do it?"I asked quietly.  
"We dont know. She left a note for us to come home to after school and the police found her body a week later in the forest at the end of our street."Mikey blinked and looked at me.

"What did she look like?"I asked, an idea popping into my head.  
"She had long black hair and Gerard's bright green eyes."He sighed and stared at his drink moodily.

"I'm sorry man."I mumbled and sipped my drink.  
"S'okay."He whispered and closed his eyes. Pete glanced at us and came straight over. Mikey didnt look up as Pete sat down next to him and hugged him into his side but I saw him relax more.

The rest of the guys came over to the table and Mikey sat up.  
"Frank do you wanna go back to art?"Gerard asked me, placing his hand on my shoulder.

It seemed that every time Gerard touched me the heat from him went straight to my face.  
"Uh sure."I mumbled and grabbed my drink, taking the last gulp of goodness before standing up.

"See ya guys."I waved at them all and they all waved back. Fuck, friends were fucking great.

Gerard and I walked out of the store and got in the car.  
"You know how I said I would blow the guys off tonight?"Gerard asked me quietly.

"Uh yeah, what about it?"I looked at him as I did up my seat belt. He looked upset.  
"I cant. Tonight some managers are gonna be hiding in the crowd and they need me.

"Oh... Thats okay though. I mean, you could get fucking signed!"I exclaimed as I thought of my boyfriend being in an official band- wait. Did I just think that? I blinked and looked at Gerard again.

He was staring at me curiously, half smiling with his hair falling over his face. Jesus he was gorgeous.  
"I really hope we do. It would make all this fucking worth it."Gerard smiled and started the car.

"Lets go to art then."I smiled at him and wiggled in my seat, trying to get comfortable. Even though I had been alone with Gerard so many times now, I was still jittery and nervous. Gerard just did that to me.

We arrived at school and got out. The whole car ride Gerard had been talking, very excitedly, about some of the songs he has written and how he would love to show them to me and maybe, if the guys were okay with it, I could join the band.

I almost choked on nothing when he said that. I would fucking love it if I could join. I didn't say that though.

"Why do you need to go to art?"I asked Gerard as we walked around the main building of the school and towards the field where the art room was.  
"Uh I just need to talk to Stumpy about something thats bothering me."Gerard sighed.

I saw his eyes glance down to his bag and felt myself itch to see his drawing. I almost fell over as Gerards hand brushed against mine. He didn't seem to notice though. It happened twice more before I somehow let out a noise of- fucking something.

"You okay?"Gerard stopped walking as the art building came into sight.  
"Uh yeah. Why?"I asked him, not meeting his eyes like I so wanted to.  
"You just made a weird noise like you were I don't know, upset?"Gerard shrugged as I stared down at the ground and scuffed my worn out shoes.

"Nah i'm fine."I mumbled.  
"Well you dont look fine."Gerard said as his arms snaked around me and pulled me into him. Fuck I hated it when he surprised me like that. I stood there awkwardly as he rested his chin on my head and sighed.

A bell rang in the distance making us jump apart.  
"Shit. Come on, Mr Stump likes to leave early."Gerard said as he grabbed my hand- oh my fucking god- and tugged me along fast.

"Mr Stump!"Gerard yelled suddenly as we saw him locking the door on his classroom. He must have been the only art teacher.  
"Gerard! And Frank! What are you two doing?"He asked us as we advanced on him, Gerard still holding my hand.

"I need some um. Help with my uh drawing?"Gerard raised an eyebrow at him. Mr Stump glanced at me before nodding and unlocking his classroom again.

We walked inside and finally Gerard dropped my hand to pull out his sketchbook. I tried sneaking a peek at his drawing but Gerard somehow kept it away from me.

"Whats wrong?"Mr Stump said as he raked his eyes over it.  
"Uh, you said to compare that to the real life um image. I cant do that without uhm. It uh... I dont know how to say it but you know what I mean right?"Gerard scratched the back of his head and bit his lip. Hot dayum.

"Right right. That is pretty difficult. Maybe just um... Do someone else's um. Shit. Hmm."Mr Stump was struggling to talk in front of me. What the fuck was this drawing of?

"You know you could stop all this difficulty if you just let me see your drawing Gerard."I said. Gerard glanced at me and shook his head.

"Fine, I'll go back to the car."I grumbled and turned to go.  
"No- Frank wait- shit."Gerard said as something dropped to the ground with a big heavy slap. I spun around quickly and saw his drawing.

Holy fuck. Something that makes his heart beat faster. Something that excites him. Something different.


	11. Aim and Ignite

"Fucking hell- uhm Frank I uh um fuck."Gerard quickly grabbed his sketchbook but I reached out and stopped him. I took it from him and stared at my face. He had done it so beautifully. There were shadows under my eyes, my scorpion tattoo was just visible on my neck, my hair looked really fucking awesome and it had been drawn with fucking something. Some sort of feeling that I couldn't work out.

"Gerard this is-"  
"Terrible and creepy I know just- please give it back?"Gerard rubbed his face as Mr Stump busied himself at his desk.

"No. Whats the part you cant get right?"I asked as I couldn't stop staring at it. I was sitting at a desk in the art room, looking at where Gerard must have been drawing from. A pencil was in my hand and I could just make out the shape of Lily's face on my paper.

"Your eyes."He mumbled. I looked at him and smiled.  
"Well we can sort that tonight. I'll come to the coffee house with you and when you aren't performing, you can get them to your perfection."I smiled as he slowly looked up at me.

"So you arent mad? Or weirded out?"He asked me hopefully.  
"Of course not! Its fucking amazing Gerard."I said as I handed him back his drawing.

"I- thank you. Seriously."Gerard pulled his hood up again, sending shadows across his face, and swung his bag onto his shoulder.  
"I guess I dont need to help you anymore Gerard."Mr Stump came back over to us.

"Uhm no. Thanks anyway."Gerard laughed. We all walked out of the classroom. Mr Stump separated from us and headed over to the teachers car park. Gerard made me jump by placing his hand at the bottom of my back.

"Sorry."Gerard chuckled. Instead he grabbed my hand and laced our fingers together. I smiled down at them. I know that like, everyone who gets their first boyfriend or girlfriend they go on about how perfect everything is and how their hands fit together perfectly. I hated that saying. Hands fitting together perfectly. But ours really fucking did. It felt so right having Gerards hand in mine and I fucking loved it.

We separated as we got in the car.  
"Where are we going then?"I asked Gerard.  
"Um, we'll go back to the house so you can get changed out of your uniform and then we need to go to Bobs house so I can grab my guitar."Gerard smiled as he started the car.

I felt a bubble of excitement run through me at the thought of seeing where Gerard stayed the night. And his guitar. We pulled out of the school carpark, Gerard tooting at idiots in the way, and returned back to the home. It felt like I hadn't been there in ages. Even though it was just this morning.

"Frank? Is that you?"Steven popped his head from the dining room to see Gerard and I coming through the front door.  
"Yeah, I'm just getting changed and then Gerard and I are go-"  
"Get in here. There is something I think you should see."Steven said solemnly.

Confused I followed him into the dining room to see a girl that looked broken sitting at the table. Her face was covered in cuts and bruises, her hair was so dirty I could only just tell it was blonde. Her t-shirt had spots of blood on it and holes all over it, her white skinny jeans were the same.

"F-Frank."She whispered as she stumbled up and into my arms. Fuck. Lily.  
"Lily! What the fuck happen h-how what?"I held onto her skinny and frail body gently as she shook in my arms.

"Frank he- he-"She started sobbing, clenching the back of my blazer tightly in her fists.  
"Lily take a deep breath. Slowly, breathe slowly okay?"I whispered as I walked her carefully over to the closest seat and sat her down.

"Oh fuck Frank. I- he- Claire!"She started sobbing again. Fuck. Claire.  
"Where is she? Whats happened? Lily please. I cant help you unless you tell me."I said firmly, holding her up by the shoulders.

"We- he- um. W-when we got t-to the house, r-right-"She paused and took a deep shaky breath in. I had never ever seen her so upset, let alone so beaten up.

"Okay. That couple came back n-not yesterday but the day before and took me and Claire to their home. The whole way there they were nothing but nice and we got inside their house they showed us to our room, still being normal."She stopped talking and closed her eyes.

"What happened after that?"I asked quietly. Gerard and Steven were nowhere to be seen.  
"Well... I took Claire down after we unpacked our things. Victoria had said dinner was ready. When we got down there... there was no dinner. He- he um. He whacked me on the back of m-my head a-and- Victoria was no where to be s-seen a-and Claire didnt know w-what to- to do so she j-just stood there, sc-screaming while he- he ra-raped-"She broke down in tears again and fell onto the table.

I didn't know what to do. Everything had gone numb. I could barely feel anything over the blind hot red anger. My eyes clouded over as I slowly stood.

"Lily where is the house?"I asked, deadly quiet with the anger bristling in my voice. No one does that to my best fucking friend and fucking gets away with it.

"Its- um. No Frank you cant go. He will kill you. He- he has a gun, I saw it in his back pocket you cant go Frank."She stood up and grabbed me by the shoulders, shaking me roughly and making my vision get worse.

"Lily! Claire is left there all alone with no fucking idea what to do. She is probably missing me and you and is going to be fucking scared! We need to get her the fuck out now pull yourself together!"I screamed at her.

"Frank, calm down. We'll find her. Sh'll be okay, she is a strong kid right?"Gerard put his hand on my shoulder.  
"Shes fucking four years old!"I screamed, rounding on him. He flinched and took a step back.

I felt like there was fucking steam coming out my ears, I was so fucking upset.  
"Fuck..."Lily breathed. She let go of me and went out to the door,"Out of my way."I heard her say,

I rushed after her to see Gerard and Steven standing against the wall as she marched out and down the street. Shit.  
"Gerard help."I said as I rushed out after her.

"Lily wait!"I yelled, she was already halfway down the fucking street.  
"Lily! I'll give you a ride!"Gerard yelled behind me. She stopped walking and rushed back to us.

"Just tell me where to go and I will go."Gerard said as he quickly grabbed his keys and got back in the car. Lily and I got into the back seat. Gerard started the car and drove off.

"Left."Lily said quietly. No one was talking. I stared at Gerards reflection in the mirror. He looked extremely worried but in control. Unlike me or Lily. Lily looked like she could murder someone. I felt the same.

I looked down as Lily didn't say anything but took a hold of my hand, squeezing tightly and never letting go for the whole ride.  
"Right."She said suddenly. Gerard turned onto a street filled with perfect little suburban houses.

"Number 439."Lily whispered, staring into the distance. Gerard slowed down and suddenly came to a stop outside a very grand looking house.  
"Drive forward a bit."Lily whispered,"I dont want them to know we're here."

"But if we're getting Claire then we want the car close for a quick getawar dont we?"I asked her. Gerard turned around to face me.  
"I'll stay in the car. You guys dont be long. If you arent out in five minutes I'm coming in okay?"Gerard told us both seriously.

"Lets go."Lily said and got out of the car without hesitation. I followed her out and walked behind her cautiously towards the front door.  
"So are we gonna sneak in or-"  
"Dean! Where the fuck is she?!"Lily screamed as she threw a rock through the front window. Jesus.

The window shattered loudly, echoing down the quiet street. I heard a yell inside the house and realised Lily was already climbing through the broken window. She was grimacing as her hands got cut on the glass but nothing seemed to be stopping her, she was like a fucking ninja.

I raced after her and did my best to avoid all the glass. It was very dark inside, even with the light filtering through the leaves of the tree directly in front of the window. I squinted as my eyes adjusted to the light.

There was a large couch behind what looked like a glass coffee table. A massive TV was in the corner next to the window. Lily was slowly creeping around the couch and was about to go into a room that looked like a kitchen.

"Lily."I whispered, looking up at the ceiling. There were lots of thumps coming from upstairs. She ignored me, waving a hand behind her to shush me, and walked into the kitchen. It was brighter in there so I followed her.

There was a pool of dried blood on the floor next to a dinner table. The kitchen bench had a red soggy cloth on it, leaking red water across the bench. It looked like it had been freshly abandoned.

Lily was staring down at the blood, the only mark on an otherwise pristine white tiled floor.  
"Lily-"I was about to ask her where to go but she clamped her hand over my mouth as someone started shouting.

We were both tense as a fucking brick as we listened carefully. The shouting was coming from right upstairs, slowly fading. Lily spun around and ran back into the lounge. I followed her quickly, only just in time to see her racing up stairs I hadn't seen.

I sped up after her and stopped, almost banging into her. Gerard would be getting worried. We were taking too long. Lily was staring at something. I peeked around her, too short to see over, and saw the gun first. I long shotgun. My eyes traveled up it to reach his face. He had bloody scratches all over it, some old, some fresh.

His eyes were bloodshot and staring. At Lily. He looked... hungry. Fucking bastard. I hadn't even noticed Lily's iron grip on my arm until I tried to rush forward.

"Where is she?"Lily asked quietly. Her voice deadly quiet in the silence of the house. The thing that made it most creepy was the fact that the whole place was dark. No doors were open. Any windows were covered with curtains. And the actual house was fucking silent. The stairs hadn't creaked when we had gone up them, the wind wasn't creeping through the house, nothing.

"You can't see her right now. She's sleeping. She's exhausted from playing with me."He replied, equally quiet, an evil grin spreading across his face. I clenched my fists and glared at him.

"Dean. Where. The fuck. Is she?"Lily asked again.  
"I told you she is sleeping. Victoria is looking after her."He glanced at the roof. I looked up and saw a door to an attic. That fucker had them in there.

"Give Claire to us, or we'll call the cops."I said slowly.  
"Oh my. You think that scares me? I've been doing this for a very long time. I know how it all works. Don't you think I have an escape route?"He started laughing manically. What a fucking lunatic.

"Dean for fucks sake just give her to us!"Lily screamed, tears streaming down her face.  
"I think its time for bed Lily. I'll make sure you cant get out this time. Or maybe even cant get up."He said as he lifted the gun and aimed at Lily's legs. Fucking hell.

"Lily!"Someone screamed above. It sounded like Victoria. Everyone looked up at the roof, distracted. I used the split second I had to lunge forward and start wrestling the gun from his grip.

"Frank!"Lily screamed behind me. I ignored her as Dean toppled backwards with me on top of him.  
"Go Lily go!"I yelled as Dean and I rolled about on the floor, trying to gain the upper hand. He was fucking strong. Surprisingly strong. It wasnt long before he was sitting on top of me, crushing my already sore chest, and grabbing the gun that had been dropped in the scuffle.

I looked behind his head and saw Lily pulling down the door to the attic. I put my attention back on Dean. He was aiming the gun in my face. I closed my eyes, expecting to have my head blown to pieces, hear the loud explosion of the gunfire igniting.

Instead I heard something else.  
"Get the fuck of my boyfriend you fucking pedophile!"Gerard screamed has he smashed his fist into the side of Dean's head, making him topple off of me.

"Gerard!"I yelled in shock. He smiled and held his hand out. I took it and he pulled me up and into his chest. He wrapped his arms around me and buried his head in my neck. I held him tightly for a second before letting go and climbing up the ladder into the attic.

"Frank help me."Lily said. I stood up and looked around. Claire was nowhere to be seen. Lily was kneeling down next to Victoria who was bleeding heavily from her stomach.

"Lily I have to find Claire."I said. I looked from her to the ladder. I had no idea where she would be. I had no idea what the layout of this house was like.

"Okay yup go."Lily turned back to Victoria and kept pressing something to her stomach. I nodded even though she wasn't looking at me.

I started climbing down the ladder backwards and fuck, someone had grabbed my foot. They pulled me down and off the ladder, my chin hitting a few rungs on the way.  
"Fuck!"I spat out the blood and rolled over onto my back to make sure it was just the bastard Dean and not another crazy basketcase.

"Well well well. Isn't this going to be fun?"Dean grinned down at me. The side of his head was bleeding badly but otherwise he looked fine. Wait- where was Gerard? I looked around for him but couldn't see him anywhere.

"What the fuck did you do with my boyfriend?"I glared up at him, trying not to let the fear show on my face.  
"He decided to go for a trip. Downstairs."He smiled at me.

"You know... You have caused me a lot of trouble. And I know just how to punbish you for it."He smiled and aimed the gun at me and wow, I would never get used to that fucking feeling,"Get up. Now."  
"Why the fuck should I do anything for you?"I breathed. My cracked ribs felt even more cracked or possibly broken.

"Uhm because, in case you hadn't noticed, I'm the one with the gun here. My wife is up there, practically dead, your stupid friend Lily, can't get down if she is locked in there, and with three steps I can kill your bboyfriend. You better start listening you fucking faggot."He spat on me. Right in my fucking hair. Lovely.

I got up slowly, testing my joints carefully, and followed him down the hallway to a room. He pulled a keychain out that had about ten different keys on it, and unlocked the door with one of them.

"Get in."He opened the door wide for me to see Claire standing against the back wall.  
"Claire."I breathed, ignoring the pain as I ran into the room.

"Fwankie!"She cried happily. She jumped over a bed with pink covers and stuffed toys and landed in my arms. I caught her and swung her around, squeezing her tightly.  
"Ow Fwankie that hurts."She sniffed. I put her down and took her in.  
"Sorry kiddo."I whispered as the door was shut behind me.

She had obviously been crying for a long time because her eyes were puffed up and bloodshot.  
"Did he hurt you?"I whispered. She nodded and wiped away her tears. She had always hated crying in front of me.

"Where did he hurt you?"I asked her. She pointed to her chest. I slowly lifted her top up to reveal a long weeping cut across her stomach along with mottled bruises. I closed my eyes and tried to hold in the tears that someone had done that to one of the sweetest and kindest 4 year olds ever.

"Anywhere else?"I sniffed. She nodded and put her hands over her crotch. That mother fucker. I let out a sob and pulled her close to me.  
"He won't hurt you anymore okay sweetie?"I whispered. She clung to me and cried quietly. I picked her up and looked around. There was one window but the tree was directly in front. I couldn't get help from someone on the street if they couldn't see me.

The door had been shut and locked again. Keeping us out of the hallway. But not out of the housre. I looked over at the window again.

"Come on Claire. I'm gonna get you out of here."I whispered and made my way over to the window. I put her down and start trying to open the window. It was jammed. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't get it open. In the end I got so frustrated that I grabbed a music box from a set of drawers and threw it at the window.

The shattering of the glass seemed to echo in the silence that followed. I froze, unsure if Dean had heard me. When nothing happened I pulled my sleeve down over my hand to start getting rid of the glass.

I leaned out the window and looked. It was starting to get too dark to see but I could make out a branch long enough and close enough and strong enough to hold Claire and I.

"Claire I'm gonna need you to hang off my neck okay? Don't choke me though."I smiled slightly as she hooked her arms around me.  
"Where are we gonna go Fwankie?"She asked loudly in my ear.

"Shh we have to be quiet okay?"I whispered in the darkness that seemed to be falling faster and faster.  
"Okay."She whispered.

I slowly crawled up onto the window ledge. I glanced down and gulped. It was quite a long way down. If we fell, we would probably be killed. I reached out and found the branch was much closer than I had thought. Fuck I was shaking so bad.

I slowly edged out, trying to keep my balance, as I put my foot onto the tree. I placed my other one and slowly bent down. As soon as my hands touched the branch I gripped it, literally holding on for my fucking life.

"Careful Fwankie."Claire whispered.  
"Dont look down okay sweetie?"I said as I edged along the branch, closer to the tree trunk. Closer to safety.


	12. Cute Little Ass

Gerards POV

I watched Frank climb up the ladder. Even though we were in a very difficult situation, I couldn't help but stare at his cute little ass.  
"You fucker."Someone said behind me.

I spun around to see the guy I had hit, almost breaking my fucking knuckles in the process, get up from the ground slowly.  
"Bring it on douche bag."I grinned at him, opening my arms wide like I was in a fucking movie.

He started walking towards me slowly, like a prowling cat. I had seen a gun before. Held one. Shot one. Thank fuck Mikey had been there to stop the bullet from hitting its target.

"You think i'm scared of your fucking gun?"I asked him as he raised in menacingly.  
"Well I don't see why you should be. But, its going to hurt. Rather a lot actually."He smiled, looking his gun up and down.

He kept walking towards me, backing me up against the banister. It didn't feel very strong. Fuck. I did not want to fucking fall down there. These floors were very high apart. Lots of fucking stairs.

"Come on now, you're too stupid to think you're gonna win."He said. He raised the gun right into my face. Fuck. There was a metallic click as he pulled the trigger. And then nothing.

"Shit."He mumbled. I took my opportunity and grabbed the gun from his hands, throwing it behind me to hear it clatter on the floor below.

"Fuck."I gasped as he grabbed me by the shoulders and started pushing. Oh no he fucking didn't. Immediately I started pushing back, trying to get him around but he was too fucking strong.

I felt the banister crack against my back, sending large splinters into my back.  
"Fuck!"I yelled in pain, faltering for a second. But a second was all he needed. I felt myself go through the banister completely. I tried to grab onto him but he was too far away and I was already falling.

Franks POV

"Stay here okay?"I whispered quietly. She nodded and huddled further in. I closed the car door quietly and looked at her. She was sitting on the floor behind the drivers seat looking the bravest I had ever seen her.

I turned around and ran back into the house, ignoring the cuts I got on my hands from the window. I looked around for a light switch because I literally could not see a fucking thing. Not even a light switch.

I started feeling my way along the walls, around a small wall outing, and to the front door. I felt all over it and unlocked it. I opened it wide to let in whatever light the moon had. It was enough to show me a light switch. I flicked them all on.

The front garden was illuminated, blinding me for a moment before I turned around to the now brightly lit living room.  
"Fuck Gerard!"I gasped. My legs wouldn't move.

"F-Frankie?"He groaned. He was awake. Thank fuck. It gave me the motivation to rush forward. There was shattered wood surrounding him.

"Gerard its okay. Claire is okay, she is hiding in the car, its alright."I breathed quietly, stroking his hair away from his face so I could see his beautiful green eyes.

"What about Lily?"He squeezed his eyes shut and slowly sat up.  
"Fuck um. She is okay for now. She is tending to Victoria."I said, feeling like the shittiest best friend ever.

"Fuck Frank take them out- shit fuck fuck fuckity fuck!"Gerard groaned and scrabbled at pieces of wood sticking out of his back. Jesus. I placed my fingers around the biggest one and slowly started pulling on it.

"Faster. Just get them out fuck!"Gerard reached around and grabbed my wrist, yanking on it until I had the splinter out.  
"Ahh fuck!"Gerard yelped in pain.

"Just a couple more."I whispered as I grabbed and tugged on another one. It came loose with a sludgy sound making me sick to my stomach. Gerard wasn't making a noise. just clenching his fists at his sides.

With a final heave I pulled the last one out and to my relief Gerard turned around and smiled at me.  
"Thank you."He kissed me quickly on the lips, fuck me now please, and got up. He held his hand out for me to grab. I did so and he pulled me up.

"How bad does it hurt?"I asked him, moving him around so I could see the damage.  
"Not too bad. How badly is it bleeding?"He asked over his shoulder.

"I dunno. You need to take your top off so I can see properly."I said. He pulled his blazer off and revealed a large bloody stain on his shirt. He lifted that up slightly so I could see how bad.

"Well?"Gerard raised an eyebrow at me as I came back to his side.  
I ignored him and said,"Tie your blazer around you so it helps put pressure on the h-holes."I took a deep breath in.

As much as I loved gory movies and all that jazz, I didnt like it so much now that it was real fucking life.  
"How bad is it Frank?'Gerard asked me again, exasperated.

"Well you have three massive holes in your back that are bleeding badly."I said as we started moving up the stairs cautiously. Dean was no where to be seen.

"We should call the cops."Gerard sighed as he tightened the blazer around his waist.  
"Probably. Lets just try and find Lily and Victoria first."I peeked down the hallway. All the doors were shut but the attic door was open.

We made our way up into the empty attic. Nobody was in there. There was a trail of blood from where I guessed Victoria had been dragged. I sighed and made Gerard, who was staring up at me, move out of the way so I could get down again.

"What do we do now?"He asked me quietly. I shrugged my shoulders and looked at all the doors. There were three of them, excluding the one that Claire and I had been locked in.

"Start looking I guess."I sighed and opened the first door on my right. It was a bathroom and it was empty.  
"Nothing."I grumbled to Gerard who was looking in another room.

"Frank? You might wanna come see this."Gerard said. The way he said it sent shivers down my fucking spine. Deep and scared. I squeezed past Gerard into the room and my mouth dropped open like in the movies, making a big 'o' shape.

"Holy fucking god."I whispered.


	13. One Day I Will Get Revenge

"What the fuck is going on?!"I screamed and rounded on Gerard who had come into the room properly and shut the door.  
"Frank shush we dont want him to come find us do we?"Gerard whispered as he locked the door from the inside.

"But Gerard. This fucking psychopath is- is-"  
"Shh I know but just- keep quiet."Gerard put his hand on my shoulder gently.

We were in a study. All along the wall with the door on it was a book case filled with books. Across from that was a window looking out onto the back garden. On the third wall was a desk with a laptop on it, a phone, some papers, the usual shit you would expect to see in an office. But on the last wall was what made me fucking shit my pants.

It was pretty much a giant cork board filled with newspaper clippings of girls. Some young, some teenagers and some old. Almost all of the headlines read things like 'bodies of girls 16 and 5 found'

"Jesus christ."I rubbed my hands over my face and sat down on the chair at the desk.  
"Frank look at this."Gerard said from the book case. I got up and looked at what he was looking at.

There was two shelves filled with journals, not books. Gerard had pulled one out and was staring at one of the pages. I looked at it too. There was a picture of a girl aged about 6. She looked adorable. It said her name was Whitney. Gerard turned the paige to reveal a picture of a girl of about 18. Her name was Melissa. Gerard turned another page. This time there were pictures of them both together outside a massive house. There was a sign saying Mrs McMullens Orphanage for girls.

"Gerard..."I whispered and turned back to the other journals. The spine of them all had dates. Different years all in order. I moved along til I found our year.

I opened it and came face to face with Claire. I stared at it in horror. The long slanty writing next to it had her name, age and a fucking lock of her hair. I growled and turned the page. Fucking Lily with some of her hair as well.

My fingers were fucking shaking as I turned the next page. There was a collage of pictures of Claire and Lily doing things in the fucking house. Jesus fucking christ. I turned the page again and was presented with scribbles completely covering the page. Not scribbles. I stared at it long and hard until I made out some words.

They didn't make sense at all. Just random words like 'kill' or 'blood' jotted everywhere.  
"Oh fuck."Gerard said behind me. I turned around to see him sitting on the floor with another journal in front of him.

"Gerard what's wrong?"I asked urgently and crouched down in front of him. He didn't reply just stared. At nothing. I picked up the discarded journal and looked through it. It was just newspaper clippings of suicidal woman being found dead different forests...

I stared at the very last page. The newspaper had a coloured picture of a woman trying to look happy but failing. She had striking green eyes and long black hair. Oh my fucking god.

"Gerard is that- is that your-"  
"Yes!"Gerard suddenly burst into tears. Fuck.

"Gerard I-"I had no idea what to say. I had never been in a situation like this. It was extremely scary and no one in the world would ever be able to prepare for it.

"No. Come on. We are just gonna have to deal with feelings like this after we find Lily. Its gonna be okay."He sniffed and wiped away the tears before getting up and taking my hand. He led me out the door, flicked the light off and closed it behind us.

Once outside we moved across the hall to the next door. Inside it was pitch black so we turned the light on to see it was just a plain bedroom. A simple double bed and a set of drawers. The window looked out onto the front garden. I rushed over to it and peered out. I couldn't see the car. I couldn't see the fucking car.

"Jesus fuck Gerard the cars gone."I spun around to face him.  
"What?!"Gerard joined me at the window and looked out,"No its there, its further along."  
"Oh... Thank fucking christ for that."I breathed a sigh of relief and rubbed my face. I couldn't take much more of this.

The disappearance of Dean was worrying me, the fact that Claire was stuck in that car alone at night was worrying me and Lily was worrying me.  
"Come on. Lets find them."I mumbled and left the room.

Gerard followed me down the hallway and round a corner to reveal more rooms. Fucking hell this place was huge.  
"Wait did you hear that?'Gerard grabbed my arm, looking around for the source of whatever he heard.

"No I didnt hear anythi-"  
"Shh there it was again, just listen..."Gerard looked down at the floor. Then I heard it. A small yelp.

"Fuck. Its downstairs they're downstairs!"I cried out and rushed back down the hallway to the stairs. I started running down them and fucking tripped on my shoelace.

"Fuck!"I coughed out, winded as fuck. I whooped for breath as Gerard helped me up. Fuck that hurt my fucking ribs.  
"Are you okay? Can you walk?"He asked me urgently. I looked up at his face and could see the terror in his eyes. I shouldn't have dragged him into this.

"Uh yeah I'm fine lets just go get them.'I mumbled and shook his hand off my arm. I started listening again. The noise came from down another floor, louder this time.

"Fuck there is a basement."Gerard grumbled and tried to open the door that led to under teh stairs. It was locked.  
"Come on, we should be able to get into it from the back garden."I said and lead him into the kitchen and out the back door.

The garden was shit loads bigger now that we were in it. I marched around the side of the house until I spotted the double doors leading down into the basement.  
"How strong are you?"I asked Gerard as we reached it.

"Uhhh..."  
"We might have to break them."I said as I reached down and tugged on the doors. They opened easily, revealing a dark hole down to the basement with just a small square of light from the moon.

"Jesus... I dont like the dark much."Gerard mumbled as he peered into the darkness.  
"Its okay. I'll go first."I said as I took his hand and started leading the way down the steps.

"Lily?"I called quietly as we ventured further into the basement.  
"Frank?"She called back.  
"Yeah, we're here to get you its okay."I smiled gratefully. I looked back at Gerard. I couldn't see his face but I could see his outline against the moonlit sky outside.

Suddenly a strong gust blew outside and slammed the doors shut. Fuck. Gerards hand tightened around mine.  
"Its okay."I whispered to him. He came down to the step I was on and practically stuck to me like fucking glue.

"Frank you need to hurry I dont know where he went but he could be ba-"Lily was cut off. She was struggling, I could tell.  
"Lily?"I let go of Gerard and stumbled blindly down the last steps.

"Stay right where you are."Dean said out of the darkness,"Make one more move and she dies."  
"Frank stay."Lily said, her voice was shaking. I felt Gerard come up behind me, almost walking into me, and grabbing my hand.

"Why are you doing this?"I asked weakly.  
"Its fun. It brings me pleasure."He said maliciously. I glared at where his voice was coming from.

"When did you start?"Gerard asked, making me jump. I heard Dean laugh before taking a deep breath. I dont know how he could fucking see us but it was completely unnerving.

"When I was 19 I married the woman of my dreams. Three weeks into the marriage I found her in bed with another man. So I killed them both and left. It felt good inflicting pain on them. So I kept doing it."He said simply as if it was the most understandable thing in the world.

"9 years ago... What were you doing?"Gerard asked quietly.  
"Oh let me see... I was targeting women in their 20's and 30's. I would send them threatening letters for a week then I would rape and kill them. Good fun."He laughed.

This guy was completely fucking nuts.  
"What was the name of the last woman you killed?"Gerard asked, that same dead and unfeeling tone in his voice.  
"Umm goodness I cant remember that far I think it was Diane? Donna? Yes, Donna Way."He sounded so formal and nice despite what he was talking about.

"Yeah. That was my fucking mum."Gerard growled. He let go of my hand and lunged forward. There was yelling and punching noises. Lily was yelling and rattling something. She must have been tied to a chair or something.

There was a crash and a scream from lily. My eyes could just make out her lying topple on the ground trying to see what was happening.

I couldn't hear anything. My ears were ringing from the loudness of the gunshot being confined to this one small space. When it seemed I could hear again I looked around pointlessly.

"Lily?"I asked worriedly.  
"Frank?"She replied.  
"I'm okay."I assured her. Gerard and Dean were no longer struggling.  
"Gerard?"I shoved my hands out in front of me to try and find him.  
"Gerard are you okay?"I asked again when he didn't reply.

"I-yeah I think I'm okay..."He said in a strangled tone. I walked into a wall and started feeling my way along. I came around a bend and felt a door. The light had to be here somewhere. I felt for it and triumphed as the light came on, blinding us all for a moment.

"Oh my god..."Lily said quietly. I squinted down at Gerard. He was kneeling next to Dean, a small pistol in his hands. Dean had a bullethole clean through his forehead. Underneath his head, blood was leaking out, spreading everywhere.

"Oh fuck. I'm gonna- I'm gonna go to jail fuck!"Gerard dropped the gun and fell back onto his bum.  
"No Gerard thats not gonna happen-"I started to say.  
"I killed him in fucking cold blood!"He gasped and put his head in his hands, shaking his head from side to side.

"Gerard. We wont let that happen. We will say it was self defence. That he attacked you first. You saved my fucking life. I'm not gonna let you go to prison for it."Lily said quietly.

He looked up at her then at me.  
"Gerard its gonna be okay. Think what we've done. Once the cops get here, they're gonna find everything. Think of all the families. They are finally gonna know what happened to their loved ones."I smiled down at him, holding my hand out for him to take.

He looked at my hand for a second before getting up himself. I let my hand drop to my side.  
"Lily where is Victoria?"I asked, realising she wasn't down here.

"Um in one of the rooms. He- he um. Slit her throat though so..."Lily coughed out. She was crying again.  
"What about Claire? Where is she?"She asked me urgently.

"She's okay she is hiding in the car."I replied. We needed to get back to her.  
"What is that?"Gerard asked quietly. We all listened until we heard them too. Sirens.  
"The cops are coming."Gerard said slowly.

"Guys could you maybe get me up now?"Lily said as she started struggling against the ropes again.  
"Oh shit sorry."I mumbled and pulled the chair up onto its legs again. I started untying the ropes but stopped as footsteps started coming down the basement.

We all turned to see who was coming. There was some rattling on the doorknob before it opened slowly.  
"Fuck Claire what are you doing here?"I rushed over to him.  
"I called the police and decided to come find you all. You were taking too long."She said simply. I smiled and grabbed her under the arms.

"Lily are you okay?"She whispered over my shoulder.  
"I'm okay. Thanks."Lily said. She appeared in front of me, rubbing her wrists.

The sirens were getting louder and louder until it seemed they were right outside.  
"Claire how did you call the police?"I asked her as we started making our way out of the basement.

"There was a cellphone in the car and it kept going off so I answered it and someone called Way is angwy with someone called Geward so I told them that I was hiding in the car and that Fwankie was inside saving Lily. Then I called the police."She smiled at me and started okaying with my lip ring that had miraculously not come out during everything.

I put her down and held her hand instead, my ribs really starting to fucking hurt.  
"This is going to be a very hard and long time."I sighed as we walked out the front door. There were about 6 cop cars and 2 ambulances. Claire really knew how to do it.

"Well, we're all gonna stick together for it right?"Gerard grabbed my other hand and Lily took Claires other hand. We all took a deep breath in before marching across the lawn to what seemed like hundreds of police men.


	14. Jade

"I don't want to Frankie."She whined. I glared down at her. She could be such a little brat when she wanted to.  
"Claire put the fucking shoe on will you?"I sighed angrily. She rudely stuck her foot in my face, forcing me to put her fucking shoe on for her.

Today we had court. Claire was going to be asked personally from the fucking jugde what happened soon because for some reason, even though he was fucking dead, Deans lawyer was trying to get him some sort of good reputation to go down with and was saying that Claire could have made the molesting bit up. When I had found that out I had had such a massive fit that the cops had to take me out of the fucking court.

The only thing I looked forward to about fucking court days was that it meant I got to see Gerard. Ever since he found out that it had definitely been Dean that had killed his mum and didn't just have a weird fetish over suicidal single parents, he had drawn away from me. From fucking everyone.

I wasn't gonna lie, it fucking hurt. I had barely seen Gerard over the last month. I still couldn't believe it had been one month since it all. Claire had changed, Lily had changed, Gerard had changed, hell even I had probably fucking changed.

No one gave me shit at school now. Word had gotten around about it all. There were rumours that Gerard and I had murdered Dean in cold blood. But they didn't know. Only Lily, Gerard and I knew. We had stuck to our story. That Gerard shooting him was an accident. So far everything to do with Deans death had been left. They were first sorting through all the accounts of murder to the young girls. It looked as if they were going up in age of victim and date of death. Which meant Gerard's mother would be the very last case before the events of last month.

"Claire I will give you a deal. If you are a good girl every day we have to go to court, then I will take you into my music class and let you start playing an electric guitar."I raised an eyebrow at her as she stared at me, her mouth open wide.

"Deal."She said immediately and yanked the shoe from my hands. I stood up and smiled at her smugly. Her and Lily were staying in the house with me in my bedroom. Jack was sleeping in another room and, seeing as Gerard had packed almost all of his things and hadn't set foot in this room for months, I was sleeping in his bed which, even though it probably wasn't right, it gave me little thrills.

"Frank? Are you guys ready yet?"Lily asked as she put her head through the door. I sighed and looked around. One month of having to attend fucking pre-trials and stupid 'this is what's happening, this is what will happen, but we don't know what we need you there for so for now, you have to show up for everything's.

"No."I sighed. Lily looked me up and down, confused.  
"I don't want to go."I sat down on Claires bed.  
"But we have to go, don't we?"She asked as she sat down next to me.

"I don't fucking know..."I sighed. I was so sick of going to these trials to hear about all the fucking things he had done. It made me sick. Claire hated it as well. Ever since we started going to these things she had been so much shittier with everyone.

"Fine we wont go. Lets just stay here and do something."Lily sighed. I nodded and relaxed fully onto my bed. She must have hated going as well.  
"Someone needs to tell Gerard."I sighed as I thought of him again.

"How are we supposed to contact him? We dont have a phone."Lily said as she helped Claire take her court shoes off.  
"I dont know... I'll go ask Steven."I groaned as I got up from the bed again, it creaked loudly, sounding like a fart, and made Claire start giggling.

"Wont be a moment."I said as I shut the door and made my way downstairs.  
"You guys ready to go then?"Steven asked and got up from his desk when he saw me.

"Oh yeah, you're taking us. Um we aren't going. None of us want to go we just thought that maybe you could contact Gerard somehow and tell him?"I asked hopefully.

"No, one of you has to be present for every session in court. Sorry. If you dont wanna go then Gerard is going to be there so just let him go."Steven said as he picked up his keys and shook them in his hand.

"No I cant do that to him. I'll go. Just lets go now."I sighed,"Taylor?"I called as I walked round into the kitchen.  
"Yo Frank."He grinned at me from the sink, rinsing a butchers knife. I shook slightly at the thought but ignored it.

"When Lily comes down looking for me tell her I went to court and that I'll tell her why when I get home."I said and followed Steven out the door and into the car.

"Its gonna be okay, you know that right?"Steven said to me before he started the car.  
"What do you mean?"I asked him slowly.  
"Well, Gerard will come back one day. It will go back to the way it was."Steven replied, confusing me even more.

"But- how- why- what?"I stared at him, scanning his face.  
"Before you came here, Gerard had only ever said two or three sentences to me. Once you got here, immediately he seemed so much happier just from looking at him.

"You have an effect on him. One that I have never seen before. He needs you."Steven said slowly as he started the car. I stared out the front window and thought about it.

"Look all I'm saying is, he needs you just as much as you need him okay?"Steven said as he drove towards the court houses.

-time lapse-

"In the event of Mrs Evans death..."Someone in a suit said. I zoned back out again. Gerard was sitting directly behind me and it was killing me. I hadnt been listening to anything at all and had almost fallen asleep at one point.

Someone was tapping me on the shoulder. I opened my eyes to Gerard standing over me. I must have actually fallen asleep.

"Uh."I sat up properly and looked around. Everyone was almost gone. There were a group of suits standing up the front of the room talking in hushed voices but otherwise Gerard and I were the only ones.

"Everyone is taking a break."He said. I closed my eyes as his voice washed over me. I hadn't heard it in two weeks.  
"Oh..."I stood up and stretched my legs.

"How long ago did everyone leave?"I asked and started to walked out of the stands, Gerard following close behind.  
"Uh about five minutes ago."He said, scratching his long hair. I couldn't help but stare at the way his hair was now slightly ruffled and was sweeping across his face slightly.

"Oh okay..."I stood outside and looked around at the people milling about. I had no idea what to do.  
"Where are Lily and Claire?"Gerard asked me quietly.

"Well I didnt want to go at all because I'm sick of this and Lily and Claire decided not to go as well but Steven said that at least one of us has to be present so I thought I would go."I explained, leaving out the part about me not wanting Gerard to be here by himself.

"Well I was gonna be here though..."Gerard said as his phone went off. He pulled it out and read whatever the text was, smiling slightly as he sent a reply. When he looked up at me, he had a very weird look in his eye. Like he was conflicted or some shit.

"Yeah I forgot. Cause you are never around."I mumbled and looked out the front doors.  
"Oh right. Yeah..."Gerard mumbled back. We stood there in silence for a moment before Gerard broke it,"Do you wanna grab something to eat?"

"Uhh... No I'll just get something when I go home..."I mumbled.  
"Dude I dont mind paying for you. Stop being such a pansy."He smiled slightly and grabbed me by the arm, tugging me towards the glass doors.

"I know this great little cafe around the corner."He gushed as we took a left and started walking. Suddenly his phone started ringing. He sighed and pulled it out, putting it to his ear.

"Hey. No we are just on a break at the moment. Yup... We're on our way now... Frank. No. Bye."Gerard spoke into the phone. He hung up and didnt say a word.

I was burning to ask who it was. Why they were at the cafe and why they asked who 'we' was. I wanted to know what he had been doing this past month. He hadnt been at school so I had absolutely no idea. I had stopped going to music and art because they had been too fucking depressing. The first time I went to music Mikey had been there and had said that this was what Gerard did. He ran away.

We came to a stop outside a cafe. I looked in and could see people sitting down, eating lunch and drinking something I had been craving for a month. Fucking coffee.

"Come on."Gerard pulled me inside and walked up to the counter.  
"Gee!"Someone squealed. I watched as a flash of bright purple hair flew past the counter and tackled Gerard.

"Hey!"He exclaimed, hugging them back. Jealousy was burning up inside me as he talked to a girl of about 19 or 20. She had short purple hair and was covered in tattoos. Her lip was pierced and her nose. Bitch. She was almost like the female version of me.

"Frank this is Jade. Jade, Frank."He introduced us. I smiled at her politely before picking at my nails as Gerard and Jade started talking again. I looked around at the customers and smelt the coffee.

"So what can I get for you two today then?"Jade asked as she moved back around the counter.  
"I want my usual. And Frank what do you want?"He turned to me.

"Uhm... A hazelnut-"  
"Latte yeah what food?"Gerard smiled.  
"Um I dont know some cake?"I shrugged my shoulders as I looked at the display of cakes.

"What type of cake?"Jade asked me impatiently. I sent daggers at her through the side of my head and pruposely took a long time to decide.  
"That one.'I said and pointed to the mud cake.

"Alright. That comes to twenty two fifty."Jade said.  
"Great. Thanks."Gerard said as he handed her the money. I turned away and took a seat in a free table, me facing the counter so Gerard had to put his back to it.

"We are probably supposed to be back in court now."I sighed as I stared at a painting on the wall. It was of- a girl with long black hair in a white dress high up in the tree tops of a forest. My eyes darted down to the corner to see Gerards signature.

"Probably. But I dont wanna go back."Gerard said and looked at his painting as well.  
"They are all wrong now aren't they..."I said carefully.  
"What do you mean?"Gerard looked at me immediately.

"Your paintings... Of... Your mum?"  
"What makes them wrong though?"He looked me in the eyes and I couldn't look away.

"Because she didnt kill herself did she..."I said, staring right back in his eyes.  
"Oh right... I guess so."Gerard said, never looking away from my eyes.

"Here you go guys."Jade said suddenly appearing at our sides and breaking our eye contact. She put down two cups of coffee in front of us and two pieces of mud cake. Gerard had a straight black coffee and my hazelnut latte looked delicious.

Jade lingered for a second before going back to work. I picked up my spoon and took a mouthful of the cake. It was really good. I took a sip of my coffee and sighed gratefully.

"See you're still hooked."Gerard smiled over his coffee at me.  
"I have literally been dying with no access to proper coffee. I was half tempted one day to sneak into the teachers lounge to use their coffee machine."I smiled back.

"All you had to do was find me. I would have helped you out with your addiction."He grinned as he dug into his cake.  
"Oh well I didnt really know if I should cause of everything thats happened..."I mumbled as I interested myself in my cake.

"Yeah... About- that. For leaving and stuff... I'm sorry."He said quietly, so quiet I could barely hear him. I looked up at him. He was staring down at his cake, hair falling in front of his face so I couldn't see his expression.

"I uh its okay I guess..."I said around my cake.  
"No its not okay."He looked up at me and put his fork down,"I completely ditched you at a time when I needed you the most. When you probably needed me. Its not right. I just ran away like a fucking coward."He stared at me intensely.

I took a gulp of my drink for something to do.  
"I uhh... Don't know what to say."I confessed.  
"You don't have to say anything at all."Gerard smiled slightly and finished the last of his drink. Jesus he drank that fast.

We sat in a comfortable silence, eating our cake and occasionally staring into each others eyes. I just couldn't get enough of that. His eyes were so fucking perfect.

"Hey!"Jade made us both jump and for the second time, broke our eye contact. I really didn't like her.  
"Sup dude."Gerard smiled as she started munching on a sandwich.  
"I'm only on my break so I don't have long."She said around her food.

"Sure thing."Gerard smiled. I didnt say anything as we all ate in an awkward silence.  
"So Frankie,"Jade started to say. I couldnt help but glare at her from calling me Frankie. Only two people were allowed to call me that.  
"Its Frank."I said quietly.  
"Oh sorry. Well Frank then, what music do you like?"She asked as she stole some of my coffee. Fucking bitch.

"Uh. Green Day, Slash, Guns 'N' Roses, Metallica, Iron Maiden and um yeah."I blushed as Gerard stared at me and smiled.  
"Dude I didn't know you liked fucking Metallica!"He grinned.  
"Haven't you guys known each other for like a month though?"Jade asked, making it awkward again.

"Yeah but during most of that time I havent spoken to him."Gerard replied simply.  
"Oh why?"Jade said. I wanted to slap her. She was pissing me off so fucking bad.

"Cause I'm a fucking coward. Ran away again."Gerard said as he shoved the last of his cake in his mouth.  
"Oh sweetie. Dont worry, you arent a coward. You just have a different way of dealing with things okay? Dont ever think you're a coward because you arent. You are one of the greatest fucking guys I know."Jade said, grabbing his hand and squeezing it.

Okay maybe she wasn't all bad if she knew how to make Gerard feel better. I sat back in my chair and studied her as they talked. She was a pretty cool person I guess. I was just letting my jealousy cloud my vision like a paranoid fucking girlfriend.

"What are you thinking about?"Gerard asked me suddenly. He and Jade were both staring at me curiously.  
"Uh what?"  
"You've been silent for three minutes staring at us."Jade smirked. Shit.

"Oh um I didn't realise..."I said hoping they wouldn't ask what I was thinking about again.  
"So what were you thinking about?"Gerard repeated. Fucking hell.

"Uh I wasn't really thinking about anything. Just sort of staring into space."I mumbled and scratched my cheek.  
"Oh right..."Gerard sat back in his chair as Jade finished her sandwich.

"Alright munchkin, I gotta get back."Jade said getting up from her seat.  
"Ahh kay. Are you going out back?"Gerard stood up as well.  
"Yeah, til I finish at 3."Jade sighed, dusting crumbs off her legs.

"Kay well I guess I will see you when I see you."Gerard sighed and opened his arms for a hug. I watched as Jade hugged him tightly, whispering something into his ear. I looked away as Gerard kissed her on the fucking cheek and she let go.

"Please say you'll come by tonight. The guys said they miss you and they need you. Apparently some big assed company is gonna be there looking for a new band to sign. They need you Gee."Jade held onto his hands.  
"I- don't know... Maybe. I need to check with someone before I go, okay?"Gerard looked at her knowingly.

Jade nodded and I swear to the fucking high heavens her eyes darted to me for a second. They hugged again and Jade left us to ourselves.

"Come on, we should go back to the courthouse."Gerard sighed and grabbed his wallet from the table. I nodded and got up, draining the last of my drink.  
"This place is nice. She was nice."I lied through my teeth.

"Yeah, Jade is great. She used to work at The Magic Bean but left for some reason. I dont actually know why though."Gerard said, looking puzzled as we left and walked along the street towards the courthouses.

"Oh... How old is she?"I asked.  
"She is 21."Gerard smiled. Good, way too old for him. Unless he liked that sort of thing. Oh god what am I even thinking? Fucking hell.

We continued walking down the street and arrived back at the courthouses.  
"Frank...?"Gerard said quietly before we went through the doors.  
"Yeah?"  
"I um... Do you- I mean like... I still- are we... um... fuck."Gerard turned away from me and took a few steps, running his hands through that oh so gorgeous hair.

What the hell was he trying to say? I moved behind him and put my hand on his shoulder hesitantly.  
"Fuck."He jumped around at my touch.  
"Sorry."I smiled slightly.  
"No no its okay you just- gave me a fright was all."Gerard blushed slightly, his pale cheeks taking on a cute pink tinge.

"So what were you saying?"I prompted him.  
"Okay um. Forgive me if this is rude or whatever but-"And then he kissed me.


	15. Gerard's Bedroom

Gerards POV

I lunged forward and kissed him. Even though we had only ever kissed two or three times before, I still remembered what his lips felt like. Soft, smooth and oh so warm. He was stunned for about two seconds before he started kissing me back. Fuck that felt good. I dont know why I had ever become reclusive again. It fucking sucked.

He put his hands on my face and started pushing be backwards which wasnt a very good idea because he walked me into a person.  
"Shit! I'm so sorry!"I yelled as the person dropped their coffee, it exploded when it hit the ground, covering everyones pants in milky brown foam. Shit it was hot.

"You fucking idiot!"The person screamed at me,"Sorry, I'll call you back, I just have to deal with some bozo."He said into his phone and hung up.  
"Sir I'm so sorry its my fault I was- pushing him backwards."Frank stepped around me, blushing furiously.

"Well be fucking careful! Jesus christ this is a fucking Calvin Klein suit you fucking dumb ass!"He yelled as he grabbed some tissues out of his jacket pocket and started wiping his front legs.  
"Do you want us to replace your drink?"I asked him as I stared at the mess that was now running into the gutter and against a car tyre.

"No its okay just- watch where you're fucking going next time."He sighed and walked away, pulling his phone out as he went.

"Jesus."Frank giggled. I smiled at him and grabbed his hand, lacing our fingers together. We walked through the doors of the courthouse to find that the session we were supposed to be at had finished.

Franks POV (a/n idk why there is that little bit in gerards pov but whateverrr)

"You want a ride home?"Gerard asked me.  
"Uh Stevens going to get me though."I said, looking around for him.  
"No I already told him not to so you have to go with me."Gerard grinned cheekily.

"Alright then let's go."I smiled as we started walking towards the car.  
"Oh hey I forgot to tell you. Bob sold his car to me."Gerard grinned at me as he unlocked it.  
"Really? That's so cool!"I exclaimed as we got in.

"It took a lot of persuading my god. But I got it in the end."Gerard said happily as he started the car.  
"Well done."I smiled across at him.

We started driving back but after a while I noticed we weren't going the same way Steven would usually take Claire, Lily and I.  
"Where are we going?"I asked, looking around at the unfamiliar roads.

"You'll see."Gerard said simply, not looking at me. We drove the rest of the way in silence. When we came to a stop I looked outside to where we were. Outside a small one-story house.  
"Where are we?"I asked, confused as we got out of the car.

"I just needed to make a quick stop."Gerard said, still not answering my question.  
"Yeah but where?"I asked. We started walking up the path to the house. I expected Gerard to knock but instead he went right in and walked down the hallway.

I stayed at the front door, uncertain if I should go in or not.  
"Are you coming bozo?"Gerard stopped halfway down the long hallway and looked at me, one eyebrow raised.  
"Uh yeah."I blushed as I stepped in and shut the door.

It was an alright place. It was definitely owned by younger people though and not adults.  
"Gerard is that you?!"Somone called from a doorway to the left.  
"Yeah, I just need to grab something before going back out."Gerard called as he disappeared through a door at the end of the hall.

"Frank come on!"Gerard popped his head back through and motioned with his hand to follow. I started walking but was stopped by someone tackling me.  
"Fuck!"I yelped as the person detached themselves from me and grinned at me. Pete.

"Dude this is your house?"I asked, looking around in wonder.  
"Well sort of. My parents are renting it but they are away on holiday right now so I'm holding down the fort."Pete grinned at me even more.

"Frank get here now I wanna show you something."Gerard growled from down the hall.  
"Uh yeah gimme a sec."I called before placing my attention back on Pete.

"Where have you been then? I havent seen you in music for a while. Whats been happening?"He said, grabbing my arm and pulling me into what must have been the lounge.

There were two couches, an end table with a lamp on it and a TV. In front of the TV was a playstation and controllers. I really wanted to live here.  
"I uh um. This is difficult um-"I started to mutter.  
"You and Gerard had a spiff?"Pete raised an eyebrow at me as he fell onto one of the couches and picked up one of the game controllers.

"What? No its just been... Odd since everything that happened..."I mumbled as I started backing out of the lounge.  
"Oh right. Yeah... Sorry about that."Pete said as he unpaused a game and started killing zombies.

"Its okay... I should probably get back to Gerard."I said as Pete lost all his focus on me and seemed to forget about me completely. I turned around and went back into the hallway. I walked down it slowly, taking in the open door to the kitchen filled with dirty dishes.

"Jesus you took your time."Gerard grinned as I went into the room he was in. It was a bedroom. And it had all of Gerards things in it. This was where he had been sleeping for the past month. Fuck me.  
"Sorry uh Pete wanted to talk."I said as Gerard shut the door behind me and flopped down on his bed.

"Why? You guys see each other in music you have plenty of time to talk."Gerard said as he pulled out a smoke.  
"Uh no. I havent been to music in a while."I mumbled as I looked around.

His bed was unmade like back at the house. His drawers were strewn with pieces of paper with what looked like lyrics on them. There was an ashtray on a bedside table along with a batman lamp and a packet of condoms. Wow.

"Sit down dick."Gerard gestured to the spot next to where he had fallen on his bed. I went over and sat down next to him, feeling as awkward as I probably looked and was. Gerard was silent for a moment as he lit his cigarette.

"So tell me, why havent you been to music in a while?"Gerard said, closing his eyes as he took a drag on what looked like a much needed cigarette.  
"Uhm... Because of you not being there."I muttered as I looked out a window leading onto an untidy back yard.

"Sorry? Did you just say because of me?"Gerard opened his eyes and stared at my face. I didnt look away from the window, becoming very interested on some bird shit in the corner.  
"Frank look at me."Gerard ordered. I slowly turned to face him. He was looking at me sadly.

"Eh em. Yeah. I felt awkward being there without you. And at art."I told him slowly, focusing on his face, trying to gauge his reaction. His face didnt change at all.  
"You are so stupid, you know that?"Gerard rolled his eyes at me suddenly.

"Um excuse me?"I stood up off his bed and looked down at him.  
"You shouldnt fucking need me there to feel comfortable you know. They are your fucking friends too."He stared up at me, half lying down and looking like he owned the fucking joint. Which I spose in a way, it was his bedroom so technically he did.

"Do you know how difficult it was to turn up at art and to have to sit there, having people whisper about how I fucking held Dean down while you fucking shot him? How hard it was to have Mr Stump try and pressure me into telling him what happened cause he is a fucking nosy bastard? How fucking hard it was going to music and seeing all your friends there, being close and having fucking fun while I sit there and try and learn to play a fucking guitar that doesnt feel right? No. You fucking dont."I glared down at him, fighting the tears.

I didnt want to be here. I wanted to go back and see Lily and Claire. To talk to Lily about it all, about how fucking stupid I am to think Gerard and I would work. I turned around and stumbled over the clothes on the floor to get to the door.

"Frank wait!"Gerard said. I could hear him struggling to get up off the bed. I had my hand on the door handle when he grabbed my arm from behind me. He spun me around and shoved me up against the door, staring into my eyes.

"I'm sorry."He mumbled, looking down at the floor but not letting go of me, staying oh so close to my face.  
"I- its-"  
"Dont say its okay. I'm a clueless fucking bastard."He looked up at me, hair falling across his face making me want to kiss him. So I did.


	16. Tight

He resisted for a second before taking control and pushing me against the door hard. His hands were on my arms still, pinning them to my side and rendering me helpless. I felt him swipe his tongue out across my lips and just like the first time we kissed like this, my mouth fell open of its own accord. Gerard really knew how to kiss, even if I didnt have anything to compare it to.

I dont remember when my eyes closed. Or when Gerard let go of my arms and squeezed my hips. All I knew was that right now I had Gerards tongue don my fucking throat, his hands slowly creeping up my chest and my hands in his hair. It felt so fucking good.

He slid his hands around to my back, pulling me away from the door and closer to him. I kept my hands in his hair. I didnt want to let go of his lucious hair. He was backing us up to his bed. Shit. Was I really gonna do this? With Gerard?

Apparently so because Gerard was now sliding off my jacket and I found my hands pulling at his tie. We fell back onto his bed with me lying on top of Gerard. Everything was in a blur. I barely noticed Gerard take my jacket off and start undoing my shirt. Or my giving up on his tie and starting to undo the buttons on his shirt.

I was straddling him and his hard cock was digging into my thigh. Mine was painfully pressed up against my pants. All I could think as Gerard kissed me while shredding me of my layers was fucking more. I wanted to be closer to him. To taste more of him. To feel more of him. I had never felt so much need before.

Gerard broke off the kiss for a much needed breath as he fumbled with my pants. I stared down at him. His shirt was open but with his tie still on. His hair was ruffled like hell and his lips were reddened and swollen. Fucking hell he looked so fucking hot I literally wanted to fucking jump his bones right then and there.

"Fuck Frankie..."Gerard breathed as I yanked his belt out of the loops and started pulling his pants down along with his boxers. Fuck. His dick was leaking pre-cum and looked so fucking good.

"Gerard I-"I didnt know how to tell him that his dick was the first dick I had ever fucking seen.  
"Frank just shush. Let me help you."Gerard smiled and sat up underneath me. He attached his lips to my neck, sucking hard and biting and fuck, it felt so good.

"Jesus Gee- Gerard."I sighed as he started travelling further down, kissing me down my chest. Suddenly he rolled me over so I was on my back and he was on all fours over top of me. I looked up at him, into his eyes, and saw hunger and lust.

Gerard grabbed at the waist of my pants and pulled down. I bucked my hips up to make it easier for him. Suddenly I was free. I shivered as Gerard breathed out slowly over my cock. I watched him closely as he slowly leaned down.

"Oh fuck Gerard!"I yelled as he put his mouth over the head. His mouth was so tight and fucking warm. My hips bucked up of their own accord as Gerards mouth slid down further. I groaned in pleasure and scrabbled at Gerards hair, the blankets, anything to fucking hold on to for the duration of this ride.

Gerard was working me into a complete frenzy. Pumping me at the base while bobbing up and down, completely focused on what he was doing.  
"Fuck Gee- Ge-Gerard I'm gonna cum oh fuck!"I moaned as the pit of my stomach heated up and I came into Gerards fucking mouth.

He swallowed it. Fucking swallowed it. It was almost enough to fucking make me hard again, jesus fucking christ. Gerard crawled up next to my head and kissed me, slow and delibarate.

"That was fucking... I don't even know."I breathed, staring at the ceiling as Gerard lay next to me.  
"Enjoy it did ya?"Gerard smiled at me lazily. Something wet was touching my bare leg. I looked down and realised Gerard was hard as a fucking rock.

I wanted to help him but I literally had no fucking idea.  
"Gerard I don't know-"  
"If you can go again you don't have to."Gerard sat up and looked down at me.

"I might not be ab-"

Gerard cut me off by placing his lips on mine and putting his hands on my chest. He slowly started kissing down like he did before. His hair was drÀgging across my chest causing goosebumps to erupt all over my body.

"Can I draw this?"Gerard asked between kisses.  
"What?"I looked down at him. He was staring at the beginnings of one of my tattoos.  
"Its not done yet though."I said, propping myself up on my elbows to see him better.

"Oh right, that explains it."Gerard smiled and started fucking licking along the lines of it, fuck I was fucking hard again.  
"Perfect..."Gerard breathed. He got up and stripped himself of his clothes fully, his back to me.

There were three small bandages on his back. It was still healing and it was gonna leave a nasty scar once it actually did heal. Gerard said he didnt care cause he cant see his back and nobody else will but here I was staring at it while my cock was leaking pre-cum all over me.

He turned around and winked at me. There were condoms in his hand and a mischeivous glint in his eyes. He sat down on my thighs, our dicks knocking together and causing me to gasp. I just wanted him to fuckinng end it.

"Gerard p-please."I breathed.  
"You can't rush this dude. Keep calm."He winked at me again as he opened one condom up.

"What are you gonna do?"I asked him quietly. No way in fucking hell was I gonna take.  
"Why? We don't have to if you want to Frank. Whatever you want I'm okay with it, you just have to say."Gerard paused in putting the condom on. I had no idea who's dick it was going on and it was killing me.

"No I uh just- don't want to take is all."I mumbled, looking away as my cock grew even more hard somehow. Gerard didn't even fucking do anything.

"Pfft don't be stupid. Of course you aren't. I fucking love taking."Gerard grinned as he slid the condom onto my cock, making me shiver from fucking everything.  
"Well then get on with it."I smiled up at him sweetly. He smirked at me before getting on all fours again.

He kissed me deeply, his tongue probing around my mouth. I gripped his shoulders as one of his hands roamed all over my body. Suddenly Gerards hands were on my cock and he was positioning it.

Slowly, very slowly, he slid himself down onto me. I tried to hold in the bitch groan of pleasure from the tightness but I fucking couldnt. It was so fucking tight, I had never felt anything fucking tighter it was ridiculous.

"You okay?"I whispered as Gerard sat there for a moment, his eyes scrunched up slightly. He nodded as he slowly started moving up and down. Fuck it was amazing. I put my hands on his hips and helped him, pointlessly, move up and down.

He started moaning everytime he dropped down. I think I was making noises as well but I could barely tell from the complete ecstacy I was in.  
"Fuck!"Gerard screamed and stumbled over his rythym for a moment before picking up the pace again, hitting that amazing spot.

"Fuck- Gee- I'm fuck I'm gonna fucking cum."I yelled as the familiar warm sensation bloomed within the pit of my stomach. Gerard's hand immediately flew to his dick and he started pumping himself.

"Oh fucking hell Frank!"He yelled as he came all over my stomach. I screamed out at the feeling of Gerards muscles tightening around me and came. The look of pleasure on Gerards face was literally killing me.

We rode out our orgasms before Gerard pulled himself off of me before collapsing on me, both of us breathing heavily. He kissed me on the cheek sloppily before shuffling down and licking all of his cum. Fuck that was hot.

"Gerard..."I puffed, not even knowing what I wanted to say. Holy shit I just lost my virginity, fuck.  
"I know... That was amazing. You were amazing."Gerard smiled at me, breathing on my neck.

"Fuck off dude I didn't even do anything."I grinned, feeling bubbles of happyness burst inside of me.  
"Na uh, you did lots. You made it all the more better than if I had been by myself."Gerard laughed at me.

"We should get dressed."I said as the stickyness of the sweat started pissing me off.  
"Do you want a shower?"Gerard asked as he looked around.  
"Uhhh... What about Pete?"I asked. Fuck he probably heard us.

"He probably went out a little while ago. To go see Mikey."Gerard smiled.  
"How do you know though?"I asked worriedly as I sat up and looked for my boxers.

"Alright I'll check."Gerard sighed as he got up and walked to the door. He opened it wide and stepped into the hallway.  
"Pete come look I have a present for you!"He shouted. My eyes bulged at nothing. Pete wasnt here. Thank fuck for that.

"Okay fine. Lets have a shower."I smiled and ignored the mess on the floor.  
"Great!"Gerard grinned and held his hand out for me. I took it and follwed him across the hall into a half clean bathroom.

Gerard turned the water on and kept his hand under it, feeling the temperature.  
"Okay its warm."Gerard smiled and gestured for me to get in. I did so and screamed.

"You fucking twat! Thats fucking freezing!"I jumped out of the water as Gerard started laughing his fucking ass off the bastard.  
"I'm sorry but your face is fucking classic."He said as he wiped away tears and heated the water up.

He got in and whispered into my ear, his body pressing up against mine,"Was it really cold?"  
"Yes."I mumbled back.  
"Well I guess I'll have to warm you back up."Gerard winked at me before kissing me, pushing me up against the cool tiled wall.

Surely he didnt have more in mind? Apparently he didnt. Our shower consisted of making out underneath the water which was actually really nice. When we were out and dressed we were sitting back on his bed talking about music.


	17. All Alright

I leaned in and kissed him before looking at him seriously.  
"Gerard I have a personal question."I said slowly. He nodded and looked at me seriously. I stared back at him, into his eyes. I just really couldnt fucking get enough of them.

"Well what is it?"Gerard asked me, breaking my concentration on his eyes.  
"Oh right sorry. Um yeah... I want to know everything. About you."I whispered softly. He blinked at me once.

"What do you mean exactly?"He asked me slowly.  
"I wanna know what your favourite colour is, when your birthday is, what your favourite food is. Everything."I smiled, feeling more confident.

"Okay... My favourite colour is probably red or blue. My birthday is on the 8th of april. My favourite food is probably... Even though I hardly eat there, Taylors spaghetti and meatballs."Gerard smiled.

"Thats cute."I smiled and shifted so I was more comfortable.  
"What else do you wanna know?"He asked me.  
"Well... A little while ago... I was at music and Mikey was talking to me. He said that he hadnt seen you in a while and stuff which got us talking about you and... I was sort of just asking random questions but a lot of them Mikey couldnt answer... Said I would have to ask you..."I said slowly...

"Questions about what?"He asked me quietly. He wasnt looking at me. He was staring at something behind me.  
"Your past... When your nana died... Your mum... Everything."I whispered.

Gerards POV

Where the fuck was I supposed to begin? I lay there and thought back to the day I got home from school with Mikey to find Mum in tears.

*flashback*

"No Mikey give it back!"I cried as I watched Mikey run away with my drawing for Nana. He ran up the path and into the house. I hated him. I ran after him but crashed into him in the doorway to the lounge.  
"Mikey come on just give it back."I whined. Mikey still didn't say anything.

"Mikey?"I stepped around him to see what he was looking at. Mum was sitting on the couch. She was staring at the floor and her face was all red. Like when you've been crying for a long time.

"Mummy are you okay?"Mikey ran up to her.  
"I- yeah Mikey its okay just- go upstairs and get out of your uniform okay?"Mum sniffed, not looking away from the floor.

Mikey did as she said and went off upstairs, still with my drawing.  
"Muuuum Mikey has my drawing for Nana and he wont give it baaack."I whined again and went over to her.

"G-Gerard just go get ready for dinner okay?"She said.  
"Mummy whats wrong?"I asked. She was scaring me. She never cried.  
"I-its Nana..."She sobbed out suddenly, scaring me even more.

"What? Where is she?"I asked, notcing her absence.  
"She- She- shes gone Gerard."Mum whispered.  
"Gone where?"I asked, very confused.  
"T-to heaven."

"What?"I stared at her in disbelief,"Mummy thats not funny. I'll go find her now and give her my drawing."I said.  
"No Gerard just- go- go get Mikey okay."Mum fell back onto the couch properly and stared at the ceiling.

I ran upstairs and into Nanas room. She wasnt in there.  
"Mikey!"I yelled and ran into his room.  
"What?"He asked me angrily as he cleaned his glasses.  
Nans gone to heaven."I informed him, tears forming in my eyes.

"What?"Mikey's head snapped to look at me.  
"Come on, Mum needs us."I said, grabbing his hand and tugging him back downstairs.

"Mum... Is it true?"Mikey whispered as we sat on either side of her.  
"Yes boys... I'm sorry..."Mum cried silently as we hugged her. She wasnt ever going to get my drawing of us at the park. Ever. I snuggled in closer to Mum and started crying.

*end flashback*

"She's buried with the picture now."I sniffed. Frank was holding my hand with tears in his eyes.  
"I'm sorry."He croaked.  
"No no its okay it's not your fault."I shook my head at him and wiped away my tears.

"Tell me more..."He said suddenly. I looked at him and smiled. I never talked about this to anybody but suddenly I felt ready to open myself up to him completely. I trusted him.

*flashback*

"Gerard please can we go play in the forest!"Mikey screamed in my ear, tugging on my arm as we marched home from school.  
"No screw off Mikey."I grumbled and shook him off of me.  
"Ooooh you just told me to screw off I'm telling mum!"Mikey yelled and ran the rest of the way home.

She wouldnt care. I knew we had to be straight home. Mum always wanted us to get home as fast as possible. Mikey hadnt noticed but I had seen her get really jumpy over the past few days. It all started the morning she was reading the mail.

I walked into the house quietly, taking my shoes off by the door.  
"Mikey? Mum?"I called into the silence. Where were they? I trudged into the lounge and saw Mikey sitting on the couch reading something that looked like a letter.

"Mikey you shouldn't be reading the mail. Thats for Mum."I said, snatching it out of his hands.  
"Its from mum though..."Mikey said, not even complaining about me snatching it.

"Oh..."I said and looked down and started reading:

Dear boys,

I am so so sorry for doing this to you but I cant go on. If I did I would only be giving you a life you did not deserve. I love you with all my heart and I will always be proud of you no matter what. Be good boys and try not to fight so much. Once you have both read this, call the police. They will help you. I love you lots my sweethearts,

Mum.

I put the paper down and stared at it.  
"What does it mean?"Mikey asked me. He still couldnt read very well even though he was only one year younger than me.

"It means she is- gone like Nana..."I mumbled.  
"But- no!"Mikey screamed at me. He snatched the paper off the ground and ran off. I sat down on the floor and stared. Like Mum had when Nana had died. This wasn't fair....

"This isn't fucking fair!"I sobbed.

*end flashback*

"That was the first time I had ever sworn."I smiled slightly at the thought.  
"Bit of a horrific moment."Frank smiled.  
"Oh well. There wasn't anyone there to tell me off so its all alright."I said as Frank snuggled into the crook of my arm.

"You've had it pretty rough I guess..."Frank mumbled as I stroked his gorgeous soft hair.  
"I spose so... I always get that selfish feeling though whenever I think that cause you know, all the starving people and diseases and whatnot."I said.

It was true. Everytime I felt depressed about my life I would feel worse over the fact that I am actually quite lucky.  
"Gerard your Nana died because of one of those diseases. Then your mum killed her- was murdered by a mad man. You have every right to be upset over your life from time to time."He assured me. I smiled at him. He was being so great.

"Is there anything else major that happened?"Frank asked me softly.  
"Well... I almost went the same way as Mum."I muttered, hoping he hadn't heard me.  
"Well I already know that."Frank smiled up at me.

"What? How? When? Did Mikey tell you? Ugh I'm gonna kill him."I growled. Mikey wasn't supposed to have told anyone the bastard.  
"Aye? No I was- there?"Frank looked at me like I was insane. Great.

"Wait what are you talking about?"He asked me.  
"Uhh you say first."  
"Well Dean almost killed you didn't he. You almost died from blood loss Gerard... Are you okay?"He sat up and scanned my face with those gorgeous eyes.

"Ohhhh I wasn't talking about that."I laughed slightly although what I was about to tell him was no laughing matter.  
"Aye? What were you talking about?"Frank looked so confused it was adorable.

"I almost shot myself. When I was 15. Thankfully Mikey stopped me."I watched for his reaction but he didn't seem to have one. He was just sort of staring.

"Keep going."He said quietly. I took a deep breath in and started to recount the darkest dday of my life.

*flashback*

"Oh fuck."I coughed out as my pen ran out. Jesus christ. Everything just kept going fucking wrong didn't it? I couldn't even write a fucking suicide note without it fucking up. I sighed and threw the pen onto the table.

I stared around the room. Petes house was always messy but right now it had never been messier. It was so cluttered. If I stared too long it would start swallowing me up completely and strangling me. I blinked and looked back down at the note.

Mikey I'm sorry. I'm the shittiest brother ever so just forget about me. Most people have anyway so ther...

That's when it had started running out. Fucking hell I sucked at this. I groaned and ran my hands through my greasy hair. Mikey would be home soon and I needed to be done and gone before that happened.

I ran out of the lounge and down the hallway into the my bedroom. I spotted my bag sitting against the foot of my bed and grabbed it. I looked down at my watch. 3:15. Mikey would be here with Pete in about ten minutes.

I rummaged around in my bag with shaking fingers, taking care not to set off the gun, and found a pen. I scribbled down the rest of the note stating what I was gonna do and stared. I was actually going to go through with this. I was ending my fucking life. If you could even call it a life.

I was wasting time. I shouldered my bag and fucking ran. Everything was blurring past me as I sped around the corner and, fuck, bashed into Mikey.

"Gerard! What the fuck dude?"He grumbled and righted himself.  
"Oh hey Mikey..."I stuttered. I was edgy, jumpy and fucking stuttering. I needed to calm down or he would know something was wrong.

"Where are you going? Why are you running?"Mikey asked as I took a deep breath.  
"I uh I just um wanted to run... You know, had a lot of energy... Uhh um one of my mates gave me some stuff."I gritted out through my teeth.

"Oh right... Where are you going?"Mikey looked away. He never liked me taking drugs but right now it was my best excuse.  
"Uh I was gonna go to the um ah The Magic Bean."I said before I blurted out what I was actually going to do and where I was going.

"Oh okay... Be careful okay? Dont be long, Mrs Wentz wants your help with dinner tonight."Mikey said, stepping to the side so I could start running>

"I love you Mikey."I mumbled. I pulled him into a quick hug, squeezing him for the last time ever."  
"Uh I love you too?"Mikey stared at me as I started walking away, my shoulders hunched over.

I looked behind me and saw Mikey running towards the Wentz's house. Shit. I started running again and before long the house came into view. I stopped in front of it and stared. There was a new family in there. Fuck it, I was gonna die anyway, I may as well go inside before hand.

I walked up to the front door and knocked.  
"Hello? Can I help you?"A woman in her thirties answered the door.  
"I uhm... God this is embarrassing. Can I please use your bathroom?"I stammered out.

"Oh of course sweet, come in."She smiled and opened the door wider. I stepped in and breathed in deeply. It smelt exactly the same. Transporting me back to the day Mikey and I found we were alone.

"Its just up the stairs and the first door on the left."She smiled and pointed up the stairs. I nodded and started padding up the stairs slowly. I got to the top and looked down. None of the furniture here had been ours. It was a furnished rented house. These people had the same furniture. Fuck it was chilling.

I started down the hallway but didn't even bother going into the bathroom. I went straight to where my old room was. They had turned it into a gym. I walked in and looked around. There was a patch on the wall from when I had kicked a hole in the wall the week after Nana's funeral.

"Excuse me? But this isn't the bathroom."The woman said behind me, making me jump,"If you're here to pocket stuff then you've got another thing coming to you. In fact let me see your bag."She marched over to me and before I could stop her she had my bag in her hands and was rummaging through it.

"Be careful!"I yelled and yanked it out of her hands. Too late. She had seen it. She stared at me, her eyes wide.  
"I- What-"  
"I'm not gonna hurt you. I just- there is one bullet and its for fucking me. I just wanted to see the place I grew up in before I went through with it."I tried to calm her down but it just made her worse.

"You mean you're gonna k-kill yourself?"She whispered.  
"Yes. And you cant stop me."I said. I grabbed the gun out and, to my disgust, aimed it at her.  
"No what are you doing?"She back away from me.  
"Are you gonna let me go?"I glared at her, ignoring the pain of what I was doing.

"I- No- Yes okay just- I cant-I dont-"She moved out of my way completely and I left her stuttering on the landing. That had taken too fucking long. I rushed downstairs and stopped at the lounge. There were too little boys playing with some trains.

"Who is that?"The smaller of the two asked the other. I turned and fled. Out the front door. Down to the end of the street. Into the forest. I had only ever made this trek once but I remember the way clearly.

I stopped by the tree marked with the love heart I had made and stared. This was where they had found her. Lying at the foot of the tree. The police had shown us where they found her but for some dumb fucking reason they hadn't told us how she had died.

"Okay... This is it. I can do this. Its all thats left to do."I whispered to myself and raised the gun to my head. It was cool against my temple, shaking violently in my hands.

"GERARD WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!"Someone screamed behind me. Fucking hell. I turned around to see Mikey running up to me.  
"Stop! You cant stop me Mikey this was always gonna fucking happen and you know it!"I yelled, tears leaking down my face.

"Gerard please."He came to a stop a few steps away from me.  
"No Mikey. There is nothing left for me here okay? It fucking sucks! Nothing here is fucking good!"I screamed at him.

"What about me Gerard? Do you seriously wanna do that to me? Dont you care about me the tiniest bit at lease?"He sniffed. My arm faltered slightly as I looked at him.

"Gerard... Do you have any idea what you would do to me if you pull that trigger? Nana died when I was fucking 7. Mum killed herself right where you are fucking standing a year later. You really wanna take the last of my family away from me? You want to leave me alone?"He whispered.

"You have Pete... I have no one."I scrunched my eyes up, squeezing out the last of my tears.  
"Gerard... Pete will never be my brother... You know that right?"Mikey made me open my eyes and fuck he was right there.

"Mikey please just go. I need to do this okay?"I took a step away from him but he matched me.  
"No. Gerard you are my fucking brother. My best friend. I'm not gonna let you do this."He took another step. I think in my heart, deep down, I didnt want to go through with it.

Which is why I let Mikey get so close. Why I let him start tackling me, trying to get the gun out of my hand.  
"Fuck off Mikey!"I screamed. We were in the mud fighting when the gunshot sounded and the pain exploded.

"Fucking hell!"I screamed. Mikey and I looked down and saw the blood leaking from my leg.  
"Jesus christ Gerard!"  
"Mikey that was my only fucking shot you bastard!"I shouted, feeling the anger slowly disappear.

The bullet had only skimmed my leg. I could see a smoking hole in Mums tree.  
"Mikey?"I whispered, ignoring the pain shooting up and down my leg like a fucking bitch. Suddenly Mikey was there, holding me as I sobbed onto his shoulder.

*end flashback*

I was crying. Frank was crying. We were soaking each other as we lay there, sniffing over it all.  
"Gerard... I dont know what to say."Frank whispered.  
"You dont have to say anything its all in the past it doesn't matter. Its all alright now."I sighed and wiped away my tears. It really was all okay now. I felt better here, my arms around Frank, his head resting on my chest.


	18. Cause The Hardest Part Of This Is Leaving You

Frank's POV

Wow. Just fucking wow. Gerard was just- I couldn't fucking handle it. I was lying there in his arms just thinking about how much he has been through and how strong he is for getting through that. I respected him more. I respected fucking Mikey more, fuck even Pete.

"What are you thinking?"Gerard whispered into my hair. I looked up at him and smiled.  
"That you are really amazing. You literally astound me."I smiled. There was a tiny hint of a blush on his cheeks but otherwise he just smiled and kissed me lightly on the cheek.

I was so blissfully happy right now, despite the sob fest Gerard and I had just shared. I suddenly had a burning passion to tell Lily all about it.

"Fuck whats the time!"I yelled as Lily actually entered my mind properly.  
"Uhh its almost 8 o'clock."Gerard said, glancing down at his watch.  
"Shit shit shit! I was supposed to be back from court at fucking 4!"I jumped up off the bed and looked around for my bag.

"Where's my bag?"I yelled when I couldnt find it.  
"Dude relax you didnt eve bring one come on, I'll give you a lift to the house."Gerard laughed at me.

"Its not fucking funny. Lily is gonna be upset."I grumbled as I shucked my shoes on.  
"You are completely over reacting though! Unless she was your girlfriend then you have nothing to worry about. You dont have to do everything she says or whatever."

I gave him a look.  
"Like hell she is my girlfriend. She is my best friend and given everything that happened a month ago she has every right to be worried if I still haven't turned up 4 hours after I was supposed to."

"Shit. You're right."He groaned as he got up off the bed.  
"Thank you."I smiled slightly as we walked out of the bedroom.

"Hey have you guys seen Mikeys pick?"Pete shocked us as we walked into the lounge.  
"Yeah its usually with his bass why?"Gerard said as he grabbed my hand and pulled me towards the front door.

Pete had pretty much pulled the place apart looking for Mikey's pick. The cushions were off the couch, jars of keys and shit had been over turned and a basket of washing had been emptied, all the pockets pulled out.

"Well its not there. I can't find ot anywhere and the crowd is expecting you to be up there in about-"he checked his watch and his eyes bulged,"five minutes. Fuck it he will have to use mine."Pete sighed.

"Come on, I'll give you a lift."Gerard said and continued tugging me to the front door.  
"Uh -'m not going. I need to get back ho- to the house."I don't know why I didn't call it home. I usually did but being with Gerard changed me in some ways. I just couldn't figure out if they were good or bad changes.

"Yeah I will just be dropping Pete there then taking you."Gerard smiled as we all got in the car.  
"No Gerard they need you. Fucking Eyeball Records' owner or whatever is going to be there. The guys fucking need you.

"No! I don't know how many times I fucking told you guys, I don't wanna play anymore. I'll sing but I can't fucking play. I'm shit and you know it. If I go I will just make it fucking worse."

"Gerard youy're going."I said firmly as we drove.  
"What?"Gerard glanced at me.  
"I don't care what you say you are going okay?"I stared at the side of his frustrated face.

"Fine."He said suddenly, slamming the breaks on for emphasis.  
"Thank fuck for that."Pete sighed from the backseat.  
"Come on then. Let's go sing a song."Gerard grinned at me nervously as we got out of the car.

We walked inside The Magic Bean and were immediately assaulted with the smell of sweat, adrenaline and coffee. My eyes went straight to the stage to see Ray and Bob setting up looking extremely nervous.

"Shit I don't even have fucking Daisy!"Gerard smacked his hand on his head.  
"Who the fucks Daisy?"I stared at him.  
"My guitar."Gerard sighed.

"Guys come on!"Mikey yelled from next to the stage.  
"Mikey I don't have Daisy."Gerard said as we reached him.  
"No I brought her earlier. I bring her every night in the off chance that you turn up. Like tonight!"Mikey pointed to a white guitar leaning against the stage.

"Fuck you have an epiphone special ii!"I gasped and rushed over to it.  
"Yeahp that's Daisy."Gerard smiled and joined my side.  
"Wait how did I not notice you taking her Mikey?"Gerard looked at Mikey who was taking a pick from Pete.

"Uh duh. Too busy screwing Jade."Mikey laughed and left to sling his bass over his shoulder.  
"Fuck..."Gerard breathed. I couldn't breathe though. Could barely see through the hurt and anger crashing over me in giant waves, soaking me to the bone.

"Frank wait!"Gerard yelled behind me as I stalked off.  
"Gerard come on!"Mikey yelled in the distance.  
"Fuck!"I heard Gerard scream over the hum of the crowd.

They were all cheering suddenly. I reached the wall farthest from the stage and turned around. Gerard was taking his place reluctantly on the stage. Mikey got up after him and touched him on the shoulder and said something that looked a lot like 'are you okay?'

Gerard suddenly turned on Mikey, shoving him slightly and yelling at him. I found an empty seat and sat down. I watched as Ray pulled Mikey and Gerard apart. The crowd had gone silent so I could hear very clearly what they were suddenly.

"... To know! Fuck off Ray!"Gerard shook him off and shoved his guitar to the ground.  
"Gerard how the fuck was I supposed to know that?! Its not my fucking fault! Besides, if that's the case you shouldn't have been fucking screwing her in the first fucking place!"Mikey screamed back as Gerard stalked off stage and started searching for me.

"Hey Di?"I ran over to the counter quickly.  
"Hey Frank what can I get for you?"She smiled at me, hiding the worry over the scuffle easily.

"A hiding spot?"I raised an eyebrow at her hopefully. She glanced at Gerard fighting his way through the angry crowd and nodded.  
"Come on. You can sit out back til it cools down."She smiled as I rushed around to her side of the counter.

"Its just through here."She opened an invisible door and I stepped through. She shut the door just as I heard Gerard call for me. I put my ear up against the wall and listened.

"... here right now."Diane said.  
"Fuck off Di I just saw him go out back."Gerard said.  
"He doesn't want to see you okay! Look I don't know what's happened but from the sound of it you were sleeping with some chick even though there is something between you and Frank. You are the one who messed it up okay?"

"Fuck! No one knows not even fucking Mikey! I just- Frank please! Come out so I can explain to you!"Gerard shouted. I ignored him and looked around.

It was a small but long and narrow room. There were boxes of coffee beans or something. Empty crates and a giant fridge down the end. I grabbed a crate and sat down on it.

"He's gone."Diane popped her head in the door. She came in and sat down on a crate next to me.  
"Where has he gone? He is my ride home."I sighed.  
"Just sitting with the others looking completely depressed and angry... What the hell happened?"She asked.

"Well..."I really needed Lily for this. Not someone I had only met twice,"I um- we... Uh fuck."I had no idea how to put it.  
"Don't worry. If you were supposed to tell me it would have been easier."She smiled at me and got up. What?

"Uh okay. I don't know if I should go back out there..."I mumbled and stood up again as some music kicked in. Some other band were playing.

"You can't hide forever Frank."Diane gave me a look before leaving me standing behind the door wondering what the fuck I should do. I took a quick at the small storage room and left.

I spotted Gerard aand the others sitting around a table looking grumpy as hell.  
"Diane what time does this place close?"I asked her, watching her make coffees expertly.

"Uhh usually around 3 or 4 in the morning. Why?"She smiled at a customer and handed them a coffee. I really wanted one.  
"I don't want a ride with Gerard."I sighed and leaned against a wall.

"Dude I don't even drive. I'm working til midnight then my boyfriends coming to get me. If you wanna wait til then for a ride then by all means be my guerst but I don't think you want to wait another 3 hours. The guys are going up soon because people here love them. Do you want to be here for that?"She raised an eyebrow at me.

"No... I don't want to wait. I can't wait really."I sighed again and looked over at the guys.  
"Dont worry. I will ask Bob."I smiled at her.  
"Hey Frank!"She called after me as I started walking away. I stopped and looked at her.

"You want a coffee?"She grinned at me, holding up a cup of something.  
"Yes please."I rushed back and grabbed the drink. A hazelnut latte.  
"If you ever need to talk, I'm always here."She smiled as I nodded and walked away.

I stopped a little away from the table and stared. They were all looking nervous and angry and, excluding Gerard, excited. I was probably going to change all those feelings as soon as I sat down.

Gerards POV

I could see him out of the corner of my eye. He was staring at the table holding a drink. I didnt look as he slowly continued walking towards the table. I didnt know how to react. Everyone was immediately more stiff and careful about what they said. I ignored him as he sat down across from me, in between Mikey and Bob, and stared at my drink. There was no more foam and it was almost gone. I needed another one.

"So when are you guys going back up?"Frank asked.  
"After these guys finish this song..."Mikey sighed and gulped the last of his drink down.  
"Who are they?"Frank looked over at the stage.  
"Not sure... I think their name is something to do with a disco?"Ray rubbed his face and finished his drink.

"Oh... Shouldn't you guys be getting ready to go up?"Frank looked round at us all, his eyes somehow avoiding my face.  
"Yeah... Come on guys."Mikey stood up and stretched. Ray and Bob copied him and they all stared down at me.

"Gerard are you coming?"Mikey said. I looked up at him and nodded. I drank the last of my drink and looked down at Frank. He was staring up at the stage. I sighed and walked away, the rest of the guys following me.

I finally realised that Mikey wasn't with us when we reached the stage. I looked back and saw him talking to Frank. Frank looked over at me and we made eye contact. Fuck it hurt. He looked so hurt. Fucking hell. I turned away and grabbed my guitar. The guys started preparing as the band on stage ended their song. It was actually an alright song. They were just missing a few parts to their band. There was only a drummer and a singer with a guitar.

"These guys are really difficult to please."The drummer said and patted me on the shoulder.  
"Dont worry. We know how to handle them."I smiled at him.  
"Spencer."He held his hand out with a smile.  
"Uh Gerard."I smiled back and shook his hand. Very formal.

The singer came down and grinned at Spencer.  
"Spence I love it. We need to get signed."The guy grabbed Spencer by the arms and shook him slightly.  
"Jon this is Gerard. Gerard, Jon."Spencer smiled at me. Jon held his hand out for me to shake. What was up with these guys? I smiled at shook it before following the rest of the guys up on stage to cheers from the crowd. It was actually larger than before.

I stared at turned away from the crowd and the bright lights and gathered the guys in for a quick chat.  
"We have three songs, what are we gonna play?"I looked around at them all.

"Shit. We didnt even think of that uhm fuck lets just do uh..."Ray stuttered. We all stared at each other for a minute before Mikey broke the silence within the circle.  
"Lets do American Idiot, um and uh Last Caress?"Mikey shrugged at us all.

"We still have one time slot to fill though."Bob looked around at us.  
"If we can get a piano of some sort I can fill it."I said.  
"Well where the fuck are we gonna get one of those?"Bob groaned and went to sit down.

I turned around and faced the impatient crowd.  
"Hey Di? Can we get like a keyboard or something up here?"I said into the microphone and squinted at the back to see Diane nodding and start moving through the crowd. She parted it like Moses and the red fucking sea.

She went through a door to the side of the stage and came out tugging a keyboard. I jumped down and helped her pull on it. Bob leaned down and took the end of it. He somehow hauled the whole thing up onto the stage while Diane brought out a bunch of cords and started plugging them in.

"Its ready to."She smiled at me. I thanked her and went back to the guys who were all in their places.  
"Y'all ready for this?"I grinned, thoughts of Frank completely leaving my mind as we started to play American Idiot.

I fucking loved it. Singing to them and having them sing back was amazing. There was no greater feeling. We finished the song to cheers and cheers. Playing here really was just completely fucking awesome. I grabbed the mic and looked out at them all.

"So that was uh a um a Green Day song. This next one is an older one. By The Misfits. Its called Last Caress. You guys know it?"I grinned as everyone in front of the stage cheered. There were still people sitting down at their tables. Drinking coffee, just hanging out with friends. And then I saw Frank.

He was staring up at me, a small smile on his face. He stopped smiling suddenly and looked down at his drink. I looked away and at Mikey he nodded at me.

We started the song and people went nuts. I could even hear people singing along. It was fucking awesome. I wanted that. To have people sing along to my bands' songs.

The song finished and Ray was at my side.  
"Its just you now buddy."He smiled at me. I turned around to see the guys leaving.

"No Bob you stay. This thing hasn't got a beat and I know it needs one. Could you stay and see if you can work something out?"I looked at him hopefully. He nodded and sat back down.

"Okay."I turned back to the expectant crowd,"This song is an original. It isn't fully finished yet but I love you guys and I want to play it for you before I go."I smiled out at them.

I moved away from the mic and pulled the keyboard over. I positioned it so I could play then passed Daisy over to Mikey. After that he went and sat at a table where Pete joined him. Ray was sitting with Frank.

I stared out at the crowd. I could see a few familiar faces. Then I saw her. Jade. She was talking to Diane happily. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.  
"I'd like to dedicate this to my Nana. This song is about her. Its called Cancer."I opened my eyes and looked down at the keys. I started playing the notes I had once cried over.

Nana had taught me this tune. It never meant anything until I finished it and put lyrics to it. It was just a tune she taught to Mikey and I when we were just starting to learn about music.

"Turn away... If you could get me a drink, of water cause my lips are chapped and faded. Call my aunt Maree. Help her gather all my things... And bury me in all my favourite colours. My sisters and my brothers still I will not kiss you... Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you..."

Bob started playing the drums behind me. Perfectly. They fit in with the lyrics so well.

"Now turn away... Cause I'm awful just to see... Cause all my hairs abandoned all my body. Oh my agony. Know that I will never marry! Baby I'm just soggy from the chemo. But counting down the days to go... It just aint living! And I just hope you know... That if you say... Goodbye tonight... I'd ask you to be true... Cause the hardest part of this... Is leaving you... Cause the hardest part of this is leaving.... You..."

I looked around at the silent crowd as I wiped the three tears that I hadn't noticed fall. Two seconds later everyone screamed and cheered and clapped. Someone slapped me on the back. I looked to see Bob grinning at me.

"Come on."He linked arms with me, weird, and pulled me off stage.  
"Gerard that was amazing!"  
"You're so great Gerard!"  
"That was fucking beautiful Gerard!"

People were screaming at me. Bob shouldered his way through the crowd until we reached Mikey and Pete. Immediately Mikey stood up and hugged me.

"Gerard that was... Fucking perfect."He sighed. I held him tightly and closed my eyes.  
"I'm sorry for yelling at you Mikey... You didn't know and I'm sorry."I whispered.

"Its okay... I don't care just- don't shove me around on stage in front of a crowd again. Kay?"He pulled back and raised an eyebrow at me. I smiled and nodded.

Mikeys eyes darted behind me and he cleared his throat. I looked around to see Frank walking up to me with Ray. Ray went straight in for a hug, going on about how good the song with. I barely even noticed.

"Gerard can you please take me home?"He said quietly, not meeting my eyes.  
"Okay."I nodded. He turned around immediately and left me. I stared after him sadly.

"Just explain to him. If its really like you say it is then he will understand."Mikey touched me on the arm. I turned around and nodded.

"I love you guys. You're the best friends I could ever have."I smiled and went after Frank.  
"Hey Gerard wait!"Diane stopped me. I went over to her. She was standing behind the counter looking slightly worried.

"Jade was here earlier. She wanted to say hi to you but you were on stage and now I don't know where she has got to."She smiled as she peered at the people sitting down.

"Fuck uh okay thanks. I actually saw her today so uh I will just call her later."I smiled back before rushing outside.


	19. Counselling

I stared up at her. She was quite intimidating close up.  
"I don't like you and you don't like me. But we both like Gerard so we are gonna have to share him. Okay? I refuse to give him up."She glared down at me.

"Uh..."What the fuck was I supposed to say? Jade was fucking insane. She let go of my arms and leaned against the car next to me. She pulled out a smoke out and lit it right as Gerard walked out.

"Oh hey Jade. Di told me you were here. Thought you were still inside."He said as he walked up to us slowly. I could barely look at him. Seeing the two of them together was fucking killing me.

"Don't I get a hug?"Jade said as she wrappped her arms around him. He patted her on the back awkwardly then detached himself.  
"You ready to go?"He asked me, trying to keep an air of normality.

"Where are you guys going?"Jade asked, blowing smoke in my pissed off face.  
"I'm taking him home."Gerard sighed.  
"Oh right... Gerard that was really amazing before. So beautiful."Jade said, stubbing her smoke out on the ground.

"Uh thanks. Frank needs to get home though so I can't stay and chat. Sorry."Gerard said. He gave Jade a quick hug before unlocking the car.

"Okay well are you coming back to mine tonight?"She asked as I got in the car. I shut the door quickly to hide the hot tears as Gerard stood by the open door.

"Uh not tonight. I need to talk to F-Mikey."I heard him say. This was going to be a very fun car ride. Gerard got in the car and sighed.

"Frank I-"  
"Just drive."I sniffed and looked out the window at Jade. She was starinng at me, grinning. Fucking bitch.

Gerard started the car but turned it off again.  
"Frank I can't drive. I'm too fucking... Ugh I feel too sick."He clenched the staring wheel and banged his head against it.

"Gerard don't bang your head."I said, being a complete hypocrite by banging my head against my head rest once. He snorted at me before sighing.  
"So tell me... What is it exactly thats going on between you and Jade?"I looked over at him.

There was a tap on my window. I looked out and jumped. Jades face was right there. I wound down the window and raised an eyebrow at her.  
"What are you guys doing?"She asked.  
"Uh just I um-"  
"He left Daisy inside so I'm just going to grab her for him."I smiled and got out of the car.

"Oh so you're going to stay at Petes tonight? I'll come say hi!"She smiled as I shut the door.  
"No! I just mean uh I wont be there uh I'm staying at the house tonight."Gerard smiled at her. Fuck.  
"Oh right... Okay well I guess I will see you tomorrow."She smiled.

"Gerard where did you put it?"I asked, leaning in the car window next to Jade.  
"Oh uh Mikey should have it."He smiled.  
"Kay... Jade walk with me."I said sternly.

"Uh okay..."She gave Gerard a look and followed me inside.  
"I dont know what your fucking deal is but I'm finding out tonight okay? I dont trust you. You aren't good for Gerard in my eyes and I want you out of my fucking life. I am going to do whatever I can to get you out of Gerards life as well."I smiled at her sweetly before rushing off towards the back where Mikey was talking with Bob, Ray and Pete.

"Hey guys ahh Gerard wants Daisy.'I smiled.  
"Oh uh Daisy is in her case out the back. Its where I keep it most of the time."Mikey smiled up at me.  
"Thanks. How are you guys getting home?"I asked them all suddenly.  
"Gerards coming back to take us... Right?"Pete looked worried.

"He said before he is staying at the house tonight and thats where he is taking me... I will ask him."I smiled and rushed off before they could freak out on me.

"Hey Frank I thought you left?"Diane popped up from behind the counter.  
"Uh yeah I just need Gerards guitar."I smiled.  
"Oh right I'll go grab it, hold up."She left me standing there awkwardly.

"Frank."Someone said behind me. I turned around to find Jade staring down at me.  
"Yes?"I turned and faced the counter again. I did not have the fucking patience to deal with her right now.  
"Fucking face me when I'm talking to you."She grabbed my shoulder and yanked me around. Fuck that actually really hurt.

"Jade I have nothing more to say to you. You're a manipulative bitch and I dont know why Gerard even talks to you."  
"Because I was his fucking therapist for 3 months."She growled. What? I looked up and scanned her face. It seemed as if she was telling the truth.  
"Yeah. So dont go assuming things just because you're fucking jealous."She smiled brightly.

"Here you go Frank... Everything okay here?"Diane handed me the guitar, taking in my face.  
"Uh sure I was just saying how um cool Jades tats are..."I smiled at Diane and thanked her.

I started walking away but stopped and looked back at Jade. She was staring at me with a weird look on her face. I had no fucking idea what to think. I looked back and continued walking out.

"You ready to go?"I asked Gerard as I stuck Daisy in the back of the car.  
"Yeah..."He sighed and started the car as I got in the front seat.

He started the car up and slowly drove away from The Magic Bean. We were silent for a few minutes before I felt the car slowing to a stop then Gerard turned the car off and turned in his seat to face me.

I looked out the window. We were down some pitch black street. I could just make out a house in front of my window but that was it.  
"Gerard please explain to me everything you think needs explaining."I sighed and undid my seatbelt for comfort and turned to face him.

"Okay... I've known Jade for a very long time... When I tried to kill myself Mikey took it upon himself to turn up at the house for the first time in a year and tell Steven that I was suicidal. Steven being the guy he is, organised for me to hve a therapist. Jades tutor. She sat in on my sessions to watch my therapist work. Thats where I found out about The Magic Bean. Cause she worked there part time.

"My therapist stopped turning up one day. He had to go to rehab for drug use or something stupid."Gerard sighed.  
"Ironic."I snorted.

"I know... But anyway, Jade and I have been good friends since then because she took over my therapy for about three months. With me and the guys playing often and then her working there we just became close and I kept talking to her and then a month ago we um... The first night I stayed away from the house I was at hers and we um we got really drunk and I- she confessed her feelings for me and I think- I cant really remember much but I think I was humoring her and I um I told her I liked her back and we uh- fuck. We ended up fucking and fuck. I cant talk properly."Gerard closed his eyes.

I didnt really know what to say. It seemed like a fair enough story... But that still didnt change the fact that he pretty much cheated on me.  
"Take a deep breath in slowly."I said as he started hyperventilating.

"Sorry I just- I feel so stupid... We have only ever uh done it 4 times but every time I've been drunk and- fuck. Drinking has a bad effect on me Frank."He opened his eyes and looked at me urgently,"If I start I cant stop and I- fuck. Please Frank you have to understand. Jade somehow convinced me that we weren't together. She- she said that she had talked to you and fuck, I should have known because, how the fuck would she talk to you but she told me you said you didnt want to be with me and thats why I was- so fucking reclusive and shit Frank I'm so fucking stupid!"

He closed his eyes again and started sobbing. Fuck. I hated it when people cried. I never knew what to do.  
"You aren't stupid Gerard..."I sighed. He shook his head and wiped his tears away.

"Frank I can understand if you don't forgive me I just- Jade has a few problems of her own and she can get really- p-possessive over people and things. I dont know how to tell her I cant s-sleep with her again..."Gerard scrubbed at his face and looked over at me.

"Gerard I... I don't- I need... time..."I sighed and looked ahead of me.  
"Th-thats okay... Do you know where we are?"Gerard asked as he stared at the house outside.  
"Uh no... I don't really get around that much."I laughed slightly.

"We're outside my old house... Down the end of the road is th-the forest."Gerard stared up at the house. Holy fuck. I turned to the house again. I still couldn't see much cause this street had no fucking lights.

"What's that?"I asked as I spotted something closer to the car. It was a sign of some sort.  
"I don't know... Hold up."Gerard got out of the car, in the middle of the dark late at night like an idiot, and went to shine his phone on it.

He got back in the car and slammed the door shut,"It's for sale."  
"Oh... Imagine if we bought it."I laughed slightly.  
"I would love to buy it."Gerard sighed. I looked over at him. He looked so sad.

"Gerard when was the last time you were in the forest?"I asked him quietly.  
"When I tried to kill myself."Gerard said quietly. He reached up and turned the overhead light off.

"Sorry its just gonna drain the battery is all."Gerard said in the darkness. I nodded even though he couldn't see me.  
"Can we go for a walk? In the forest?"I asked quietly$

"What now? In the fucking dark?"Gerard sounded scared.  
"No uh tomorrow. After school."I assured him.  
"Oh um... I don't know... Maybe... Why?"

"I want to see the tree."I said firmly.  
"Oh... I could always get Mikey to show it to you, you don't need me... Do you?"He really didn't want to go in there.

"Gerard I think you need to go in there. Not when the police are showing you something. Not when you want to kill yourself. You need to go in when you have a friend with you."I said.

"So that's you?"He asked me softly.  
"Well yeah, I want to go in with you."I said, not sure why he asked me that. I just asked before if he would go in with me. Weird.

"So we're just friends now?"He sniffed. Oh fuck. How was I supposed to answer that? Shit mother fucking hell.  
"Gerard... I said I n-need time. Can you please take me home now?"I sighed to the window.

"Okay... Sorry."Gerard sniffed again as he started the car up. I continued staring out the window as we drove off. The rest of the car ride was in silence until the very end.

"The guys need a ride home. I don't know where you're staying tonight but I've sort of moved into you bed because Claire and Lily are in with me."I smiled at him sheepishly in the dim over head light.  
"That's fine I'll just uhh go get the guys and take them back. I'll figure out what I'm doing then I guess."He sighed as I started to get out of the car.

"Okay uhh... See you at school on monday?"I raised my eyebrows at him.  
"Uhm maybe. Bye Frankie."He said as I waved at him and shut the door.

I walked up the path to the house and stepped inside. Jesus it was late.  
"Oh Frank!"Lily came out of nowhere and attacked me in a hug. She was almost choking me.  
"Lily I can't breath."I coughed out.

"Sorry but- where the fuck have you been?! I have been worried sick! Claire cried herself to sleep because she was scared you were fucking dead!"Lily glared at me.

"I- have a lot to tell you..."I whispered and leaned against the wall, sliding down onto my bum as a tear trailed down my cheek.  
"Fuck Frankie what's wrong?"Lily asked me urgently, sitting down in front of me and taking my hands iin hers.

"I- we- Gerard-"The tears were pouring out now. Lily didn't bother trying to get it out of me. She just pulled me into an awkward hug for me to cry on her shoulder.

"Frank come on. We'll go upstairs and tallk aye?"She smiled at me and pulled me to my feet. I glumly followed her up the stairs, not saying a word til we were in our room.

Claire was asleep in my/Gerard's bed so I plonked down on her/my old bed.  
"Frank tell me what happened. Why are you so late?"She whispered to me and turned the lamp off.

"What's the time?"I asked curiously.  
"Almost midnight."She replied. Jesus.  
"Oh wow okay um. During the lunch break Gerard woke me up and-"  
"Frank you can't fall asleep in court."Lily laughed slightly.

"Well I did. Anyway, Gerard woke me up and we went and had lunch at this cafe..."I told her everything. Right from the lunch date, through the sex when Lily couldn't stop giggling, right up until I had gotten out of the car.

"Frank how old is Jade?"Lily asked after a minute of silence  
"Uh I don't know like 23?"I sighed and rubbed my face.  
"And how old is Gerard?"  
"17..."I think I knew what she was thinking.

"You can't blame Gerard for this. She must have been what, 21 whhen she started sitting in on his therapy? Frank she is an adult and Gerard is under 18. She should not be getting him drunk. She is the only one who is in the wrong here."Lily said firmly.

I thought about it. She was fucking right. Sure, Gerard was naieve to believe her but she was his therapist for 3 months. Of course he is going to trust her.

"Fuck Lily you're right."I groaned.  
"Of course I'm right."She replied, the smugness drenching her voice.  
"Oh I treated him so bad as well."I fell back into my pillows and groaned.

"You had every reason to treat him bad Frank. This is quite literally all Jades fault. You've done nothing wrong okay?"Lily was on my bed suddenly, patting my arm.

"Thank you Lily."I sat up properly and hugged her tightly. She hugged me back and said,"I'm here for you mate."  
"I have to talk to him don't I..."I sighed.

"Yeah you do. But not right now. We need to sleep."Lily said as she got up and went back to her bed.  
"Yeah... Can you put the lamp on please? I need to get changed."I sighed as I realised I was still in my jeans and t-shirt.

The light came on illuminating the room and, holy fucking god, Gerard.  
"Jesus fucking hell Gerard!"I shouted as Lily screamed almost falling off her bed, and woke Claire up.


	20. This Feels Like Falling In Love

"Sorry fuck."He mumbled and moved away from leaning against the door.  
"Gerard what the hell?! How long have you been there?"I screeched as Claire climbed onto my bed and clung to me.

I held her tightly as Gerard sat down on the end of my bed and rubbed his face.  
"I'm sorry guys I just- I thought you were asleep and so I was just going to fall asleep on the floor or something cause Steve was up making a drink and told me the sleeping situation and I- I heard you telling Lily and I couldnt help but- listen."Gerard looked so upset.

"Just- how long were you there for?"Lily sighed and uprighted herself.  
"Long enough to hear your thoughts on it all Lily..."Gerard said quietly.  
"What do you think of that?"She asked him slowly.

"I dont know... I never thought of it that way..."  
"Gerard you should talk to somebody about it. Someone with more authority because for all we know it could be rape."Lily said firmly. Jesus she was actually right.

"I know! Okay I just- its a lot to handle."Gerard fell onto his back and covered his eyes.  
"What are you guys talking about?"Claire asked in my arms. Shit.  
"Dont worry Claire just go back to sleep okay?"I murmured into her hair.  
"I missed you Frankie."She smiled up at me.

"I missed you too kiddo. Now go to sleep its too late for you."I smiled and kissed her on the cheek. She snuggled down as I pulled the blankets over the both of us.  
"Lily what do you want to be when you're older?"Gerard asked suddenly.

"I- Uh... I dont know... What has that got to do any of this? Gerard you need to get serious. This girl as a serious problem and you need to tell her whats going on. For all we know she could be completely oblivious to everything but her own feelings and how to get what she wants."Lily ignored Gerards question but I knew exactly why he asked her.

"Lily have you ever considered becoming a councilor or anything like that?"I asked her seriously even though she snorted at what I had just said.  
"Oh my god you're serious?"She grinned at me.  
"Yes. You are really good at helping people and getting them to talk about things.'I said, fighting the urge to smile at the dopey look on her face.  
"Wow I never ever thought about it."She sat back in her pillows.

"Well think about it tomorrow because I want to sleep. We have school tomorrow."I sighed as I edged out from underneath Claire. Lily had snuggled down and was trying to sleep already.

I pulled out my pyjama bottoms and started to put them on without even thinking.  
"Nice."Gerard smirked behind me. I spun around awkwardly.

"Dude do you mind?"I said as I fell down onto my bed.  
"Not at all."He hrinned up at me from his bed.  
"Gerard come on."I sighed and managed to cover myself up completely.

"You guys shut up."Lily sighed from her bed.  
"Sorry Lily. I'm turning the light out now."I whispered as I darted around her bed and flicked the light off.

"Shit."I breathed. I couldn't see a fucking thing. I started scrabbling around in the dark, trying not to walk into anything and failing. I walked into something and feel over. I shoved my hands out to soften the force but I probably shouldn't have.

"Fuck Frank!"Gerard groaned as my hands slammed onto his chest and I toppled on top of him completely.  
"Oh shit Gerard I'm sorry!"I yelped as I struggled to get up.

"Its okay just- wait-"  
"Lemme-"  
"Here."Gerard grabbed me by the hips and rolled over so he was on top of me.

"Gerard what are you doing?"I whispered. In my heart I knew I had already forgiven him and was relishing the fact that he was on top of me but I didn't want Gerard knowing how easily I folded.

"Frank..."He whispered. The way he said my name sent shivers down my spine. I couldn't stand how he made me feel, it was insane.

"What?"I replied harshly as I realised I was started to get hard just from him being on top of me. Fuck fuck fuck come on think of something else. Fucking what? Fuck. All I could think of was Gerard and the fact that our crotches were currently pressed together.

"I just- I need you."He whispered softly. I stopped freaking out and looked at the darkness that I assumed was his face.  
"Gerard I cant-"can't what? Forgive him?

"No no I understand I just- I don't know..."Gerard sighed and got off of me. He sat down next to me. I stayed lying down until my problem was completely gone.

I sat up and turned to face him.  
"Gerard... You make me-"  
"Could you guys possibly leave the room before you have this chat? Because I'm trying to sleep."Lily interrupted me.

"Shit sorry Lily. Come on Gerard."I stood up and navigated my way to the door, Gerard following close behind. We walked out and I stared about, wondering where we should talk, when Gerard took the lead and led me into the bathroom.

"So... I make you...?"Gerard smiled as he flicked the light on and sat down on the edge of the bath. I put the toilet seat down and sat on it.

"You make me... Feel funny? You have this weird effect on me Gerard. I don't know what it is but... Yeah..."I looked away from his intense gaze and stared at some mould in the crevice between two tiles on the wall.

"Frank do you remember your first day here?"Gerard asked me quietly. How could I forget it? I got beaten up, made a friend and started to fall in love with Gerard. Wait what? What the actual fuck fuckity fuck?

"Yes."I choked out as my throat started to clog up at the thought that I might actually be in love with Gerard.  
"I really wanted some fucking food but I left anyway."Gerard confused me with his weird sentence.

"Why did you leave?"I looked round at him and was startled to see him lying down in the bath. What the fuck is going on? Maybe I was asleep and this was all a dream.

"Because of you dumbass. People know to stay away from me. But you didn't and you just sat down next to me and tried talking to me. Nobody has ever done that since before I almost killed fucking Cole. You made me realise just how much I missed proper human contact."His eyes were closed.

I sat there, deep in thought about what he had said. I guess he sorta made me feel the same way. Before I moved to the halfway house, the only people I had ever talked to were Claire, Lily and occasionally Mrs Macy. Then when I came here it was like Gerard had pulled me out of a shell I didn't even know was surrounding me. Fuck.

"What the fuck are you in the bath for?"I asked him, my curiosity getting the better of me.  
"Oh I'm tired and I think better when I'm lying down."He opened his eyes and looked at me.

His eyes were glittering from the reflection of the lights above us. It was gorgeous.  
"Do we have art tomorrow?"I asked suddenly.  
"Uh I think so why?"He sat up slowly and looked at me.

"You wanna draw my eyes?"I raised an eyebrow at his glowing face.  
"I wasn't actually going to go to school tomorrow... I was gonna go to Jades."He sighed and fell back down. He hit his head on the bottom of the bath, making a loud thumping noise, but he didn't even flinch.

"Oh... Well maybe whatever it is that you're planning on doing won't take all day?"I looked down at my hands, trying to keep the jealousy, anger and hope out of my voice. I failed miserably.

"You don't need to worry. I'm telling her that we're over and that I can't be friends with her right now. All that shit. So I suppose it won't take all day. I will meet you at art okay?"He got up out of the bath and smiled at me,"Lets go to bed aye?"He held his hand out for me.

I stood up and took it. His hand was so warm and, as usual, that warmth spread right to my face and turned it the colour of beetreoot. It was horrible. Just like beetroot. I hated that vege. Was it even a fucking vege? Its just thes disgusting purple blooded hairy ball.

"What are you thinking about?"Gerard asked me suddenly as he pulled me out of the bathroom.  
"Uh... Beetroot."I blushed an even darkeer shade of red. Thankfully we were out in the dark hallway so Gerard couldn't see.

"Uh okay... I'm not even gonna bother asking."Gerard snorted slightly. I could feel my palms starting to sweat. Great. We opened the door to our room and stopped.

"Gerard do you have your phone on you? I can't see a fucking thing."I whispered and stared into the blackness. Out in the hallway it was brighter thanks to a window letting in some light from outside. But in here, where the curtain was shut and somehow no light was reaching into our room, it was pitch black. Darker than that even.

"Uh yeah hold on."Gerard said as he scrabbled for his phone. Suddenly there was light glowing from the small screen. I walked in and stared at Claire. She was in my bed, completely tangled in blankets, half off the edge, and taking up almost all the space somehow. Seriously, I didnt know how she did it she was fucking tiny.

"Lets see..."I sighed as I started trying to rearrange Claire. I carefully pushed her legs back onto the bed and spread the blanket over her properly.  
"No Frank just sleep in my bed I'll- sleep downstairs."Gerard sighed and left me alone. I didnt want him sleeping downstairs by himself but I couldn't have Claire wake up and not have me be there.

I sighed and plonked myself down on Gerards bed. Even though I had been sleeping in it the past few weeks I felt wrong and awkward just thinking about sleeping in it. Gerard was actually here now.

I lay down on the bed, staying on top of the blankets, and stared at the seemingly non-existant ceiling. Gerard said I had changed him. Made him want human contact. My contact. Jesus.

Before I knew what I was actually doing I got up off the bed and walked straight to the door, not even bumping into anything, and started making my way downstairs.

I walked into the lounge where the moonlight was shining through the front windows brightly on the couch. He had his back to the window/me and was shaking.

I padded over in my barefeet and pulled black his one thin blanket. He looked up at me and smiled.  
"I didn't feel right leaving you down here by yourself."I whispered as I climbed under the blankets next to him.

He maneuvered himself around so that I was lying on top of him somehow. I dont know how he did it but suddenly I was lying on top of him, resting my head on his chest happily. He pulled the blanket over us both and kissed me lightly on the top of my head.

"Goodnight Frank."He whispered into my hair.  
"Night Gerard..."I love you... Do I really love him? I couldnt tell. I didnt know what it fucking felt like but right now it felt like fucking paradise just lying in Gerards arms. I closed my eyes and slowly fell asleep.


	21. I Let It Fade Away

"Fraaaank! Wake up!"Someone was shaking me. I slowly opened my eyes and realised it was Claire who was shaking me and I was lying on the couch. Alone.

"Where... Where's Gerard?"I groaned as I sat up. I must have slept at an awkward angle because my neck was fucking killing me.  
"I don't know. Lily just told me to come down and wake you."Claire beamed at me. Fuck I was tired.

"What time is it?"I scrubbed at my face furiously in an attempt to wake up properly.  
"Ten minutes before we leave for school."She gave me a toothy grin.

"Shit I forgot I was taking you in... Uhh okay are you ready to go?"I asked as I stood up and tried fixing my neck with a roll.  
"Yup. I just have to wait for you and Lily. Come on Frank you don't wanna be late do you?"Claire grabbed my hand and pulled me out of the lounge.

We walked past the dining room to see a few kids sitting down in a group whispering furiously. When they saw me stumble after Claire they stopped talking immediately. Great.

We made our way to the top floor where Lily was packing a bag for Claire.  
"Don't know why you said you will take her to school with you. Completely fucking insane."Lily glared at me as I walked in.  
"It was the only thing to get her to behave."I grumbled as I put my uniform on.

"Yeah well good luck handling her all day."Lily stood up, shoved the bag in my chest and walked off.  
"Is Lily angry?"Claire asked as she watched me change.  
"Probably. She thinks me taking you to school with me is a bad idea. But I think its gonna be fun"I smiled at her as I picked her up and hugged her.

I put my bag over my shoulder and grabbed Claires bag then went downstairs.  
"Has Lily left already?"I asked Taylor as I took some lunch from him.  
"Yeah, Steven was ready to go so she left. See ya later Frank."Taylor grinned and saluted me.

I walked out the front door and sighed as I put Claire down next to me.  
"You stay away from the road okay? And you don't talk to anyone unless I say its okay alright?"I knelt down in front of her and looked her in the eye.

"Okay Frankie."She smiled as she took my hand and we started walking. This was one of those days I wished Gerard was here.

Gerards POV

I kissed Frank lightly on the lips before heading out. Today was ggoing to be a very tough day. I had to end whatever it was I had with Jade and actually turn up for art. Mr Stump was going to have a lot of questions.

I started the car and drove to the cafe where Jade worked. She always worked early mornings during the week. I don't know how she did it though. I was struggling to stay awake now. Thankfully Steven had given me a coffee before going.

I pulled up outside the empty cafe and turned the car off. I could see her inside. Cleaning the tables. Now or never I guess. I got out of the car and slowly walked in.

"Oh hey Gerard."Jade smiled at me happily but then her face dropped,"Are you okay? You look like you've seen a ghost. Come sit down I'll get you a coffee."She grabbed me and sat me down firmly before going to the coffee machine and doing her thing.

"Jade I actually came here because I need to talk to you about- something."I stared at a dent in the table as she came back round to me and sat in front of me.

"What is it?"She asked me. I didn't say anything. Couldn't. I was such a fucking wuss.  
"Gerard come on you're freaking me out."She grabbed my hand and squeezed.

I yanked my hand away from her involuntarily and flinched at the hurt look on her face.  
"Jade I have to end whatever it is that's going on between us."I splurted out.

She didn't say anything for a while until she let out a single sob and said,"Why?"  
"Because number 1. I'm only 17 and you're 23. 2. I shouldn't have even been getting drunk in the first place. Another illegal thing. And 3. I want to be with Frank. I know you lied about talking to him and that really upsets me because I thought I could trust you."I closed my eyes and clenched my fists.

"Okay..."Jade sighed. I opened my eyes and looked at her tear stained face covered in make-up that was now running down her face.  
"Okay what?"I asked uncertainly.

"Okay we have to end it. I'm sorry for what I did but its only because I love you Gerard. Please don't hate me forever."She sighed and got up. I watched as she went out back and out of my sight.

That was it? I had expected a lot more theatrics. With Jade you got the whole deal. Not just an 'okay I'm sorry I'll leave you alone now', not with someone like Jade.

I sat there and stared at nothing. My mind was fogging up. I was starting to sweat. Badly. I stood up slowly, feeling dizzy, and started walking out to the car. I got inside and sat at the wheel to try and gather myself. I literally felt all over the fucking place.

Wait, why am I going back into the cafe|? Oh right, to talk to Jade. I walked inside and looked around. Nobody was inside.  
"Jade?"I called out. She appeared from out back and stopped when she saw me.  
"What do you want Gerard?"She sniffed. She had been crying.

Someone had made her cry. No one got to do that.  
"Jade whats happened? Why have you been crying?"I asked her urgently.  
"I- what? Gerard are you okay?"She came round from the counter and scanned my face.

"I'm fine. What happened? Who made you cry?"I pulled her over and sat her down. She was being so weird. Maybe she didnt want to tell me.  
"Gerard what the hell is wrong- Shit... Okay Gerard. Sit down. Now."She commanded.

I stared at her as I sat down. Something was wrong.  
"Jade whats going on? I dont understand."I looked around suddenly and almost shit my pants,"Where the fuck are we? What the fuck is happening?"

"Gerard I need you to calm down and just focus on me okay? Can you do that for me?"She grabbed me by my shoulders and held me down. When had I stood up? I sat back down and looked her in the eyes.

"Gerard, how did you get her?"She asked me seriously. She had her therapist voice on. Something was wrong with me.  
"I drove here... Jade whats wrong with me why can't I think properly? Fucking- Mikey!"I yelled and stood up.

He must have been wondering where I was. I had been out for ages. I quickly walked out of the shop and spotted Bob's car.  
"What?"I said as I spun in a circle to find him.

Jade grabbed me by the shoulders to stop me.  
"Whoa hey Jade. Why are you wearing an apron? Do you work here? Do you still work at The Magic Bean? Is that why you asked me here? To tell me?"I stared at her scared face. Why was she scared.

"Hey Gerard can I borrow your phone?"Jade said as we walked. When did we get here? We were around the corner from the school.  
"Yeah sure."I handed it to her and smiled.

"Okay Gerard you keep walking I'll catch up okay?"She smiled as she put the phone to her ear,"Steven hi..."  
I continued walking and spotted a boy across the road with a little girl.

"Hey Gerard!"She called and waved. I waved back confused. Weird. I didnt usually associate with little kids. They fucked me off. The boy turned around just as Jade caught up with me and linked our arms.

"Gerard?"He called. We made eye contact and something went -zing- inside me.  
"Here. Thanks."Jade handed me my phone back with a smile so I smiled back.

The boy's eyes darted to Jades face and our linked arms. His face crumpled. Like literally, scrunched up. He picked the little girl up and rushed away. Who the hell was he?

"Frank wait!"I called. Jesus I was in the middle of the road.  
"Gerard get off the fucking road!"Jade screamed behind me. I stopped moving forward just in time as a truck sped past me, blaring its horn out. I rushed back to Jade and fell to my knees in front of her.

"Jade whats wrong with me everything keeps cutting out!"I cried in anguish. When I looked around it was like everything had a dark haze around the edges and it was making me feel nauseous.

"Gerard its okay just stay still okay? Close your eyes and stay still."She said as she sat down next to me and hugged me. I did as she said until I heard a car pull up next to us.

"Steven. What are you doing here?"I said with distaste. That man fucked me off.  
"Gerard I think you need to come with me."He smiled from the window.  
"Like hell. I need to find Mikey."I sighed and looked around. I could barely fucking see.

"Gerard when we get to the house I want you to sleep okay?"Steven said next to me. Fucking hell I was in the car?  
"I- okay. Did I say goodbye to Jade?"I asked.  
"Yeah... You said thank you for the coffee and told her to stop crying because whoever made her cry is a douche bag and then she laughed sadly."Steven said as he stopped the car.

"Fuck... Steven I need help..."I sighed as we got out of the car.  
"I know you do. We're working on it okay?"Steven said as we walked in.

"Gerard!"Someone called behind me. I spun around to see Mikey running up the road to me.  
"Mikey!"I rushed to him and we collided into a hug.

"Jade called me. Told me what was going on."He sighed into my hair. I held him tightly.  
"I'm sorry for not telling you where I was going."I said as we started walking up to the house.

"I- It's okay... Wow havent seen this in ages."He mumbled. We walked inside after Steven and walked up the stairs. I looked around at the room. It smelt funny. Like there had been a girl in here. Jack had probably spent the night with his girlfriend in here.

"Gerard how tired are you?"Mikey whispered. Wait when did the curtains get closed? And how did I get in bed?  
"I'm pretty tired I guess... I need to sleep."I sighed. It had been a very trying week last week and I was just so tired.

"I think you should."Mikey whispered. He was sitting next to me on my bed.  
"Are you going?"I sighed as Mikey shifted.  
"No. I'll be here the whole time okay? I wont leave you."He whispered and lay down next to me.

Franks POV

"Claire you are really good at this!"Mrs Bellato exclaimed as Claire somehow mastered yet another chord with her tiny fingers. The guitar was the same height as her and was too big for her to hold by herself but somehow she was managing to strum a few chords.

"Frank you've really brought some talent in."Mrs Bellato grinned at me.  
"I know. I love her."I smiled at her for a second. I found it hard to smile. Claire knew something was wrong. She had tried to pull it out of me but I knew she wouldn't understand.

"Frankie will you please play something for me?"Claire shoved the guitar at me.  
"Uh sure."I smiled and took it from her. Mrs Bellato went back to her desk and started doing some work.

"What do you want me to play?"I asked her as I moved off the desk and onto the chair.  
"Um can you play Promise?"She wriggled around in her seat.  
"Sure..."I sighed. I slowly started playing it out as Claire closed her eyes and started swaying.

Then we both started singing and it made me cry. Fuck.  
"Frankie are you okay?"Claire stopped me from playing and hugged me. I hugged her back and started sobbing.

"Frank are you okay? Do you want to talk to someone?"Mrs Bellato came over.  
"I'm okay I just need- Lily."I managed to get a hold of myself as I wiped away my tears. I fucking hated crying.

"I think maybe you should go to the nurse. She might have something that can calm you down."She smiled as the bell rang.  
"Yeah... I dont want to be here when the others get here."I smiled and stood up with Claire and the guitar still in my arms.

"Here."Mrs Bellato came over and took the car from me, setting it back on its stand before passing me my bag.  
"Thanks."I gave her a watery smile and headed out as a class started filing in past me.

I trudged through the school, eventually transferring Claire to my back, until I reached the nurses clinic. I walked in hesitantly at the sight of the nurse taking the temperature of a young freshman.

"Frankie! Good to see you."She smiled at me as I put Claire down.  
"Uh hey... Laura was it?"I asked, the name feeling fuzzy on my tongue for some reason.  
"Linda. But good guess."She grinned as she started bandaging up the boys foot.

I put Claire down and told her to sit on one of the seats. Linda finished on the boys foot and sent him off.  
"So, what can I do for you?"She smiled as she started cleaning things and putting them away.

"Uhm. Mrs Bellato told me to come here. Cause I was um a little upset..."I looked away at Claire who was staring at the ceiling.  
"A little upset? Frankie you were crying badly."Claire looked at me suddenly.  
"Thank you for that Claire."I smiled at her as Linda snorted.

"So you just wanted to chill in here for a bit then?"She asked me and sat down. I nodded as I sat down next to Claire.  
"Thats fine. What classes are you supposed to have? I can vouch for why you weren't there."She said, opening up a laptop and bringing up the school's roster system.

"Uh I had music first which I went to but then I stayed and didnt go to biology and then I left and came here. I'm supposed to be in english right now then gym. After that its lunch and then I have art."I sighed as I thought of what was supposed to happen in art today. Fucking Gerard. Fucking Jade. Fucking-  
"Fuck!"I groaned and thumped my head against the wall behind me.

"Hey dont go doing that, You can actually do some serious damage when you do that."Linda scolded me.  
"Sorry mum."I said sarcastically. She dropped the pen she was writing with and blushed furiously at that. Weird.

"I'm being serious. You shouldnt do things like that."She choked out. I stared at her curiously. There was something just... Familiar? I couldnt figure it out she just- fucking hell she just was making something in the back of my mind tick like hell.

"Frankie what was wrong with Gerard?"Claire asked me suddenly.  
"I um- I dont know..."I coughed. I didnt want to talk about him.  
"Whats wrong with Gerard? Whats happened?"Linda asked me urgently.

"I uh this morning when we were walking to school I saw him across the road and I- he looked a little odd but I um I didnt stay long."I informed her.  
"Like... how funny.. Did he almost look like he didnt know you?"Linda was standing up now. What the fuck was going on.

"He looked like he didnt know me."Claire spoke up.  
"Shit... Uhh you guys stay here I need to go see him."She sighed and shut her laptop.  
"What? Why whats wrong?"I asked urgently.

"He uh... He has used to have this thing well he must still have it but like we cant figure out why and the house cant afford to get him checked out cause the thing costs so fucking much but he has these freak outs like um if he is stressed I think then he has blackouts and memory loss like... I- the way he described it to me was weird he said that his memory was sort of like skipping through time like on a movie you know?"She looked so worried.

"Okay... Can we come with you?"I said as I stood up.  
"Yeah sure... Come on, she probably shouldn't be in this shit hole anyway."She smiled at Claire and grabbed her keys.


	22. Nobody Likes You, Everybody Hates You

"Why didnt anyone tell me?"I asked angrily. Claire, Linda, Steven and Mikey were sitting on the couches in the lounge with me, informing me of Gerards problem. After he had tried to kill himself every time he got too stressed out he would go through these amnesia blackouts. The doctors said the test to figure out what it is exactly thats causing it is gonna cost like almost 2000 bucks or something and not even the government can pay for that. They said unless he gets himself in harms way, they wont do a thing. Bastards.

"Because we thought it had stopped. The last time was almost two years ago."Mikey sighed and flopped back into his pillows.  
"Oh..."I sighed as well and finished tying Claire's hair up. She kissed me on the cheek then went running off into the back garden to play.

"Hi Gerard!"I heard her yell as she ran. We all looked towards the door to see Gerard's head pop around the corner.  
"Hey guys... Whats going on?"He asked and walked in. He sat down next to me and put his arm around me. Fuck I couldn't handle it.

"Whats the last thing you remember?"Mikey asked him slowly.  
"Uh... Leaving here... This morning... Fuck! It happened again didnt it?"He groaned. Steven nodded.  
"Okay so what is the last actual thing you remember?"Steven asked again.

"Okay um... Kissing Frank goodbye then leaving here. To talk to Jade... Fuck..."He groaned again.  
"Okay so I guess we have to get Jade here."Mikey sighed and pulled his phone out.

I shifted uncomfortably underneath Gerard's arm at the mention of Jade. I did not want her here at all. Even if she did call Steven and Mikey. I still didnt like her. At all.  
"You okay?"Gerard whispered through my hair. I nodded and sent him a reassuring smile. He fell for it and got up.

"You guys want anything to drink?"He called as he went into the kitchen. Nobody replied. We all just sat in silence as Mikey started talking to Jade.

"Hey... Yeah he just woke up... When he left the house... Yeah we're all here... Yes he is here as well... Well see thats why we need you here... You were the last one to talk to the normal Gerard and he wants filling in... Okay cool I'll see you soon."Mikey hung up the phone and closed his eyes as Gerard walked back in with a glass of water.

"Just so you know, Claire is playing in the rain."Gerard said as he plonked himself down next to me.  
"Oh for fucks sake."I grumbled as I got up to go get her. I walked out into the kitchen to see Claire trying to make a mud angel or something.

"Claire! What the fuck are you doing?!"I yelled at her as I walked out onto the patio.  
"I'm playing guitar! Come play with me"She screamed back. Oh. I should have known.  
"Claire come inside please! you'll catch a cold!"I yelled back realising just how mother-birdish I was acting. I did not want to be that person.

"What are you playing?"I asked as I walked out to her.  
"I'm playing American Idiot!"She shouted as she thrashed about on the grass.  
"Alright are you gonna sing?"I asked her, grinning at how soaked I already was.  
"Yes!"She opened her eyes and watched me lie down next to her.

"From the top?"I asked as she stopped and smiled at me, the rain making me shiver.  
"Okay... 1 2 3 4!"She yelled right in my ear. Immediately we started playing. Fuck it was actually really great.

"Finished now?"Gerard asked as we finished the song and started giggling together. It was moments like this that my love for Claire really shone like pretty much out of my fucking ass as well as everywhere else.

"Yup."I grinned as I helped Claire up. It was raining even harder and Gerard was standing next to us getting soaked.  
"You do realise you have completely fucked your uniform right?"Gerard said as I shook my wet hair out of my face.

"Shit... Oh well It can be washed."I smiled and took Claire's hand. Nothing could ruin my mood right then. I was too ridiculously happy over nothing in particular. But of course I spoke way too soon.

We walked inside, struggling not to slip over, and into the lounge.  
"Hello Fra- what the fuck?"Jade was leaning on the edge of the couch looking like she didnt want to be there and also like she had been crying. Good.

"We uh played a little music in the mud."I smiled sheepishly at everyone's open-mouthed faces.  
"Right... Okay well the reason we stopped you from having your... moment was because Jade is here and she is telling us what happened."Mikey shook his head slightly and looked at Jade.

Claire and I stayed standing, dripping muddy water onto the carpet.  
"Right so um. When Gerard got to the cafe we um we were just uh t-talking and then he um left and then he came back and- shit asked me why I had been crying and um thats when he uh-"

"Wait why were you crying?"Gerard interrupted her. She blushed furiously before looking down at her feet and mumbling something.  
"What? I couldn't here you."I said rudely.

"I- its not something that needs to be discussed in front of everyone else... I'm surprised Gerard hasnt remembered why he was coming to see me in the first place."She glared at me.

"Wait wait... I remember now... Fucking hell!"Gerard yelled and slapped his hand to his head.  
"What do you remember?"Mikey asked him.  
"Everything! Jesus I was almost hit by a car and- fuck Frank I'm so sorry. I didn't- I couldn't remember shit please don't hate me?"Gerard turned to me and grabbed me by the arms.

"Gerard its okay don't worry it's not your fault."I smiled slightly at the amount of relief covering his face.  
"Thank you."He smiled back and kissed me on the lips hard. I didn't kiss back purely because of everyone else in the room.

"I guess that means I'm not needed."Jade sighed and stood up properly.  
"No. You aren't."I growled.  
"I think you should go now."Gerard said sternly.  
"Gerard why are you-"  
"Wait Mikey. I will explain later. Jade. Leave."Gerard glared at her. Fuck that was an awesome sight.

Jade glanced at us all before walking out quietly, no one saying a word.  
"Claire go get out of your dirty clothes."I nudged her on the shoulder as Mikey and Steven looked at Gerard and I expectantly.

We waited for Claire to run off upstairs, singing something I couldn't understand, before Gerard took a deep breath in.  
"The times I slept with Jade- I um... Shit... I uh I spose I better start from the beginning."Gerard sighed.

"Take your time."Linda smiled encouragingly.  
"Okay... After everything happened last month I um I went into the biggest reclusive state I had ever been in like, fucking worse than the last few times. But I still talked to Jade. She got me drunk one night and we uhm- she- I-"Gerard could cleared his throat as his hand scrabbled at mine. I gripped it tightly, lacing our fingers together so he could carry on.

"We slept together and then every few nights when I stayed at her flat she would get me drunk and uh yeah but L-Lily explained to me- well I sort of eavesdropped on her and Frank's conversation last night and the fact that she is 23 and I'm only-"

"She's 23?!"Linda exclaimed, standing up suddenly.  
"Yes..."Gerard groaned and covered his face,"And because I'm only 17 and she got me drunk it can be considered rape and- fuck I dont know I- she lied to me and said that Frank doesn't want to be with me, she said she had talked to him and I fucking believed her!"Gerard shouted. He was getting angry now.

"Gerard keep calm. It cant be changed now."I said, pulling him closer to me. He leaned into me, resting his forehead onto my shoulder and sighed. At that moment Claire came back down in her favourite pyjamas.

"Hey Claire you wanna stay here and talk to Linda about um-"I looked to her for help.  
"Claire you wanna hear a story about a little boy I used to know?"She smiled and gestured for her to come sit. Steven got up and left as Mikey came over to us.

"I need to get changed."I sighed as my feet squelched in my shoes.  
"Yeah you really do..."Mikey grinned,"What the fuck were you doing?"  
"Claire was playing air guitar on the ground so I joined her."I smiled and nudged Gerard off my shoulder.

"It was adorable."Gerard smiled at Mikey,"What are you doing then? Are you staying or going?"  
"I was actually pulled from work so I really need to get back. Is that okay?"Mikey looked Gerard in the eye.

"Yeah yeah go for it. I'll uh I will see you tonight okay?"He smiled and went to hug Mikey but was stopped.  
"Oh no you dont. You're way too wet."Mikey smiled.

"Catch ya later guys."Mikey waved and left Gerard and I standing. Linda was sitting on the couch with Claire talking very quietly. I couldn't see her face properly but it looked like she was crying slightly.

"I'm going to get out of these clothes... You coming?"Gerard pulled me by the hand slowly towards the stairs. I nodded and followed him up the stairs. As soon as I was past the doorway he had slammed it shut and was pushing me up against it, his lips pressing against mine hard.

"Fuck Gerard."I moaned as his thigh pushed between my legs, causing friction and an instant hard-on. His hands were in my wet hair as I wrapped mine around him, gripping him tightly.

"Gerard stop."I managed to get out. He pulled away slightly but started kissing my neck instead.  
"Whats wrong?"He whispered in between kisses.  
"Well number 1. Claire is downstairs and could come up at any time. 2. As hard as I might be right now I dont want to and 3. We have to go to art."I grinned as he finally pulled himself off me and stared at me.

"Why on earth are you wanting to go to art? It'll be almost over by the time we get there and we would have to go to english."Gerard moved away from me completely and sat down on a bed.  
"Because. You are going to draw my eyes."I smiled simply and moved over to the drawers.

"Oh right... Well we dont have to go straight away you know... We can always stay late and do that."Gerard stared at me intently as I started shedding my muddy uniform.  
"You should get out of your wet clothes..."I sighed as I pulled my shirt off, completely ignoring what he said.

"Okay... I understand... Can I draw your tattoos one day?"He asked as he stared at my bare, still slightly wet, torso.  
"Yeah sure..."I mumbled as I pulled my pants off. They were sticking to me like crazy. Even worse, I had to change my underwear.

I stopped and stared as suddenly Gerard was half naked next to me getting his own clothes out.  
"Stop staring perv."Gerard winked at me. I sniggered slightly but for some reason I couldn't look away from his pale white chest.

"Dude!"Gerard grinned as he used a t-shirt to pat himself down. Okay I wanted to do that for him. Without realising that I was doing so, I took the t-shirt from him and threw it behind me.

"What are you do-"I cut him off as I kissed him hard, wrapping my arms around his neck as he grabbed my hips and picked me up. I straddled his hips and he slammed me against the wall in a second.

His tongue was in my mouth suddenly, exploring everywhere and making me want him more. I raked my nails down his back only a little hard. Where did that even fucking come from? He threw his head back in response and yelled. That was when I opened my eyes I hadn't realised were closed. To see his face but instead I screamed at the sight of Claire standing in the doorway grinning like an idiot.

"Fuck Claire!"I yelled then shouted out as Gerard jumped back, dropping me in the process, and turned to look at Claire. I yelped as my bum hit the floor hard.  
"You two were trying to make babies."Claire giggled. Fucking hell.

"I- Claire-"I didnt even know what to fucking say.  
"You guys know you cant do that? You need a woman to make babies."She said. She couldn't stop fucking giggling it was insane. Gerard helped me up and made eyes at me.

"Claire what do you want?"I sighed as I rubbed my butt. Gerard moved behind me and started massaging it for me. Lovely.  
"Linda said she has to get back to the school now and wants to know if you guys are coming."Claire smiled happily, looking like she had won the lotto.  
"I-"I turned to Gerard and raised my eyebrows at him, looking him in the eyes.

"Fuck. Fine. Lets go."Gerard folded like a fucking lawn chair. I turned back to Claire and said,"Tell her we'll be down in two minutes."  
"Five... I need to talk to Frank about something quickly."Gerard inserted.

Claire ran off and I looked at Gerard while pulling my clean clothes on awkwardly.  
"So what did you want to talk about?"I asked him as he pulled a t-shirt on.  
"Nothing... I just wanted time to do this."He came over to me, took my face in his hands, and kissed me softly on the lips.

It lasted just over a minute, but it felt like forever. It was perfect. He pulled away and left me standing there like an idiot. I turned around to watch him walk out of the room and start singing. Inside it felt like a fucking swarm of butterflies were trying to push out of my fucking stomach.


	23. First Impressions Are Everything

I slowly followed Gerard and realised he was singing the song he sung last night. It was really a beautiful song.  
"You guys ready to go?"Linda asked as I reached the bottom of the stairs.  
"Yeah... Claire I think you should stay here for the rest of day okay?"I smiled as Claire came and hugged my leg.

"Okay... Baby maker."She cackled. Jesus.  
"Umm I'm not going to comment."Linda said as she walked out to her car.  
"Lets go!"Gerard shouted suddenly and raced out to the car, jumping into the front seat. Cheeky bastard.

I went out after him and slowly got into the back seat of the car. Gerard was giving Linda a weird look that raised a lot of questions in my head but I left them because Linda looked like she was about to cry.

We drove away in silence. Not one word being spoken until we had arrived at the school. Linda stopped the car just before the staff carpark.  
"Gerard I want to talk to you before you go home okay?"Linda said, not taking her eyes away from the front window.

"Okay."Gerard mumbled and got out of the car straight away. I glanced at Lindas face before awkwardly getting out of the car. Linda drove off and parked her car. Entering the school through the teahcers staffroom. Fuck that was awkward.

Gerard grabbed my hand and entwined our fingers, pulling me over to the art building.  
"So uh..."  
"Dont ask."Gerard grumbled.  
"Okay..."I looked away and out onto the feild. There was a group of cheerleaders down one end, a class playing football and to Gerard and I's surprise, Mr Stump with a class.

We changed direction and trudged across the field towards him.  
"Gerard and Frank. What can I do for you two?"He smiled at us as we apporached. He was sitting on a stool in front of an easel painting god knows what with the rest of his class looking the same.

"Oh well we were just going to spend the rest of the day in art. Is the classroom open?"Gerard said, pointing over his shoulder with his thumb.  
"Uh no hold on."Mr Stump put his paint brush down and started rummaging around in his pocket, probably getting paint everywhere, and produced a set of keys,"You know which one right?"

"Yeah yeah thanks. Lets go Frank."Gerard smiled and pulled me away from the field.  
"How often are you in here by yourself?"I asked him, curiosity burning my tongue.  
"Well until a month ago quite a lot actually. I would always finish my paintings, get tips on a few things... Sit and talk with Mr Stump..."Gerard trailed off. I nodded even though he wasn't looking at me.

We reached the classroom and Gerard unlocked it with ease. The room smelt like paint and something else.  
"Jesus do you smell that?"Gerard asked me as he took in a big breath.  
"The paint? Or the- something else?"I said, sniffing slightly. I had smelt it once before but I couldn't place it.

"The something else. It's ridiculously strong. You know what it is right?"Gerard looked at me with a grin on his face as he dumped his bag on his desk.  
"Uh I didn't think it was that strong but no... What is it?"I asked him and sat down on one of the desks.

"Its fucking sex!"Gerard grinned even wider somehow.  
"I-what?"I sniffed again and then it hit me. Sex didn't exactly have a specific smell exactly. More like the stench of sweat and cum and satisfaction all mixing together to create this one weird smell. Sex.

Gerard walked over to Mr Stump's desk and started rifling through some papers.  
"Gerard what are you doing?"I asked as I rushed over to him.  
"Looking for this."Gerard held up a piece of paper with a grid on it.

"What is it?"I asked coming slightly closer so I could read the words printed on it.  
"His timetable. Look here. Before lunch he had a free period. Then lunch. And then a class. I think someone's been doing the hanky panky in his classroom."Gerard winked at me, shaking the paper.

"You really think so?"I grinned, snatching the timetable from his hands to see for myself.  
"Well think about it Frankie, this room reeks of it no matter how hard he tried to cover it up with paint. He had a free period then lunch. Plenty of time to use the extra credit students to get the smell of actual art and not the other form pervading the air. Mr Stump had sex and you know it."Gerard was laughing. Loudly.

"Gerard keep it down. Mr Stump might hear you."I giggled at his childish face.  
"Sorry... Come on, lets get drawing."Gerard smiled and went back to his desk and pulled his sketchbook out of his bag. I followed him and sat down in front of him.

"Who do you think he slept with?"I asked suddenly.  
"I dunno... Another teacher maybe?"Gerard said as he got out his pencils.  
"Oooh what if it was a student!"I thought out loud. Wouldn't that be a scandal.

"I dont think Mr Stump is the type of teacher to do that... Although he is young enough."Gerard said. He got himself comfortable and looked up at me,"Okay... Ummm. Wait right there."He smiled. I watched as he started closing the blinds around the room. Okay. Then he turned the lights on. There were three rows and each row had a switch.

He came back over to me and sat in his chair.  
"Shit."He mumbled and got up again. The middle row of lights went off and he was in front of me again.  
"Nope."He grumbled and got up again. The middle row of lights came back on then the far left ones went off.

When he sat back down he grinned.  
"Perfect."  
I smiled at his perfect face and watched him as he erased whatever he had already drawn and started drawing something new, looking up into my eyes everynow and then.

-time lapse-

The bell rang and shook me out of my trance. I never knew it took so long to draw a pair of eyes. The classroom door opened and Mr Stump walked in with his class filing in behind him.

"Put your things back, wash your hands and give me your work. Once you've done that you can go."Mr Stump smiled at his class. He walked over to us as the teenagers started creating a racket that seemed extremely loud compared to our silence beforehand.

"Well well well. Gerard this looks amazing."Mr Stump stared down in amazement at Gerard's drawing.  
"Let me see."I said, standing up to get a look but Gerard hid it from me.  
"Not until its done."He smiled at me as I sat back down annoyed. I just wanted to see it.

The people from the class seemed to disappear and all was quiet again. I looked at Gerard and sighed. I couldn't understand why he was keeping it from me. I had already seen the rest of the drawing it was just the eyes.

"Oh now Gerard... I don't think there is anything you could do to make this better. Just show him."Mr Stump said. Gerard looked up at him before looking back down at the drawing. With a sigh he flipped it around and showed me.

It was beautiful.  
"It's beautiful."I said aloud.  
"Thank you..."Gerard blushed. Cute.

"Right. Do you guys want to stay here any longer?"Mr Stump clapped his hands together and looked at us both.  
"Uhh why the rush?"Gerard asked him innocently.  
"Oh no reason I just um... Have plans."Mr Stump smiled and turned away from us. I looked at Gerard who was staring at the back of Mr Stump.

"Oh right okay well um... Frank acutally wanted some help on his ah drawing."Gerard made up. Shit.  
"Well let me see it then."Mr Stump came back over to us and waited for me.

I slowly pulled my drawing out of my bag. From the day I drew it I hadnt even looked at it.  
"This one? I thought you finished this weeks ago?"Mr Stump said and took it from me.  
"Yeah I um have sort of been... Tweaking it a bit?"I lied.

"Oh I see yes..."Mr Stump was looking it up and down nodding.  
"I think what it needs is... A little more expression on her face."He said and pointed to the woman.  
"Yeah I see... Okay I'll get started on that now."I smiled and took it from him.

Gerard grinned at me as Mr Stump went to his desk and started going through some work while I pretended to draw.  
"Soo.. Stumpie. What are your plans for tonight then?"Gerard asked casually. I kept my head down as Gerard started to wheedle who Mr Stump was screwing out of him.

"Oh just a um... Drinks thing with a collegue."Mr Stump stuttered.  
"Oh yeah? Which teacher?"Gerard turned to a new page in his sketchbook and winked at me.  
"Look it's none of your business okay?"Mr Stump burst out.

You know that whole word vomit thing? Like when you are going to throw up but you cant stop it? Thats what I had with my words. It was horrible. I could not stop myself and was apalled when I actually said it.

"Mr Stump we know you had sex in here today."I blurted out. I gasped and put my hand over my mouth.  
"Frank!"Gerard looked up at me in shock.  
"I- am so so sorry. I cannot believe I just said that."I said. I was blushing furiously but so was Mr Stump.

"I-it's okay... Just- ju- how do you know?"  
Wow he wasnt even going to deny it.  
"Oh okay we were right um. The- the room smelt like it?"Gerard shrugged his shoulders. I looked back down at my drawing. It must have fucking sucked to be in Mr Stump's position right now.

"Oh fuck- uh excuse my language but fuck."Mr Stump got up from his seat and started walking around the room.  
"You wanna talk to us?"I asked him softly. He looked really stressed.

"Its probably not the sort of thing I should be discussing with students..."He mumbled as he pulled up a chair and sat down next to us.  
"You can hardly call us students though... Can you?"Gerard prompted. Jesus he really wanted to know.

"True... It's Miss Bellato..."Mr Stump sighed and fell back in his chair completely.  
"Go on."Gerard whispered, giving me a look.  
"We- One night at a teachers conference we found ourselves at the coffee machine together. We got to talking and then suddenly we were going out on dates and hanging out with each other whenever we could and t-today was probably not allowed to happen but it was- great."Mr Stump smiled to himself. I did not want to know what about.

"Thats the cutest thing. The music teacher and the art teacher."Gerard chuckled.  
"You are not allowed to tell anybody okay? If anyone at all finds out two teachers had sex in the classroom then we will both lose our jobs and you guys wont be able to do this anymore. You'll have to actually go to classes."

"Oh believe me I wont tell anyone. I aint ruining what I've got."Gerard smiled.  
"Thank you..."Mr Stump sighed and rubbed his face.  
"Uh we should probably go... Right Gerard?"I kicked his foot and he nodded, packing up his stuff immediately.

"Right well umm thanks for the help Mr Stump and uhm... Enjoy your evening?"Gerard stumbled over himself as we left the room hurriedly.  
"Now where?"I asked him.

"I have no idea... I should probably go get my car from the cafe..."Gerard sighed.  
"Lets go do that. Then we'll grab a coffee and go home to see Claire?"I asked him as we started walking towards the front gate.

"Sounds good to me."He smiled as he took my hand.  
"Faggots!"Someone shouted behind us. I longed to turn around and show them the finger but it wouldn't do anything and Gerard said,"Just ignore them. They just want a reaction so dont give it to them."

We continued walking until we reached the cafe. Outside, Jade was walking out and down the street.  
"Do you wanna go talk to her?"I asked as Gerard watched her go.  
"I- no... I mean... I- She is-"  
"Gerard go. I'll wait."I smiled at him, letting go of his hand.  
"Thank you. I wont be a minute."He promised me then ran off after her.

I watched as he shouted her down. She stopped and looked around. Now she was walking up to him. They were talking. She was smiling at him and hugging him. He smiled back at her and started walking to me. She looked at me then started walking in the opposite direction.

"How did it go?"I asked him when he reached me.  
"Okay... She understands that we cant be friends anymore. She said that if I ever need her to call her but. Thats not going to happen."Gerard smiled down at me.

"Oh?"  
"Because I have you now dont I."He smiled even wider. I blushed and grabbed his hand so we could cross the road together.  
"Shit I think I left my keys in the car... And its locked."Gerard groaned as the car door wouldnt open.

"Its Gerard right?"Some burly looking man walked out of the cafe.  
"Uh yeah why?"Gerard looked across the car roof at him.  
"Jade told me to give you these."He held up the car keys and threw them at Gerard. Gerard caught them easily and thanked him. We got in the car and I sighed quietly. I was so tired for some reason.

"Right... You ready to go?"Gerard asked me as he did up his seatbelt.  
"As ready as I'll ever be."I smiled and looked out the window.  
"Lets go then. To the Magic Bean."Gerard grinned then stopped.

"What whats wrong?"I asked him.  
"I have to go and see fucking Linda."Gerard sighed and started the car up.  
"Well thats okay. We can go and do that then go get coffee."I touched him on his oh so warm thigh.

"Yeah okay."Gerard sighed again as we drove off. I wonder what Linda wanted to talk to him about. We drove the way back to school in an almost awkward silence. When we arrived Gerard said,"Stay here. I wont be long okay?"

He got out and left me alone. I sighed and waited. Impatiently. I really wanted a fucking coffee it was crazy. I started fiddling with the radio and immediately some hardcore metal band started blaring into my ears. I turned it down a tad as some of the other teachers gave me weird looks for being parked so close to the staff carpark.

The song ended and the man came on the radio. I zoned out a bit as he started talking about heavy metal bands I didnt know but one thing he said made me zoom right back to awareness.

"...-ic Bean. It was supposed to be their first show with eyeball records having picked them up the day before but their thunder was stolen by another unknown group who started their set with an argument. The lead singer stalked off stage along with the rest of the band but they returned after another band and played their hearts out.

"They started with American Idiot by Green Day then moved onto Last Caress by The Misfits but the crowd was shocked when the rest of the band excluding the singer and drummer left the stage for an original piano piece. On lookers were moved by the emotional song that followed. The singer who remains to be named, stated that it was for his Grandma.

"Whether Asking Alexandria are happy over their possibly new managers attention being stolen is yet to be found out. In other news tonight at The Drunken Crayfish a live show..."I stared at Gerard who was walking with his shoulders hunched over back to the car.


	24. Everything Is Gerard and Linda and Everything Hurts

"Gerard!"I screamed the second he was in the car.  
"What? Whats going on?"Gerard looked around suddenly.  
"You guys were just talked about on the radio!"I cheered.  
"Wait- what?"Gerard stared at me incredulously, completely unbelieving.

"Gerard the guy was just talking about your show last night. He said there was some other band that had just been picked up by a label and played at the bean but their thunder was stolen by you guys with that argument between you and Mikey and then your original song."I grinned.

"Are you fucking serious?"Gerard started smiling.  
"You better believe it baby!"I laughed as Gerard looked like he was going to cry.  
"I- We have to go tell the guys!"Gerard exclaimed.

He started the car up in a rush and stalled it.  
"Good job."I snorted. He gave me a look before starting the car properly and driving away from the school.

When we arrived at The Magic Bean Gerard quickly turned the car off and rushed inside. I followed him in and looked around.  
"Ray!"Gerard yelled and practically skipped ove to his table.  
"Hey Gerard. Frank. Whats going on?"Ray said.

"You guys were talked about on the radio!"I clapped happily.  
"What?! Are you serious! Oh my fucking god thats awesome!"Ray jumped up out of his seat and gave us the widest grin I had ever seen.

"Isn't it just?!"Gerard grinned too. So much fucking grinning.  
"What station? What did they say?"Ray grabbed us on the arms.  
"I wasn't there to hear it but Frank was. It was only on a little station that only heavy metal lovers listen to but still, its something."Gerard sighed happily.

"It was supposed to be some bands first show being signed but you guys stole their thunder because of Gerard and Mikey's argument and then Gerard doing an original song at the end. Which was very moving."I pulled Ray back down into his seat as Diane sat down in the last seat with coffees.

"Thanks Di. Guess what!"Gerard shouted suddenly. He was so fucking happy.  
"You guys were talked about on the radio? Yeah I heard."She smiled.  
"Did you hear the radio as well?"I asked her.  
"No I heard you. You do realise you guys have been shouting pretty much the whole time right?"She laughed. Woops.

"No... Sorry about that."Gerard shrugged sheepishly.  
"Nah it's all good. You have every right to be excited. You made an impression. Thats one of the first steps to making it as a band."She smiled round at us all. Including me like I was part of the band.

"We have to go find Mikey and Bob."Gerard said as he sculled his boiling hot coffee somehow and stood up.  
"Jesus Gerard."I stared at him. He didn't seem at all affected byt the heat.

"Well I'll come with you."Ray stood up too.  
"Kay. Thanks for the coffee Di."I said as she went back over to the counter to serve some customers.  
"No problem guys. Have fun!"She saluted us as we left.

-time lapse-

"Are you fucking kidding me?! That is fucking awesome!"Bob yelled in my ear. Bob was with Mikey at Pete's house working on some music. When we had turned up they had thought I was announcing that I was joining the band which I quickly pushed out of their thoughts with the news.

"Dude I cant believe we were talked about on the radio."Mikey set his guitar down and looked around at us all.  
"We need a band name."Ray said quietly.  
"That we do."Gerard sighed.

"Right from now on everyones job is to think of a band name."Bob commanded. Everyone nodded in agreement and as if their minds were connected in some band way, they all got up and grabbed their instruments to leave.

"Where are you guys going?"I asked them, feeling left out.  
"To The Magic Bean. We need to practice more and Ray, Mikey and I think we have something. It just needs lyrics."Bob grabbed a piece of paper from next to him and held it up for everyone. It had some sort of music on it. I couldn't understand drumming very much.

"Frank i'll give you a lift home okay?"Gerrad smiled and took my hand with his empty one.  
"Uh okay."I stared at the floor as we all walked out of Pete's house. Where was Pete anyway?

"Hey Mikey, where's Pete?"I asked him as we got in the car.  
"Oh he is at school. Staying back with Miss Bellato to work on something."Mikey informed me.  
"Guess Mr Stump's plans are ruined."Gerard giggled quietly.

"We should go get him. Free Miss Bellato."I laughed back.  
"What are you guys laughing about?"Ray asked from the back seat.  
"Nothing important."Gerard smiled as he started the car.

"Are you gonna get Pete?"I asked him.  
"Actually yeah. I need to drop by school anyway."Gerard sighed again.  
"Oh?"I prompted him. Ray, Bob and Mikey were arguing over something in the back.  
"Stuff with Linda."

"Oh..."I looked out of the window.  
"Hey guys keep it down please."Gerard asked.  
"Sorry..."Mikey giggled.

Whenever Linda was mentioned Gerard always seemed to shut up and look depressed. Something was going on and I was going to find out what it was. Gerard pulled up out the front of the school.  
"Guys wait here. I'm going to talk to someone then get Pete okay?"Gerard said. Before anyone could say anything he had slammed his door shut and was walking away.

"There isn't room for Pete though."Mikey said quietly.  
"He can sit on your lap."Bob said. Ray started laughing then everyone else joined in except for me.  
"Frank are you okay?"Mikey leaned forward and breathed in my ear.

"No... But I will be."I said as I got out of the car. I rushed in after Gerard. The halls were empty as my footsteps echoed down them. I rounded a corner and stopped as I saw Gerard disappear into the nurses office.

I crept up slowly, not wanting to eavesdrop exactly but I knew that if I turned up they wouldn't talk about whatever it was in front of me.  
"... to tell him! It's killing me. Next time he is in here you should ask about his art. Take a look at his drawing. I dont understand how he hasnt figured it out yet."Gerard growled.  
"It's not that easy Gerard. You have no idea. It's killing me way more than its killing you okay? I know I have to but please just- give me some time okay?"Linda was crying.

"Look I'm sorry for yelling okay I just- he deserves to know... And I think that you aren't going to ever feel better about anything if you keep it locked up okay?"Gerard said sadly. I slowly turned around and started walking back to the car. I should not have listened to that.

When I got back to the car the guys were laughing about something.  
"Whats wrong Frank? You look like someone just tried to kill you or something."Mikey said as I got in the car slowly.  
"Do I?"I sighed. I didn't want to be here.

"Frank where are you going now?"Bob called from the window as I walked away.  
"Tell Gerard I went home."I yelled back. I had to talk to Lily about this. It was bothering me like a fucking mosquito bite.

I got to the house in what seemed like no time.  
"Hey Frank. Lily is waiting upstairs for you."Taylor said from the lounge.  
"Okay thanks."I called as I started going upstairs.

Jack was coming downstairs with his girlfriend and as they walked past me he whispered just loud enough for me to hear,"Murderer."  
"Fucking fantastic."I said as I stopped walking and turned to face them.

"Whats so fantastic?"Jack said simply as he turned and faced me.  
"Listen up you jerk. I did not shoot him okay. Gerard did. Because he was going to shoot us and they were fucking fighting. I didn't hold him down for Gerard to shoot. I didnt take his weapon from him and shoot him and neither did Gerard. You don't know fucking anything so fucking drop it you bastard."I growled.

He walked up to my step and whispered in my ear,"You know everyone thinks you and Gerard did it right? Everyone here, everyone at school and,"He paused and took a deep breath in,"I have even heard Steven and Taylor talking about it like you guys did it. Because it's probaby true. You found out he raped your two friends and thought he needs to pay. Revenge is best served cold. Just like the cold blood you killed him in."He laughed and I shoved him away.

"Fuck!"He shouted as he fell down. And down. And down. Shit.  
"Jack!"His girlfriend screamed and ran after him. I rushed down to the landing and looked down at him. He seemed okay.

"I knew you were a killer."Jack spat at me. He slowly started to get up as Taylor joined us on the landing.  
"What the hell happened here?"He asked as he looked around at us all.  
"The killer fucking pushed me."Jack growled.

"Frank is this true?"Taylor looked up at me instantly. So he really thought I did it.  
"Is that really what you all think of me as? A killer?"I looked at him. He knew he had messed up badly by turning to me straight away.  
"No Frank please wait!"He called as I rushed up the stairs. I burst into my room and threw myself onto Gerards bed, burying my head in the pillows.

"You okay?"Lily asked quietly.  
"No."I breathed in deeply and smelt Gerard. It somehow made everything worse.  
"You wanna talk about it?"  
"No."I repeated.

The bed tilted as someone small climbed on top of me.  
"You wanna hear a scary story?"Claire asked as I wriggled underneath her so I could see her.  
"Um. Do you know any scary stories?"I raised an eyebrow at her.

"Linda told it to me."She smiled.  
"Oh... Okay I guess I have to hear it then."I smiled as I sat up properly.  
"Okay. So one day, this mummy was making dinner and then the daddy got home and started yelling at her because she had put onions in the soup and he didnt like onions but she had forgotten and then he wouldnt stop yelling and then their little boy started crying and then the daddy hit the mummy and then the mummy ran away with the little boy and then the mummy gave the little boy away to a big family with lots of little boys and girls and one nice mummy but then the mummy was never seen again by the little boy the end!"Claire clapped at her story but all I could do was stare in horror at nothing.

"Claire I dont want you to ever repeat that again okay?"Lily said as she got up and sat next to me.  
"Frank you kno-"  
"But what if it is about m- Martin."I stammered. I started to get up and went over to me discarded bag on the floor.

I opened it up and pulled out my drawing.  
"Fuck um I have to go talk to Linda okay?"I said as I stared at my drawing but made no move to leave.  
"Do you want me to come with you?"Lily put her hand on my shoulder.  
"N-no. This is something I need to do by myself.

"Okay just- be careful okay?"Lily looked down at my drawing. Of my mother. Of Linda. Fuck I had never been more nervous in my entire fucking life.  
"I will."I stood up and hugged her tightly before slowly started walking towards the door.

"Frank take this with you."Lily held my drawing up. I walked over to her and slowly took it from her. I looked down at it.  
"Th- this is really happening isn't it?"I sighed.  
"Yes Frank... Are you sure you don't want me to come with you?"Lily looked distressed. Maybe I should let her come with me.

"Okay. Please."I smiled slightly as she got up and came over to take my hand. She squeezed it as we started walking towards the door.  
"Claire stay here and read your book. We wont be long okay?"I said over my shoulder. She nodded and smiled as we left her alone completely.

"What are you going to say to her?"Lily asked me quietly as we started our descent.  
"I dont know... Oh. Fuck."I groaned and stopped walking. Linda wasn't going to be at school anymore and I had no idea where else to find her.

"Whats wrong?"Lily asked me, a worried look in her eye. I told her and she just sighed. We started walking back up in silence. I didnt say a word as Lily went and started reading to Claire.  
"I'm just um. Gonna go get a drink."I said quietly, a horrible thought popping into my head.

"Kay."Lily mumbled as Claire started giggling about some duck that fell over or something. I left them alone and went straight down to Steven.  
"Frank. What can I do for you?"Steven said as he turned away from bills or some shit.  
"A lift?"I raised a hopeful eyebrow at him.

Gerards POV

"Thank you guys you've been amazing we love you."I yelled into the microphone. Everyone cheered as me and the guys walked down to an empty table away from the stage.  
"You guys are amazing."Di said as she sat down with drinks for us all.

"Thanks."We all grinned at her. Every time we got off stage we were happy. They werent even proper shows or anything at all. Just a couple of songs for people who had similar music taste to us.  
"You guys come up with a band name yet? Cause I need to start putting posters for you. I have the designs. I just need a name."Diane said, making us all stare at her in wonder. Were we really known enough by people to need a name for a fucking poster?

"We're working on it."Mikey said, taking a sip of his drink.  
"Right well, I need a name in a week. Think you can do it?"She looked round at us seriously as we all nodded eagerly. I really wanted a fucking band name.

She nodded as she walked away and back to the counter to serve some people as the next band kicked in. It was those two guys, Jon and Spencer playing again.  
"I love you guys."Bob suddenly said.  
"Love you too man."Ray slapped him on the back, his hair bouncing as he did so.

"No I'm serious. There is no other band I would rather be in than with you guys."He blushed as Mikey laughed slightly.  
"I know what you mean. You guys are like my brothers. I am so thankful I met you gyus."Ray stared at his drink hard.

"You know what I'm so glad of?"Mikey said quietly.  
"What?"We all chorused.  
"Frank."He sighed. Aye? Immediately my mind jumped to ridiculous assumptions that they had a secret love affair going on but of course that was fucking stupid.

"Why's that?"Ray asked, glancing at me.  
"Gerard. If Gerard hadn't met him I doubt he would be here tonight. And I doubt he would have been there last night. He would have been sleeping with Jade or something worse."Mikey looked me in the eye.

I stared at him, feeling hurt by the Jade comment even though it was probably true.  
"I feel like I need to talk to him."I sighed. The guys had told me of Franks venture into the school after me. And then his quick getaway after not even seeing me.

"You probably should. Something was wrong with him. I had never seen him look so... scared? Upset?"Mikey nudged my foot and I nodded.  
"No. I have seen that look before. Saw it on my own face when I went to the bathroom after finding out Dad had cheated on Mum. Its the look of finding out something you didnt want to know."Bob choked out. He had just burned his throat.

"You really think so?"I looked at Bob hoping to god he would say he was imagining it.  
"Yup. Go talk to him."Bob set his drink down and got,"I'm going to get some water."  
"Fuck."I sighed... I got up slowly and grabbed my keys from the table. When did I even put them there?

"I'll be back to give you guys lifts home."I smiled and turned around before anyone could stop me. But I stopped when I spotted him. He was walking through the door slowly, scanning the room. The split second I had I saw Steven parked against the curb outside but then the door was shut and I was focusing on Frank.

He spotted me and didnt smile like I did. He just walked over slowly, looking like he was gonna puke. Fuck he knows.  
"Hey..."I coughed around the golf ball that had somehow appeared in my throat. He nodded at the guys behind me before grabbing my arm and leading me roughly through the crowd and over to the bathroom.

"What uh... Whats up?"I asked him, knowing fully well what he was going to say. Fuck I was in so much trouble. He was staring at the ground, scuffing his feet with his arms folded.  
"How long?"He asked me softly.  
"How long what?"I tried playing dumb. Which was dumb.  
"How. Fucking. Long?"He turned his eyes to me and I saw just how much he was hurting.


	25. You Only Hear The Music When Your Heart Begins To Break

"Since you first started at our school..."He mumbled. I stared at him in disbelief. For over a month he had kept from me that my fucking mum was the school fucking nurse. I know I probably had no right to be angry with him but fucking hell was I angry.

"Frank please understand this. I had no right to tell you it was Linda's job not mine!"He yelled. He was right. But a fucking month?  
"Gerard you don't keep that sort of shit from someone! Yeah maybe once we had started talking you introduced me to her, try to get Linda to fucking tell me. But when that doesnt work after over a week YOU FUCKING TELL ME!"I screamed right at the wrong time. A band had just finished their set and the place was pretty quiet. Everyone was looking at us. Fuck.

"Nothing to see here."I informed them all, giving everyone an evil glare until they turned away.  
"Frank I'm sorry."Gerard said quietly as he led me into the bathroom properly,"I should have told you sooner instead of had you figure it out on your own. It's not fair on you. At all."

I sighed and leaned against a wall and closed my eyes. It was only fucking tuesday and I was already sick of the week.  
"Frank please forgive me..."Gerard whispered. He said it with such need and- fucking love. I opened my eyes and look at him. He has tears in his eyes. It killed me to see him like that but I couldn't find the emotional strength or kindness under the anger to forgive him.

"No."I breathed out after what felt like an eternity of silence.  
"What?"Gerard croaked.  
"No... Not yet at least. Gerard you have to understand. You grew up with your Mum. You knew her. You know whats happened to her. You've known that your whole life. I havent. My only memory of my Mum is when she was beaten by my Dad and then she gave me to the mace. You will never fully understand what it feels like to find out that suddenly your mum is fine and is working at your new school. I need time okay? I feel- like my head is going to fucking explode! I mean, how do I know you didnt just get close to me for Linda huh? What if all of this was just a big fucking fake?!"I swiped away the unexpected tears furiously.

Gerard stared at me uncertainly which made me worry that it really was just a way to get me close to Linda. I gave him one look before walking out of the bathroom, letting the tears fall freely.  
"Frank wait please."Gerard said behind me but I ignored him. I ignored the guys too as I walked past their table. I ignored everybody as I left.

"You okay?"Steven asked me as I got in the car. I nodded and stared out the window, not saying a word. Steven seemed to realise I wasn't going to say anything so he started the car and drove back to the house.

-time lapse-

"Frank you need to go back to school at some point."Lily grumbled as she got ready. I rolled over in my bed and stared at a different wall. It had been three days since I had been to school. Three days since I had spoken more than three words to anybody in one sentence.

After I had left The Magic Bean I had pretty much turned into Gerard. I wasnt eating properly and spent most of my days either in bed or walking around. I now knew the layout of this neighbourhood. But I had stayed away from school and the coffee shop. Gerard had tried talking to me for two days but now I think he realised I wasn't talking to anybody. Lily was pissed off at me for not talking to her about anything and for getting like this but I had no idea what to fucking do.

Every second I spent in bed, every moment I spent out walking I was contemplating what to do. Whether I should talk to Linda, talk to Gerard or talk to Lily. I knew I had to do something soon because this was getting ridiculous and I was starting to get fucking hungry.

I heard Lily sigh and leave me alone again. Yesterday Claire had been taken back to the mace house so I didn't even have to keep her entertained. I really needed to go see her but it was probably better for her being there for someone to take care of her properly. Lily and I were the only ones that did that here. Steven fed her of course but he never really paid attention to her.

"Frank?"Someone said behind me. I didn't turn around. Didn't know or care who it was. They say down on my bed and placed their hand on my shoulder. I closed my eyes, pretending to be asleep as they rested their head on my arm with a sigh.

"I'm sorry..."They sighed again. I couldn't figure out for the life of me who the hell it was. It was tempting to look over my shoulder and find out but I didn't want to talk right now. They were staying there forever.

Curiosity got the better of me as usual and I turned to see who it was.  
"Mikey?"I croaked. My voice felt like someone was scraping the back of my throat with a rusty nail from lack of use.

"Hey buddy. Did I wake you?"He asked me softly.  
"Nah I was um already awake... What are you doing here?"I struggled to maneuver myself around to face hi properly.  
"To get you to eat."He chuckled, sounding fake and worried. I spose I should eat.

"Alright."I groaned as I started getting up.  
"Wow really? They said it would be a lot harder than that."Mikey looked at me, shocked to the bone.  
"Who's they?"I asked slowly. If Mikey was here that most likely meant Gerard was here and if Gerard was down there I wasn't going down.

"Just Lily, Steven and Sarah,"Mikey looked away from me and at his phone,"Come on, Lily said she has to leave soon and that she wants to see you out of bed if you are coming down."Mikey started walking towards the door.

I looked at him skeptically as I moved around the bed. Something about the way he had said that made me extremely suspicious about who was actually downstairs. I was about to say something when my stomach grumbled loudly and made Mikey smirk.

"Lets go."I smiled and joined him in the walk downstairs. When we reached the bottom Mikey grabbed my arm and started tugging me.  
"Dude I can walk by myself."I grumbled, trying to shake him off. He was surprisingly strong for such a skinny guy.

"Yeah but you might start going in a different direction."  
"Why would I do that?"I asked him as we walking into the dining room. I looked around at the table. There were still a few other kids that hadn't left for school, all decked out in their uniform. Then there was Lily sitting next to Steven and Taylor looking shocked and nervous as fuck.

Mikey went and sat down next to one of the school kids on the end who was staring down at the table. He had long black hair that was covering his face. I went and sat down next to Lily, not making eye contact with anyone.  
Everyone was silent as we all started eating toast. The school kids suddenly pushed their chairs back with a scrape and left, yelling about some football game. But then I noticed that one of them had stayed. The one next to Mikey. The one with long black hair.

"Oh no. I ain't being fooled that easily."I growled and pushed my chair back, standing up and glaring at them. It was really fucking hurting to talk.  
"Frank please just eat something,"Lily sighed.

Gerard looked at me properly and blinked away tears in his eyes.  
"Frank you dont have to talk to him or us or even look at anybody just- we're worried about you. You need to eat at least."Steven said quietly. I glanced at him and slowly sat back down, the hunger gnawing at my stomach being the only thing keeping me there.

Everyone was sitting in silence. There was barely a noise as we munched on toast and ate cereal. I looked across the table at Gerard. He was staring at me. Not eating at all just staring. It freaked me out so I looked back down at my bowl of cornflakes. They were soggy and disgusting and I had no idea where they came from.

I started staring at Gerard moodily. He was still staring at me. I took a mouthful of my cornflakes and cringed. They had been left way too long. Gerard finally looked away and took a bite of his toast. There was a knife in the middle of the table for butter and shit and he picked it up. My first thought was holy shit he's gonna kill himself but he just started scratching the table.

"Gerard please dont do that."Steven sighed. Gerard stopped and looked at him, blinking away tears slowly. I couldn't believe I was causing that. I felt terrible because it wasn't really Gerards fault. I was just being a complete sassy bitch about it all.

"Frank eat."Lily snarled next to me. I looked at her and something inside me just broke. Probably the dam holding back the waterworks because the next thing I knew I was sobbing on Lily's shoulder.

We stayed that way for what felt like forever but in reality it was only about a minute. I pulled away and looked at her through fresh tears.  
"I'm so sorry Lily,"I coughed out. She just looked relieved.

I turned back to everyone else and stood up.  
"I'm sorry for all this stupidity."I sighed and wiped away the tears.  
"Frank its okay... You dont have to apologise..."Mikey smiled. I smiled at him then started walking out of the room.

"Frank wait where are you going?"Lily called out. I heard her chair move backwards and then footsteps. Her hand came down on my shoulder, halting me in my mission to get to school.

"I have to talk to someone. You have to go to school so no you cant come."I said not too kindly. I just wanted this to be fucking over. I was so sick of it all. I didn't have the energy to be nice to anyone. I needed to end it. Now.

"Frank..."Lily said, sounding completely defeated.  
"No."I said and walked out the door. I started marching down the steps and up the street, ignoring the looks people were giving me. Douchebags.

"Frank! Wait!"Lily called behind me. I didn't stop.  
"Frank if you're gonna talk to her you might wanna get dressed first!"I heard Gerard yell. That made me stop. I looked down and almost shit my fucking pants. I was still in my fucking pyjamas.

Immediately I started running back to the house. I felt so fucking stupid! I was fucking stupid for walking out dressed like this. No wonder people were staring. I rushed past Lily and Gerard at the doorway.

In about 5 seconds I was in my bedroom stripping down. That was probably a world fucking record or something for the fastest time up those stairs. In another 3 seconds I had my black skinnies on, the first t-shirt I grabbed and a hoddie to hide my bright red face.

"Frank can I please come with you?"Lily asked. She sounded so distraught.  
"No. But I need you to."I growled at Gerard. He looked up at me shocked. They were both where I left them, leaning against the front door.

"Great okay I will drive us."Gerard's face broke into a smile as I ignored him and started walking out the door again. Gerard followed me quickly and rushed down to his car. We got into it silently and drove off, leaving Lily looking the most depressed I had ever seen.

-time lapse-

"Are you ready?"Gerard asked me as we walked up the corridor to the nurses clinic. It was extremely early so there were barely any kids around.  
"Of this more than anything."I mumbled. It was still hurting to talk and it was pissing me off.

We walked inside slowly. Linda was nowhere to be seen.  
"She must be getting a coffee in the staffroom."Gerard mumbled. I didn't say anything and walked over to a chair to sit down.

"I dont think she'll be long..."Gerard mumbled and sat down next to me. I didnt say anything, just stared at a scuff mark on the white linoleum floor as Gerard kept trying to talk to me. I would have said something but my throat was already killing me.

"Hey guys..."Linda smiled at us as she walked in. She glanced at our faces and hers just dropped completely.  
"I need a throat lozenge or something."I croaked and stood up. I slowly walked over to her. I had no idea how to start. 'Hey I know you're my mum' was just way too... Ridiculous.

"Oh right. Uh I think I have some in here..."Linda moved over to her drawers and started puling them out. She opened the first one and shut it straight away but I still caught a glimpse of a photo frame. Somehow I knew what the picture was of.

"Uhh what was that?"I asked casually.  
"What? Nothing just some things."Linda stuttered and produced a box of throat lollies. I thanked her and took one. The effect was almost immediate. My throat suddenly stopped burning. It was lovely.

I stood there as the lollie worked its magic and Linda and Gerard watched me turn it over in my mouth. Fuck it was awkward.  
"So what have you guys got planned for today then?"Linda asked suddenly, forcing an air of cheeriness into her voice.

"Nothing much... I'm gonna go back home soon... I just have a couple of things to do..."I mumbled and turned away. I made eyes at Gerard, trying to get him to help but he wasnt looking at me.  
"I have one thing I need to do and then I'm going to the magic bean."Gerard smiled at her and got up.

"So is that the only reason you came to see me? A throat lollie? Please tell me you didnt come to school just so you could get one."Linda chuckled as I faced her.

"No one of the things I need to do is at school."I smiled at her. We were dancing around the subject. All three of us knew the main reason I was here but no one wanted to mention it. At all.

"I think I might g-"  
"Frank knows you're his mum!"Gerard blurted out. I glared at him for a split second before looking at Linda.  
"Fuck..."She mumbled and looked down at her feet.

"I think I might just go-"Gerard started to say but I stopped him.  
"You're staying here."I growled. He nodded and went back to sit down. Linda sat down at her desk so I sat down next to Gerard again.

We sat in silence for what felt like forever, the silence dragging on for fucking ages. I let my hands drop to my sides and rested my head on the back of the chair. I clenched my eyes shut and said,"If you knew where I was... And you were working here... Why didnt you come get me?"

"It took me quite a few years to work up the courage to leave your father and when I did t-to cope with all the shit he did to me and put me through I um I turned to drugs..."She said quietly. Fucking hell.

"Are you clean now?"I whispered. Fuck if she was still using I dont know what I would have done.  
"No. That all ended almost a year ago. I- I'm disgusted in myself for this but I forgot about you. I left your father and was focusing on myself so much that I- forgot about you."Linda was crying. I was close to crying because that fucking hurt.

"I remembered you when I found a picture of you and me right after you were born. You were the cutest baby."Linda sniffed. I lifted my head and looked at her. She had the photo frame in her hands. I suddenly realised I was crying as well.

"Frank I have been working up the guts to go and see you. But its taken a lot of me to get this job and to actually get settled into a good enough life that I could take care of you with. I wanted to get you back the second I gave you away..."Linda had tears pouring out of her eyes but she wouldn't look at anything but the picture.

"Why didn't you at least tell me? Explain to me what my father was and why you couldn't get me out of that shit hole just yet? Do you know how much I got bullied and excluded in that place?"I closed my eyes and clenched my fists, trying to hold in the emotions raging inside of me.

"Frank I'm sorry. I had no idea what to do... I knew you would be all grown up into this gorgeous young boy that you are and I thought that maybe... You wouldn't understand and wouldn't want anything to do with me..."She looked up at me finally. She had a weird look in her eyes. Full of regret and sadness.

Without even realising it I felt my hand go to Gerard's. He grabbed it straight away, lacing our fingers together, and gave me strength and comfort.  
"So what happened when I started here?"I asked her softly.

"Um. Because Gerard and I were good friends from the day Cole got burnt and Gerard brought him in so I knew he was from the halfway house and stuff and then on your first day I saw you and knew who you were but wanted to ask Gerard first so I said to him,'who's the new kid?' and he said that you just came from the orphanage which just confirmed that it was you and I- I-"She stopped and looked at Gerard.

I looked at him too just in time to see him stop shaking his head at Linda. He glanced at me then awkwardly started staring at the ceiling.  
"You what?"I turned back to Linda fiercely. I didn't want her to say it. Not at all. If it was true my heart would probably fucking break into a million pieces and I would die.

"I told Gerard to get close to you so I could see where you were at over me and I dont know... "Linda sobbed. I dropped Gerards hand and stared at the back of his head. He was staring out the window at something.

"Gerard look at me."I demanded, fighting back the tears. I stood up and moved around to his face. He had tear tracks down his face but no actual tears in sight.  
"Frank I-"  
"No. Gerard just no. I told you how I felt about all this. I told you my fucking fears. You led me on! You fucking took my- fuck!"I grabbed at my hair and tugged, the pain relieving my frustration somehow.

"Frank please! At first it was just for Linda but then I fell i-"  
"No! Don't you fucking say it! Dont you dare!"I screamed at him. He stopped talking and looked down at his hands that were clenched in his lap.

"Frank I think you need to take a deep breath and calm down."Linda said quietly.  
"No. I think I need to go."I growled at her. She nodded and walked over to her desk.

I started walking out but Linda stopped me.  
"Here... Take it."She shoved the photo frame into my hands. I stared down at it. Linda looked young and happy even though she was covered in sweat. The happiness radiating from her face changed it all. In her arms was a tiny baby with fists balled up looking like he was screaming his face off. I mumbled a thank you and walked out.


	26. Never Judge A Book By Its Cover

I rushed down the corridor, no idea where I was going.  
"Fucking Gerard... Fuck this isn't fair."I whispered to myself as I wiped away my tears. I could barely see where I was going my eyes were so fucking blurred up.

"Fucking watch it you fucking idiot!"A person I did not want to put up with yelled at me as I bashed right into them, knocking their drink out of their hands and onto the floor.  
"It's the murderous fucking fag!"Another guy yelled. I think he was Jacks brother.  
"Oh look. Your emo boyfriend isn't here to protect you this time."Cole leered down at me.

On any other day I would have put up with it completely but today I just wanted to get out of this shit hole. Cole shoved me against the wall.  
"You really wanna do that?"I sighed as pain shot up and down my back.  
"Yeah. I really do. Grab his legs boys."Cole grinned. Shit.

I started struggling immediately as his friends started crowding around me. I kicked my legs out and managed to get on in the nuts but that just made them madder. With Cole pinning me against the wall making it impossible to move my arms and the others grabbing at my kicking legs I was pretty much helpless.

"Fucking get off me!"I screamed and shoved my knee upwards into Cole's crotch.  
"Fucking hell."He groaned and let go of my arms to grab at his aching balls.  
"Whoa man you okay?"Jack's brother stopped grabbing at me along with a few others to make sure he was okay.

I used this moment to shove Jack backwards into his mates standing around behind him.  
"Fucking touch me again and I'll get Gerard to do more damage than that ugly scar on your chest."I snarled at them, baring my teeth in what I hoped look menacing but was probably just stupid and dorky.

"You fucking psycho."Jack coughed and doubled over. I really hit him hard.  
"Yeah. I'm a complete wacko. So is Gerard. It's why we killed the guy."I winked at them and started running down the corridor.

"For fucks sake."I puffed as I burst through a squeaky door and into the school library. I had never been in here before and half an hour before school started it was quite full. I slowed myself down and walked properly inside. It was actually a lot bigger than I had thought.

I walked aimlessly around until I spotted the fiction section. I marched straight in until I found the one author who would bring me comfort in a time like this.  
"Fucking half blood prince."I mumbled to myself as I pulled it out. I spotted a couch in a corner and walked over to it.

As I settled down to read I heard the library door slam open and a bunch of shouting filled the silence.  
"Shh."Some old lady said. I looked to my right and saw her through three bookshelves. She was staring at the newcomers angrily. Then I focused on what was being yelled.

"Yo spread out. He's in here I know it."Cole growled. Fuck.  
"I don't give a damn who you are or who you're looking for but if you don't shut up you'll have to leave."She stared them all down until they were silent.

"We'll be quiet."Cole said. Wow. I had never seen anybody shut him up like that. It was back to the silence from before and thats what fucking scared me. I was pretty well hidden but I had no way of getting out without one of them seeing me.

I stared at the end of the aisle that my couch was in. I knew they would find me if I didn't do something. I glanced at the librarian who was watching them all. She was looking at them which gave me some idea as to where they were but not a proper one.

I looked behind me and saw a dark gap behind one of the shelves. Was I really going to hide in the library? If it meant I didn't get beaten for threats and a knee in the crotch then fucking yes.

I dumped my book and jumped up. Then I saw the footsteps on the other side of the shelf. It was Jacks brother. I held my breath and slowly backed away from the side of the shelves and moved backwards down the aisle, staring at his feet.

I couldn't figure out why he was standing still though. Then he started walking out. He was going to move into mine I could tell. I turned around and bumped straight into Cole.

"Fuck."I mumbled. His hand slammed down on my shoulder so forcefully I swear I heard a fucking bone crack.  
"Got him."Cole called quietly. Straight away everyone was surrounding Cole and I.

"You're gonna fucking pay for what you did you little bastard."Cole snarled and bared his teeth. Now that was fucking menacing and scary.  
"What are you gonna do to me?"I asked him. He laughed right in my face, puffing out his disgusting breath all over me.

"What you did to me. But worse. Like maybe, I'll cut off your dick instead. Your faggy boyfriend wont be able to take it up the arse then will he."Cole laughed at his own pathetic joke, his mates joined in.

All I had to do was make them get angry so that they were loud. If they were loud the librarian kick them out.  
"Oh don't worry about me. I can still take it so its okay. It may take some getting used to though cause Gerard is soo big."I smiled up at him sweetly.

He cringed for a second before squeezing my shoulder.  
"Well maybe we should fuck you up completely... You're from the orphanage right? Guess that means no one cares about you. Any of you. Nobody will miss you if you're gone."Cole grinned.

"Watch it Cole."Jacks brother glared at Cole for a second before looking back at me. Our eyes connected and something sort of happened. There was a connection of some sort.  
"Sorry Lewis."Cole glanced over his shoulder.  
"And people will miss him. He has friends."Lewis turned to Cole properly. He was turning on Cole.

"Aye?"Cole turned to Lewis. He kept his hands on me though, iron grip going strong.  
"Just saying. If you're gonna kill him watch out for someone attacking you. Like, Gerard. You dont want another scar do you?"Lewis glanced at me as Cole stared at my face. I had no idea what was going on only that if Lewis was going to help me then I was gonna fucking use it to my advantage.

"He's right. You think Gerard and I killed that guy together? You're right. You kill me Gerard will get you. That guy killed his mum so he killed him. The same thing is gonna happen if you do that to me. If I were you I would just stay the fuck away from me to make sure Gerard stays away from you."My voice wasn't as steady as I wanted it but Cole let go of my shoulders none the less.

"Lewis what the fuck?"Cole turned around and shoved him.  
"Dude get the fuck off me!"Lewis yelled suddenly. Coles friends were advancing on Lewis now. Jesus this was fucking ridiculous.

"Hey! I thought I told you to be quiet? Get out now."The librarian was suddenly there. Lewis moved to my side straight away.  
"They were giving us shi- trouble. For no good reason."Lewis pointed at what appeared to be his ex-friends.

"Right. you lot out now. You're banned from the library for a week. If I catch you in here I'll be reporting you to the principal and I don't think you want that do you Mr Teeto."She stared at him. Amazingly she was taller than him and made him look small. He nodded and slowly walked out. All his mates followed him except one who looked back at Lewis, made eyes at him, then left.

"Uh thanks?"I smiled at him and sat back down on my couch.  
"No problem. When he uh said that about you being an orphan and nobody caring about us it got to me I guess. Sucks."Lewis groaned as he sat down next to me.

"Yeah... How come you and Jack are here?"I asked him.  
"Mum and Dad died in a car crash when I was 4 and he was 5. I don't really remember much about them but I do remember Dad being a drunk and mum not really being there at all so I guess an orphanage is better... What about you?"

He just came right out with it. I found it a little more difficult telling him especially considering I only just found out fully about half an hour ago.  
"I uh... My dad was an abusive drunk and he was ch-chasing me and my Mum and she saw the orphanage and gave me away then kept running..."I mumbled. I picked up my discarded book and flicked through it sadly.

"That sucks man... How old were you?"He asked me quietly.  
"About 2."I sighed.  
"How the fuck do you remember all that then?"He looked at me weirdly.

"Oh I uhm. Fuck. I- I cant talk about it right now... I only found out about half an hour ago to be honest."I choked out. Great here come the waterworks.  
"Jesus..."Lewis looked away at a book shelf.

"Fuck."I was hyperventilating. Getting myself into a complete frenzy.  
"Shit are you okay?"Lewis took a hold of my arm and looked me in the eye. My vision started going fuzzy. And then everything went black.

...

I was bobbing up and down. Maybe I had died and was floating to heaven. I opened my eyes and saw a wall moving very fast. It made me feel sick so I closed my eyes.  
"Its okay buddy we're almost there."Someone said above me. Oh I was being carried.

...

I could hear voices. I couldn't figure out who they were or what they were saying but they made me feel like I was okay. That I wasn't dead. I was aching all over for some reason and I was sweating like fucking crazy. What the fuck was happening to me?

"Whats going on?"I groaned and tried opening my eyes. All I saw was white light and then someone was leaning over me. The opened one of my eyes properly and shined a light in it for a second.

"You had a bit of a blackout I'm afraid. Lewis brought you here."She said. I knew that voice. I blinked away the blurriness in my eyes and saw Linda looking at me worriedly, Gerard sitting on a chair biting his nails and Lewis sitting on the other chair looking completely uncomfortable.

"He said you were working yourself up over some news you found out today. You need to take these before bed."Linda smiled uncertainly and handed me some pills.  
"Fucking hell."I groaned and rubbed my head. It really hurt.

"Frank please, we need to talk about this."Gerard stood up suddenly and came over to me, grabbing my hand urgently. I yanked it away from him.  
"Lewis lets go."I said sternly. I slid off the bed and walked out, throwing the pills behind me as I went.

"Um. Bye?"I heard Lewis say awkwardly then rushed out after me,"Dude what was that all about?"Lewis ran to catch up with me. I was walking fast towards the exit of the school.

"The nurse is my Mum and she got Gerard to use me so she could find out about me and where I stood on the grounds of knowing who my Mum is."I said.  
"Holy shit... Where are you going?"Lewis grabbed my arm and stopped me.  
"I dont know... Not to the house thats for sure."I sighed.

"Look thank you for before with Cole and that. I don't know what they're gonna do to you now but I would stay away from them."  
"Dont I know that."He mumbled.  
"My point is that right now I just really need to be by myself."I moved myself out of his grip.

He started to say something but his phone rang and stopped him. He held a finger up as he answered it.  
"Hey... Yeah I know... I'm sorry... We still on for tonight? Okay I'll see you there... Eh em same. To you. Yeah I'm still with him. Yup... I- fine! I love you too. See you tonight. Bye."Lewis smiled slightly as he hung up.

"Uh sorry."  
"Girlfriend?"I raised an eyebrow at him.  
"You could say that."He coughed and looked away.  
"Holy crap! You're gay!"I stared at him incredulously.

"Shut up! Do you want everyone to find out?"He slapped a hand over my mouth. I shoved it away and laughed.  
"Sorry but dude! How have you kept it secret from Cole?"

"I dont know but we are so shut the fuck up now."Lewis looked over his shoulder as a bell rang down the hall and suddenly kids were everywhere.  
"Where the fuck did they come from?"I stared around at them all.

"I dont know... But I've gotta get to class."Lewis said as he looked down at his phone. I nodded and glanced behind him.  
"Thanks again. You better run. One of Cole's mates."I nodded to the one who lingered in the library. Lewis glanced behind him and smiled.

"I'll see you later Frank!"Lewis called as he ran off. Towards the guy. Okay. I watched for a minute at how they acted together. Okay Lewis and that guy were together and were fucking awesome for managing to hide it from Cole. Cole was just plain stupid.


	27. My Chemical Romance

"Frank you are just the stupidest person I have ever met but I love you."Lily whispered in my ear. I giggled into her hair then sighed.  
"I love you too."I smiled and pulled away from her.

After the whole spaz at school and the weird moment with Lewis I ahd gone to see Claire and had spent the day with her. She hated it there and wanted to come back but Mrs Macy wasn't going to let her. When half 3 rolled around I went back to the house to talk to Lily about everything. We had just finished our heart to heart moment when someone shouted downstairs.

"Frank! Get down here!"Someone yelled fro downstairs. Lily and I looked at each other perplexed for a second then got up to go downstairs. When we got downstairs Steven called me from the lounge. He was watching something on the tv.

"What?"I asked and glanced at the tv.  
"Look."Steven gestured to the tv. I looked at it properly and realised what was on. The news was on and they were showing a picture of Dean.

"Turn it up!"Lily shouted and sat down on the couch. I sat down next to her as Steven turned it up and we started listening.  
"... new evidence proving he is in fact the killer of Tracey Griffiths, Porsha Cook, Nicole Lewington, Donna Way and many more. Trials are still in progress over the murders of countless teenage and young orphan girls. Dean Smith's funeral was held two weeks ago with only his mother turning up. Smith was shot in the chest by a 17 year old who was the son of one of the murders of the women. Juries are still trying to determine whether it was self defence or revenge. The final trial deciding this fact is to be held tomorrow starting at 9:00am. And now over to sports. The tigers ha-"

"Fuck... Someone needs to talk to Gerard."I said quietly and stood up,"Steven call him."  
"I think we all need to be there tomorrow."Lily sighed.  
"That you do... Hi Gerard its Stev- Hey."Steven shook his head as I snatched the phone from him.

"Hey Gerard its Frank. Where are you?"  
"I'm at Petes why?"  
"I'll see you there in ten."I said and hung up the phone.  
"You need a ride?"Steven asked.  
"Yes please."I smiled gratefully.

"Do you want me to come?"Lily looked from me to Steven and back.  
"Sure."I smiled. She smiled back and we all started walking out the door.

-time lapse-

"Gerard come back!"Steven called. We all flinched as a door slammed down the hall. Lily, Steven and I had just been telling him about the news and he hadn't taken it very well. He had a massive freakout over going to jail for killing Dean and stormed into his room.

"I'll go talk to him."I sighed and got up. I walked down the hall way and knocked quietly on his door. There was no answer but I went in anyway.  
"Gerard you know they wont put you in prison right? So what if you wanted to kill him. The jury will believe that it was self defence. Plus, given everything else he has done, they're probably going to thank you for offing him."I said as I slowly shut the door behind me with a soft click.

He was sitting on the floor slumped against his bed with his head down, hair covering his face. I stared at his gorgeous hair then glanced at his bed, remembering the last time I was in here. Oh fuck.  
"I know you're right I just- its really... upsetting? to hear about him killing all these women and my mum and just- fuck."Gerard flung his head up and stared at the ceiling.

I couldn't focus on what he was saying. Could only focus on getting my thoughts away from that wonderful hour.  
"I..."I couldn't talk. He looked at me and smiled that irresistable smile. The one that he gave to me after our first kiss, after our shower together. Fucking hell I was screwed.

He got up slowly and walked over to me.  
"Frank I'm sorry. For everything. I-it may have been for Linda at first but then I realised just how amazing you are Frank. I realised that I l-love you. I really fucking love you."Gerard whispered the last bit so quietly I almost didnt hear it.

"Fuck Gerard... I'm sorry too... I probaby shouldn't have over reacted so much... I just- its a lot to handle okay? I'm sorry for being so stupid about it all but its only because I love you too. I felt like my heart was fucking shredding itself into sharp pieces then trying to carve their way out of me. It wasnt a nice feeling."

Gerard's face broke into a smile making me smile as well.  
"Forgive and forget?"He raised an eyebrow at me and I nodded.  
"I love you Gerard."I sighed happily.  
"I love you too."Gerard grinned and kissed me. Nothing hot and steamy just- a kiss. It was perfect and it felt good to have his lips on mine again.

"We should go back out."Gerard sighed and rested his forehead against mine. I nodded slightly but neither of us made a move to leave.  
"Okay we really need to go. We're playing again tonight and Di said she has some news for us so... Sounds good."Gerard smiled and went to open the door.

"Hey guys. Sorry for yelling at you."Gerard looked ashamed as he scuffed his feet.  
"Its okay. Just keep yourself under control next time."Steven stood up and jingled his keys,"Where are we off to now? Anybody need rides anywhere?"

"Nah we're gonna go to The Magic Bean so we'll be fine. Thanks though."Gerard smiled.  
"Lily what about you?"Steven turned to her.  
"Uhh..."She looked to Gerard and I.  
"You're coming."I smiled.  
"Right then. Shall see you guys tomorrow."Steven saluted us all goodbye and left.

"I'm guessing you two are okay now?"Lily raised an eyebrow at our entwined fingers. Wait when did that happen?  
"Yeah. We stopped being drama queens."Gerard giggled.

Gerards phone started ringing making us all jump slightly.  
"Yo wassup! We were just about to le- ... Okay... Shit. Right. Okay we'll be there in 5."Gerard said into the phone and hung it up.  
"We leaving now?"  
"Mmhmm."Gerard grabbed his keys from the coffee table and started walking out the door. Lily and I shrugged shoulders at each other and followed him.

-time lapse-

"Why did you get this? It sounds like crap."I laughed as I flicked through the book.  
"No not to read you fuckwit. Look at the title."Mikey snatched the book out of my hands defensively and held it up for everyone to see.

"Three Tales Of Chemical Romance... What about it?"Ray asked and took a gulp of his drink.  
"Ugh you guys arent getting it. I was in the library looking for /band names/."Mikey made big eyes at us all.

"Shit. Thats... an odd sort of name for a band..."Bob cocked his head at the book as if he was studying prey or something.  
"We could change it a little bit? You know like maybe Four Tales Of Chemical Romance? Cause there is 4 of us?"Gerard sat back in his set.

"Guys what about My Chemical Romance."Lily said quietly next to me.  
"Okay who is this?"Bob focused on her properly.  
"Lily. My best friend."I smiled.  
"Well Lily you're a fucking genius and I think we have a band name."Ray slammed his hand down on the table, making us all jump, and grinned.

"Thank you."Lily smiled and stole some of my drink.  
"That is really good what is it?"Lily looked at my drink for a sign but it was just a cup.  
"Hazelnut latte. My favourite type of coffee."I smiled.

"So we're all agreed? My Chemical Romance?"Gerard looked round at the guys and they all nodded.  
"Yo Di! We got a name!"Ray called over his shoulder. She came over to us and waited.

"My Chemical Romance."Mikey said to her.  
"Thats fucking awesome! Okay lemme call Joe and he'll sort the posters out and then tonight we will announce you and then- oh shit my news for you guys. Eyeball Records might want to sign you."Diane clapped her hands together.

"Could today get any fucking better?!"Gerard shouted as Bob and Mikey high fived each other.  
"My Chemical Romance... It fucking fits you guys."I smiled.  
"Frank we want you in our band."Bob blurted.  
"Dude we werent going to ask him yet."Mikey punched Bob on the shoulder.

They really wanted me in the band? That was fucking awesome.  
"Are you sure?"I asked them.  
"Yes. We need you. That day in music when you were playing with us was the best we have ever sounded.

"I dont have a guitar though."I said.  
"You can play mine. I mean, I'm not really the best at it and I find it difficult to play and sing at the same time."Gerard smiled. I looked at Lily who was grinning.  
"Okay. I'll join the band."I grinned. I felt like I was going to explode with happiness jesus christ.

"Wow. I think I need a picture of you all for the poster. I'll get one tonight when you guys are playing."Diane smiled and left us.  
"Hey guys. Why is everyone grinning?"Pete suddenly appeared between Bob and Ray.

"Frank just joined the band, we have a band name and if we play good enough tonight we might get signed."Mikey stood up and grabbed a chair for Pete.  
"Dude thats awesome! I told you Frank would say yes. Whats the name?"Pete kissed Mikey quickly and sat down next to him. Fucking cute.

"My Chemical Romance."Bob sighed happily and sculled the rest of his drink.  
"Jesus thats an awesome name. Who thought of it?"Pete looked round at us and his eyes clocked Lily.

"Me."She smiled.  
"And who are you?"Pete leaned his head on his hand and looked at her inquisitively.  
"Franks best friend. Mikey found the book that inspired it all so dont give me all the credit."Lily pulled out the book out from underneath Pete's elbow.

"Ouch."Pete rubbed his elbow after banging it onto the table,"Three Tales Of Chemical Romance... Alright book that."  
"Have you read it?"Mikey asked as Lily handed Pete the book.  
"Yeah. For english last year."Pete flicked through it and put it down.

"Its the regular line up tonight guys so you might wanna get your gear."Di came over and rested on top of Rays head. It must have been comfy with his hair.  
"Oh kay we really need to start getting ready."Gerard stood up as we noticed people starting to fill up the small coffee shop.

"Lily and I are gonna stay here. Thats okay right?"I said, secretly grabbing Lily's hand under the table as she started to get up. I wanted to talk to her.  
"Yeah thats fine. I'll grab Daisy."Gerard smiled. Lily gave me a look but stayed out as everyone got up and left.

"Why are we staying here?"Lily asked turned to me.  
"Gerard loves me."I grinned.  
"What? Did he say it? Did you say you love him? Do you love him? Oh my god tell me everything!"Lily clapped her hands together. So I told her.

-time lapse-

"Alright. Probably the band most of you have been waiting for. Can I welcome to the stage, My Che-"  
"Dont!"Gerard suddenly yelled from side stage.  
"What?"Diane said into the microphone and looked to the side at us.  
"We wanna say our name. I have this thing planned. Sorry."Gerard smiled.

"Okay sorry. Uhhh Gerard and his band!"Di yelled to cheers as we all walked on. I couldn't believe I was in this band now. It was amazing. I took my place next/in front of Mikey. Gerard was on the other side of Mikey next to Ray and Bob was of course at the drums.

"Good evening everyone. I hope you are all having a pleasant evening."Gerard grinned into the mic.  
"Who's the new guy?!"Someone yelled from the crowd.

"Well! I am very glad you asked. Now, last night, it occurred to me that I have never properly introduced us to you. Those of you that come here for the music dont know us. So I'm gonna change that tonight!"Gerard grinned out at the crowd as a spotlight came on. Who the hell operated the lights and where?

I plugged Daisy in as Gerard went over to Ray.  
"This is one Ray Toro. He plays the guitar and is one of the best I know of."Gerard said and gave the mic to Ray.  
"Hey guys. Whats up?!"Ray laughed.  
"This!"He moved to display Bob like a show person,"Is My very good friend Bobert Bryar on the drums! Say hi Bob."Gerard put the mic at Bobs mouth and grinned.

"Yo!"Bob shouted and saluted.  
"Right here we have my brother and my best friend, Mr Mikey Way! He plays bass and I love him."Gerard gave the mic to Mikey.  
"What are you wearing?"Mikey said slowly into the microphone. Everyone laughed but I saw who he was looking at. Pete had some sort of weird hat on at the back.

"And this lovely new fella over here. He is amazing at the guitar. He has awesome tattoos. Awesome music taste. Is fantastic!... In bed. And is also my boyfriend! Everybody give it up for our latest member Frank uh... Frank!"Gerard kissed me on the cheek as people cheered and clapped.

"And now, the moment you have all been waiting for... I, am Gerard Way! And we are... My! Chemical! Romance!"Gerard screamed. the crowd went insane. Fuck I was so pumped for this.

"Dude whats your last name?"Gerard grinned as the others finished setting up.  
"I dont fucking know... Whats Linda's last name?"I asked as I re-positioned Daisy on my shoulder.  
"Uhhmm Like- something to do with chocolate or something...."Gerard clicked his fingers,"Iero! Thats the one."  
"Iero... Frank Iero... Wow that is weird."I smiled.

"Frank Iero!"Gerard shouted into the mic suddenly. I shook my head and smiled as Bob started a beat up and Mikey started with the bass.  
"Our first song tonight is, as always, American Idiot."Gerard smiled.

And then we were off. It was amazing. I had never ever experienced playing with my band. It was just completely fucking awesome. Gerard ended with Cancer again because the crowd loved it just as much as I did.

"Great show guys. Love the name!"Some boy sat down next to Gerard. We were all exhausted.  
"Thanks."Gerard smiled at the guy. He looked familiar. Oh! He was the drummer from that two man band.

"Spencer right?"I asked.  
"Yeah. Jon's just getting us a drink before we go on."Spencer smiled and rattled the drumsticks I hadn't noticed in his hand.  
"Sweet. Do you guys have any of your own songs?"Ray asked them.

"We're working on it."Spencer smiled as what must have been Jon sat down next to him.  
"What are we working on? Band members? Songs? Our talent?"Jon joked as he gave Spencer a drink.  
"Well yeah, all three."Spencer laughed along with everyone except me. I had an idea.

"Hey... What parts do you need?"I asked them.  
"Uh... Bass and another guitar I guess. Maybe if one of them could sing would be good as well cause I'm not the best."Jon smiled then clued on to what I was asking,"Why, do you know some guys? Please tell me you do we are desperate!"

"Yeah... Dont you think Brendon and Ryan would be good with them?"I asked the guys. They all nodded as I took a sip of my drink.  
"I'll talk to them tomorrow at school."I smiled.  
"Thank you so much!"Jon gushed. Spencer sculled his drink and stood up.  
"We're due for a show."Spencer grabbed Jons arm.

"Right, see you dudes later."Jon waved as Spencer dragged him to the stage where Di was announcing them.  
"Frank we cant talk to Ryan and Brendon tomorrow."Gerard sighed and rested his head on my shoulder.  
"Aye? Why?"I asked him, feeling the warmth of Gerard go to my cheeks.

"We have to go to court."Gerard stared at his drink moodily. Oh fuck.  
"Oh... Well tomorrow night then when we are back at home."I reassured him, knowing fully well what his next sentence would be.  
"Thats if I havent been dragged off to jail of course."Gerard said quietly as Spencer and Jon started playing a Smashing Pumpkins song.

"Gerard stop talking like that. Its not going to happen okay?"I put my arm around his shoulders.  
"Gerard you know we're going to win right? Frank and I will testify and Deans past crimes will be against him, not with him."Lily squeezed Gerard's hand across the table kindly.

"Yeah. All except for one. The one where he killed my Mum."Gerard sighed.  
"I think we should go home to bed."I sighed realising Gerard wasnt going to stop being moody.  
"Yeah... Great way to spend my last night not behind bars."Gerard joked. We all gave him a look.

"What? It was a joke!"  
"So funny."Mikey grumbled and stood up,"I'll see you tomorrow at the court house okay?"Mikey hugged him.  
"Why are you coming?"Gerard asked over his shoulder as everyone else got up.

"Gerard you're going on trial. I aint missing this at all."Mikey blinked away the tears only I saw in his eyes, warning me with his eyes that no one was allowed to know. Jesus, he had fears that Gerard would go to jail.

"Yeah, we're all gonna be there okay?"Bob smiled. Gerard nodded as Ray came around and hugged him as well then Pete hugged him.  
"Jesus guys, you say for me not to be all stupid about tomorrow but here you all are hugging me goodbye like its the last time ever. Stop it."Gerard grumbled at us all.

"Sorry. See ya tomorrow morning."Mikey waved as I took Gerard's hand and started tugging him out with Lily by my side. Tomorrow was going to be a long day.


	28. The Trial: Part 1

"In the event of Mr Smiths death, the suspects present were Frank Iero, Lily Evans and one Mr Gerard Arthur Way, son of one of Smith's victims, Donna Way. I call Lily Evans to the stand."

Lily squeezed my hand before moving Claire onto my lap then slowly standing up and walking to the stand. Deans lawyer didnt look particularly happy about anything. He had a grumpy face and was short as hell. Probably why he looked so grumpy. He was even shorter than me for fucks sake. Gerard was sitting alone at a table in front of all the seats. There were a lot of cameras filming this. I hadn't even noticed any of them until now.

"Describe the night. All of it."The man said. I decided to call him midget. They went through the whole 'I swear to tell the truth' thing before Midget started pacing in front of Lily.

"Well... Dean and his wife adopted me and Claire from the mace- I mean orphanage and when we got to their house everything was fine and then his wife Victoria showed us to our room and told us to unpack, being normal. Then uh, later, we were called down by uh Dean and um. Victoria was nowhere to be seen and then he uh he um."Lily stopped talking and started coughing, wiping away her tears. I wanted nothing more than to go up there and hug her but I knew I wouldnt be allowed.

"He uh r-raped me i-in front of Claire and um. Afterwards he sent me back to my room but put Claire in a different room. We didnt heard an argument that night- well I dont know about Claire but Victoria and Dean argued badly a-and I think he hit her a couple of times but then th-the next day he brought us back down to the kitchen and b-beat us and I managed to um. I hit him back and made him fall to the ground. I went to get Claire but he uh pulled out a gun and aimed it at her and said I could go but I had to leave her and I- I- I left! It was stupid and terrible of me but I left her!"Lily started sobbing into her hands. That was it.

"Stay here okay Claire? I dont want you to move at all."I whispered and moved her onto the seat. I stood up and rushed over to Lily.  
"Excuse me Sir but please take your se-"  
"Frank go back! I-its okay just sit down you're not allowed out here."Lily looked up. I froze, in the middle of the floor, standing in front of the judge. She was looking down on me very angrily.

"Frank come on!"Gerard called behind me. I glanced over my shoulder. Then at the security guards preparing for me to go crazy and start trying to kill everyone. Then back at Lily. She looked so scared but angry at me as well. I slowly turned around and started walking back to my seat. Claire hooked her fingers around two of mine when I sat down.

"As you were saying?"Deans lawyer turned back to Lily.  
"I um..."Lily cleared her throat and looked away from me,"I l-left her and then I um. I started walking across town, trying to find my way... somewhere. I had no idea what to do exactly. The only thought on my mind at that time was to- to find F-Frank."Lily looked at me again.

"So you went to his halfway house. And then what?"  
"Well I told the- carer there what had happened and that I needed to see Frank. I waited and when Frank got back with Gerard he- made me realise what I had done by leaving so I uhm... I got into a sort of a blind rage and went storming back but then uhm... Gerard gave me a ride and Frank came with us and then um..."

Lily stopped and looked at Gerard. She looked completely scared. I wished I could see Gerard's face.  
"Then what?"  
"Well we got there and I stormed in and um... Frank came after me into the kitchen but Dean wasnt there so I went upstairs and then um h-he Dean was on the landing and um he had a shotgun and um. I- I asked him where Claire was and he said that she was resting from playing. Then he looked up at the attic so we thought she was in there and then um Victoria screamed from above and he was distracted so Frank lunged at him and they- um they started fighting and then Frank told me to go into the attic so I- I did only Claire wasnt in there but Victoria was. She- she had cuts all over her and a bruise on her face and then um..."Lily looked to me indicating that she didnt know what happened exactly with Gerard, Dean and I.

"Keep going."The midget said. In any other situation it would have been a riveting story but right now it was trying to see if Gerard was a killer or not.  
"Well um I was tending to Victoria when Gerard must have come in the house cause there was shouting and um Frank came up into the attic and I told him to find Claire so he did but then I dont know what happened because I heard a loud crash and then Frank wouldnt answer me. I was too scared to move which I probably should have because then De- ah Dean must have come up and bashed me over the head. I woke up and we were in the basement."

"Where Dean was shot?"  
"Y-yeah. I was tied up and it was dark. He was doing something but I dont know what. It was a little while before Frank and Gerard came down through the outside doors though... When they got down Dean he- he stopped me from talking and put a gun against my head and told the guys to stop otherwise I would die. Then uhm... Gerard asked him why he did what he did and he said-"

"And this is where it is crucial Lily, I need you to remember as much as you can of that conversation. Tell it like you're writing a story. I've found that helps sometimes."The judge looked at her kindly.  
"Oh believe me this is not something I will ever forget. This man is- was despicable and I'm glad he is dead."Lily's voice had gone cold.

I stared at her and felt myself go cold with her. It was all coming back to me. The horrible things he had done. What he did to Claire...

*flashback*

"Why are you doing this?"I asked weakly.  
"Its fun. It brings me pleasure."He said maliciously. I glared at where his voice was coming from.

"When did you start?"Gerard asked, making me jump. I heard Dean laugh before taking a deep breath. I dont know how he could fucking see us but it was completely unnerving.

"When I was 19 I married the woman of my dreams. Three weeks into the marriage I found her in bed with another man. So I killed them both and left. It felt good inflicting pain on them. So I kept doing it."He said simply as if it was the most understandable thing in the world.

"9 years ago... What were you doing?"Gerard asked quietly.  
"Oh let me see... I was targeting women in their 20's and 30's. I would send them threatening letters for a week then I would rape and kill them. Good fun."He laughed.

This guy was completely fucking nuts.  
"What was the name of the last woman you killed?"Gerard asked, that same dead and unfeeling tone in his voice.  
"Umm goodness I cant remember that far I think it was Diane? Donna? Yes, Donna Way."He sounded so formal and nice despite what he was talking about.

"Yeah. That was my fucking mum."Gerard growled. He let go of my hand and lunged forward. There was yelling and punching noises. Lily was yelling and rattling something. She must have been tied to a chair or something.

There was a crash and a scream from lily. My eyes could just make out her lying topple on the ground trying to see what was happening.

*end flashback*

"And th-thats when- the g-gunshot sounded. We uh... We were all silent until Gerard groaned and Frank found a light. D-uh-"Lily glanced at Gerard before looking anywhere but the midget,"Dean was lying on top of Gerard and uhm. Gerard had shot him through the uh- the um... the uh chest? B-because the gun was stuck in b-between them..."

Nope. Fucking wrong. We were screwed.  
"Really?"The midget looked at her curiously. He knew it as well. Fuck. Gerard turned and looked at me for a second before looking back to Lily who was staring at Gerard and me like she had just been shot herself. Fuck.

"Y-Yeah... I think... No it w-wasnt the chest it was the uhm.. The uh... The forehead!"Lily had been snapping her fingers trying to remember. It looked like it convinced some people but the midget already knew and there was absolutely no hope left at all.

"Right... I have no further questions your honor."The midget turned to the judge. Lily looked up at the judge then slowly stood up and walked back over to me. When she sat down she immediately gripped my hand and squeezed so fucking hard, telling me she knew she had fucked up.

"Alright... I need a break. We'll continue this in a half hour."The judge groaned as she got up. Immediately there was babbling and yelling from the camera people as Gerard stood up and came round to us.

"Lily..."He closed his eyes and grabbed my hand.  
"Gerard I'm so sorry. I didnt- I- fuck..."Lily fell down on the seat behind her and put her head in her hands.  
"Come on, lets just get out of here and get something to eat yeah?"I grabbed her hand and pulled her up,"Come on Claire."

She was still sitting on the seat, ignoring everyone and singing quietly to herself.  
"Okay Frankie."Claire slid off her seat and came to walk next to me. We all pushed through the media and out the doors, ignoring the flashes of the camera.

"What are we gonna do then?"I asked as we walked around the corner. Before I knew it we were outside the cafe where Jade worked.  
"I dont know... You dont mind if we eat her do you Frank?"Gerard asked me sadly. I shook my head and smiled as we walked in.

"Hey Gerard... I've been watching on the TV... How're you doing?"Jade asked as we walked in and sat down at a table. Lily glared at the back of Jade as Gerard collapsed on her and started sobbing.  
"Uh Lily sort of messed the story up..."I sighed.

"Well done."Jade pulled a chair over as Gerard sat down next to me and rested his head on my shoulder.  
"No no dont get angry at her, she has to recall being fucking raped Jade, you can hardly blame her for saying the wrong thing."Gerard sniffed. Lily smiled at him then grabbed the menu.

"Sorry... I just dont wanna see you go to prison or anything."Jade sighed and stood up again.  
"He's not going to go. We are going to win this thing."I said sternly. It was more trying to convince myself than the others.

"What do you guys want? Its on the house."Jade grabbed a pen from her apron and a notepad.  
"No no dont be stupid I'll pay."Gerard sat up properly and pulled his wallet out.  
"No. You have been though enough today Gerard just tell me what you want okay? You dont have much time before you have to get back."Jade reasoned.

Gerard sighed and put his wallet away as Jade grinned.  
"I'll have my usual coffee and I dont know a cheese toastie?"Gerard went back to resting his head on my shoulder.  
"Awesome. And for you two?"Jade turned to us.  
"Uhh a hazelnut latte and-"  
"Times 2."Lily cut in and grinned at me.

"Kay, and to eat?"Jade asked as she wrote it all down.  
"Uh... Just a cheese toastie."I sighed and rested my head on Gerards, lacing my fingers with his under the table.  
"I'm not hungry."Lily said as she stared at Gerard. His eyes were closed and there were two tears on his cheeks.

"Kay I'll be back soon."Jade smiled and left us.  
"Gerard look at me."I said as I lifted my head and waited for him to look at me. When he did I reached up and wiped the tears away with my thumb and kissed him,"It is going to be okay. Alright? Just- forget about it until we have to go back okay?"

He smiled and nodded. I smiled as Jade appeared with our drinks.  
"Here we go. The toasties are on their way."Jade smiled then went to another table where someone had just sat down. I glanced at the person then focused on who they actually were.

"Fucking hell."I breathed. Gerard and Lily turned to see who I was looking at and both breathed out the word shit.  
"What the fuck is he doing here?"Gerard growled.

"I dont know but I dont want him to see us."Lily said and shielded her face with her hand as the midget looked over our way. Didnt matter. He saw Gerard and stood up.  
"Hello. Enjoying ourselves?"He asked politely.

Nobody said anything, we all just glared up at him.  
"Look,"He said and pulled up a chair,"I know how you feel about me. And you're completely right. I dont want to be defending Mr Smith as much as you wish you could shoot him again Mr Way. But my point is, he was my client beforehand and he payed me good money over the years for no reason. Now I know why. In case something like this happened. I'm disgusted in what he has done but the law is the law and if you killed him with revenge in your heart, you need to be punished. I'm doing my best to make sure you dont get sentenced but Miss Evans sort of ruined that. Sorry."He sighed and stood up and left us.

We all stared after him as Jade brought him his drink and he left.  
"Um... What does that mean?"Gerard asked quietly.  
"Here we go- you okay guys?"Jade set down the food in front of us but suddenly I had no appetite, and from the look on Gerard's face, neither did he.

"Uh..."Lily glanced at our faces then informed Jade of what had just happened.  
"Oh my god..."Jade fell into her previously vacated seat and stared at the table.  
"I want to find Mikey."Gerard stood up suddenly.

"O-okay I'll um... Yeah go. Now."Jade stood up and picked up our food. Luckily our drinks were in takeaway cups.  
"Thanks for- everything Jade."I smiled awkwardly then followed Gerard and Lily who were already outside.


	29. The Trial: Part 2

"Fuck."I mumbled as I saw the press snapping pictures of Gerard and Lily. They were talking to them. I rushed up to them in time to hear someone with a microphone ask Gerard,"Why did you shoot Dean Smith?"

"Oh come on!"I groaned. Suddenly everyone was silent and staring at me. Cameras were facing me and suddenly I wasn't so confident in getting angry at them all.  
"Continue?"The news person replied.

"Well um... I'm just saying... Thats one of the stupidest questions ever. He shot him because they were fighting and it was an accident. So what if he felt a little bit of satisfaction and closure afterwards. If this guy had tried to kill you, your boyfriend, and your boyfriends friends, AND had killed your Mum and pretended it was suicide wouldnt you be at least a little glad that the bastard is dead? Fuck me."I grabbed Gerard's hand and pulled him inside, with Lily following close behind. Stupid fuckers.

We were getting back just in time because as we sat down again, Gerard up front and Lily and I in the seats behind him, the judge was taking her seat also and the midget was sitting at his table next to Gerards.

"Alright everyone ready? Okay. Mr Clark? Are you ready to continue?"She turned to the midget who nodded and stood up.  
"I call, Miss Danvers to the stand."He turned to face Lily and I who looked to our left to see that Claire wasn't sitting next to us.

"Uh- Claire? Claire where are you?!"Lily stood up immediately and started searching the room.  
"Uhm can we postpone this?"I called then joined Lily.

"Frank I thought you fucking had her!"Lily yelled and socked me on the arm,"Claire?!"  
"I thought you did! Fuck. Claire where are you?!"I screamed as Gerard got up and ran out of the courthouse. The room exploded into noise once more as Lily and I followed Gerard.

"Claire?!"Gerard yelled over the babble of the press. They must have been kept out of the actual court room.  
"Claire?!"I yelled and went in the opposite direction to Gerard. Lily followed me.

"Claire?!"Lily yelled desperately behind me.  
"We dont even know which way she went."I sighed, feeling the tears prick my eyes.  
"I-its okay we- we're gonna find her okay?"Lily grabbed my hand and squeezed.

"Guys!"Gerard called behind us. We spun around to see him holding Claire in his arms and running to see us.  
"Claire! Oh my fucking god Claire!"I yelled and started running as Lily followed with a sob.  
"I'm sorry Frankie."Claire sniffed. She had been crying. A lot.

"Claire where on earth did you go?!"I grabbed her from Gerard and held her closely. She started crying on my shoulder as Lily hugged me and sandwiched Claire between us.  
"Come on, we need to get back."Lily smiled as she moved away and let me walk.

When we got back everyone was waiting for us. It was dead quiet and extremely intimidating having everyone watch us as we walked back in.  
"Okay Claire? That man over there wants to ask you a few questions and you just have to answer them as best you can okay?"I whispered in her ear. She nodded and stood there.

"I uh... think I need to walk her up."I smiled apologetically at everyone and took her hand. We walked in silence up to the stand where the man told her to repeat everything he said with the whole truth thing.  
"Okay Claire? I'm just gonna be sitting over there, behind Gerard okay? Next to Lily where we were sitting before?"

She nodded so I gave her one last look before leaving her alone on the stand.  
"Okay Claire. When the man came to take you to his house, what was he like?"The midget asked her kindly.  
"He was nice."She said simply. I couldn't understand why they were even talking to her. She wasn't in the basement when it happened.

"Okay, and what about when you got to his house?"  
"I dont know. I didnt see him. Vicky took me and Lily to our rooms and stuff. Then told us to come down for dinner later."Claire smiled. She had really liked Vicky which fucking sucked.

"Okay. What about when you went down for dinner? Then what happened?"The midget asked. Claire's face seemed to cloud over as she brought that thought to mind. This wasn't right. I felt Lily gripping my hand tightly.  
"Vicky wasn't there. But the man was."Claire said quietly. She didnt want to talk about it. I had to restrain myself from going up there and holding her. She shouldn't be made to remember any of this.

"So what happened?"  
"Me and Lily went down together and... the man was down there and he... He hit Lily and she fell over. Lily was crying and- I didnt cry though I was brave."Claire said. Good girl.  
"Okay... then what?"The midget asked her. The fucking bastard.

"Then he um... I dont know what he did to Lily but it made her scream and bleed from her bum."Claire started to cry again. I started to stand but Lily yanked me down as Claire somehow got a hold of herself and wiped away the tears. This was the bravest I had ever seen her.

"Alright so later on... What did he do to you?"The midget asked her. Then Claire really started to cry. That was it.  
I stood up and yelled,"I'm sorry but your honor, I dont see what this has to do with Deans death. She wasn't in the basement at all. This is just torture for the poor girl."

There was silence as Claire continued to cry quietly. Lily nudged me so immediately I rushed over to Claire. She grabbed me straight away and buried her head in my shoulder.  
"I tried not to cry Frankie I really did."She sniffed quietly.  
"I know kiddo, its okay. You can cry if you want to."I whispered as I stroked her hair.

I looked at the midget who was looking disgusted with himself. So he rightfully should be. I would probably shoot myself if I had to defend a man like Dean fucking Smith. Nobody was talking as I comforted Claire.  
"Mr Clark, please dont waste time with things like this. Five minute break for Claire."She smiled down at me sadly as I picked Claire up and brought her to Lily where Gerard joined us.

"Hey Claire. You okay?"Gerard sighed as I put Claire down next to Lily. She nodded and pushed her face into Lily's arm.  
"What do you think's gonna happen?"Someone said behind me.  
"Mikey."Gerard looked over my shoulder, shocked.

"Hey. Sorry I'm late. I got caught up at work."Mikey looked guilty.  
"Its okay. Where are the others?"Gerard glanced behind Mikey and must have spotted them because he nodded at them all.  
"They've been here the whole time."Mikey said.

"Aye? How come they didnt say anything?"I asked and turned to see Bob, Ray and Pete sitting in the back row looking worried and scared.  
"They did. They were one of the first few spectators here. They called when you guys walked in but you must no of heard them I guess."Mikey said as we all waved to them.

"Oh..."I muttered. We were all too focused on what we was happening.  
"Alright everyone settle down."The judge called suddenly. That was five minutes? Mikey went to sit next to the others and Gerard went back to his lonely table. I sat down next to Lily and Claire silently. I knew I was next to be talked to and I had no idea what to say. Fan-fucking-tastic.

"Mr Clark if you would like to continue but with people that were actually present at the crime scene if you will."The judge said smartly.  
"Yes your honor. I call Mr Iero to the stand."The midget stumbled over his feet as I glared at him.

I squeezed Lily's hand once before letting go and walking up to the stand. Once I was seated I blindly repeated what they told me to as I stared at Gerard. He was staring at his hands. I was desperate for him to look at me but he wouldn't look.

"Frank? Could you please answer my question?"The midget brought me out of my trance.  
"Oh sorry uh what was it again? I wasn't listening."I smiled sheepishly and got a small laugh from the jury.

"Describe the fight to me."He said simply. Hardly a question.  
"Okay uhm. When Gerard and I went to the back garden to go down to the basement we broke open the door and started going down. Then the wind blew the doors shut and made it completely dark cause the moonlight was gone. Gerard got scared cause he doesnt like the dark that much."The jury laughed slightly again but I barely noticed. I was staring at him and he still hadn't stopped staring at his hands.

"I called out to Lily to make sure she was down there and she answered me and then she started to say I needed to be quick cause she had no idea where Dean had gone and that he could be back soon but then she didnt get to finish what she was saying because he put his hand over her mouth and said that if we moved she would die. I dont know why he could see so well in the dark. He didnt have any night vision goggles on or anything. Th-then we asked him why he did what he did and- I dont have to repeat that do I? Its not exactly the nicest thing to hear about. Twice."I looked from the midget to the jury to the judge. Everyone nodded so I continued.

"Well you know the rest I guess. Gerard got angry at Dean for killing his mum and attacked him. Yes, Gerard started the fight but to be fair, Gerard has been through a lot. And hearing that his Mum hadn't actually killed herself, that in fact, she had been murdered by this lunatic who was trying to kill all of us. Its not the easiest thing to deal with. I dont actually understand properly why we have to see if Gerard is guilty. I dont think it was on purpose. Gerard hadn't set out to kill him at all. He was angry. Like you would punch someone at school for dissing you. So what if Gerard got a slight sense of satisfaction and some closure from pulling the trigger. Hell I would too if it was me. My point is, we shouldn't be accusing Gerard we should be thanking him."I sighed and sat back. Gerard was finally looking at me.

"No further questions."The midget said then went back to his table.  
"Alright... Mr Way... Anything to say?"The judge looked at him. He turned around and looked at Claire and Lily. Then at his brother. Then at me then back to the judge.  
"Yes please your honor."Gerard said quietly and got up.

"Frank you can go sit back down."The judge reminded me. I nodded and went back to Lily who moved Claire onto my lap and put her arm around my shoulder as Gerard moved to the middle of the room and stared at everyone hard. He stayed silent for a minute.  
"Could everyone in the room please stand up for me?"Gerard asked loudly, his voice echoing out across the silent room.

Everyone stood up, including the judge.  
"Now please sit back down if your mother is still alive."Gerard's eyes were closed. The majority of the room sat down. Claire and Lily stayed standing up next to me.  
"Okay."Gerard opened his eyes to see the 4 or 5 people still standing up, including two people from the jury.  
"Tell me how you lost your mums."Gerard said simply. He pointed to someone behind Lily.

I turned around and faced him along with everyone else in the room as he started stuttering.  
"She uh- she uhm. We were told she killed herself b-but after this Dean guy was revealed we found out th-that he killed her."The man took a deep breath in and clenched his eyes shut for a second,"I know how you feel. Its not the greatest. And I thank you for getting rid of that bastard."The guy blinked then sat down quickly.  
"Thank you. What about you?"Gerard pointed to someone at the back of the room.  
"Gerard its me. You know my story."It was Mikey.

"Oh sorry bro. Sit down."Gerard smiled.  
"Mr Way, what purpose does this have?"The midget asked exasperatedly. Gerard gave him a glare before turning to one of the people in the jury.  
"You. Tell me."Gerard pointed to a young woman at the back.

"She uhm. She was in a car acccident. Someone was drunk driving and smashed into her side."The woman said quietly. She had tears running down her face.  
"How long ago was this?"Gerard asked her softly.  
"F-Four days ago!"The woman started sobbing hyterically. Someone standing next to her pulled her into a hug while muttering something into her hair.  
"I'm so sorry for your loss. And I know this is a very painful time for you but- can you please try to explain what it feels like?"Gerard whispered.

"I uh- sure."The woman stood back up and looked around at everyone, wiping away tears from her eyes,"It is the single most painful thing to happen. When you find out that the one person that has always loved you, always cared for you, that fed you when you were little, bathed you, put you to bed, when you find out that that person is gone... I-it feels like your gut is being wrenched out and- and mutilated. It feels as if your heart is shattering into a million sharp pieces that make their way through all your organs and embed themselves in your stomach lining. And twist. It hurts so bad that you would do anything to try- to try to bring them back. Do anything to have them their to protect you again."The woman sniffed and sat down.

"Thank you very much. Now, everyone you can sit down."Gerard said to the remaining people still standing. Lily sat down next to me looking stony and cold. I put my arm around what felt like a tree she was so hard and cold. Unmoving. I wanted to talk to her but we couldn't right now because Gerard was starting to talk.

"If everyone that has a child could please stand up for me."Gerard said to the silent room. At that point the woman who lost her mum 4 days ago stood up and sobbed out,"I'm sorry I cant do this right now. You all know my thoughts so just take those into account later. I have to get home to my husband."She cried and left the room through a side door. Gerard stared after her confused until the person that was sitting next to her said,"Sally's son was in the car accident too."

Oh fuck. That woman had lost her mother and her child in one day. That would fucking suck. All I wanted to do was go hug her.  
"Oh jesus... Okay um..."Gerard looked around the room to see 3 people standing up behind me.

"Right. You there. Whats your name?"Gerard asked the youngest looking guy. Seriously, he looked like he was fucking 15 or something.  
"Uh- I'm Stanley."The guy stuttered.  
"And how old are you?"Gerard asked him.  
"I- I'm 18."Stanley said to a few gasps around the room.  
"Right. Wow. 1 year older than me. Okay. How old is your child?"  
"She is 8 months old."Stanley smiled slightly at the thought of his baby girl.

"How much do you love her?"Gerard asked him.  
"Sorry? What?"Stanley gave Gerard a weird look.  
"How much do you love her?"Gerard repeated.  
"How mu- jesus. To the high fucking heavens and back? I- I would do anything for her. I would die for her. She is the single most important thing in my life."Stanley stared at Gerard as if he knew what he was getting at. I knew exactly what he was doing.

"Right. And what would you do if you found out that some guy had taken her. Saying he would take care of her and love her just as much as you but instead violated her. Beat her. Almost killed her."Gerard's voice had gone cold. It was hurting him to talk about this. Fuck it was getting me  
"I would hunt him down and rip out his heart."Stanley whispered, closing his eyes.

"Why are you here today Stanley?"Gerard asked him curiously.  
"B-Because I- I'm was in the orphanage with you. Just left the halfway house at the beginning of the year. Do you remember me?"Stanley opened his eyes and stared at Gerard.  
"Fuck Stanley! Far out..."Gerard realised.  
"Yeah... Do you remember Chloe?"Stanley asked softly.  
"Uh yeah. How's she doing?"Gerard smiled slightly.  
"She's dead. The bastard took her right after she gave birth."Stanley was crying now. This was fucking heartbreaking hearing all these stories. I glanced to the jury and saw there were three woman crying and two men looking like they were trying not to. The judge was also crying.

"Fuck man, I'm sorry."Gerard whispered.  
"Dont be. You gave me my closure. Found the guy and killed him. Thank you. My baby girl is safe now."Stanley smiled thorugh tears and sat down. Gerard turned around and moved back up to the front.  
"You can all sit down now..."Gerard closed his eyes and sighed. He rubbed his face hard then ran his fingers through his hair.

"When Frank woke me up and took the wood out of my back... We went upstairs to look for Lily and Claire. We found his study. Covered in newspaper clippings of all the woman and children he had killed. In the bookcase was everyone he had murdered. The last woman he had killed was my mother. I was 8. When I found out that she was gone... That Mikey and I were alone. I felt what that woman had. But worse because I couldn't understand why she had killed herself. Why she had abandoned her two boys... In that study. When I saw the picture of my mum in his book. Words talking about what he had done to her. How excited he was to kill her. How he actually killed her... It felt like I had lost her all over again. I felt everything that woman had felt. Again."Gerard was crying silent tears now.

He suddenly started moving from the spot he was standing on.  
"How Stanley feels about his baby? Its how I feel about Frank. How I'm certain Frank feels about Lily and Claire. When someone is threatening their life right in front of your eyes, the same person who caused you all the grief twice. The person whos fault it is that you were in an orphanage for the rest of your childhood, the person whos fault it is that you are a messed up 17 year old, you lose control... Something takes over. It was as if a wall of pure anger and revenge had sliced my brain in half. Destroying most of my sanity. I panicked when we were fighting. He had me pinned and had the gun in my face. Then it was as if another 5 of those walls came down and stole the last sane thoguht in my head. Dont go too far. I grabbed the gun from him and we started fighting again. I managed to pin him down and had the gun pointing at him but he was strangling me. I didnt want to shoot him I swear but- I blacked out. My feelings took over. I knew he was dead when I could breathe again..."

Gerard had never talked about it like this. Not once. I had no idea. I realised I was crying and wiped away the tears with my free hand.  
"I may have wanted to, in a big way, but I didn't mean to actually kill him. Only to seriously injure or maim."Gerard sighed. I snorted. He just quoted Dobby. Lily kicked my leg as a few people looked at me angrily. Oops.  
"You have to understand... I had no control of myself. I- I go through these episodes sometimes. The doctors dont know what it is and neither do I... But when it happens... My vision fails me. It gets all jumpy and my memory does the same. Like I'm skipping through scenes in a movie. And then I forget a lot of things from the past as well. I dont know if this is what I was going through when I shot him because I have a pretty clear memory of that but... I dont know..."Gerard looked around at everyone then sat down silently.

No one spoke. No one moved. There was barely a breath. Then. Somewhere. In the back of the court room. Someone started clapping. Then someone else joined in. Then the whole room was clapping. What the fuck.  
"Order! Order in the court!"The judge yelled suddenly and banged her hammer.

Everyone fell silent. I looked to Gerards back. He was shaking. He was either laughing or crying but I was pretty certain it was the latter.  
"Ten minute break while the jury decides their verdict."The judge sighed. The courtroom exploded into a flurry of motion all except for Gerard.

-short time lapse-

"Gerard?"Mikey put his hand on Gerard's shoulder and made him jump and slap his hand away. Gerard saw that it was Mikey and looked ashamed.  
"S-sorry Mikey."Gerard sniffed. Mikey nodded and sat down next to me. Lily, Claire, Mikey and I were sitting on the floor surrounding Gerard's table. Apologising to Mikey had been the first words he'd said since we'd gone on the break.

"I love you Mikey. You are one of the greatest people in the world and you've done a really good job with everything."Gerard whispered into his hands.  
"What? No Gerard dont talk like that. It's going to be fine. You are innocent okay?"Mikey looked at me then grabbed Gerard by the shoulders, trying to shake him out of his... whatever it was he was doing.  
"Lily... I dont really know you that well but- take care of Frank for me will you?"Gerard looked at her through tears. Lily just nodded silently.  
"Lily! He isnt going to prison okay? Gerard stop this!"I growled.

"Frank..."Gerard turned to me and his face just- broke. Like literally. I was looking into his eyes and saw it all. His love for me, his protectiveness of me, his anger that this was happening, and the biggest thing of all, his fear of going to prison. Fucking everything he was feeling I saw for a split second in his eyes.  
"Oh Gerard."I whispered and stood up to hug him. He stood up as well and fell into my arms. He was sobbing hysterically into my shoulder.

At that moment the judge came back in from whatever she was doing and so did the jury. Gerard looked up and we all realised that everyone was seated and staring at us.  
"S-Sorry."I mumbled as I gave Gerard a quick kiss before leaving him to sit back down. I went back to my seat but this time Bob, Mikey, Ray and Pete were there with us. I smiled at them sadly as the judge started saying random court crap that I didnt understand. Then someone in the jury stood up and started talking. I wasnt paying attention. It was just stupid mumbo jumbo court shit. Or so I thought.


	30. The Sentencing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im so sorry its short i really am

My head snapped up when Mikey's hand grabbed mine and squeezed harder than a fucking elephant could and he screamed no. Everyone was talking. Mikey was suddenly crying and Gerard was- Gerard was doing nothing. I couldnt understand what had happened until I zoned in on what the judge was actually saying.  
"I sentence you to 6 months in juvee hall."She said coldly. I stared up at her. She didnt look like she wanted to do it but... I guess it had something to do with the laws and shit.

We were all sitting there in silence, unsure of what to do, but when I saw security guards walking towards Gerard I jumped up and ran to him.  
"Gerard! Its gonna be okay! Dont- fuck its going to be okay. Jesus christ, this isnt fair!"I screamed as Gerard rested his head on my shoulder while behind him the security guards handcuffed him.

Gerard wasnt saying a thing. Not one fucking thing. It was like he had accepted it and was letting it happen. I watched as the guards gave him a tug and he shook his head.  
"One minute."Gerard said and turned to me as the guards took one step back warily.

"Gerard..."I whispered.  
"Frank I love you... You have been so good to me. And I- I know 6 months is a long time but- will you wait for me?"Gerard's eyes were closed.  
I took a step closer and took his face in my hands,"Of course I fucking will. I fucking love you okay? No one can ever change that."I whispered, our lips a millimetre apart. He nodded then closed that tiny distance between us. I did my best to remember the feel of his lips against mine. I wouldnt be able to feel them for a long time.

"Thank you Frank... And I will always love you. The hardest part of this is leaving you."Gerard whispered practically into my mouth. Then they were taking him away. He looked at me over his shoulder and then he was gone. Someone's hand was on mine. But I could only just feel it. Everything had gone numb. All I could feel was Gerard's lips on mine still.


	31. Christmas Eve Eve

"Thank you! Merry christmas!"The girl smiled at me on the street. I gave her a weak smile back and continued walking. Then I realised that I needed that money for the bus to get back home. Looks like I was walking. Two weeks ago Gerard had gone into juvee. I had visited him twice but then he had told me to stop because it was just depressing him even more. Which of course depressed me.

"Hey uh... Are you okay?"It was the girl collecting charity. She had her arm on my hand and was looking at me like I was going to kill myself. Was I? I wasn't too sure if I had gotten to the stage of wanting to die. I knew I was depressed but I was pretty sure I didn't want to die. Because then Gerard would have no one there when he got out. I realised I had been thinking ten seconds too long.

"Uh yeah I'm fine."I smiled, a bigger smile than the first one I gave her. Her red santa hat was so bright it was starting to hurt my eyes a little.  
"Oh okay... Well... If you want to talk I'll be here tomorrow and the day after. Same time."She smiled softly. I nodded and mumbled a thanks before turning away.

Christmas was in 2 days and Lily wanted me to be there for it but I promised Gerard two days ago that I would be there on christmas. The times I had visited him he hadnt said much. Just that everyone gave him shit in there. One thing he said that astounded me though was that the youngest boy there was 13. He had made friends with Gerard on the first day. Gerard has said that he was in there because he was trying to fit in at school and they dared him to break into a house and steal a piece of cutlery or something stupid but it was a prank and that the person who lived there was the mum of the guy that dared him. Stupid fuckers.

I stopped walking as I spotted something up ahead.  
"For fucks sake."I mumbled and started to turn around but stopped. Going back the way I came meant having to go past that girl. Going forward meant going past The Magic Bean. I looked back to where the girl was ringing her bell as people walked past her, ignoring her. I took one look at Gerards car parked outside and started walking again.

"What time do you finish- this?"I asked her and gestured to her half empty bucket filled with loose change and a couple of notes.  
"Uh I get off in-"She checked her watch,"10 minutes. I'll meet you in that diner across the road kay?"She smiled and pointed behind me.  
"Um okay."I stuttered and started for the diner.

When I walked in a little bell rang above the door and the smell of fries and milkshakes hit me. Fuck I was hungry. I sat down in a little black booth in the corner and enjoyed the feeling of sitting.  
"What can I get ya?"A woman that looked familiar was suddenly standing over me. She was smiling brightly and had a notepad ready.

"Uh I'm really sorry but I havent got any money. I'm just meeting someone. She might buy something though."I said awkwardly.  
"It wouldnt happen to be the pretty lady across the road now would it?"The woman asked me and sat down.  
"Uh... Yes?"I wasnt too sure how she knew. Maybe she had been watching for some reason and had seen me talking to her.  
"Thats my daughter. This is my diner."The woman smiled and relaxed into her seat.

"Oh its um... Very nice."I smiled weakly.  
"Boy, you dont look so good. And-"She grabbed at my wrist and felt how bony I was,"Boy you are skinnier than a noodle. Lemme get you something. Chocolate shake?"She said and stood up. Fuck. I hated it when people did this. But I could tell she wasnt going to take no for an answer so I just nodded meekly and let her do her thing.

She was back within two minutes, putting a plate of steaming fries in front of me and the most delicious chocolate shake I had ever seen in front of me.  
"Now tell me. Why did my daughter pick you?"She asked me, resting her chin in her hands as I slowly started eating.  
"I uh I dont know... I gave her my change and she just asked me if I was okay and said that if I ever needed someone to talk to that she would be there tomorrow and the day after at the same time."I mumbled as I took a sip of the drink. It tasted better than it looked.

"Let me tell you somethin' about her. She dont just talk to anybody that comes and gives her change you know. She dont like people. She almost got killed by one. After that happened she just- stopped talking to people... Until of course the week before christmas when she goes and does that. It confuses the heck outta me."The woman was staring at her daughter through the slightly steamy window.

"Why is she talking to me then?"I whispered. The girl was packing up her things now.  
"What makes you think I know? Ask her yourself."The woman smiled at me then stood up,"You make sure you eat all of that, you hear me?"  
"Thank you m'am."I mumbled and took another chip. She nodded at me then walked away right as the bell rang and the girl walked in.

"Mornin mama."The girl smiled at her mum then spotted me,"I'll be one second, Frank was it?"The girl disappeared behind the counter before I could yell at her. How the fuck did she know my name? I stared at the seat opposite me trying to figure out how on earth she knew my name when suddenly she was sitting where I was looking and was smiling.

"You're wondering how I know your name?"She smiled and leaned back into her seat, looking grateful.  
"Yeah..."I mumbled as she snagged chip.  
"Girl dont you go takin' that boys chips. Cant you see he's just skin and bones? Let the poor thing eat."Her mum called from over the counter.  
"Yes mama."The girl called back and rolled her eyes at me and made me snort into the whipped cream and made her start laughing her ass off.

"So how did you know my name?"I asked once I had cleaned my face and she had stopped laughing.  
"I saw you that one night at The Magic Bean. Mama dont know I bin' there though so keep it to yourself."She smiled and took off her coat, revealing a Misfits t-shirt. Fucking awesome. Then I really started to take her in.

She had long red hair and bright blue eyes that somehow matched her smile. They just sparkled. Then there was the black Misfits t-shirt and for some stupid reason I looked under the table like a fucking weirdo. She had black converse on and black skinnies. This girl was alright.  
"What are you doing?"She asked when I came back up.  
"Uhh... I honestly dont know."I mumbled and smiled as she laughed and grabbed another chip.

"Well I'm Jess. I uh I saw what happened... On the news..."She stared at me sadly,"About your boyfriend? Going to juvee?"She raised her eyebrows at me when I didnt respond.  
"Oh that. Yeah."I looked away from her intense stare and out the window. It had been forecasted to snow like it had the past week but the snow was just late this winter. The fucking cold wasnt though.  
"I dont think its fair. He shouldnt have even been found guilty. I mean, look at what the guy did. The jerk-off."She grumbled and stared drinking some of my drinks. This girl was acting like Lily. She even reminded me of Lily. Just without the crappy music taste. But she wasnt Lily and I shouldnt be talking to her about these things.

"I uh I have to go."I stood up and started panicking over nothing.  
"Sorry I didn't mean to upset you I just- I wanted to help."She sighed. I looked towards her mum who was watching us curiously. I remembered what she said about Jess not talking to anybody and slowly sat back down.

"Why are you talking to me?"I asked bluntly then flinched at how rude it sounded,"Sorry I didnt mean for it to come out like that I just- yeah."  
"What did my mother say to you?"Jess sighed and sent her mums back a glare before looking at me and waiting.  
"Uh just that you dont like people and that uh you were almost killed and after that you stopped talking all together pretty much... or something."I muttered. It sounded stupid now.

"God dammit. I'll be back okay?"She growled then got up and left. I watched her as she moved behind the counter and went out the back. I listened hard over the quiet music playing and heard yelling. Awkward. I stared down at my chips as they continued yelling, getting louder and louder. Ten minutes had gone by when Jess stormed out yelling,"Mama! Its not your life! I'm going out."

She marched over to me and grabbed me by my arm,"Come on. Lets go."She tugged me up and dragged me outside into the cold air. We said nothing as we started walking down the road.  
"Fuck arent you cold?"I asked as I realised she didnt haver her jacket.  
"I'll be fine when we get there."She mumbled and sped up, still dragging me. Thats when it became a struggle because I knew where we were going as soon as I spotted the car again.

"Oh no. I'm not going in there."I stopped walking and almost tripped as she kept dragging me. I fought back but she continued to ignore me,"Jess come on!"I yelled and managed to yank my arm out of her grip.  
"Frank I know you dont want to go back in there but you have to at some point. It will be good for you. See old friends, drink some coffee, hear some music."Jess smiled and grabbed me again, stronger this time.

"No Jess! I dont want to!"I yelled at her again. There were so many people on the other side of the street for some reason but none on this side. A few people were looking at us weirdly but must not have thought of a girl pulling a boy along the street.  
"Frank come on."She sighed as we reached the car. I stared inside and could just make out Gerard's bag. It was where he left it last. I closed my eyes as Jess pulled me inside.

The familiar smell of coffee, sweat and adreniline flooded my ears as she pulled me straight to a table and sat us down.  
"Oh my fucking god Frank!"Di screamed in my ear. There was a band playing quietly in the corner. It wasnt too busy either.  
"Hey Di."I mumbled and started examining my arm. Jess had really fucking hurt me.

"Do you guys want your usual?"Di smiled, looking from one of us to the other. So Jess was a regular.  
"Yeah thanks."Jess smiled and continued watching the band.  
"I guess so."I sighed and turned my eyes to the band that was playing. It was Spencer and Jon.

"These guys are alright."Jess said as she drummed her fingers along to the beat. I couldnt tell but I was pretty sure it was a Smashing Pumpkins song.  
"They are arent they. I need to get Brendon and Ryan to meet them."I said more to myself.  
"Who?"Jess tore her eyes away from the singer and looked at me.  
"Uh nothing. Talking to myself."I smiled.

I looked around for them but I couldn't see them at all. If the car was out there then at least Bob had to be here. Bob was looking after the car while Gerard was away so he had to be here.  
"Who are you looking for?"Jess asked when she noticed me craning my head over the other heads at tables.  
"Just- no one."I sighed and relaxed into my seat. I really didn't want to be here. I couldnt handle it. All I could remember was the night before the trial. The night when I had walked away from Gerard. Everything. It fucking sucked.

"Jess!"Someone all too familiar shouted across the room.  
"Pookie!"She screamed back and jumped up to run across to whoever had shouted it. She jumped on him and he spun her around, making it impossible to see who it was. When he finally put her down I took in who it was. Pete. Kissing Jess. Not full on kissing but he had kissed her none the less.

"Come on, I want you to meet someone."She smiled and grabbed his hand to tug him along. When Pete's eyes clocked mine his face contorted into something weird. Not guilt more like... Surprise.  
"Frankie hey. Didn't expect to see you here. How have you been?"Pete asked and sat down next to me.  
"Oh you guys already know each other."Jess smiled and sat down on the other side of Pete.

"Dude I'm dating the bassist of his band of course I know him/"Pete laughed. Okay maybe he wasnt cheating on Mikey.  
"Wait how do you two know each other?"I asked. I was so fucking confused.  
"We grew up next door to each other. Until of course her mum bought the diner and they moved down the road."Pete smiled and fell back into his seat. Okay I was dumb for thinking he was cheating.

"And uh... What um what did you call him?"I asked Jess and made Pete blush to the high fucking heavens.  
"Pookie."Jess said simply. I arched an eyebrow in the hopes of her explaining but she just sat there staring at another band that was playing.  
"Alright."I mumbled and watched them as well. Then I spotted Jon and Spencer walking over to a table that had two people seated at it that I felt extremely awkward seeing.

"Hey Pete who are you here with?"I asked, trying to sound casually and not scared off my face.  
"Mikey and Bob. You dont want to see them do you?"Pete asked me quietly. I didnt want to say it so I just shook my head and stood up.  
"I need to get out of here."I gasped. I felt like I couldnt breathe properly.

"Ah tell your mum thanks Jess. Bye guys!"I called as I rushed outside and took a deep breath of fresh air. Why was it so suffocating in there? Why didnt I want to see them? All sorts of questions were spinning around in my head making it difficult to see. I mentally slapped myself and realised I was leaning against Gerard's car. I squinted and could just make out Gerard's sketchbook protruding out of his bag.

Thats what I wanted to give to him for christmas. It would be the only thing to stop him from going insane. I sighed as I started walking back inside.  
"Bob! Hey Bob!"I yelled as I spotted him leaving the bathroom.  
"Frank! Hey! How are you? What are you doing here? Where have you been?"Bob smiled and walked over to me immediately.

I ignored all of his questions and asked him,"Can you unlock Gerard's car? I need his bag."  
"Oh okay... Where have you been?"Bob asked as we walked outside. I stayed silent and waited impatiently for him to unlock the car, tapping my foot noisily on the ground. The second the door was unlocked I was in there, reaching for Gerard's bag. I took in a breath and smelt him immediately. I closed my eyes and slipped, taking in the smell of him.

"Hey you okay?"Bob asked behind me, his hand on my back.  
"I'm fine."I snapped and hooked my arm through the straps on the bag and got out.  
"Sorry... Just trying to help."Bob mumbled.  
I looked at him through my hair and said,"I dont need your fucking help okay? Just leave me alone."I glared at his back as he walked back inside sadly. I was such a fucking bastard.

I fumbled Gerard's bag around so I could pull out his sketchbook. I flipped past three or four drawings of his mum and found the one of me.  
"Holy fuck."I whispered. He had added colour. It was fucking beautiful. There were dark brown streaks in my eyes mixed with solid hazel. My hair was a perfect charcoal black and just- holy fucking god it was amazing. I shivered as I realised I was covered in light snow. When had it started snowing? I shook off the snow from my shoulders and started off towards the house.

-time lapse-

It was pitch black on the street, the only light was on the corner of the next block. There were no lights on in the house either. I wasnt surprised though. It was probably after midnight. I started walking up the icy steps, trying not to slip and break my neck, when I heard a shout behind me. I spun around which was stupid because immediately I slipped and fell down all 5 steps. I groaned as the snow melted and soaked through my jeans straight away.

I jumped up when I heard the shout again. It came from behind the house to the side. I started moving down the side of the house, my feet crunching in the snow. It must have been thicker over this side of town.  
"Frank! No please!"She screamed. I froze as the voice echoed in my head and wormed its way down to my stomach and ate away the chips and shake I had eaten earlier.

Another scream unfroze me as I started marching further into the back garden. I stopped when I reached the back fence and saw that behind it was a forest. Lily screamed again. For fucks sake. Why did it have to be deep in the fucking forest? I sighed as I climbed over the short fence and started making my way through the now deadly silent trees. I treaded carefully, listeninf out for anything at all. Then I saw the small fire up ahead.


	32. I'm Not O-Gay

"You said he would come!"The guy growled and slapped Lily. I clenched my fists and fought the urge to charge them all purely because it was a fucking retarded thing to do.  
"No I swear! He is usually home by now I- I dont know where he is please you have to believe me. Frank?!"Lily screamed my name. I tried to send some sort of mind wave to her that I was going to save her but it was probably a waste of my time. I edged further around the tree I was hiding behind in an effort to see who was there as they put Lily's gag back in her mouth.

Fuck. A branch had cracked. I almost snapped my neck trying to bring myself back around as they all looked to where my head had been.  
"Someone go look."Cole growled. The bastard. No one volunteered, the silence dragging on until Cole scowled and said,"You. Go look."  
"But I-"  
"It will make up for your step out of line the other week. Now fucking go."Cole growled at whoever it was.

There was some soft footsteps moving closer and closer to me. I watched as- fucking Lewis walked out of the light of the fire. His eyes darted to look at me but he continued walking. Fucking life saver he was. I waited until he was further and further away before peeking back around the edge of the tree. All 7 of the guys left werent really paying much attention to anything so I took my chance and darted after Lewis as quietly as I could.

"Dude go. Go home. Now."Lewis whispered furiously as I grabbed his arms.  
"What? Are you fucking serious? I'm not fucking leaving Lily."I couldnt help but scoff at him.  
"Nup. Whatever they do to her isn't going to be half as bad as what they're gonna do to you. Or what Cole's gonna do to you anyway. You need to get out of here."Lewis looked into my eyes in the darkness pleadingly.

"I dont fucking care. I'm not leaving Lily. What the hell is going on anyway?"I glanced back at where they were gathered round the fire. Lily was tied and gagged on a chair at the back of the circle and most of the guys were just trying to keep warm by the fire. I could tell that about 2 of the guys were happy to be there. The others Cole had just made come along.  
"Cole's been looking for a way to get back at Gerard. He said killing you will finally do that because he isnt here to protect you. It will kill him."Lewis said, deadly quiet.

"Well then we better figure out a way to get out of here."I tried to laugh for some reason but it ended up sounding like a strangled sob.  
"Come on. Um..."Lewis started walking, deep in thought,"Okay. I'm gonna shout and you are too. We'll make fighting noises. I'll run around the back of the circle so I can untie Lily while you distract them and boast about how you knocked me out."  
"Perfect."I grinned. Immediately Lewis started groaning.

"No no wait please- ah!"Lewis kicked a tree, causing a large chunk of bark to fall to the ground. He immediately grabbed some dirt and rubbed it on his forehead.  
"Oof!"I yelled as Lewis gave me a thumbs up and started running in a wide circle around the smaller one,"And stay down!"I yelled and started walking towards the fire.

"What the fuck?"Cole growled as I stopped a little away from the group of bastards,"For fucks sake, Michael go find your boy- best friend"Cole altered his sentence with a grunt.  
"Ahh okay."Michael mumbled and started walking the same way Lewis had.

"Shh."I slapped my hand over Michaels face as soon as he began to yell,"Lewis is fine. Just- I know about you two and from the sounds of it so does Cole but please just- let me get Lily."I pleaded quietly with him.  
"Ah okay... Where has Lewis gone?"  
"He's waiting for me to distract everyone by going on about knocking him out so he can untie Lily."I glanced behind us at the guys. They were quite relaxed now, some of them even making jokes.

"Okay uhm. Do the same with me. Just uh... should I make the same sounds as Lewis?"Michael started edging around to the side.  
"Yeah go for it. Then go help Lewis with Lily and uh if you guys get the chance could you see if Ge- my bag is somewhere? It's probably by the fence of the house from when I climbed over but yeah."I mumbled. I had realised a little earlier that I had dropped Gerard's bag and if I didn't get it before it started snowing heavily it would be ruined.

"Yeah yeah sure. Just uh... Ow fuck!"Micheal yelled suddenly. I watched as a bunch of hunched shoulders straightened at the shouts.  
"Fuck off!"I screamed as Michael gave me a small smile and went round the circle to Lewis. I continued my journey to the fire where most of the guys were looking like they were going to run. That was good. I needed most of them to run.

"What the fuck is going on?"Cole sighed and stood up, peering into the darkness. I shivered as a gust of wind masked my last footsteps into the light.  
"What the fuck do you think?"I snarled. Anger started burning up inside of me from nowhere.  
"Fuck its Frank."Someone said quietly. Lily's eyes bulged and she shook her head at me but I ignored her as I saw Lewis and Micheal sneaking up behind her.

"So whats been going on?"I asked casually as I started circling the fire.  
"What did you do with Michael and Lewis?"Someone asked. Fear quivered in their voice, threatening to betray him completely.  
"I dont know. They fell down but I didnt check to see if they got up again."I said with a shrug of my shoulders. One of the guys was slowly backing out of the circle and before I knew it he had turned tail and fled.

"Fucking wuss."Cole's eyes followed him.  
"So why have you got Lily tied up? What do you want me for?"I moved away from Lily and to the other side of the circle.  
"Well."Cole nodded at two guys and immediately I was being held. Fuck. I looked from one guy to the other frantically. They were the only two that were happy to be here. And they were pretty much made of muscles.

"Ever since Gerard did what he did to me... I backed off. Vowing to myself that I would get him back one day. I've been watching him closely since that day. I almost kidnapped his stupid skinny brother but then... You arrived on the scene. I've never seen such a change in him,"Cole laughed as he paced around in front of me. I peeked over his shoulder to see that there was one guy left standing there, watching. Behind him was Lily's chair, empty.

"As soon as he stopped me from breaking the rest of your ribs that day I knew you were the key to making him pay. So I watched you instead. Found out about pretty blondie back there. And tonight our plans go into action."Cole smiled and stopped in front of me. He reached into his jacket and pulled out a large knife that glinted at me in the light. That same glint reflected in Cole's eyes, cruel and gleeful. The sick fucker was going to enjoy this.

"You know what the best thing is?"Cole sighed and took a step closer to me.  
"What?"I sighed. I just wanted him to get it over with.  
"Knowing that I'm going to be the one to bring the bad news to Gerard... Yeah thats right,"Cole smirked at the horror on my face,"I'm going to see the heartbreak and pain in his eyes. And I'm going to love every. Single. Minute. Of it."

I couldnt let that happen. I had to see Gerard for christmas. I watched as Cole slowly moved closer to me, spinnning the knife dangerously in front of him. Then my eyes were drawn to something behind him. Lewis and Michael were silently tackling the last guy into the darkness. The two guys holding me hadnt even noticed. Suddenly Cole was in my face.

"I think I might give Gerard something to remember you by... Have you seent he drawings of your neck tattoo he's done? Maybe he would like the real life thing."Cole grinned and raised the knife high above me. This was it. Gerard was going to lose me and there was nothing I could do about it.  
"Hold the fuck up!"She screamed behind Cole. Cole flinched and almost dropped the knife as he spun around to see Lily marching up towards him, hands on her hips and a menacing scowl on her face.

As scared as she probably was, she sure as hell could look scary. And when she was mad, she was the scariest fucking thing on the planet.  
"Frank is this fucking true? Have you been cheating on me? With a /guy/?"Lily glared down at my dumbfounded face.  
"Uhh..."I had no idea what to say.

"Wait wait wait... You guys are together?"Cole looked from Lily to me and back again.  
"Of course we fucking are! Although not for much longer if you dont tell me what the fuck is going on. Have you or have you not been going around with that freak from the house?"Lily looked so fucking angry, it was insane.

"No! Wait is that what this is about?!"I shook off the guys holding me and stood up, doing my best to play along. Acting had never been my strong point. That was Lily's thing.  
"Uh..."Cole took a step away from the fuming Lily. I had half a mind to do the same.  
"You're fucking lucky I dont call the cops on all your asses. Just- go the fuck away."Lily sighed and tapped her foot impatiently on the ground. The two guys that had been holding me were already gone.

"Okay lemme get this straight... Frank... You arent gay?"Cole was so fucking confused I had to fight not to laugh at him. His face was fucking classic.  
"No of course I'm not. Jesus christ."I grumbled and walked over to Lily,"I'm in love with this gorgeous girl."I smiled and looked into her eyes. Lily smiled back and kissed me on the cheek quickly. Fuck even that seemed weird and wrong.

I ignored the strong feeling of /nO/ and moved closer to Cole,"You,"I jabbed a finger in his chest,"have got some serious prorities to sort out man."  
"Jesus I'm sorry... I guess I'll go after the brother."Cole mumbled as he walked away. Fuck. I had to stop that from happening. As soon as Cole was out of earshot and then out of sight Lily hissed meaninglessly in my ear.

"Fuck Lily I'm so sorry I wasnt here sooner."I sighed as Lily collapsed into my arms and started crying. We stood like that for a few minutes before someone cleared their throat behind us. I let go of Lily and whirled around, ready for another attack, but it was just Lewis and Michael.  
"Thank you!"I gasped as I spotted Gerard's bag in his hand.

"No problem buddy. Jesus, Lily is fucking stubborn."Michael laughed as we started trudging back through the forest towards the house.  
"That she is."I laughed. I let myself relax the slightest bit. It was okay for now,"They wont go after Mikey tonight will they?"  
"Who's Mikey?"Lewis asked.  
"Uh Gerard's brother?"  
"Oh right. Nah, he likes to plan these things for some sick reason."

That was something I guess. If only there was a way to get Gerard out of there. Then Cole would back the fuck off. I sighed as we finished our walk in silence. No one said a word as we all tiptoed through the house up to our rooms.  
"Thanks guys."Lily whispered as Lewis and Michael went off to Lewis's room and Lily and I continued up the stairs. When we entered our room the usual smell of Gerard hit my nostrils and made me collapse onto my bed with a huff.

Gerard's bag was still in my hand and came flying down afterwards, hitting me on the back as Lily turned on the light.  
"Why do you have Gerard's bag?"Lily asked me quietly as I somehow found the energy to get into my pyjamas.  
"I'm giving it to him for christmas. Well his sketchbook and pencils at least. It's the only thing that will keep him sane."I sighed as I sat down on my bed and pulled it out.

I flicked through it until I found the drawing of me with colour. I had no idea when he had done this. It was insane.  
"Shit... Boys got some telent."Lily whistled as she looked down at the one he had added colour to.  
"I know... Fucking sneaky too."I laughed slightly, feeling a burst of love for Gerard. I missed him. I closed my eyes and snapped the book shut,"Bed."  
"Kay..."Lily turned the light off and got under the blankets with me, cuddling into my side. Then she whispered into my ear,"Thank you for tonight Frank..."

"Lily you dont have to thank me you idiot. You're my best friend, how could I just leave you there?"I whispered back and wrapped my arms around her.  
"I know I just- I was so fucking scared. They thought I was knocked out at one point but I was faking it. Listening to what they were saying. Not their plans or anything just- it was revolting the way they talked about you and Gerard and his brother and his brothers boyfriend... They have some serious problems."Lily started shaking slightly.  
"Hey its okay."I whispered into her hair and held her tightly. We fell asleep like that, safe in our little cocoon of warmth.


	33. Comics Can Suck Sometimes

"Gerard? Gerard are you okay?!"I asked frantically when he didnt reply.  
"I- yeah I think so..."Gerard's voice sounded... different. I started feeling my way around the wall of the room until I found a lightswitch. I smiled and flicked it on triumphantly. The first thing I noticed was Lily's chair on its side with her still tied to it. My eyes darted around the room, sliding past a toolbox on a shelf in a corner, a camera with a red flashing light on it, a broom leaning in another corner and then I found Gerard. He was over the top of Dean. Who had a bullet through his head, blood leaking out from underneath him.

There was a clatter as Gerard dropped the gun next to him and fell onto his side. Oh no. He had been shot as well.  
"I- I fucking killed him I didnt mean to fuck-"Gerard turned to look at me, the horror of what he had done shone in his eyes. At that moment Claire came running down the steps into the basement.

"Claire?"Lily asked. She was standing up again. This wasn't supposed to happen. We had to untie Lily...  
"Claire no!"Gerard screamed as suddenly Dean was up again somehow, grabbing at her. He grinned maliciously at us all as he picked her up and flung her over his shoulder. Claire was laughing. Then Gerard and Lily joined in. I screamed at how mad everyone had gone. What was happening?

I awoke with a start, covered in sweat with the blankets twisted around my feet.  
"Frank you okay?"Lily asked from her bed. The curtains were half open and she was reading a book.  
"Uh..."I took in a deep breath and tried to calm myself down. It was a dream. Just a stupid fucking twisted nightmare.  
"Frank whatever it was its gone... Just a dream. It cant get you here."Lily whispered to me. I looked around the room for a source of the time.  
"It's close to 11."Lily read my mind. I nodded and slowly swung my legs out of bed.

I wanted to go see Mikey about something today but I couldnt remember what..."Jesus what the hell happened last night? Was that all a dream too?"I rubbed at my face as flashes of Lily tied up entered my mind.  
"You mean with Cole kidnapping me and whatnot? No that was real."  
"Fuck Mikey!"I yelled as it hit me. I had to warn him.

"Whats going on?"Lily put her book down and looked at me curiously.  
"I uh I need to warn Mikey shit!"I started running around the room, throwing whatever clothes I could find on.  
"You cant go out for at least another half hour."Lily picked up her book again and relaxed into her bed. How was it possible for her to relax?  
"What? Why?"  
"Everyone has been snowed in. Taylor is shovelling us out now."

"Oh..."I slowed down but didnt stop completely.  
"Yeah... You may as well just stay here for a little bit."  
"But Mikey-"  
"Has been snowed in as well as Cole. And, Lewis said that Cole likes to plan these things. So its fine. Just relax."  
"Lily you are the weirdest thing ever."I sighed,"I dont know how you can relax after last night."

"Hey. Its christmas eve. Can you blame me?"Lily grinned slightly. Fuck was it really christmas eve?  
"Shit. That was fast."I mumbled and fell down onto my bed.  
"I know. Now shush. Lily's reading time."

I lay in silence as Lily turned a page almost every minute. She was a really fast reader. I stared up at the ceiling when a thought hit me.  
"Lily... What if Cole already had the plan? He said it himself that he was about to kidnap Mikey but then I turned up. Fuck. Nothing would be more horrible than them killing Mikey on christmas eve and then bringing Gerard a little christmas present. For fucks sake!"I shouted at myself for not realising this sooner,"I'll see you later Lily."I called as I skidded out of the room and down to the bottom floor.

Taylor was there, digging us out. The snow reached just around my belly. Fucking hell.  
"Hey Frank. You can get out if I give you a lift."Taylor grinned and put his shovel down.  
"Yes please."I smiled and moved forward, stepping onto his palm. I pushed down the fear of him dropping me onto the corner of the stairs and climbed out onto the snow. It was so thick I barely sunk to my thighs.

"Fuck."I puffed out as I battled with the snow. It was soaking into my jeans and making me shiver. As soon as I got to the actual footpath it was clear again. Cars were buried here and there but the road was clear. This would have been a perfect time for a snowball fight with Lily. I smiled as I recalled a certain christmas day with her and Claire. We didnt have any gloves or scarves but we still went out and made snow angels, had fights and made snowmen. It had been the best christmas ever. I giggled as I remembered Mrs Macy yelling at us for ruining our clothes and for catching colds. It had all been worth it though.

I rounded a corner and arrived at Petes house. I walked up to the door and knocked hard.  
"Hello? May I help you?"A woman almost the same height as me opened the door and looked down at me angrily. I probably shouldnt have been here on christmas eve. For all I knew they were having a family day. Mikey might not even be here.

"Young man I asked you a question."She glared as I realised that I had stayed silent for too long.  
"Uh sorry m'am. Is Mikey in?"I asked hopefully.  
"Pete?! Mikey?! One of your boyfriends is here!"She yelled over her shoulder,"They'll be right out."She smiled down at me, suddenly friendly knowing that I was a friend of Mikey's and Petes.

"Frank?"Mikey came wandering out into the hall wearing boxers and a loose plain t-shirt. Pete followed close behind wearing a pair of long pyjama bottoms and nothing else.  
"Hey uh- I hope i'm not intrerrupting anything."I said as I eyed the half boner in Pete's pants.  
"Well actually you we-"  
"No no its fine come on."Mikey opened the door wider as he cut over Pete.

As soon as we were inside Pete's room, Pete standing in a corner looking grumpy and Mikey sitting on the bed with his legs crossed, I started spilling my guts. About fucking everything.  
"Oh Frank."Mikey gushed as he came over to me to hug me tightly. I held him back, closing my eyes in an attempt to keep the tears in. It didnt work. They streaked down my cheeks silently.

"Frank you shouldnt have excluded yourself like that. We needed you."Mikey siad quietly as we sat down on the bed together. Pete came and sat on my other side.  
"And as for Cole... He isnt allowed out on christmas eve, christmas day and boxing day. His family rule. They have some weird tradition thing. So Mikey's good til then. And it doesnt matter because he isnt going to get to Mikey. Not if I can fucking help it."Pete growled to himself.

I had no fucking idea what I had been scared of. Actually talking to Mikey had been great.  
"Frank you dont have to worry. I may be extremely skinny but I can still kick ass."Mikey chuckled as Pete rolled his eyes.  
"Thanks guys... I'm sorry."I looked down at my hands. I was such a fucking doofus,"I'm such a fucking doofus."I laughed.  
"That you are."Pete giggled. I looked at him and caught him staring at my scorpian tattoo.

"Okay well... I guess I'll go back to the house. Hey... Can we all get together tomorrow? Me, you two, Bob, Ray and Lily? We could all go see Gerard. So I can give him his present."  
"That sounds good."Pete smiled,"In the afternoon though or my mum will kill me."  
"Yeah that does sound good. I'll text the guys."Mikey smiled.  
"Okay cool just uh... I'm going to see Gerard at like half 3? Is that okay?"  
"Perfect."Pete nodded as I stood up.

"Okay uh... Bye guys. "I smiled and awkwardly waved at them as I walked out their door. I closed it quietly behind me and was about to walk down the hall towards the front door but stumbled over nothing. I turned around slowly and stared at Gerard's closed door. I wasnt sure if I should go in... If I could go in... Next thing I knew I was creeping down the hall and was slowly opening it.

I fell to my knees as a wave of fucking Gerard hit me. Fuck it hurt. I needed him back. I took a deep breath and got back up to survery the room. His guitar was in its stand in a corner. Books were falling out of a small bookcase. His bed was still unmade and caused a trip down memory lane. I closed my eyes at the memory of that day. The feel of his skin. His hair flying everywhere. The desire in his eyes. Fucking everything...

I opened my eyes and found that I was crying on his bed. Fuck I was a baby.  
"Frank?"Someone said quietly. My head snapped up to see Mikey in the doorway.  
"Uh hey I was just-"  
"Shh its okay. I know."Mikey whispered and came to sit next to me. He put his arm around me so I rested my head on his shoulder, letting the tears fall freely. It was a little while before they stopped.

When Mikey and I seperated I saw that he had been crying as well.  
"That is the first time I've cried on christmas eve since the first christmas eve after mum was- afer she died."Mikey sniffed and dried his face. I did the same and stood up."Take something. A piece of his clothing or something. I have one of his hoodies that I wear to bed."Mikey stood up as well as I scanned the room. I knew exactly what I wanted but I had no idea where it would be.

"Where is his uh Green Day hoodie?"I asked Mikey as I went over to Gerard's closet.  
"In there probably. I doubt its clean though..."Mikey laughed slightly.  
"Probably not."I giggled as I noted the state of his room. Clothes littered the floor along with a couple of cigarette butts and empty coke cans and something else. Something I had been itching to see ever since Cole had mentioned it last night.

I leant down and picked up the small sketchbook.  
"Frank dont-"Mikey started to say but it was too late. I was already staring at the first drawing. It was a drawing of his mum. I didnt know what was so wrong with it. It was just his mother hanging from a rope in the tree. But then I saw it. Saw him. This drawing cant have been old. Because Dean was in the background grinning as he stared up at Gerard's mum.

I turned the page and found another one of his mother. Only instead of her drowning herself like one I had seen in school, she was being held under the water. By Dean.  
"Frank that is the one sketchbook Gerard doesnt let anyone see. Not Mr Stump, not me and I dont think he would even show you. Its where he pours out the emotions he hides. Frank please dont look anymore."Mikey said. He looked like he was resisting the urge to get up and look himself.

I took one last look at the horrible yet beautiful drawing and snapped it shut.  
"How many drawings are in there? Do you know?"I asked Mikey shakily. I didnt want to search through the drawings of his mother to find mine. Not one little bit.  
"Its full. Completely full. He was going to buy another one before he- yeah."Mikey found it difficult to say certain things it seemed.  
"Oh..."I sighed and went to open the closet. His Green Day hoodie was the first thing I saw. I smiled and grabbed it. I brought it to my nose and breathed in deeply. The smell of Gerard was so strong I was almost overwhelmed.

I slid off my jacket and pulled his hoodie on. It was a little too big on me but when I wrapped my arms around myself and closed my eyes it almost felt like Gerard was hugging me. It was perfect.  
"Okay I'm ready to go now."I smiled at Mikey. He stood up and nodded at me.

-time lapse-

"Lily stop it. I'm not gonna look."I grumbled at her for what felt like the 50th time. She kept telling me to just look through the drawings. Only cause she wanted to see them herself.  
"He wont know though. Its not gonna make a difference Frank."Lily pleaded. I shook my head at her and buried my head in my book.

"You are no fun Frank. You suck."Lily sighed. I hid my smile as she continued reading her book. I had been back for almost an hour and as soon as I had told her about the sketchbook she hadnt stopped trying to get me to look through it. Steven was out rounding up everyone's friends in a minivan we hadnt even known existed. Apparently a lot of people here had friends still stuck at other orphanages. The best was that Steven was picking up Claire. She was going to be here for christmas day.

I closed my book and sighed. Something was niggling me in the back of my mind. But I couldnt figure out what it was. It was something to do with my nightmare.  
"Lily... Do remember... I dont actually know what... Nevermind."I sighed and picked up my book again. I tried to read but I couldnt. I started pacing around the room trying to figure out what the fuck was wrong but stopped when Lily yelled at me.

"Frank you are making me nervous for no reason. Go pace around downstairs."  
"Fine."I muttered and made my way downstairs. It was quiet downstairs. People were out with friends or in their rooms. I sat down and turned the tv on. All that was on was a Friends episode, infomercials and some prayer shit thing. I settled for an episode of Friends but soon got bored of it. I switched off the telly and got up to start pacing when Steven walked in the door followed by about 10 other kids of all ages.

"Claire!"I yelled happily as I spotted her holding hands with Steven at the front.  
"Frankie!"She screeched and ran over to me. I grabbed her under the arms and swung her around.  
"Hey kiddo."I smiled as she immediately started playing with my nose ring.  
"Hi Frankie."She giggled.

"Wanna go annoy Lily?"I raised an eyebrow at her joyful face. She nodded eagerly so I rushed past the slow walking kids straight to the top floor. I stopped outside our door and put Claire down,"What I want you to do is burst into the room screaming. It will scare the shit out of her."  
"Kay."Claire giggled again. I nodded to her and she went racing in, slamming the door on the wall as she went.

I started laughing as I heard Lily scream as well.  
"Claire! Dont you ever do that again!"Lily shouted as I walked in,"You put her up to this didnt you?"She glared up at me. I was still laughing hard so I just nodded. But then my eyes spotted something on the floor next to her.

Lily spotted what I was looking at and quickly shoved it under her bed. And it came sliding out the other side to hit my feet.  
"Shit... Frank I-"  
"Lily I cant believe you looked at it!"I shouted as I grabbed Gerard's sketchbook from the floor.  
"Frank I'm sorry okay I just- curiosity killed the cat... I'm more curious than you are Frank."Lily looked down at her hands as Claire moved behind her and started messing around with her hair.

"Fuck Lily. That is no excuse! You have no right to go looking through this!"I screeched. I glared at her before storming out of the room, making sure to grab Gerard's bag along the way.  
"Frank wait!"Lily called behind me but I ignored her. I charged down to the next floor and faltered. I could hear music. Filtering quietly from underneath one of the doors. I listened harder and I could hear soft singing over the top of that.

I started walking along the landing, my ears perked for whoever was playing the music. I stopped at the last door and realised it was coming from inside. Of course it would be the one at the end of the fucking hall. I knocked quietly on the door and waited. There was no answer. I knew I recognised the voice that was singing and wanted to find out why. I knocked again, harder this time, and succeeded. The music and singing stopped. There was a few seconds before the door opened and the guy smiled at me.

"Brendon!"I gasped. I dont know why though. I wasnt exactly shocked to see him. But I still acted like I was.  
"Haha hey Frank. What are you doing here?"Brendon asked me happily, opening the door wider to invite me in.  
"Hey uh... I just um. I was going downstairs and I heard the music and thought I would see who it was. I knew I recognised the voice."I smiled as I walked in and sat down on the bed, placing Gerard's sketchbook and bag on the floor. Ryan was sitting on a chair by the window with a guitar in his hands.

"Hey Ryan."I smiled.  
"Hey Frank. Whats up?"He saluted me and went back to picking something out quietly. I spotted Brendon's acoustic guitar lying discarded on the ground next to his bed.  
"What were you guys playing?"I asked as Brendon came and sat next to me and resumed his playing. It wasnt anything I recognised at all.

Brendons room had two beds in it but one of them didn't look slept in at all. The window was across from the door with the beds forming obstacles to get to it in the middle. A wardrobe stood at the wall to the left of the door and it was wide open, clothes spilling out everywhere.

"Uh... Just something Ryan wrote for me a week ago."Brendon smiled more to himself than to anyone else. I special and personal smile. I looked over at Ryan and saw that even though he was focused on whatever he was playing, there was a small smile on his face.  
"Can I hear it?"  
"Sure. It's not finished yet so sorry for any fuck ups."Ryan was up and moving to sit next to Brendon.

Brendon started strumming out a soft melody that immediately made me feel relaxed and happy.  
"If all our life was but a dream. Fantastic posing greed and we should feed our jewelry to the sea... For diamonds do appear to be... Just like broken glass to me."  
"This is where I want piano."Ryan whisped before Brendon started singing again.  
"And then she said she cant believe. Genius only comes along in storms of fabled foriegn tongue. Tripping eyes and flooded lungs... The northern downpour sends its love."

"Thats the title, Northern Downpour."Ryan smiled as he started playing something to accompany Brendon making the whole song sound complete. I could almost hear the piano that Ryan wanted.  
Brendon winked at Ryan and then started singing again,"Hey moon, please forget to fall down... Hey moon, dont you go down."

"Drums- sugar cane in, the easy morning, one of is my... One and lonely."Ryan started singing as well. It was literally the best thing I had ever heard. I sat back against Brendon's pillow and fell into the flow of the music.  
"The ink is running towards the page... Oh fuck..."Brendon stopped playing and blushed insanely.  
"What? What happened?"Ryan looked up at him. There was a glitter in his eyes with the way he looked at Brendon. The same way I had seen Pete look at Mikey. The same way I had seen Gerard look at me. That boys got it bad for Brendon.

"I uh... I forgot the lyrics I'm sorry."Brendon blushed an even darker shade of red. Darker than I had ever fucking been.  
"Dude it's okay. Just- we just need to practice. Thats what this is for."Ryan smiled, the glitter in his eyes seeming to grow.  
"Kay... So what did you think Frank? Did you like it?"Brendon tore his eyes away from Ryan and cleared his throat.

"Um... I dont really like it..."I looked at them awkwardly. Ryan's face fell until I grinned and said,"I fucking love it."  
"Dude dont fucking do that!"Brendon sighed, relief flooding his face.  
"Seriously guys, you need to find the rest of your band."I grinned.  
"Yeah we're working on it."Ryan smiled and flicked hair out of his face which, in a totally non-stalker-starer-crushing-cheating kind of way, was really hot.

"You guys ever been to The Magic Bean?"I asked them, trying to get that thought out of my head.  
"Never been. Heard of it though. Pete told me to go one night."Brendon ran his hands through his hair and put his guitar aside.  
"I know this band. Not sure what their name is but they have a drummer and a guitarist/singer. They're missing half a band."I grinned as Ryan's face lit up.  
"What are their names?"Brendon asked quietly, not looking at anyone.  
"Uh Jon and Spencer? I think. Could be wrong."I informed him. Brendon clenched his eyes shut and shook his head.

"Sorry. Spencer and I used to be friends but we had a fight."Brendon looked out the window. Half of it was obscured by snow so from where I was sitting I could only see the sky.  
"Brendon... This could be the one chance we get. We might not find anyone else."Ryan moved closer to Brendon and took his hands in his own. Brendon looked into Ryan's eyes and sighed. Ryan closed his eyes and Brendons breath fluttered his hair.

"Please Bren?"Ryan whispered. He sounded so cut up about it all. I felt so awkward and almost felt rude by just sitting here while they had their moment.  
"Fine."Brendon smiled slightly as Ryan grinned and jumped up.  
"Awesome! Frank, do you have any way to contact them? Or do you just know them from the beany place?"Ryan was suddenly the most energetic I had ever seen him. Holy fuck.

"I uh just know them from The Bean. The place is closed today, tomorrow and boxing day though so you cant do anything about it til a few days away."I laughed at his happiness. Brendon was smiling as well.  
"Oh okay cool. We can wait."Ryan bounced about the room. It looked like he might explode if he had to wait any longer though.  
"I'm going to go um... I'll just go."I said as I got up,"Keep practising okay? I wanna hear the whole thing properly."I smiled as they waved to me.

I closed the door behind me and stared down the hallway to the top of the stairs.  
"Fuck."I mumbled as I realised I had left Gerard's stuff inside. I turned around and knocked on the door. I heard one of them sigh angrily and get up noisily from one of the beds. The door opened and Brendon altered his pissed off face to a tight smile.  
"I forgot my uh... Stuff."I mumbled. My eyes darted down to Brendons lips. He must have seen me do that because he licked them and opened the door wider.

Ryan was spread out on the bed looking... Flushed. And his hair was ruffled majorly. I blushed as I grabbed Gerard's things without a word.  
"Thanks guys. Sorry."I muttered as Brendon slammed the door behind me. Jesus.

"Frank what were you doing?"Sarah suddenly appeared in front of me. I hadnt spoken to her in a while and felt bad for that. But she had just accepted it, thinking it was to do with Gerard. Which I guess it was. Since Gerard was taken away I had barely spoken to anyobdy.  
"Uh hey Sarah I was just talking to Brendon and Ryan."I smiled.  
"Ryans in there? I need to talk to him."Sarah looked down at her watch and spotted the things in my hands.

"Isn't that Gerard's bag?"She said as she eyed it.  
"Yeah. I got it from his car so I can give him his sketchbook and pencils. To stop him from going insane."I smiled. She nodded and glanced at her watch again.  
"Where are you going then? Wanna grab some lunch with me?"  
"Fuck is it lunchtime already?"  
"Dude its half 1. Where have you been?"Sarah laughed and started walking towards the stairs.  
"I have no fucking idea."I mumbled as we made our way downstairs.

"Yo! Tay-Tay!"Sarah yelled as we walked into the kitchen. Sometimes I felt like Taylor just spent every moment of his life in this kitchen. I barely saw him anywhere else.  
"Yo! Sar-Sar!"Taylor boomed and grabbed her in a hug. Weird.  
"Wassup Frank?"Taylor smiled at me as he put Sarah down.  
"Hey... Any chance of some lunch?"I asked hopefully as I realised just how fucking hungry I was. It was about time I had a proper meal.

"Sure thang chicken wang."Taylor moved over to the large fridge and opened it. He started rummaging around,"You guys go sit I'll bring it in for you."Taylor called over his shoulder. Sarah and I went and sat down at the dining table. We were chatting about nothing in particular when I realised where I was sitting. Where Gerard usually sat. I looked down and realised my fingers were tracing the carving Gerard had made. I couldnt put together what it was until I managed to make out the long flowing hair and the look of pain on her face.

"Holy shit."I mumbled and stopped touching it immediately.  
"What?"Sarah leaned over the table and tilted her head to look at it,"What is it of? I dont see it."Sarah sat back down with a huff,  
"Its just a- a woman."I muttered and looked to the door.  
"Frank can I please talk to you?Lily asked quietly. Claire was tracing patterns on her leg but when she saw me she came running to me.

"Frankie can I play with you?"She asked sweetly. Any other kid would have meant to play with toys or whatever. I was certain that Claire was possibly the only child in existence to mean air guitar.  
"Of course you can sweetie. but first we have to eat lunch."I smiled and picked her up. I sat her down next to me and looked back to Lily.  
"Frank please."Lily sighed.

I nodded and turned to Sarah,"Can you just- watch her? Make sure she doesn't leave this room?"  
"Yeah yeah of course. Go."Sarah smiled.  
"I wont be a minute Claire."I squeezed her shoulder lightly before following Lily out of the room and into the entryway.  
"Frank I know I had no right to and that it was a terrible thing to do but- I really think there is something you should see in there."Lily said quietly. The look in her eyes scared me.

"Lily I dont want-"  
"I know you dont want to but I think you need to."Lily said seriously. I looked back at Claire and Sarah. Sarah was smiling at a frowning Claire.  
"Whatever it is you want me to see... Thats all I want to see. Nothing else okay?"I asked as I walked to grab the sketchbook from the seat next to where I had been sitting.  
"Absolutely. I'll find it for you."Lily trailed me like a dog to its master.

We went back out into the entryway and I waited as Lily flicked through the book, barely glancing at some until she reached close to the back and slowed down. Then she stopped. I took the book from her and stared down at the drawing and tried to take in what I was seeing. It was set out like a comic.

First panel:

A boy with dirty long black hair lay on a bunk in a prison cell. Above him was another boy of about the same age. The boy above's speech bubble said,"Come on, it's christmas day. Go see him."  
The boy below's speech bubble said,"No. It will just make things worse."

Second panel:

The boy above sighs as an intercom on the wall beeps and says,"John, your mother is here for a visit."

Third panel:

The boy named John gets down from his bunk and leaves the boy with long hair alone.

Fourth panel:

The boy with long hair sighs as the intercom beeps again and says,"Gerard, your boyfriend is here with some friends of yours to see you."

Fifth panel:

The boy named Gerard gets up but instead of leaving grabs something from underneath the thin mattress.

Sixth panel:

Gerard holds up a long piece of bedding, ripped from something, and stares at it.

Seventh panel:

Gerard sits down and starts making something with the rope.

Eighth panel:

Gerard holds up a noose and ties it to the bed above him.

Ninth panel:

Gerard sighs and whispers,"I love you Frank."

Tenth panel:

Gerard's legs fall out from beneath him and he hangs himself.

I let everything sink in before Lily suddenly took it away from me and closed it.  
"Frank-"  
"Oh fuck. Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck."I started shaking and breathing hard and pacing.  
"Frank its going to be okay."Lily grabbed me by the shoulders to stop me moving.  
"Lily! How the fuck can you say its going to be okay?! When I spoke to him last week he told me not to visit him at all this week. He is in a terrible state Lily I can tell. I'll bet if Mikey saw him he would say the same!"

"Frank please just calm down I-"Lily stopped talking as Claire started crying loudly in the next room.  
"Claire?! Whats wrong?"I rushed in to see Sarah looking shocked and scared and Claire sobbing her eyes out.  
"Frank I- I dont know what I did she just burst into tears!"Sarah was so confused it was hilarious.

"Claire whats wrong?"I asked and sat down next to her, trying to stop her from crying.  
"I dont want to Frankie she was gonna paint my nails I dont want her to!"Claire sobbed. Oh my fucking god.  
"Oh Claire you silly girl. If you dont want her to paint your nails she wont."I smiled and pulled her into a hug,"Dont worry Sarah she's just- more of a... rocker almost like a guy but not quite... type of girl."I laughed at my description of her.

"Oh thank god! I thought something bad had happened."Sarah laughed as Lily came and sat on the other side of Claire, sitting Gerard's sketchbook on the table. As soon as I looked at it I remembered the comic and the fear returned.  
"Claire I have to go. You stay here with Lily and Sarah though okay?"I said as I kissed her on the cheek before snatching the sketchbook away from Lily. She sent me a pleading look as I waved to them and left.


	34. Alone

"Hi Frank. Pete and Mikey arent here right now. I think they went to that coffee place."Pete's mum smiled.  
"Oh okay. Thanks."I said, trying to catch my breath. I had ran the whole way so now I was exhausted and I knew I didnt have the energy to even walk there.  
"Did you want a ride?"She asked me, smiling as I stood up straight, fiddling with Gerard's sketchbook.  
"Yes please."I gasped. Why had I run? It wasn't christmas day yet. That was tomorrow.

-time lapse-

"Thanks!"I called and waved to Pete's mum. Gerard's car was parked outside which meant I could score a ride from Bob afterwards. I walked inside and was shocked to find only three people sitting down at a table. Otherwise the place was empty. One of the people turned around and waved at me.  
"Hey Frank. What are you doing here?"Di asked as I walked over to her.  
"I uh... Pete and Mikey arent here are they?"I sighed as I noticed Ray's hair and Bobs large shoulders. I glanced up at the stage where they had all been looking and saw Pete standing up there.

"Yeah they are. Mikey's in the loo."Di grabbed a chair from a near table and motioned for me to sit down.  
"I need to talk to Mikey. Urgently."I said, ignoring the seat and instead marching towards the bathroom.  
"Frank hey. What are-"  
"Mikey he's gonna do it again."I said, my voice suddenly trembling again.  
"What? Who? Cole? Do what? Whats going on?"Mikey was scared.

"I- I left Gerard's sketchbook in my room and Lily looked through it and, I know dont worry I yelled at her, but then she showed me a drawing. A comic Gerard had done. And- I- he- fuck!"I screeched as the feelings racing around my body took over. I couldnt lose Gerard completely.  
"Fucking hell Frank."Mikey grabbed me as I stumbled backward, unable to hold up my own weight.

"Mikey whats wrong with him?"Bob came over and helped Mikey lower me down onto the floor.  
"I- dont know. Frank! Show me the comic!"Mikey yelled in my face, trying to get me to focus. But I couldnt. All I could picture was Gerard hanging from a rope in a prison cell, cold and alone. My breath hitched in my throat and made me cough.

"Someone get him some water."Bob called over his shoulder. I shook my head and fumbled for the dropped sketchbook. I flicked through the pages, doing my best to ignore the pictures passing before my eyes but I managed to spy something that looked a lot like Gerard and I together on his bed, until I found the comic, renewing all the fear and dread inside of me. I shoved it at Mikey and mumbled a thanks to whoever had passed me the water. I gulped it down like it was the only thing to stop me from dying. It sure as hell felt like it.

"Oh Frank... You are such a worry wart."Mikey laughed slightly.  
"I'm sorry but what?"I choked.  
"Gerard isnt going to kill himself tomorrow. It might have been what he was feeling like the day before his trial. But he isnt actually going to do anything."Mikey held my hand and squeezed.

"No Mikey I know him he is-"  
"Frank you've barely known him two months."Ouch. That hurt. I looked away from Mikey's angry and a little scared face."Frank look at me. I've known him my whole life. I knew him when he went through depression the first time. He isn't going to do anything stupid. He wouldnt want to leave you."Mikey squeezed my hand again and helped me up.

"Mikey no matter what you say I wont change my mind. I may not have known him long but I'm closer to him than almost anyone else. He is going to do it tomorrow, I can feel it."I glared at Mikey's face. Staring into his eyes. He was scared. He didnt want to believe it. He didnt want to have that horrible feeling of 'I'm going to lose my brother' again.  
"Frank I-"  
"Mikey I know you're scared. You dont want it to happen again. But not believing it wont change that fact. We need to stop him."I tried to make Mikey see. For a second it almost looked like he did but then he shook his head and moved away from me.

"Frank you're just gonna waste your time."  
"Well whatever then! So what?! I'll go see him and if he isn't going to kill him self then thats good! I'll still get to see him so thats fucking fine! But if he is going to kill himself then I will fucking be there to fucking stop him you stupid fuck!"I screamed. I took in a deep breath and realised that everyone was looking over at us. After I had stood up Bob had gone back to the others and now they were all staring at me.

"Bob can you give me a ride?"I sighed as I left Mikey standing alone, looking like he was going to stab someone and burst into tears at the same time.  
"Uh yeah sure. Where to?"  
"The house. Steven will give me a lift tomorrow."I mumbled, more to myself than anyone else. Bob nodded and followed me outside. We got into the car in silence, not one word being said at all.

We drove in silence as well and I knew that Bob was thinking of the last time he saw me. I had been such a bastard to him. I felt the air in the car clog up as those thoughts surrounded me.  
"Bob I'm sorry... About the last time I saw you..."I mumbled suddenly. I had to clear the air between us. That saying made so much sense right now I had to fight not to laugh at myself.

"I-Its okay I guess... Mikey told me about your visit today..."Bob sighed as he turned onto my road.  
"No It's not okay. I treated you like shit all because I'm a fucking wuss. You didn't deserve it at all. I'm sorry I just- I'm going through a lot of shit right now. Fucking Cole kidnapped Lily last night and fucking everything is getting to me."I sighed.

"Yeah Mikey told me about that as well. Is she okay? They didnt hurt her did they?"Bob asked, real worry sounding in his voice. I looked at him curiously... He didnt like Lily did he?  
"Yeah she's fine."I sniggered as Bob's face broke out in relief.  
"Although she uh... She um..."I couldnt think of anything to try and get him to freak out.  
"She what?"Bob said as he pulled up to the curb and turned the car off. He turned to look at me seriously.

I burst out laughing. He fucking liked her!  
"Dude you like her dont you."I grinned. And he blushed. Fucking hilarious.  
"No I dont. Thats just stupid."Bob stuttered.  
"What, liking her is stupid? You dont think she is 'like-worthy'?"I stared at him accusingly but couldnt keep a straight face when a shit load of feelings rolled across his face.

"Okay fine I fucking like her but I- Frank stop fucking laughing!"Bob smiled.  
"How the fuck can I not?!"I choked out as my sides started hurting. I was hardly laughing at Bob now. I just couldnt stop laughing.  
"Dont you fucking tell her dude. If you tel her I will rip out your intestines and make you fuck them and eat them."Bob said half seriously.  
"Oh dont worry I wont. I have too many things on my plate right now to do that to you."I wiped the tears away from my eyes as Bob relaxed slightly.

"Okay well I better go. Lily will be wondering where I am."I smiled as I undid my seatbelt.  
"Kay well... Take care. Are you sure you dont want me to give you a ride to see Gerard tomorrow? I thought we were all gonna go see him in the afternoon."  
"Yeah but Mikey-"  
"Mikey is scared he is gonna lose his brother again. He will end up coming with us just to be safe. So dont worry. I'll pick you up at 1 okay?"

"What if thats too late though."I whispered.  
"Dude you know it wont be. You know it wont. Its gonna be okay."Bob leaned over and hugged me. I closed my eyes and hugged him back, trying to hold in the fresh tears. I nodded and let go of him. I really needed to talk to Lily.  
"Right. I'll see you tomorrow."Bob smiled. I nodded again and waved as I got out of the car.

I walked carefully up the steps and up to the front door. Most of the snow had melted now so it was just icy wetness. I walked in the front door and scuffed my shoes on the mat.  
"Frankie!"Claire screamed from the top of the stairs. I smiled as I heard her stomping down the stairs to the floor above.  
"Hey kiddo!"I smiled as she appeared at the top of the stairs in front of me.  
"Frankie!"Claire shouted again and started racing down the stairs.  
"Be careful Claire."I warned her. I could just see her flying down these steps.

"Hey."I groaned as she slammed into me. She smiled up at me with a look in her eyes. I knew what she wanted to do.  
"Frankie can we go-"  
"Of course we can!"I grabbed her under arms and lifted her up onto my shoulders as she giggled.

We started racing upstairs. Which was a mistake. As light as Claire was, it was difficult to round a corner at the same speed without losing my balance. Which is exactly what happened halfway up the next set of stairs.  
"Fuck!"I screamed as Claire started falling backwards. I grabbed at her feet and stopped her falling just in time. She swung down at hit my back. At that point I had lost whatever balance I had left and started to fall backward.

"Ahh Frankie!"Claire screamed as I stumbled backwards down one step but couldnt stop myself from falling.  
"Jesus!"I yelled as someone's hands were on my back and stopping me from falling. I grabbed the banister, wondering why I hadnt done that earlier, and regained control of myself. I turned around after the person who had saved us had taken Claire and put her the right way up. She was currently gripping my leg like fucking... Just really fucking hard, it was starting to hurt.

I ignored the pain and let the shock sink in. Jack was standing there looking confused, scared and fucking awkward.  
"What uhm... What?"I stuttered. I couldnt believe that fucking Jack had stopped me from falling.  
"I know. I dont know either."Jack confessed, scratching the back of his head as he looked around.  
"No but seriously... What?"I said again. Unsure if this was real or if I had actually fallen and was unconscious. Jack was just a part of my imagination.

"Look, Lewis told me about last night and that... Lily didnt deserve that. She had nothing to do with it at all. If Cole wants revenge he needs to do something to Gerard. Not other people to try and get to him. I'll talk to Cole for you and get him to back off. He cant do much til after boxing day though so you can relax for the holidays."Jack wasnt looking at me. He refused to look at my stunned face. He just kept looking down at his hands or past me up the stairs or over the banister to down the stairs. He didnt want anyone to know he was actually being nice.

"What are you doing this for?"I asked blatantly.  
"She didnt deserve to be crushed by you..."He motioned to Claire,"She doesnt deserve anything thats happened to her. I saw you guys on the news... And I'm sorry for calling you a murderer. Anybody who does that to a little girl deserves to be dead. I dont think Gerard should be in there either."Jack finally looked at me, full on sincerity shining in his eyes.  
"I uh... I dont even know what to fucking say... Thanks?"I laughed slightly. Jack smiled and nodded.

"So uh... No more shoulder rides up the stairs?"He said, backing down a step.  
"Definitely."I picked Claire up and put her on my hip.  
"I'll uh... See you later Jack... Thanks. For saving us and um... Everything else."I muttered and quickly turned away. I rushed upstairs, not as fast as last time, and burst in to find Lily reading her book.

As soon as I saw her I couldnt help but snigger as Bob entered my mind.  
"What are you laughing at?"Lily put her book down.  
"Nothing. Dont worry about it."I said as I put Claire down,"Claire go put the whichever cd that you want on. I just need to talk to Lily."I motioned for her to come outside with me.

"What is it? You're scaring me Frank."Lily said as I closed the door. For a split second I almost told her about Bob but managed to hold it in.  
"Dude you wont believe what just happened with Jack."I gasped and proceeded to tell her what had just occurred on the stairs.  
"Thats just fucking weird... If he hadnt stopped you guys from falling I would have thought he was up to something."Lily said and pulled me back inside as music started playing extremely loud.

It took me a second to realise what Claire was doing but when I did I almost shit myself.  
"Claire get off!"I screamed and rushed in. I yanked her off of Gerard's bed and moved her onto mine. I hadnt touched Gerard's bed since the night before the trial when he and I cuddled all night.  
"I'm sorry Frankie."Claire said. She looked scared. Lily was looking at me like I was insane. I spose I was. I just didnt want to lose the smell of Gerard.

"Its okay Claire... I'm sorry for yelling at you but just- stay off Gerard's bed from now on kay?"I said as I started the music again.  
"Are we still gonna play?"Claire's eyes lit up as I pretended to put a guitar around me.  
"Yeah!"I grinned down at her. She grinned back and stood up properly on my bed.  
"I'm going downstairs."Lily sighed as the music kicked in and I turned it up.

"Dont wanna be an american idiot!"Claire screeched over the top of the music somehow as we thrashed about the room while Lily left us.  
"One nation controlled by the media!"I yelled into Claires smiling face. She kept shooting me glances, waiting for the moment I would pick her up and swing her about. I continued 'playing' til the end of the song. And through the next one. She looked slightly sad once Holiday started. Halfway through I grabbed her and grinned as she started squealing in delight.

We fell back onto my bed laughing and gasping for air.  
"That was fun Frankie."Claire gasped. I nodded as we slowly caught our breath. I got up and turned the music down as someone thumped into the room angrily.  
"Dinner is ready!"Some kid I had seen a few times shouted at us.  
"Aye?"  
"Dinner is ready. I have been yelling for five fucking minutes. Excuse my language."He got a hold of himself and blushed slightly when he glanced at Claire.

"Oh sorry. And dont worry about swearing in front of her. She knows not to swear til shes in high school."I said as I turned the music off completely and picked Claire up.  
"I'm hungry Frankie."  
"Well thats good because dinner is ready."I said as I tickled her under the chin. She giggled as we followed the kid down the stairs and into the dining room.

"Hey Frank sit next to me!"Sarah patted a seat next to her. I glanced at Lily who was sitting across from her and she nodded. I put Claire down and she went running to sit next to Lily. I sat down in the seat and smiled at Brendon and Ryan who were next to me. They both looked very satisfied with themselves. I smiled and shook my head as Taylor and Steven started bringing out the dishes. Immediately I smelt roast pumpkins, potatoes, parsnip, everything you could think of.

Then Steven went back into the kitchen and brought out a massive plate with a giant fucking roast turkey on it.  
"Uh shouldnt we be having this sort of lunch tomorrow?"Someone asked rudely.  
"Well not everyone is going to be here tomorrow. It's the way its always been here. Christmas eve, everyone's friends come over for dinner. Christmas day you go where ever the fuck you want."Steven said. not even taking his eyes off the steaming bird.

I looked away and started dishing some veges for myself.  
"Tuck in everyone!"Taylor called to the people still sitting there, wondering if they should start eating. Everyone was silent as we started eating. I looked around at everyone. It was fucking christmas and no one was talking. I sighed and set my knife and fork down.

"Merry christmas everyone!"I stood up and smiled at everyone at the table. A few kids I had seen at school but some kids I had never seen before.  
"Yeah merry christmas!"Lily grinned at me.  
"A toast!"Steven stood up and held up his glass of wine. I grabbed the glass full of water next to my plate and held it up.

"Merry christmas!"Steven yelled. Everyone yelled it back and then everyone were clinking their glasses together. And then there was talking. And laughing. And just general happiness floating about the table. It was nice.  
"So Frank. You going to see Gerard tomorrow?"Sarah asked through a mouthful of mashed potato.  
"Yeah."I mumbled around my broccolli. I did not need thoughts of Gerard right now. I was doing my best to stay cheerful.

"You got a present for him?"Sarah questioned me. She didnt seem to be getting my vibe of not wanting to talk about him.  
"Yeah. His sketchbook. Remember?"I smiled.  
"Oh yeah. Haha woops."Sarah laughed at herself and continued eating. I turned away and stabbed a piece of potato. I wish Gerard was here. It would have been a lot more cheerier. Instead of me sitting her all depressed.

"Hey Frank."Lily called me as she helped feed Claire. I looked up at her and she mouthed the words,'You okay?' at me. I nodded and smiled quickly. She gave me a look then went back to Claire to stop her from playing with her turkey.  
"Hey Frank. When is that bean place open again?"Brendon asked next to me.  
"Uhm. Day after boxing day."I said around my mouthful.  
"Cool thanks. Will Spencer and his friend be there that day?"He asked casually.  
"I dunno. Probably. Every time I've been there they have been."I said, thinking back to all the times I had ever set foot in The Magic Bean.  
"Sweet. So Ry, I think we should chanfe the chord to..."Brendon turned to Ryan and left me to eat again. I looked at Sarah and saw her talking to the girl next to her.

I sighed quietly and started sawing the the skin of my pumpkin. I kept going until I had diced it up into tiny little squares. I shoved my knife and fork down as once again I was reminded of Gerard. I was sitting at his carving in the table again. I stared at my plate as I traced it with my finger lightly.

"Is everyone finished?"Taylor boomed me out of my thoughts. I looked around to see that everyone had in fact finished,"Because desert is coming."Taylor grinned as Steven got up and left. Taylor winked at me then followed Steven out. Weird. I sighed as I realised whatever it was they were bring out there was no way there was going to be any room for it on the table. I got up and started walking around the table, collecting plates. I circled round to the hatch through to the kitchen and shoved all the plates through. Then I started grabbing the dishes of food. Most of them still heavy with food.

No one was helping. Some people were watching me as I cleared the table. Some were still talking to their friends. Lily was sending me an apologetic look as she cleaned Claire's face. I stared at the dish with the turkey. I couldnt stand the smell of it. It was gross. I tried to ignore it as I started to pick it up but before I had even gotten a good hold of it I was turning away and gagging.

"I'll take it dont worry mate."Taylor was suddenly there, patting me on the back. I nodded and went back to my seat as Taylor took away the meat and Steven finished bringing out the dessert.  
"What the fuck is that?"I pointed to a weird crunchy cream cake type thing with weird green fruit sitting on top. There were three of them.

"That,"Taylor said as he came back in and sat down,"Is fucking pavlova."  
"What's that?"Sarah asked next to me, staring at it curiously.  
"Merangue. Its a traditional dessert from New Zealand. Its got a good taste and its pretty damn hard to get right."Taylor informed us all.  
"Sounds pretty good."I smiled and started cutting it up into slices. Lily passed me a bowl that Steven was setting down in front of everyone so I put a slice in.

Sarah passed me her bowl and winked at me, making me giggle as I gave her a slice. Suddenly Brendon was there with his and Ryan's bowls.  
"Come on man."I sighed as I put a slice in each of their bowls."  
"Thank you Fraaank."Ryan flicked his hair and smiled at me. And I almost melted. I had never noticed how cute he was. Okay stop those thoughts.  
"Its okay."I sighed and smiled at them.

"Hey Frank you wanna get us a slice?"Someone asked from the end of the table. I looked down and spotted Lewis and Michael. I just wanted to get some for myself first but they were right down end of the table and had nothing in front of them. I nodded at them and waited as Lewis slid two bowls down towards me. I dished them up a slice and slid it back.  
"Right."I mumbled under my breath. I grabbed my slice and sat back down. I took a bite and actually did melt. It was fucking amazing,"Taylor you did a good job."  
"Thanks."Taylor smiled at me from a few seats down.

I sat in silence as everyone around me talked about everything. Lily was looking after Claire. Brendon and Ryan were now feeding each other and Sarah was talking to her friend. I finished my pavlova and shoved my bowl forward. I felt sick. I slowly stood up and went into the kitchen to grab a glass of water. I leaned against the bench as I looked around at the millions of dishes. The sink was full of hot bubbly water and there was a drying rack half full of dishes next to it. I put my glass down and before long I had my sleeves rolled up and my hands in the sink.

The warm water was soothing on my hands as I slowly scrubbed plates.  
"Frank you dont have to do that."Taylor said behind me. I shook my head at him as he started to help me.  
"I'm fine I dont mind. I just want some alone time."I sighed as I continued washing.  
"Are you sure?"  
"Yeah... Could you make sure no one comes in?"I asked hopefully.  
"Yeah yeah no problem."Taylor said sadly and left me alone to my thoughts.


	35. Merry Christmas

"Oh fuck! Oh jesus Gerard!"I yelped as Gerard hollowed out his cheeks and completely took me in. All I could feel was complete ecstasy as Gerard bobbed up and down. I barely felt myself thrust upwards. All I could feel was the warm tightness of Gerard's mouth. It was so fucking good. I watched the top of Gerard's head move, hair flying everywhere until suddenly I felt myself get close.

"F-fuck Gerard I-"I was too late. I came right in Gerards face. I smiled sheepishly as Gerard looked up at me, face covered in my jizz,"Sorry."I puffed, desperate to get my breath back and take care of Gerard.  
"Its okay."Gerard said simply. He winked at me then used his hand to wipe it all off his face. Then he licked it. He fucking licked it all. I felt a shiver go down my spine. It was almost enough to get me fucking hard again.

I grabbed Gerard and urged him to move up and lie with me.  
"Thanks."I smiled and kissed him when he was lying next to me properly.  
"No problem."He smiled. I sent him a look, trying to warn him of how hard he was going to come, but instead Lily walked into Gerard's bedroom and grabbed me by the shoulders. She started shaking at me and yelling nonsense at me.

"Frank wake up!"She yelled. I opened my eyes and saw that Lily was actually shaking awake. Not stopping me from giving Gerard a blowjob.  
"Oh fuck."I grumbled as I realised it was a dream. But of course not all of it was a fucking dream. I groaned again when I felt the stickyness all over my dick. It was like I was fucking 13 again.  
"You were fucking moaning Gerard's name. Its just a good thing Claire slept in my bed last night."Lily giggled as I slowly sat up and rubbed at my face.

There was light streaming in through the window. The sky was clear blue and I could just see the sun starting to rise. I looked at Lily and realised she was fully dressed. In snow gear.  
"Holy shit merry christmas!"I grinned at her as I realised it was christmas day,"Wheres Claire?"I asked when I noticed she wasnt in the room.  
"Merry christmas! She's downstairs getting breakfast. Come on, grab a shower. Clean yourself up. Get dressed. Eat breakfast. And lets make some fucking snowmen."Lily grinned.

I nodded at her as she smiled and left me to sort out my mess. I sighed as I got out of bed and grabbed my warmest clothes, which happened to be a pair of dirty jeans, a t-shirt and Gerard's hoodie. I smiled as I held it close, feeling like he was actually there. But then I realised we would be messing around with snow and if I wore this I would need to wash it.

"Back in the drawer you go."I sighed and dumped it on my bed, not in my drawer. I grabbed my jacket and headed into the bathroom next door. In the shower I leaned against the cold wall, letting the water run over my hair and face. As happy as I was that I could spend christmas day doing exactly what I had last year with two of the greatest people in the world, there was a rude part of me that wanted to pull me back down to a gloomy state. The part of me that was missing Gerard like fucking crazy.

"Hurry up Frank!"Lily banged on the door, making me jump, and pulled me out of my thoughts.  
"Yeah I'm coming!"I sighed and started washing my hair. The warmth felt so good.  
"Well fucking hurry up!"Lily gave one more bang then stomped into our room. Her boots could be so fucking loud sometimes.

-time lapse-

"Ahh!"Lily squealed as Claire managed to hit her with a snowball yet again. There were a few other kids out in the garden playing with the snow but Lily, Claire and I were the only ones really getting into it. Over an hour ago we had gotten bored with making snowmen and snowangels so now we were having a fight. But it needed more people.  
"Hey guys wait wait wait!"I called, holding my hands up to get them to stop throwing shit at me. Claire came running over to me with Lily and they waited for me.

"Lets build two massive walls across the garden and get everyone to join. Have a proper fight."I grinned as Claire clapped twice then ran and started making the wall.  
"Do you think everyone would come out?"Lily asked, looking into the kitchen window where Taylor was doing some dishes.  
"I reckon we could get a fair few."I smiled and turned around to jog into the house,"Get those guys in it!"I called over my shoulder and pointed to the other kids out in the garden.

"Hey everyone!"I yelled as loud as I could. I waited, hearing my voice echo up the stairwell.  
"What?"A few people called. A bunch of people came out of their room and leaned over the banisters to look down at me.  
"Anyone up for a snowball fight?"I raised an eyebrow at them.  
"Sure. Who's playing?"Someone asked.  
"Anyone I can get. We're building up walls and there are snowmen in the no-mans-land as protection and shit. Come if you want and get as many people as possible."I grinned at them all then went into the lounge where Brendon and Ryan were cuddled up on one couch and Jack and his girlfriend were on the other cuddled up.

"Guys get out in the garden now. Massive snowball fight is about to take place."I smiled.  
"Shit really?! Brendon can we go?"Ryan pleaded with Brendon who was looking extremely sleepy.  
"Hell I'm going."Jack said and got up, pulling his happy girlfriend with him.  
"Come on!"I called as I jogged back outside. Steven was out there and already the walls were looking pretty good. They spread out across the garden, not too tall yet, but long. With a break in the middle to run out to the no-mans-land.

"Holy shit you guys work fast."I grinned as I went down to help everyone. There were about ten people building the walls and I could hear people coming out behind me, chatting about the anticipated match. I ignored the numbness that went shooting down my fingers as I started shoving snow on top of the ice wall. There were people joining me left and right, eager to get the game started.

20 minutes later we were split into teams and were standing behind our teams wall holding a snowball. Steven was out in the no-mans-land calling out a few rules.  
"Rule number 1! There are no rules!"He grinned as people laughed,"Rule number 2! Do your best not to hit people on the head or anywhere delicate okay? Rule number 3! Dont be a jerk off about it. This is a game. not real life. Rule number 4! Be careful of the youngert ones, they cant aim as well."He glanced at Claire who was looking extremely excited next to Claire on the opposite team. I sniggered as I remembered the amount of times Claire had managed to hit Lily,"Rule number 5! Have some fucking fun, you all deserve it!"Steven jogged over to the opposite team I was on and rolled up a snowball.

There was a moment of silence. Everyone eyeing up their enemy. Then suddenly someone next to me screamed,"GO!" and we were off. Snowballs were flying everywhere. I grinned as I watched one of Claires hit the guy next to me smack in the chest. I darted out into the no-mans-land and hid behind a snowman, waiting for an opportunity to hit someone. I watched as a few other people followed me. I glanced down the end where Lily was handing Claire snowballs and threw, hoping to god it got her.

"Argh!"She yelped as the snowball exploded on her back, melting immediately and soaking her back. I cackled and raced back behind the wall.  
"Frank I will get you back for that!"Lily shouted at me. I winked at her and scooped up more snow, throwing it towards her blindly. It barely made it past the snowman I had been hiding behind. I laughed as Brendon and Ryan suddenly joined my side.

"This is a fucking awesome idea!"Ryan yelled in my ear as Brendon bellowed out a war-cry and threw two snowballs from one hand and watched as they thumped into Taylors back as he retreated from behind a snowman. He was really enjoying this.  
"Nice!"I high fived him as Ryan clapped him on the back.

I watched as Brendon grabbed Sarah and her friend as they came back behind the wall.  
"I say we plan an attack."Brendon said to us as we formed a huddle.  
"Ooh attack. I want in."Jack budged into the circle with his girlfriend.  
"Perfect. The more the merrier."Brendon grinned.

"Right. When I say, we just all have to go racing out right up to a section of their wall and pelt them with snowballs."Brendon looked at us all, waiting for our verdict.  
"Okay. Gentlemen, get your balls ready."I said in a gameshow host. Then cracked up laughing as I realised what I had said.  
"Nice one dude."Ryan winked at me. What?

We all grabbed our snowballs and looked out.  
"Where should we go?"Sarah's friend asked as we scanned their defences.  
"There. We should try and break down their wall as well as their forces."Brendon pointed to where there were less people defending that part. Already the wall was starting to crumble.

"Brendon I think you were like a fucking army captain or something in your past life."Ryan giggled as Brendon shooed us all into a ' v ' formation.  
"I probably was."Brendon smiled at him knowingly. Awkward,"Okay. On 3... 1. 2. 3! Chaaarrrge!!"Brendon roared. We all raced out, somehow managing to keep in formation, as we made our way towards the weak part of the wall.  
"Go go go!"Brendon screamed as snowballs started flying into our midst. Most of us dodged them but I saw Sarah's friend get hit and fall to the ground. This was like a proper fucking war battle. Sarah stayed back to help her. She had been hit on the head with an iceball. I looked to see who had thrown it as I continued scooping snow and throwing it towards the wall aimlessly but I couldnt see the culprit.

"Frank what are you doing?!"Ryan yelled behind me. I pulled out of trance and realised I was the only one left standing here and I was soaked. In front of me Lily and Claire were giggling their asses off.  
"Oh thats it!"I shouted and climbed over their wall, tackling them both to the ground and starting a tickle war.  
"N-no! Frank! Stop!"Lily gasped for air as I kept tickling her.

"Frankiiiiie!"Claire laughed as I started in on her. I lost my breath and fell onto my side, laughing and gasping for air. Lily was sprawled next to me, not seeming to care that the snow was melting beneath her and soaking her clothes. Behind us we could hear the fight dying down. I looked to my left and saw that a lot of people had gone inside now.

"Okay fights over!"Steven called. The few people left suddenly turned on their friends, throwing the snowballs in their hands at them,"I'll announce the winners tonight!"  
"Come on guys."I smiled as I helpd Claire and Lily up. We started to go inside but I was stopped by someone grabbing me on the shoulders and shaking.  
"Frank what the fuck! Do you know what the time is?!"Bob yelled in my face.  
"Fuck."  
"Fuck is fucking right. You need to get inside and get changed, Mikey, Pete and Ray are waiting in the car."He grabbed my arm and started yanking me inside and up the stairs.

I rushed inside and changed into dry and warm clothes, just remembering to chuck on Gerard's Green Day hoodie and to grab his sketchbooks. I raced back downstairs, shouting a merry christmas to everyone and a goodbye to Claire and Lily. I jumped into the back with Mikey and Pete quickly and Bob sped off. It took about a half hour to get there but when we did all of us were jumping out of the car immeditely, pretty much running into the foyer where the nice receptionist from the last time I was here was sitting.

"I- Uh we. Need. To see. Gerard. Way."I gasped as I bashed into the front desk. Why the fuck had I run?  
"Sure. How many are here?"She smiled up at me. She must have remembered the last time I was here. I had come out crying my eyes out and she had given me a glass of water and a few wise words that I couldnt for the life of me remember what they were.  
"Uhm. 5."I took in a deep breath of air as the others collided into me, squishing me.

"Alrighty then. Come on through. You know, because its christmas day, I'm sure I could convince the boss to let Gerard out. Usually we do that for the kids who have been in here a lot longer, provided they dont mess around of course. But Gerard hasnt yet. He just sits on his bed whenever he can. Does what he's told. I'm certain they would let him out for an hour or two."The woman chatted on happily as we walked through some doors and down to the visiting room.

"Um... If you dont mind... The last time I was here, he told me not to come back. You dont think you could go down and see him yourself do you? Tell him I've got a special present for him?"I asked hopefully, holding up the sketchbooks in my hand.  
"Well of course sweetie. Just wait here, I'll go get him for you."She smiled and sat us all down at a table.

We sat in silence as she left the room through another door. I looked around at who else was in here. No one. Not one person was in here visiting their kid or friend. It was fucking christmas.  
"This place is scarily empty for a holiday."Mikey voiced my thoughts.  
"I was just thinking that. Maybe everyone got their visiting done in the morning?"I suggested.  
"Probably. Otherwise the people in here arent loved that much."Bob sighed and rested his head on the table.

We fell into an awkward silence again until suddenly over a loudspeaker a voice said,"Can I get a doctor in here with some sedatives? We've got a problem in cell 14."  
I stared at the speaker in horror. I was certain that Gerard was in cell 14.  
"Did Gerard ever mention what cell he was in?"I asked quietly.  
"Not to me..."Mikey replied, equally as quiet. I looked at the guys all shaking their heads and turned back to the speaker. I sighed and looked around. For some dumb reason there werent any cameras in here. Guess they usually had security guards or something.

I looked at the guys. They all seemed unpertubed by the problem in cell 14. I groaned and pushed myself to my feet.  
"Frank where are you going? Frank you cant go down there!"Bob called behind me as I burst through the doors the receptionist had gone through. I looked to my left and realised that immeidately I was in a corridor filled with doors. With numbers on. I started marching down, reading the numbers on the doors. I was at 89 and they were going down. I started running.

I reached the end of the corridor and looked left and right again. I spotted the first door and saw the number 20 and then another with the number 19 next to that. I rushed towards it and sped past it. I rounded another corner and stopped. There was a door open and a man in a long white coat rush in. I raced up and froze in the doorway. Gerard was backed up into a corner of the room looking scared out of his mind as the doctor and two security guards held down some guy with short blonde hair. He was struggling and shouting and had just dropped a knife. The doctor jabbed him in the leg with a needle and almost instantly the guy started relaxing.

"Frank?"Gerard spotted me and broke out into a smile. I felt myself practically flood with relief as I realised he was okay.  
"Frank? You arent permitted down here. Please go back to the visiting room."The receptionist said, appearing in front of me.  
"Ah sorry I just thought- that something was wrong with Gerard."I whispered. She nodded and smiled.  
"Its alright just go back and he will come."She smiled and started nuding me out as the two security guards moved the guy onto his bed.

"Wait I'll come with him."Gerard called just as the receptionist went to shut the door. She stopped and looked at him.  
"But we need you to tell us what happened."She stuttered, unsure of whether to let him go.  
"I can tell you later. Right now I want to talk to my boyfriend on christmas day."He smiled at me and shoved past her. I giggled as he shut the door for her and grabbed my hand, pulling me down the corridor.

"Frank you have no idea how happy I am to see you."Gerard whispered into my ear, insanely close, his breath flowing across my skin and making me shiver,"I was scared you wouldnt come again... Like I told you to."  
"If you thought I was actually going to do what you said then you really are dumb."I smiled as he pulled me to a stop.  
"Before we go out to the others, they are here right?"He asked as he glanced through the mottled windows of the doors into the visiting room.  
"Yeah."

"Well before we go see them."He turned back to me and grinned,"Merry christmas. I love you."He breathed and before I could say anything back he had pulled me against him and was kissing me. I let everything fall from my mind as he deepened the kiss, running his hands all over my body. I hooked my fingers around his neck as he pushed me up against the wall, hands resting on my hips as I tangled my fingers in his hair.

"I love you too. Merry christmas."I mumbled as he moved his lips to my neck, sucking in hard. I felt him smile slightly but then I was just completely lost in the feeling of Gerard around me. He pulled down my hoodie and started sucking on my collar bone,"Oh fuck Gerard."I gasped as his fingers slipped underneath my clothes. The coldness of his fingertips tracing circles made me shiver. And not from the cold.

"Get a room."Someone growled as they walked past. Gerard and I jumped apart in time to see some kid walk past us.  
"Fuck off Joe."Gerard called.  
"No but we should go see the others."I smiled and tried to shake myself out of the -moment- I had just been pulled into.  
"True... My sketchbooks!"Gerard shouted as he noticed the dropped sketchbooks. I hadnt even noticed dropping them.  
"Oh yeah. I wanted to bring it in for you. Then I went round to see Pete and Mikey to tell him about Cole and found the other one when I was getting this hoodie."I pulled at his hoodie and he smiled.

He flicked through his normal one and smiled.  
"The colour is amazing by the way."I smiled.  
"Thanks... Did you look through the other one?"He asked slowly.  
"Um. When I found it I saw the first two drawings. But then Mikey told me not to. He said that you didnt let anyone see anything."I bit my lip. Should I tell him about Lily?  
"Okay... Well thank you. I dont think I will be bored in here ever again."Gerard smiled and hugged me tightly.

"Yeah um Gerard. There is one other thing I need to say before we go in there..."I sighed. I needed to know if he was on the verge of killing himself. He didnt really seem like it today but that could just be a front.  
"What?"Gerard looked at me worriedly.  
"Well I told Lily about it being an extremely personal one and she kept pushing me to look through it... But I didnt of course."I rushed on at Gerard's inner freakout showing on his face,"What I mean to say is... I went downstairs a little after that and left it in my room. And Lily looked through it. And the found the little comic one. Of you. In here."I couldnt look at him.

"Oh..."Gerard said quietly. He sounded... scared. Completely scared.  
"I'm not asking for you to talk about it or anything. You dont have to. All I want to know is... You arent going to try again are you? As soon as I saw that yesterday I couldnt get the worry out of my head. I kept thinking that I would get a call today saying you had k- done it. I had to fight to wait til today so I could make it a proper christmas sort of present thing."I shuffled around on my feet, looking anywhere but his face.

"Frank I- Frank look at me."Gerard said, tilting my face up to look at him,"I'm not about to kill myself. When I- I drew that the night before the trial. I thought that if I ended up being sent here... Then that was what I would end up doing. I didnt have the faith in you to wait for me or- the faith in myself to be able to stand the fucking nutjob douche bags in here I just- I was scared. But now that I've been in here pretty much 3 weeks. I've been getting over all that. You visiting helps me."Gerard whispered the whole little speech.

I couldnt help but break out into a smile. He was fine. I grabbed at him urgently and hugged him tightly, needing to feel his arms around me again. He chuckled slightly and hugged me back.  
"Wait. Why did you tell me not to come visit you again?"I asked him suddenly, looking up at him.  
"Oh. Because the guy I shared my room with said that he would stab me the next time you came to visit. He's having a nervous breakdown and today he had somehow convinced himself that it was my fault he's in here."Gerard said as he kept his arm around my waist and started walking us through the door.  
"Jesus."I sighed as ll the guys stood up at the sight of Gerard.

"Mikey."Gerard breathed and let go of me to rush at Mikey. They collided in a hug. They stayed hugging for a minute until Bob groaned and said,"Come on man, we wanna hug him too."  
"Sorry man."Mikey smiled and let go of Gerard.  
"Merry christmas guys."Gerard said over Bob's shoulder as they hugged.  
"Merry christmas."We all chorused back.

Once all the hugging and hellos were over we all sat down at a table and started talking about nothing.  
"Frank what did you say about Cole?"Gerard suddenly asked, reminding me of the horror of two nights ago.  
"Oh god. Fucking Cole. I think he needs to be in here."I sighed and proceeded to tell him all about it.

"Are you fucking serious? What a fucking douche bag."Gerard grumbled and wriggled about beneath me slightly. I was sitting on his lap like a little kid.  
"I know..."I sighed gloomily. I just wanted to go home to bed with Gerard.  
"That is seriously messed up. And so now he thinks you're with Lily?"Gerard laughed.  
"Yeah. I dont understand. One of his mates saw us making out against your car for fucks sake."I laughed.  
"Exactly! What a fucking idiot."Gerard chuckled as the others laughed along.

"Gerard? Boys? Gerard is allowed outside for 3 hours. He has to be back at 6 o'clock sharp."The receptionist appeared at our side.  
"Are you kidding me?! Thats awesome!"Gerard screamed in my ear. I flinched slightly but quickly got over the ringing in my ears as I realised Gerard could leave for a little while.  
"Nope. I just talked to the boss and he said that given what you've gone through today, given that its christmas day, and the fact that you always do as you're told, you can go. So long as you are back here on time."She smiled and left us.

"Well what are we waiting for?!"Mikey jumped up and started walking out to the car. We all followed him, chatting happily about what to do.  
"Well I want to go to the house. See everyone there. Mikey can you call Di? I wanna see her as well. Then I want an hour alone with Frank as well."Gerard winked at me and squeezed me knowingly on my hips. I grinned as we all piled into the car. Not all of us fit so I was in Gerard's lap in the front seat.  
"This is probably illegal."Gerard laughed. I smiled as Bob started the car and we drove back to the house.


	36. Reality And Dreams Are Two Very Different Things

"Finally."Gerard growled and wasted no time in grabbing me and pulling me on top of him. I started to giggle but it was muffled by Gerard's lips connecting with mine. I closed my eyes instantly and pushed against him, deepening the kiss by opening my mouth and inviting him in. He accepted the invitation and ran his tongue over the roof of my mouth, making me shiver slightly. I grabbed at his shirt and tried to pull him even closer but it didnt do much.

"I fucking love you Frank."Gerard whispered practically into my mouth. That in itself was the hottest thing ever to me. And then the fact that he was saying he loved me made the moment sweet.  
"I love you too."I smiled back.  
"This needs off."Gerard mumbled as he started kissing along my neck and tugged at the collar of his hoodie.

In answer I sat up on his lap and pulled it off. He sat up as well and pulled off his jacket. I kissed him again and started undoing his shirt while he ran his fingers under my t-shirt, goosebumps following where ever his fingers touched. He started kissing my neck again now that it was more exposed. I clutched at his back helplessly. I couldnt help but grin at the fact that Gerard was my boyfriend.

"Oh fuck Gerard."I gasped as he started teasing my nipples while sucking on my collarbone. I pushed him back onto the bed and took my t-shirt off completely, throwing it away to the ground to be forgotten. I turned back to find him staring at me with such an intensity that I found it hard to stare back. I felt myself blush all over as his eyes raked over my tattoos and skin.

"Gerard I dont want to."I found myself saying before I had even registered the thought properly.  
"What?"Gerard's eyes suddenly flicked to mine, hurt shining in them.  
"I know. I- I do want to but... I just... Dont."I mumbled.

Gerard sat up properly, hinting at me to get off of him by twitching his legs but I didnt, I stayed firmly where I was and looked him straight in the eye to explain.  
"Why?"Gerard sighed and ran a hand through his hair. I blinked and bit my lip as the sight of him with his shirt open and his hair ruffled main my dick that little bit painfully harder.  
"Because. As much as I want to. I just- this is really hard to explain."I sighed and looked down at my hands.  
"Well I'll do my best to understand. Just please tell me."Gerard tilted my face to look at him, worry etched at the corners of his eyes making him look older. Way too old for me.

"There is something wrong."I splurted out,"With me with me."I pushed on as I saw the mini freakout bloom over his face.  
"What do you mean?"  
"Like... something keeps nagging at me. I feel like there is something wrong. Like I've forgotten something. It's been bothering me from the back of my mind since yesterday. I just feel like... If I did go ahead I- I wouldnt enjoy it? No. Like I wouldnt be focused on it properly. And that wouldnt really be fair to you."I sighed feeling completely stupid.

"Frank... What happened?"Gerard asked quietly. I watched his face as a range of emotions raced around. The most recognisable one I saw was jealousy. Fucking jealousy. He thought I had fucking cheated or something.  
"I- nothing. I just- I dont know."I thought back to christmas eve. The day after my weird dream. I stared into space, not taking in whatever Gerard was saying as I recalled the dream. Then it dawned on me.

"Fuck. Holy fucking shit. Fu- oh my fucking god!"I screamed and jumped up.  
"What? Frank are you fucking listening to me?"Gerard grumbled.  
"There- what happened to Deans place? All his stuff?"I rounded on Gerard and ignored his confusion.  
"What? I dont fucking know I think some of it was taken in as evidence but most of was set to be auctioned off."Gerard sat up and started doing his shirt up,"Frank whats gotten into you?"  
"Fuck- my dream. I- there was a camera."I started pacing.

"What?"Gerard stood up and grabbed me by the shoulders, making me look at him.  
"There was a fucking camera. And it was on. Jesus. You guys were probably filmed fighting and- shit!"I smacked my hand against my head and grabbed my t-shirt from the floor. I shoved it on and pulled Gerard's hoodie over top as well.  
"Frank you said this was a dream right? What happened in the dream?"Gerard pulled me back from the door.

"Uh yeah I um. It was right after you had shot him and then I turned the light on and saw a- um a toolbox. The camera next to it with a flashing red light and a broom then I saw you guys with Dean dead and Lily- Claire came down and Lily was already untied."I clenched my eyes shut as the confusing dream swamped my mind,"And then Dean was alive and- he grabbed Claire and then you all started laughing at me then I woke up."I muttered as I realised he thought I was insane.

"Frank thats-"  
"I know its stupid, I'm stupid. I'm sorry I'll just- lets just go downstairs."I turned away from him and went outside. He was hot on my heels, tring to grab me but I managed to dodge him as I rushed downstairs.  
"No Frankie please wait!"Gerard shouted after me. I ignored him and locked myself in the bathroom on the next floor. I sat down on the edge of the bath and started to take some deep breaths.

"Frank come on please! Let me talk to you!"Gerard called through the door. I shook my head even though he couldnt see me. He didnt believe me. He thought I was stupid. He didnt understand. I sighed and stared at my hands. My nails were ragged from biting and picking at them. I knew I was being stupid and immature by hiding from him in here but I just didnt want to face him.  
"Gerard please just leave me alone."I sighed and stood up. I opened the door to his startled face and raised hand.

"Frankie please. I dont think you're stupid. Or that its stupid. I just think that you shouldnt put so much faith in something you saw in a dream. Even if that camera did record everything, it will have filmed me shooting him. Thats not gonna change. I stil shot him. I still have 5 months left. It's gonna be fine."Gerard pulled me into a hug. I just stood there. Stiff as a brick. I took a deep breath of Gerard in and pushed him away.

"The fact is, you dont believe me. You were too busy freaking out to see anything. Lily was tied on the floor. I was the one who turned on the light. I was the one who had the dream about it. If it was just a dream then why cant I leave it alone?"I glared at him. He just stared at me the same way he had earlier. I pushed that thought away and pushed past him.

"Frank come on. This is probably the one chance I'll get to actually leave that place and you wanna leave it like this?"Gerard followed me down the stairs. Thankfully everyone was downstairs. I think a few people were in their rooms but everyone we knew was downstairs.  
"Yes Gerard. I'm gonna leave it like this."I stopped on the step below him and looked up at him, exaggerating just how much shorter I was compared to him,"Because you said you would try to understand but you didnt. You barely gave it a second thought."I turned around and continued downstairs.

"Hey guys. You look... flushed."Mikey giggled as we marched into the lounge where they all were.  
"Yeah well."I grinned and went to sit down next to Lily, not giving Gerard another glance. Claire climbed onto the empty seat next to me, forcing Gerard to sit a few seats away from me.  
"Gerard are you okay?"Bob asked as Gerard sighed quietly.  
"Yeah I'm just a little sad to have to go back."He lied. I could feel his stare on me but I refused to look away from Claires face. She was silently playing with my lip ring.

"Well we better get you back. Sorry. Its close to 6."Bob sighed and got up.  
"Okay then."Gerard sighed again and got up. I picked Claire up, kissed her on the cheek, and placed her on Lily's lap.  
"Be back soon okay kiddo?"I smiled as she waved at everyone.

"Gerard when will you come back?"Claire asked as she watched us all start walking out.  
"Not for a long time sorry."Gerard coughed out.  
"Where are you going?"  
"Um. England. To meet the queen."Gerard smiled and came over to hug her. I couldnt move away without showing how mad I was at Gerard to everyone.  
"Wow! Tell her I wanna be a princess of rock!"Claire giggled as Gerard put her back down.

Gerard hugged Lily as well then before I could stop him he grabbed my hand and tugged me out after the guys. I couldnt help but feel that little bit safer that I usually do with Gerard's hand in mine.  
"Ready to go?"Bob asked as we all got in the car. Gerard took one look up at the house before nodding and getting in the front seat. I followed in and sat down on his lap. He did the seatbelt up over us and wrapped his arms around me. I closed my eyes as Bob pulled away from the house.

-time lapse-

"I'm not finished with you."Gerard whispered so quietly in my ear as we hugged, his breath tickling the side of my neck.  
"Well I'm finished with you."I whispered back. I could feel the tinge of guilt and the wave of regret hit me the moment Gerard pulled away and looked me in the eyes.  
"You dont mean that."He whispered, louder than before.  
I nodded and turned away from him,"I do. I dont wanna wait. I'm sorry."It was like everything was doing whatever the fuck it wanted without my permission.  
"Frankie please! Come back!"Gerard called as I left him inside the visiting room to join the guys who had just left the room.

The pain in Gerard's voice made the tears spill out and cascade down my cheeks.  
"Hey Frank. It'll be okay. You know that."Mikey put his arm around me, taking my tears as sadness for saying goodbye to Gerard. I had no fucking idea why I had just done that to Gerard. I knew I was over reacting, majorly, but I just couldnt stop myself. And I couldnt make myself turn around and go back to him. No matter how much I wanted to go back and tell him I didnt mean it and that I still loved him but my feet wouldnt work like that. Next thing I knew we were in the car and driving off. It was too late.


	37. So Wrong It's Right

"Frank are you okay?"Lily peered at me over her book.  
"Fine."I muttered and turned the page of mine. It was currently boxing day and I felt like shit. I was so embarrassed and ashamed by what I had done to Gerard I hadnt even told Lily. I had told no one. Barely spoken to anyone in fact.

"Frank its boxing day. Claire is gonna wake up soon and is probably gonna want to play in the last of the snow. You're gonna have to cheer up at some point."Lily sighed. I glanced at her before continuing reading. She sighed again heavily and went back to her book. I wanted to tell her, I really did, but it was like I wasn't in control of anything anymore.

Lily and I looked up at each other as two quiet knocks sounded on the door. I stared at her for a second before going back to my book.  
"For fucks sake."Lily grumbled as she got up from her bed and went to answer the door. I kept staring at the centre of my book, knowing fully well it was for me when Lily cleared her throat.  
"Frank? Can I talk to you?"

I looked at the door to see Ryan standing there awkwardly, his long brown hair covering most of his face. He looked so sad, like he had been crying. I nodded and stood up. Once I got closer I could see the telltale signs that he had in fact been crying.  
"See you later Lily."I mumbled as I followed Ryan outside.

"Whats up?"I asked casually then winced at how stupid I sounded,"Sorry. You okay?"I opted for that one.  
"Its okay."He snorted, smiling at me for a second, before his face fell again and he turned away from me.  
"Ryan whats wrong?"I took a step closer to him. He turned and opened his mouth before Brendon called for him on the floor below. I went to yell that we were up here but Ryan slapped his hand across my mouth and dragged me into the bathroom.

Before I knew what was happening, he had locked the door and was listening intently.  
"Ryan whats happened between you two?"I sighed and sat down on the toilet seat.  
"Hold on. Wait til he's gone."Ryan whispered. I nodded and sat there in silence as Brendon padded about outside. He went into my room then came and knocked on the bathroom door.

"Frank are you in there?"  
"Uh yeah I'm just about to um. Take a shower."I called as Ryan urged me to lie.  
"Have you seen Ry?"  
"Uh he came by like a minute ago but because I was about to have a shower he left."  
"Oh. Okay. Thanks."Brendon sighed through the door. A few seconds later his footsteps disappeared and I rounded on Ryan for an explanation.

"Yesterday Brendon and I had a fight because I- but um yeah I went home and then he called me earlier to come over so I did and immediately he started bitching at me and I just- wanted to get away from him for a little bit so I thought I would come talk to you."Ryan wasnt looking at me. He was staring at his hands.  
"What did you guys fight about?"I asked quietly.  
"Just something I told him..."Ryan mumbled so quietly I barely heard him.

"Well what did you tell him?"I sighed. He wasnt telling me something.  
"I- Just that I thought I had feelings for someone else and he went completely ballistic. I tried telling him it didnt mean anything and that I still loved him but he wouldnt listen. And now he is just really angry at me and I dont know what to do because I really hurt him and wish I had never told him in the first place."Ryan said it all in a rush.

I stared at him for a second. Oh god. He- I-  
"Fuck."I breathed.  
"Y-You feel it too?"Ryan whispered, looking at me through his hair. I slowly nodded, closing my eyes in anguish. I had tried so hard to ignore it. Done my very best to squash it down and out of my life but no matter I had done the attraction was still there and now that Ryan had spoken about it they were jumping out at me, yelling at me to do something about it.

"Well I dont know what to do about it."Ryan sighed,"I mean, I still love Brendon to death but... We havent been very good lately. And like... I think... Its not something I would act on but- I just dont know what I should fucking do..."  
"I love Gerard. This... Whatever it is... Its nothing. We need to ignore it. I dont want to ruin what I have with Gerard."Even though I already had.  
"I- I know. I completely understand. I want to try and explain to Brendon but I- he just wont listen you know? He wont even let me try and understand."Rya n groaned and rested his head in his hands.

"I know what you mean. Gerard is like that too."I sighed before I could stop myself.  
"So you and Gerard aren't okay?"  
"Well yeah but... No. I sort of... Broke... Up with him. Over a stupid stupid reason because I'm such a stupid fucking drama queen and all I want to do is go see him and tell him I'm sorry and that I still love him but I just cant bring myself to do it I dont know why its just fucking stupid just like me."I did my best to hold in the tears but of course they started trailing their way down my cheeks and then Ryan was in front of me, wiping them away with his soft thumb.

This was bad. This was very very bad. I wanted to push him away. To shove him out the door and to never see him again. To shower and wash his strong smell off. But instead I was watching him wipe the last tear off of my face, his palm was now stroking my face and I couldnt stop myself from leaning into him, closing my eyes as I slowly stood up to face him properly. Every ounce of my heart was screaming at me to walk away but right now the rest of me wasnt listening.

"Ryan I..."I had no idea what I even wanted to say. But it didnt matter because then he was kissing me. And I was kissing him back. And then I was gone in the kiss. His lips were different to Gerard's. Smoother. They had a different taste. He tasted like strawberries. As wrong as this was... It felt so right. Ryan's hands were gripping my face but now they were moving through my hair. Travelling down my back. I grabbed at his hips and on instinct pulled him closer to me. He moaned as our crotches grazed and immediately my mouth opened of its own accord. His tongue slowly crept into my mouth, exploring it tentatively.

Ryans hands started moving up underneath my t-shirt. His fingers were a little cold and made me shiver against him. I gasped into his mouth as he dragged his nail lightly down my back. Suddenly everything sped up. Ryan was tugging my t-shirt off, I was pushing off his jacket, and he was running his hands all over my chest. I felt my pants tighten as Ryan moved his mouth onto my collarbone.

I gripped helplessly at his back as he slid down onto his knees and started unbuckling my jeans. I tangled my fingers through his messy hair as my dick sprung into view, already fully hard and slick.  
"Fuck."Ryan let out a breath as he grabbed my hips and moved me around to shove me against the wall. And then his mouth was around the head of my dick. I shouted out and bucked my hips forward as his hand gripped the base of my dick and he slowly started taking me in. Ryan makes a noise that travels down my dick and through the rest of my body.

I pulled one hand away from his hair and bit down on it, trying to hold in the bitch moans that Ryan was pulling out of me as he moved his head up and down up and down. The sounds Ryan was making from my dick sliding through his wet lips were obscene, ratcheting me up even higher. I groaned quietly around my hand as the pit of my stomach warmed up and then before I could even warn Ryan I was coming right in his mouth.

"Oh fuck oh shit."I gasped as Ryan pulled off. My fucking come was dripping down his mouth. Right before it dripped onto his thigh he swiped it away with his finger and licked it clean. Neither of us said anything as he slowly stood up and kissed me lightly on the lips. Before he pulled away I grabbed his shoulders and held him in place. He moaned into my mouth as I grabbed at his belt buckle and struggled to get it undone. Ryan broke away and looked down to help me. The second it was all undone we both yanked his jeans down, me following them down to the floor.  
"Fuck Frank."Ryan whispered as I started jerking him off, pre come leaking out, making it easier for my hand to slide.

The first taste of his dick made me moan so loud. I started sucking, moving my head forwards and backwards. My shoulders started hurting and for a second I couldnt figure out why. Then I opened my eyes and realised that Ryan had me in a vice grip, like he cant even stand without help. I couldnt stop myself from moaning louder and squeezing Ryans hip hard, digging my nails in partly.

I hollowed out my cheeks and took in as much as I could, relishing the taste of him. Ryan groaned and his hips jutted forward. I pushed on hips and moaned from the pleasure of his taste. It was so fucking good. He squeezed my shoulders so I quickly moved away from him, opening my mouth to taste him even more  
"Oh jesus god fuck Frankie."Ryan shouted out as he came over my face. I kept jerking him off, riding out his orgasm, not stopping until he giggled cutely and pulled me up.

"Shit."I sighed as he rested his forehead against mine.  
"I know. This is bad."He breathed, tickling my face and almost making me kiss him again. We stared at each other as we buckled our pants up properly.  
"This didnt happen okay?"I finally managed to push him away from me. He nodded and took a huge step away from me. I licked my lips before walking out of the bathroom.

I slowly walked back into my room to find it empty. I sighed and flopped down on my bed. What had I done?


	38. Innocent

"Frank I still dont understand why the fuck we are here."Lily complained furiously as we walked through the house. I felt bad for dragging her along but I just wanted to prove Gerard wrong. I was desperate to get him back after what I had done. I had refused to think about it at all. I had only seen Ryan once afterwards and that was at dinner. The most awkward dinner ever. It was three days after boxing day and all of Deans stuff was being auctioned off now. Including the house so it was completely open for people to look through. I ignored her and went straight through to the back yard where a podium had been set up and they were currently auctioning off a bed.

"Just- bare with me."I sighed as I moved towards the doors going into the basement. I was hoping to god that they hadn't emptied it out.  
"Can I help you?"A stern voice said behind us. I spun around to find one of the auctioner people staring down at us coldly.  
"Nope. We're good."I smiled,"Our parents are determined to buy this house no matter what the price so I'm just looking at the basement to see if its any good to be a bedroom. But if it isnt I will be telling them and we will end up getting a better one. So. Yeah."I felt Lily tense up behind me as the guy looked at us weirdly.

"Oh. Well. Um. Continue on then."He stuttered as he believed our story, scared of losing a customer.  
"Was planning on it."I smiled and turned around, grabbing Lily's hand to tug her down the now open doors. Because it was day time it was lit up a heck of a lot more. The sky was completely clear and most of the snow had melted from the warm sun beating down on our backs as we went down the steps slowly.

"Yes!"I couldnt help shouting as I took in the furniture. I jumped as the guy stepped in ahead of me, blocking my view of the one spot I wanted to see.  
"Is it to your liking sir?"  
"Um. Very. I just need to um. Judge it. For space."I tried to move around him but he wouldnt budge.  
"Right well over here,"He grabbed my shoulder and pointed to the corner to the left of the stairs,"Is where we are planning on installing a power supply before the new owners, well in this case before your parents, move in. Lily grabbed squeezed my hand next to me.

"What is it?"I hissed as the guy stopped me from turning on, rambling about putting down carpet as well.  
"Blood."She whispered back. I yanked my arm out of his hand and turned around to look at where Lily was pointing.  
"Shit."I breathed.  
"Uh. We're getting cleaners in to clean that and then we're putting the carpet down."The guy jumped in front of me sheepishly. He hadnt wanted me to see it.

"Thats awesome."I faked a grin and bent down to look more closely at it. I kept my head bent as my hair fell in front of my eyes. The guy visibly relaxed and moved away to start talking about whatever else this place had to offer. I looked up and scanned the shelves. The top one was empty. The next one had a bunch of boxes on. But the next one.  
"Oh my fucking god."I fell back onto my arse as the feeling of smugness, satisfaction, guilt and fear washed over me in a rush.

"Frank are you okay?"Lily fell down next to me as the guy crouched down next to me as well. I couldnt grab the camera without him saying I needed to pay for it when it was auctioned off.  
"Yeah I just um."I cleared my throat and started to stand up again, forcing an air of normality into the room,"I just remembered what happened in this house. Pretty creepy but perfect for my um. School project. Hey, can you go find my parents? They're buying most of the furniture here so they'll be out on the lawn. Just tell them that um. Jack is looking for them."  
"Um. Okay."The guy looked pissed that I had ordered him about but knew he could piss off his 'best customer's kid' so he nodded and left Lily and I alone in the room.

"Okay Frank what the fuck is going on?"Lily growled as soon as the guy was out of earshot. I whirled around and rushed towards it.  
"This."I grinned as I snatched the camera away from the shelf and pressed the on button. It started to turn on but then of course it died.  
"Oh my god... You were right..."Lily breathed. I rounded on her suspiciously as she blushed and turned away from me,"Come on. Lets get out of here before that guy comes back."

I followed her slowly. Half of me was excited at looking at the footage, if there was any, but the other half was wondering how much Lily knew. I was about to confront her when I found her in the kitchen staring down at the faintest mark on the kitchen floor.  
"Lily-"  
"Leave it Frank."She said coldly. She looked up at me as I came round to face her,"Lets just get back home then we'll talk."  
I nodded and followed her out of the horrible house and back home.

-time lapse-

"When we were in the house... What did you-"  
"Before you start questioning me let me explain something. Gerard called me. He called me the day after boxing day to tell me what had happened. He is a wreck. And I dont know why you did it. You completely over reacted. Like, majorly."Lily stared down at me disapporvingly, making me shrink down. I hated it when she was like this. She made me feel like a fuckwit. It was even worse because of what happened in the bathroom. Fuck, dont think about it Frank.

"Lily please understand tha-"  
"No Frank you need to understand. Did you hear the words 'I think thats stupid just like you' come out of his mouth?"Lily drummed her fingers on her book loudly.  
"Well no but I-"  
"And did you ever hear him say 'I dont think its stupid. I dont think you're stupid' at all?"Lily arched an eyebrow and made me literally shit myself.  
"Yes."I muttered.

"AND!"Lily stood up from the bed and towered over me even more,"Did you also hear him say a VERY rational thing like, not putting a lot of faith into something you saw in a dream?"  
"Yes."  
"I rest my case."Lily plonked herself down on her own bed,"Call him. Tell him you're sorry. Tell him about the camera."  
"Okay."I slowly got up from my bed and grabbed the camera to take it down to Steven. He said he had found the thing that charges it. He has the same camera so he has the same charger.

"Hey Frank. I found it."Steven held up a cord to me so I thanked him, took it and ran. I ran all the way upstairs and burst back into my room. I ignored Lily's look of annoyance and jammed the plug into the socket on the wall. I fumbled to plug the other end into the camera but as soon as it was done the camera lit up and beeped on.

"Lily how do I look at footage."I asked frantically. Lily was by my side immediately, grabbing at the camera. I wordlessly handed it over to her and watched as she stared at it for a few seconds before pressing a button to bring up a selection of videos. We stared at them all. Lily scrolled through to the last one. Where we could see the basement.

"Frank I dont want to watch it."Lily dropped it into my lap and slid away on her bum.  
"Why?"  
"Because. I just dont. I'm going to the bathroom. I dont know how long it will go on for but... I dont want to see it."Lily looked away from me and got up.  
"Lily..."I put the camera down and went over to her. She ignored me and pretended to read.

"Lily come on. Look at me."I sighed and sat down next to her. Her hair was covering her face but I saw a tear drop onto her book. I sighed again as I put my arm around her and held her tightly. She threw her book aside and started sobbing on my shoulder.  
"I'm sorry Frank I just... The- the things... He did to me a-a-and Claire."Lily cried.  
"Shh shh I know."I whispered and stroked her hair. At that moment Claire woke up and didnt say anything. She just looked at Lily and came over from my bed and started cuddling Lily on the other side.

We stayed like that for a long time before I realised she had fallen asleep. I kissed her lightly on the forehead before easing myself out from underneath her. I tiptoed back over to the camera and unplugged it.  
"Stay with Lily okay Claire? I'm just going to the bathroom."I whispered and she nodded.I left Lily to Claire before going into the bathroom to watch the video on there. It took me a few seconds to get it going but once it was I stilled on the edge of the bath as I watched.

"Now Lily. Running away was a very bad thing for you to do."Dean said as he adjusted the camera. He backed away and checked that it was right. It was dead on. Aimed right at Lily's back. She was already tied and gagged. He seemed satisfied that it was right and moved over to Lily.  
"I'm going to have to punish you, you know."Dean trailed a finger across her shoulders and over the back of her neck. I could just see her cringe away from him. The nightvision wasnt the best. But it was enough to make out what was happening.

"You're so pretty."Dean started trailing his fingers through her hair. Already I was fucking mad. I wanted to rip his guts out. I watched as Dean slowly started untying her gag.  
"Get your fucking hands off of me!"Lily screamed the second it was away. Dean slapped her, the noise seemed to echo through the tinny speakers and around bathroom.  
"Tut tut Lily. Where are your manners? No cussing in this house."Dean snarled down at her. I took a breath in as he leaned down and started kissing her. She was pulling away as much as she could but her being tied up wasnt helping her at all.

Dean pulled away and grabbed her hair, yanking her head back to expose her neck. Lily was whimpering as he started licking her neck. I closed my eyes as Lily started screaming. He was fucking biting her. I opened my eyes and started looking at all the buttons. Wanting to fast forward through it all. I spotted the button with the arrows and pressed it as fast as I could.

I watched closely as Dean sped around Lily, touching her in the worst ways. Then I saw him stop and look up. He growled and backed away into a corner. Then Gerard and I came down the steps. The light on us disappeared as I pressed play again.

"Frank stay."Lily cried out. Dean had her hair in his hands with a gun against her head. I pressed the fast forward button again and waited til Gerard had come forward and attacked Dean. I pressed play and watched closely. I had a clear view of everything that was happening. Dean was grinning. Gerard was crying, aiming the gun at Deans face, unable to shoot him as Dean strangled him. And then Dean was taking one hand from Gerards neck and was trying to take the gun. I fell backwards into the bath as I watched Dean squeeze Gerard's hand around the trigger. I dropped the camera and stared at nothing.

"Fuck."I gasped. I didnt understand. Why would Dean have done that? Why didnt Gerard say thats what happened?  
"Frank?"Lily asked through the door.  
"Uh I'll just be a second."I said as I stumbled onto my feet. I looked around the room,"Where the hell is the camera."I muttered and spotted it in the bathtub.  
"Okay..."

I opened the door and tried smiling at her but failed. It probably ended up looking like a manic grimace.  
"You okay?"Lily's tear stained face was now covered in worry.  
"No. I- Gerard is innocent."I fell forwards and blacked out.


	39. A Hazelnut Latte

"The trial is to be held in a week, on the 7th of January, commencing at 12pm. In other news a woman has be-"The tv went black and Lily clapped a little.  
"Dont get too excited. It might not be enough."Steven warned her but he was smiling as well. It had taken just two days for Steven to take the footage to the right people. Now in a week we had a trial to go to so they could determine if it was 'real footage' or some stupid shit.

"Steven you know he is gonna get out. I mean, you saw Dean, like, you actually see Dean grin and squeeze the trigger on himself. He was a complete nutter."Lily grinned and squeezed my hand. I had tried calling Gerard and had tried to visit him but he had refused to speak to me. I felt horrible.  
"Yeah I know."Steven smiled and left Lily and I alone in the lounge.

"Frank you know he is gonna forgive you right?"Lily said quietly. I nodded and faked a smile at her. She didnt know everything. Shebouth it, smiled back and got up,"I'm gonna go grab some dinner with the others okay?"Lily left me alone on the couch. I stared at the black screen before standing up and going upstairs. I needed to get out of here. I shoved on my jacket and shoes before jogging downstairs.

As I passed the dining room I called in,"I'll be back tonight Lily okay?"  
"Oh okay! Dont be too long!"Lily called. I nodded even though she couldnt see me and left the house. The cool air hit my face and immediately made me shiver. I wrapped my jacket around me tigher and ignored it.

-time lapse-

"Hey Frank."Di waved at me from the counter. I waved and walked over to her.  
"Hey. Can I get a-"  
"Hazelnut latte?"She grinned. I smiled and nodded.  
"Hey I was wondering... Are there any jobs here?"I asked casually. I had been thinking about it a little bit lately. I wanted my own money.

"Um. I dont actually know. It would be nice if I didnt have to work here so often. And you would be perfect. Here, I'll show you how to make a hazelnut latte."She gestured for me to come around her side of the counter so I did.  
"Are you sure?"I asked as she gave me a bottle of hazelnut syrup and a shot glass.  
"Yeah. Put 30ml into the cup. Yup."She smiled as I awkwardly did as she said.

"Okay so this is a head. And usually with lattes you have the large size which is a double shot."Diane explained as she started putting coffee into the weird contraption. She rambled on about the shots and the milk temperatures but I stopped paying attention when I noticed someone staring at me awkwardly through his hair.  
"Uh sorry Di I actually need to um go. Um. Thanks for the- teaching thing uh-"  
"Frank no dont go. I wanted to talk to you."She said sadly as she put the lid on my coffee. I glanced over at Ryan to see him talking to- fuck. Brendon. And Spencer and Jon. Fabulous. I had to stay now.

"Okay but uh can we go out back?"I asked hopefully.  
"Cant. Gotta serve. I do actually have to work you know."She smiled as she went over to a table close to the guys. So far Ryan was the only one who had noticed me. Jon was writing something down and Brendon and Spencer were deep in conversation. Ryan was free to catch my eye and motion towards the bathroom. I shook my head and sat down opposite Di.

"So like. Gerard called me. And. He wants to see you. He said he tried calling Lily but he couldnt get a hold of him. So he called me. I dunno why he didnt call Mikey but whatever. Whats going on between you two then?"She smiled as I took a sip of the coffee and sighed in relief. When had I become so hooked on the stuff?  
"Nothing I just- um havent had the time to go see him. Or uh talk to him I guess."I muttered as I tried to ignore Ryan. I watched out of the corner of my eye, not paying attention to Di talking about making coffee, as he walked into the bathroom.

"So you always make sure that you clean the steam wand straight after cause otherwise the milk dries and its a fucking bitch to get off."Di smiled.  
"Clean steam wand. Got it. I'll just be two tics, I need to pee."I smiled at her as I got up and followed Ryan.

"Dude what the hell are you doing here?"Ryan whispered at me furiously as soon as I walked in.  
"I came to get out of the house and to get a coffee. No need to ask what you're doing here."I glared at him and leaned against the wall of the bathroom. He sat down on the counter next to the sink.

"This isnt working."He sighed.  
"What isnt working?"  
"Fucking this. I cant stop thinking about you Frank. Its extremely bad. I know I dont have actual feelings for you like- dont take that personally fuck, I just mean like- I'm completely in lust with you? If that makes sense?"He scratched at his nose then flicked his hair our of his eyes. I looked away as my stomach swooped down and hit my crotch. Something about Ryan just turned me on.

"I know exactly what you're talking about."I said, my voice sounding hollow and sad,"I was doing okay. Until I saw you today."I grumbled.  
"Lucky for some."He muttered.  
"What do you mean?"  
"Well I know it sucks but you've had all this shit going on to distract you. All I have is the thing with the band and that isnt enough because all the time I catch Brendon giving me looks. He is still upset with me. Even though I explained ot him what it was."Ryan voice was shaky. I wanted to hug him. Badly. Having his arms around me was nice. But I knew what would happen if I did.

"Please dont think I'm being a douche. Cause I'm not. But if I'm here anymore there will be a repeat of the other day and I cant have that. I feel terrible."I croaked. I glanced around the bathroom and sighed.  
"I- I know..."Ryan sighed and got down. I took a deep breath and walked up to him.  
"We need to talk about what to do at a better time. School starts again soon so we can talk then. For now I think we just need to stay apart."I whispered. I glanced behind me before leaning up and kissing him quickly on the lips. Before he could do or say anything I left him alone in the bathroom.

"Hey Frankie! Whats up?!"Brendon spotted me as I walked out. I smiled over at him and waved.  
"Hey Brendon. Spencer. Jon."I grinned and sat down next to Di again.  
"What took you so long?"She smiled. There was another coffee steaming in front of me.  
"I got distracted talking to Ryan."I smiled as I took a sip of the coffee.

"Right well I cant stay and chat anymore. Gotta do some more work."She smiled. I nodded as she stood up and went back over to the counter. I sat there awkwardly wondering how I could get up and leave when Ryan sat down in front of me.  
"I know what you said. I just want to say one thing."He stared at me seriously.  
"What?"I asked rudely.

"I just... I dont know... Nevermind. Leave it til school."Ryan groaned and covered his face with his hand. He peered at me through his fingers, some of his hair dangling in front. I had to fight to push it away. I nodded pointlessly and waited for him to leave. He didnt.  
"Ryan! We need you."Brendon called. We both looked over at them. They were all looking at us.  
"Coming!"Ryan called and took his hands away from his face,"I'll see you Frank."He sighed and got up. I watched him go and sighed. I had thought that boxing day would be the only one but now I could tell there were going to be a few more mistakes before we actually got around to sorting this out.


	40. 11 Days

"Just fuck off okay?!"I shouted. Lily flinched but didnt back away. Instead she moved closer. Glaring down at me angrily.  
"Frank. What happened? Did you call Gerard? Did you even bother to see him?"She growled. I looked away and tried to sidestep her. She had me almost backed into the corner and I did not want to be trapped there so she could yell at me for being moody. It was two days before the trial and I was fucking nervous and scared and I just had so much fucking guilt.

"No. I havent spoken to him since christmas day."I sighed as she followed me about the room, not lettng me get away from her.  
"Well why the fuck not?"  
"I-"Gave another guy a blowjob and had one from him. I suck. He wont want to see me. I'm too stupid. I cant face him without fainting from the fucking guilt. I had fainted again the other day when Brendon had been talking to me about how weird Ryan had been lately, telling me every detail of what Ryan had said. He hadnt said anything about me but Brendon knew he had feelings for someone. It was only a matter of time before Brendon figured it out.

"You what? Frank fucking talk to me! Please."Lily sat down on her bed and watched me pace about the room. I just had to tell her. She will know what to do. She always does. She'll help me. Just fucking tell her you stupid fucking coward. I grabbed my hair and tugged at it with a frustrated groan.  
"I'm a coward okay! I- I ch-cheated."I broke down. I fell onto my bed and just stared at the ceiling as Lily was silent for all of about two seconds.

"You fucking what?!"She screeched and was suddenly looming over me. I couldnt even tell what she was thinking right now. I didnt need to because suddenly she was yelling at me about how bad it was and how stupid I was and who was it? and when and where and why.  
"Lily please stop yelling. I know it was the stupidest thing I could ever do but I-"I started to cry. Fan-fucking-tastic.  
"Dont you say you love the guy dont you dare!"  
"No I dont love him I just- I dont know what it is about him I just cant help myself."I sobbed, my tears leaking down the sides of my face and soaking into my hair.

"Who was it?"Lily asked quietly. The bed sagged slightly to my left as she sat down next to me.  
"R-Ryan."I whispered. Lily didnt say anything. Instead she got up and left. I groaned and rolled onto my stomach as the door slammed and I heard her stomp downstairs. I was such a fucking bastard. No matter how much of a bastard I was I still needed food. So I got up and followed Lily downstairs to the dining room for lunch.

-time lapse-

"I'm not hungry anymore."Lily shoved her plate back and stood up from the table. She hadnt said a word to me. Not one. Just staring angrily at me from across the table. And of course Ryan was fucking here. With Jon and Spencer. And they were all sitting down the end, talking about their new band and what they should be called and the song Ryan had wrote for Brendon. It was enough to make me go back upstairs but I hadnt been eating properly since Ryan and I... so I needed to eat.

Lily stalked off with her plate into the kitchen, dumping it loudly on the bench, and went upstairs.  
"Geez. Somethings got her ticked off."Brendon laughed. He was two seats away from me. I looked at him and saw that he was smiling at me. I tried to smile back but it didnt turn out right.  
"Yeah I better go talk to her."I sighed and put down my fork.  
"Frank can I-"  
"I'll see you guys later."I waved over my shoulder. I did not want to talk to Ryan. It was awkward enough without him trying to talk to me.

"Lily please tell me what you think I should do."I sighed once I was inside my room. She was sitting on her bed, book in her hands but it wasnt open. She was just staring at the cover.  
"What happened? Tell me everything. And I mean, everything."Lily turned to face me and gave me the scariest look I had ever seen from her, proving just how angry and serious she was about this all. I slowly sat down on my bed and stared at my hands, picking my nails.

"I couldnt stop myself. When it seemed like Gerard was going to shut me down I freaked. I lost control of everything. No matter what I did I couldnt stop myself from telling him I was done with him. That I didnt want to wait. When I was saying goodbye on christmas day."I whispered quietly. Recalling that day made me feel sick. I could hear Gerard's voice now, breaking, hurt.  
"And this thing with Ryan... Whats all that about?"

"That. Is nothing. Nothing is happening anymore. For some stupid reason we both felt... something. Not an actual attraction, we both still love Brendon and Gerard but... We just... I dont know why we did it. We both have been having a rough time with our boyfriends and just- went too far... We both said that it was stupid and that it shouldnt have happened but- fuck Lily I cant stop thinking about it. I dont want to keep this to myself I should have told you from the start I'm sorry."

Lily was silent. I looked over at her through my hair to see her deep in thought.  
"You cant tell Gerard."She said finally.  
What? "What?"  
"As much as I hate this... If you tell him. It will kill him."  
"No but Lily-"  
"You didnt hear him on the phone Frank. You need to go see him. Now. Tell him you love him. You do love him dont you?"  
"Of course I fucking do. I just have been going through a tough time. Needed a distraction."I mumbled.  
"Come on. Are you ready to go?"Lily was getting up, sticking her jacket on and staring at me.  
"I guess."I got up and put my jacket and shoes on. So we left. To go see Gerard for the first time in 11 days.


	41. Soul Mates

"Gerard I cant breathe."I choked out. He smelt so good. He felt so good. He was so good.  
"Sorry Frankie but I'm never letting you go. Ever."He whispered into my hair. I smiled and held him even tighter, closing my eyes to enjoy the feel of him. The moment I had seen him walk through the doors into the visiting room I knew that Gerard was meant for me. And I was meant for Gerard. Hell the way he had just rushed at me and tackled me into this hug was enough to tell me he wouldnt care about my over reacting.

"You dont have to be sorry Gerard."I said quietly so only he could hear it.  
"No I do. I didnt say the right things. Its no surprise you acted the way you did."Gerard finally loosened his grip on me but he didnt let me go fully just enough to let me look at his gorgeous gorgeous face.  
"No Gerard. I should have known that you wouldnt think I was stupid. You were the smart one who said I shouldnt put so much faith in a dream."  
"Yeah but I was wrong wasnt I?"Gerard smiled as we sat down at the table Lily was waiting at.

"I know. I cant believe you're actually going to get out of here 5 fucking months early."I grinned.  
"Mmm."Gerard smiled and looked away.  
"Gerard why didnt you say that Dean was the one who pretty much pulled the trigger on himself?"I asked quietly.  
"I'm just gonna go to the bathroom."Lily muttered and got up to leave.

Gerard waited til Lily had gone back into the reception area before he looked at me seriously,"I didnt know. No one would have believed me anyway. I couldnt tell if he had done it or if I had freaked out and squeezed when he tried to take the gun. I was scared that I had been the one to do it."Gerard turned away from me. My heart just melted. I had missed him so fucking much.

"Well none of that matters now. Because they're all going to see that tape and apparently they're getting a phsychiatrist in or something to try and judge what it was that was wrong with him or something."I smiled. Gerard looked like he was trying to be happy but it wasnt working,"Hey. Gerard. Look at me."  
"Sorry."He whisered.  
"Dont be. Its gonna be okay Gerard. You'll see."I smiled at him.

-time lapse-

"I wish I had talked to him sooner."I muttered. The lights were out and it was damn near three in the morning. We had been talking about everything. Like we used to in the mace. It had been so long since we had stayed up like this.  
"Dont think about it. You've talked to him now and he is gonna be out in two days and its all going to be fine."Lily said into the darkness. I smiled and turned onto my side, facing the wall. Everything was going to be okay. Except it wasnt. I had still done what I did with Ryan. And no matter what I did. That was never going to go away.


	42. I Just Can't Decide

"Not guilty."The judge cracked a smile as everyone cheered. Literally everyone. Even part of the jury were clapping. They were the ones from the last trial. The one that put Gerard in juvie. Gerard was turning around in his seat to grin at me and suddenly all the guys were here, cheering and Mikey was hugging Gerard.  
"Celebration at The Magic Bean tonight!"Bob boomed over us all. We all cheered again as Gerard waved to us all and left.

-time lapse-

"So who's picking him up in an hour?"Mikey asked as we all sat around a table in the bean sipping coffee. Gerard had to go through all these processes to leave the stupid place. Sign forms and whatnot. So we were all waiting.  
"Guess thats me."Bob sighed,"I'm the only one with a car."  
"Gerard's car."I mumbled quietly. No one heard me so I shrunk further into my seat.

"When do you think you guys will play again?"Di suddenly appeared at the table.  
"Oh uh. Not sure. I think we should give Gerard a couple of days before he goes up there."Ray piped up. It seemed his hair had grown more but I couldnt tell if that was the case or if it was just... bigger today.  
"Kay well let me know. People are desperate to see you guys play again."She smiled,"Frank I wanna talk to you. Walk with me."

I got up and followed her towards the counter.  
"When do you start school again?"She asked me casually as she started making a coffee. Or two.  
"In 5 days. Why?"  
"Well over those 5 days would you like to start training here? Then you can work on the weekends?"She asked as she pulled shots and poured milk.  
"Sounds fucking awesome."I grinned.  
"Sweet. You start training tomorrow. My boss, Harry, will be here during the day but then at around 3 I come in and take over."She smiled. I nodded and stood there awkwardly as she handed a coffee to a customer.

"Uh who is playing tonight?"I asked her, trying to sound casual but I was certain I sounded needy and nervous.  
"Ahh the list is just over there."She nodded to a piece of paper next to the til. I walked over to it and grabbed it to read:

Asking Alexandria  
Jack, Graham and Tony  
Of Monsters And Men  
Something's Happening At The Disco  
Sarah, Andrew and Nate

"Hey Frank! Get over here!"Bob called out to me. I nodded at him and put the paper back.  
"I think tomorrow Harry is going to train you with all the bands and stuff. I'll be teaching you to make the coffees."Di smiled.  
"Alright uh what time should I be here tomorrow?"  
"I'd say about 12? We dont usually open so early but a few people have been known to wander in here and ask about playing so yeah."She said, staring hard at a jug of milk.  
"Okay well I'll see you later then."I said as Bob shouted at me again.

"I'm coming I'm coming."I laughed as I walked over.  
"Frank you're coming with me to go get Gerard."He smiled and stood up.  
"Is it time already?"I looked around for a clock of some sort but couldnt find one.  
"Yeah. Come on lets go."He grabbed my arm and tugged me out the door. I waved to Lily and the guys over my shoulder.

"Dude I can walk myself."I said as I shook him off.  
"Is Lily seeing anyone? At all?"Bob ignored me and stared at me seriously.  
"Not that I know of. I dont think she even wants someone."I said as we got in the car.  
"Why what do you mean?"Bob was talking really fast.  
"Well... She is a little scarred from what Dean did to her and I think she is just taking a bit of time for herself or something."I muttered as we drove off.  
"Oh... So you dont think I should do anything?"Bob asked sadly.

"Oh by all means try. But I'm just saying, she is most likely going to reject you kindly. Its worth a shot though."I smiled. He nodded and stayed silent for the rest of the drive, deep in thought.

When we arrived I jumped out of the car eagerly. I was desperate to see Gerard. I raced inside and almost knocked him over. He was just about to walk out the door.  
"Frankie hey."He gasped as I wrapped my arms around him straight away.  
"Hey Gee."I whispered as he hugged me back tightly. I looked up at him and smiled, standing on my tiptoes to give him a kiss. His lips were so good.

"Did you come here yourself?"He asked as we walked out, hand in hand.  
"No Bob is here. He drove."I pointed to the car a few feet down the path.  
"Awesome. I'm desperate to drive again."He laughed.

Bob was standing outside the car, leaning on it and waving.  
"Bryar! Gimme my keys bitch!"Gerard shouted as we neared him.  
"Good to see you too douche."Bob laughed as he threw the keys to him.

They hugged each other manly, slapping each other on the back, and got in the car. I climbed into the passenger seat and sighed happily. I might just be able to move on from that stupid mistake. We drove in a comfortable silence back to the Bean. When we got inside people started shouting and clapping and cheering. Yelling about when we were gonna play again, how much they missed Gerard, it was fucking insane.

"Do you think we can play tonight?"Gerard asked quietly once everything had settled down. We were all round a table sipping coffees and just chatting but Gerard had been silent until now.  
"If you want to... Mikey said you might want to wait til like tomorrow night or something but if you're willing to play I'm sure Di can organise it."Ray said.  
"I want to. After all of this, and seeing how much people want us to play tonight, I just feel like I need to. You know?"Gerard sat back and looked at us all.

"Hey Di!"I called over my shoulder,"We're playing tonight!"  
"Awesome! You guys can go last!"She shouted back. A few people sitting at tables close to us gave a cheer and we all laughed.  
"I'm gonna go to the bathroom."I said as I got up. The guys nodded and started talking about school or something. I couldnt hear them once I had stepped a few feet away, it was getting really busy and loud in here.

Once I got in the bathroom, the sound was immediately drowned out. There was one cubicle in use so I went to the one furtherest from the door and did my business.  
"Frank."Ryan was suddenly in my face the second I opened the door.  
"Ryan. Jesus."I stumbled backwards, knocking the door behind me back open. He grabbed my shoulders and pushed me into the cubicle then kicked the door shut behind him.

"Ryan what are you-"My question was cut off by his lips. I started to push him back but he held onto me as he moved backwards so it made it look like I was pushing him up against the door. Maybe I was.  
"Fuck."I breathed into his mouth as Ryan's hips thrust forwards into mine. This was wrong. I had to stop. Gerard and I were back together properly. Were we ever really apart?

"Ryan, no."I mumbled against his lips. He removed his lips from mine and moved them onto my neck and started sucking. Hard. I fought back a moan and said,"Ryan come on. The guys are out there and Gerard is out there and-"  
"Gerard is out?"Ryan looked up at me, his lips slightly pink.  
"Yes. The trial was today and he was found not guilty. And now he is out. And we are fine and together again. So we cant do this anymore."I sighed and licked my lips.  
"...Oh..."  
"Yeah..."


	43. The Truth Never Set Me Free

I looked Ryan in the eyes before pushing away from him. He sighed and looked down at his feet as he moved away from the door so I could leave. I walked back out into the now full stand-in area in front of the stage. I moved around the edge of the room, looking like I was creeping, until I reached the tables. I weaved around them all and sat back down next to Gerard with a huff. He smiled and pulled my chair closer to put his arm around me.

"What took you so long?"Gerard murmered into my ear as I snuggled into his shoulder.  
"Ryan was in there and we were um talking."I mumbled against his jacket. I breathed in deeply and got a full whiff of Gerard. It was perfect. He was perfect. My mistake with Ryan was completely stupid and wrong. And I couldnt keep it from him either. Gerard and I were meant for each other and if we were going to make it work, we had to be honest with each other.

"Hey Gerard..."I said quietly. Already I was nervous and sweating.  
"Mmm?"  
"I need to talk to you... Tonight."I added on the end. I deserved to spend the night in fear and shit.  
"Mmkay."He kissed the top of my head and made me shiver,"You okay?"He asked, as I couldnt stop shaking.  
"Yeah I just- I'm just tired and- stuff."I muttered and buried myself further into his jacket. I wanted to be as close to him as possible, especially if he might be leaving me tonight.

"I dont mind if we go now. We dont have to play tonight?"Gerard whispered, squeezing my shoulders. He was being so kind and... Gerard. I did not deserve him at all. I was a terrible person.  
"Please."I looked up at him and smiled weakly.  
"Jesus Frankie, you're so pale."Gerard looked so worried,"Come on, lets get you to bed."

"Sorry guys."I mumbled as Gerard downed the last of his coffee and grabbed his keys.  
"Di! We arent playing anymore! Frank's not well!"Gerard called over his shoulder as he took my hand and entwined our fingers.  
"Feel better soon Frank."Di smiled sadly at me as we passed the counter.  
"Dont worry, I'll still be here tomorrow."I waved at her as we went through the door.

"So how do you feel, like, what sort of sickness?"Gerard grabbed my face and scanned it.  
"Uh... I- I'm not sure... I just feel like- horrible. Like a terrible person."I muttered the last part under my breath.  
"What? I didnt quite catch that."Gerard let go and pulled me into him.  
"Dont worry. Lets just get home."I sighed. I at least wanted to be home before he raged at me.

-time lapse-

"I love you Frank. Sleep tight."Gerard whispered in the dark and kissed . I clamped my eyes shut to get rid of the tear which was a big mistake because it slowly slid down the side of my face and dropped onto Gerards arm which was acting as my pillow.  
"What was- are you crying Frank?"Gerard sat up slightly and dabbed at the small teardrop on his arm. I took a deep breath and tried to get a hole of myself.  
"No."I said, trying to sound normal but slightly sleepy. Instead my voice wavered then I burst into tears. Fuck.

"Frank what's wrong?"Gerard said urgently and sat up properly. I inched away from him slowly until I was on the very edge of the bed. In the end I tumbled out and onto my feet.  
"I'm sorry Gerard."I sniffed as he sat on the edge of the bed.  
"Frank, you're really scaring me. Whats wrong?"He asked quietly. He sounded close to fucking tears. He would be crying soon. I was such a bastard.

"Gerard you have to let me explain everything before you say anything okay. I just- I didnt mean for it to happen..."I trailed off and looked away at the wall. The moon was just starting to come out from behind a cloud and was slowly illuminating Gerard, his hair shining brilliantly for someone who just got out of juvie.  
"Frankie..."  
"Gerard please."I squeezed my eyes shut and counted to five.

"Okay. So. Um. I'm not sure when it started really... I think it was a few days after you went to juvie... The day they played for me. Ryan and Brendon. They sung this song Ryan wrote to me but I think thats when I..."  
"When you what?"  
"Started getting feelings for Ryan."I let out a breath. I didn't know I had been holding it until then.  
"Oh... Is that why you... Why you l-left me?"Gerard's voice was shaking so fucking much and I could tell just how much he was trying not to let it all out.

"N-No. That day was really hard for me because I- I just- It wasn't me. I couldnt control myself it was weird, like, when I said I didn't want to wait all I wanted to do was go back and hug you and tell you that I love you and that I would wait a thousand years if it meant I could be with you. But I didnt. And then next thing I knew I was back home and it was too late."I mumbled. Gerard had barely moved. I couldn't see his face so I didn't know if he was crying yet.

"Go on."He croaked. Okay he was crying. My whole body ached with the need to go and hold him close, to comfort him, make him feel better. But it wouldnt work. I was the one who had caused this pain.  
"I uh. Brendon and Ryan had been arguing a lot and um. Then one day, Ryan came to me and asked if he could talk to me so I said okay. And then he wanted me to hide in the bathroom with him from Brendon so I- I did. And then I uh..."I swallowed what felt like the mountain of hay in my mouth and sat down on Lily's bed.

"What did you do?"Gerard said, voice low and dead sounding. He had already guessed. Probably more than what we actually did.  
"Well. I-He said that he had a little crush on me as well and I- I told him that I loved you and that we were going to ignore it."I spluttered out, saying it all in a quick rush before I could stop myself,"And then he started complaining about Brendon and how he didnt understand that it was just a stupid crush and that Ryan still loved him and then it just reminded me of you when I thought you didnt understand what I had been going on about with my dream and then I started crying and he like, he did what you did once? He- he wiped them away and then he- I- w-we kissed and it went too far."

Gerard was silent. So very silent. I couldnt even hear him breathe.  
"Gerard?"I rasped. My throat was so fucking dry, it hurt. But I didn't care. All I cared about was Gerard,"Gerard say something."  
"How far?"He dropped down onto his back and put his hands over his face, scrubbing at it hard.  
"I uh-"  
"Did you screw him?"Gerard asked angrily. Oh fuck I couldn't handle this.

"No no I just we just suc-"  
"He fucking sucked your dick. And you sucked his. Thats just awesome Frank. Just fucking spectacular."Gerard sat up and laughed manically.  
"Gerard please I was weak and he-"  
"Dont you try and pin this all on him Frank, you played a part in this as well."Gerard sat up and even though it was dark, I could tell he was glaring at me. Tears were trailing down my face and onto my neck, soaking the collar of Gerard's hoodie which somehow, even though I had been wearing it for days on end, still smelt like Gerard. It just made me cry even harder.

"You know, I cant believe you Frank. Whether we had 'broken up' or whatever or not, you still shouldnt have done that because Ryan and Brendon obvi-"Gerard cut off as Lily tumbled into the room.  
"Hey guys."Lily groaned as she flopped down onto her bed next to me.  
"Hey Lily."I sniffed.  
"Hey."Gerard muttered and turned away.

"Oh god you told him didnt you Frank."Lily said into the bed, her voice muffled and distant sounding.  
"Y- yeah I did. We'll go downstairs and let you sleep."I patted her back lightly.  
"Okay. Dont be too hard on him Gerard. He hasnt been himself lately. Before you went into juvie even."Lily yawned and crawled up her bed to her pillow.  
"Lily just shut up."I sighed and got up to leave.  
"No I'm serious Frank, You've been really weird and different. Maybe you're possessed."She yawned again.  
"No dont worry Frank. I'll just- I've heard all I need to for now. I uh. I'm just gonna go spend the night at Pete's. I'll talk to you tomorrow."Gerard got up.

"A-Are you sure?"I looked at him. I didn't want him to leave.  
"Yeah. I just need to think things over."Gerard said as he slowly walked up to me. I looked up into his eyes. It was a difficult thing to tell but I was pretty sure he wasnt crying anymore and looked... Not as upset as I thought he would be?

"O-okay."I whispered and looked down at our feet. They were close together. He was standing so close to me.  
"Hey."Gerard whispered and tilted my head up. I felt a surge of hope rise up inside me,"How do you feel about Ryan right now? Honestly."  
"I- the feeling is still there but- its like it's been satisfied? Like there was something that made me want him and wouldnt stop til I had him a-and now that I have, its happy. But none of that matters because I love you. Okay? I love you so fucking much it is literally ripping me apart inside to see you like this."I whispered back.  
"Kay. Thats all I needed to know."Gerard closed his eyes for a second before leaning down and kissing me lightly and quickly on the cheek then rushing out the door.

I stood there in shock for about five minutes before Lily said,"Frank think about it in bed, its creepy seeing a person standing there."  
"Right. Sorry."I muttered and fell down onto my bed. I lay there for two seconds before getting up and into Gerard's bed again. It smelt like him and made me want to cry.  
"Frank its going to be okay. He still loves you. You cant fall out of love in two seconds flat."Lily said quietly.  
"I- I know he still loves me I just- I hurt him so much."I cried. I wiped away the tears furiously and thumped the bed next to me.

"Frank you just need to-"  
"I need to get outside, I need some fresh air. I feel so sick."I coughed as I slid out of bed and stumbled towards the door.  
"Frank are you-"  
"Fuck I'm gonna be sick."I gasped as I ran to the bathroom.

I got there just in time and hurled into the toilet. Suddenly Lily was next to me, pulling my hair away from my face and stroking my back as I gagged on nothing.  
"Of Frank..."She sighed.  
"Lily whats happening to me? I dont feel right. At all."I watched as she grabbed a flannel from the bath and wet it with warm water.  
"Honestly? I have absolutely no idea."She said as she wiped my face. I snatched it away from her and continued myself.  
"I'm fine. Sorry. Just- thanks but you can go to bed okay? I dont want to keep you up."I said as I took my top off and turned on the shower.

"O-Okay... Feel better tomorrow okay Frank?"Lily smiled at me sadly. I nodded then stared at the water circling the drain. Lily shut the door and left me alone. I sighed and shed the rest of my vomit-smelling clothes and got in the shower. The hot water pouring on my back felt good. Like I was washing away everything. Maybe if I stood here for long enough I would. Just watch all my mistakes and stupid stupid thoughts fall down the drain. I mentally slapped myself and had my shower. Tomorrow was going to be a very tough day.


	44. All The Dramatics

"So when their set ends you... Frank are you listening to me?"Harry snapped his fingers in front of my face for the third time today. I wasnt making a very good first impression. Every time I tried to focus, I kept being drawn back to Gerard and what he might be doing.  
"Right yeah sorry. When they uh... End their set?"I focused on the soundboard that he was pointing to.  
"You need to switch off the microphones for their instruments, in case they knock it or something like that. You leave their mics on until they are getting off the stage. And you dont turn anything back on until the next band says so."  
"Wow, I didn't even know you guys did all that. I thought it all just like, stayed on or something."I said as I tried to memorize which buttons were which.

"Yeah a lot of people underestimate how intricate this job is."Harry smiled at me,"But dont worry. A lot of the time either me, Di or Dewees will be running this show. Di just said she was sick of dealing with shitty customers all the time and wanted a break."  
"What does she mean by shitty?"I asked suspiciously as we walked out of the little box room with all the controls for literally everything.  
"Just sometimes you get rude people who dont even want to wait two seconds for their drink. But those sorta people dont usually come in here. So dont worry."Harry reassured me. I watched his back as he walked between tables and towards the counter.

"Right well. I'm not sure how long til Di gets here. She is usually about ten minutes away at this point but I really do need to leave, I have to pick up my daughter from pre-school. They finished early today so I have to leave early. I'll put the closed sign up so you can just wait inside peacefully."Harry said as he grabbed his keys from under the counter.  
"No problem at all."I nodded and perched on the nearest seat.  
"She shouldnt be too long. You can just chill before she throws you in the deep end of making coffees."He winked at me and flipped the open sign to closed.

"You go get your daughter. Everything will be fine."I suprised myself by saluting him as he waved and left me alone. I never saluted people. That was always either Ray or Bob. I stared at the door before sitting back in my seat and sighing. I wished Gerard was here. I wondered what he was doing right now. Probably sitting in his bedroom... Or working with Mikey... As soon as I was done I was going to go see Mikey at work. See if he knew what Gerard was thinking.

I jumped as a phone started ringing. I looked out the front windows and couldnt see Di anywhere. I stood up and went to the counter. The phone was on a shelf underneath and it was definitely ringing. I looked closer and saw that it was Di calling. Seeing as I knew her I picked it up.  
"Hello?"I said stupidly into the phone.  
"Hey Harry- you aren't Harry are you?"She said. She sounded really sick. Oh fuck, I knew why she was calling.  
"No. No I'm not Harry."I giggled.

"Is that you Dewees?"  
"Di its Frank."I smiled.  
"Oh! Hey! Uh... Where is Harry?"  
"He had to go early to pick up his daughter."  
"Shit. Okay well um I cant-"Di sneezed violently,"I cant come in today. As you can probably tell, I'm sick. Shit that means Harry cant come in at all. Uhhhh I'll give Dewees a call and see if he can cover me."She sniffed.  
"Okay well um..."  
"I'll call you back okay Frank?"  
"Okay. Talk soon."I mumbled and hung the phone up.

I leaned against the back wall for about 5 minutes before the phone rung again. I checked the id and made sure it was Di. It was, so I picked it up.  
"Dewees is gonna be there in 10 minutes."Di said straight away.  
"Awesome. I've never actually met him."  
"Oh you'll love him. He's good people."Di said. She sneezed again before saying,"As much as I would love to chat about what you think of Harry, I need to get back to bed. I only just woke up which is why I called so late. But I hope everything goes okay. I'll probably see you in a few days."  
"Okay well, feel better soon Di."I said sadly. We said our goodbyes and I hung up the phone.

"Great."I muttered to the air and went back to sit down. Another few minutes passed before the door opened and with a gust of icy wind, a tall guy pulled off his sunglasses dramatically and said,"I have come."  
"Hi, I'm Frank."I jumped up and smiled at him.  
"Wassupp Frankie boy? I'm James. Or Jimmy. Or Dewees. Whichever you prefer."He walked in and dumped a shopping bag on the counter.  
"So Di ditched us has she?"He said as he started pulling out food. I walked over and started helping him so he started putting it away as I unpacked the bag.

"She has a terrible cole or something."I said as he started putting muffins in a fridge.  
"Yeah yeah thats what she said last time her boyfriend managed to get the night off."Dewees laughed.  
"Oh. Well it seemed pretty convincing."I mumbled.  
"Nah she's just had practice at it. And she knows the days that Harry has to leave here early. I dont understand why she does it really. I mean, I'm happy to cover her."Dewees moved the empty bag out of the way and leaned over the counter to look at me.

"So what do you need to learn still?"  
"Uhh... Well Harry showed me the box office place... thing. And Di started to show me how to make a coffee at the other day but I forgot."I said sheepishly.  
Dewees laughed loudly and said,"I like you. Come round here then, you want a coffee? You drink it?"  
"Ah yeah a hazelnut latte."I smiled.  
"Gross. You ought to try butterscotch. I know Di has her special 'guessing everyones favourites' but you NEED to try this flavour."Dewees said as he grabbed the bottle of butterscotch syrup and poured some into two cups.

"You wanna steam the milk?"Dewees raised an eyebrow at me and when I nodded he held the jug of milk out to me. I took it and stood the way Di had showed me.  
"Okay, down here, you just put your foot on that and-"He grabbed a thermometer type thing and stuck it on the edge of the jug,"This is the little button thing that you press on to push the steam out. So you just- tilt the jug slightly yup and then, press the button with your foot and yeah just- hear that sucking sound? Thats what makes the foam so you just you want to keep hearing that, not too extreme otherwise you get major ugly bubbles that just fuck up the drink and then when the temperature gets to about 40 or 50 you stop the sound and straighten the jug and just shove the steam wand right in the jug yeah like that. Okay so when it gets to just over 60 you take your foot off. Perfect!"Dewees coached me through the whole thing.

He took the jug of milk from me and grabbed a spoon. He started moving it through the now silky white milk.  
"This is really good milk Frankenstein. Can I call you that?"  
"You can be the first."I smiled. He showed me how to load a shot of coffee and which buttons to press and what a double shot was again and all that shit and then ten minutes later I was sitting at a table drinking a coffee that I made. It tasted pretty okay to me.

"Are you getting paid for tonight?"Dewees asked me casually.  
"I wasnt aware I was gonna be here tonight."  
"Well you have to be. I mean, I hate to leave you on your own straight away but usually Di and I both work because Harry cant come in at all cause of his daughter. Because Di isnt here, if you go, I'll be on my own. I cant work the soundboard as well as the coffee machine."  
"Oh well... If Di is faking it we should pull her out here because I wasnt told that I had to be here tonight. I have to go soon. Sorry..."I said slowly. I felt bad.  
"Oh shit. Okay well dont worry I'll just bitch at her til she caves."He smiled and went to grab the phone.

He sat back down and pulled out his cellphone as well.  
"Lets have a little fun shall we?"He winked and dialled what I assumed was Di's number on the phone. He handed it to me and then used his cellphone to call her as well. I put the phone to my ear, grinning like a dork, and waited for someone to pick up.  
"Hey Di, I need you to come in. Yeah I know you're sick but you can do the soundboard and I'll do the coffee's because otherwise I'm gonna be by myself."Dewees said as a deep guys voice said,"Hello?"Into my ear.

"Uh hi, who is this speaking?"I asked him.  
"This is Andy... Who is this?"  
"And are you Di's- Dianes boyfriend?"I asked, trying to sound casually.  
"Uh yes... Is this Joe? I told the boss I needed the night off for once."He said angrily. I gave a thumbs up to Dewees who grinned and gave me a thumb up in return.  
"No matter. This is just Frank. So Diane isnt sick is she?"  
"Uh yeah she- no she isnt. She's coming in."He sighed and clicked the phone off.

I turned to Dewees who was putting his phone back in his pocket,"Well done Frankenstein! She is gonna be here in a half hour."  
"Awesome."I smiled.  
"Right, I need to actually start opening this place. The first band is gonna be here at 4. Lets set it all up for them shall we?"  
"Okay."I smiled and followed him into the soundbox place.

-time lapse-

"Hellooooo? Hey guys is Dewees here? With a little midget dude?"We heard Dewees say to the band that was playing quietly.  
"In the back."The lead singer said.  
"Awesome."Di said. Two seconds later she was stomping into the room with us.  
"I am not a midget."I glared at her.  
"I hate to break it to you sweetie but, yeah you are."She smiled.

"Okay well at least I dont lie about being sick to get out of work."I poked my tongue out at her.  
"You will. Especially when you guys arent playing here but you have to wokr even though all you want to do is be at home with Gerard."She smiled. I faked a smile and pushed past her.  
"Speaking of,"I turned to look at her as she followed me,"He works with Mikey sometimes right?"  
"Yeah. You want directions?"  
"Yes please.  
"Go outside. Turn left. Keep walking til you reach McCaw Ave. Cross it and then the comic store is on the corner."She smiled.

"Okay... Ah how far down the road is it?"  
"Oh just a few blocks. Not long at all."She smiled and moved past me. I stared after her.  
"Really? Cause I do remember the very first time I came here Gerard saying something about it being like a ten or twenty minute drive."  
"Oh come on, it's only 8 blocks. You'll survive. Here, I'll give you a coffee for the road."She smiled.  
"13 blocks?!"  
"You want a hazelnut latte right?"  
"I want a ride."I stared at her seriously. I hoped I could get away with this.

She didnt look at me as she started making two coffees.  
"Di."  
"Oh alright. Fine, I'll give you a lift."She sighed as she shoved a lid on the drinks,"Here."  
"Thanks."I smiled at her and took the drink.  
"Yo Jimmy! Just giving Frank a lift!"  
"Bye Dewees!"I called as we walked out.  
"Okay! See ya Frankenstein! Nice meeting you!"  
"You too!"


	45. Mixed Signals

"You what?!"Mikey screamed at me. I looked around the quiet store then back at him.  
"Keep your voice down dude."  
"Sorry I just- he was in here earlier today and I've never seen him look so broken up. Now I know why."Mikey sighed. He grabbed at a batman comic on the counter and walked out to put it back in its place.

"Is he that bad?"  
"Yeahp. You done fucked up now boy."Mikey said in a texan accent. I snorted at him then groaned and thumped my head down onto the counter.  
"What should I do Mikey?"I said to the counter.  
"I cant help you there. Its up to Gerard. You better not have screwed up my brother even more you homo."Mikey growled and went back around to the counter. I looked up at him and sighed.  
"I hope I havent."I mumbled.

"Mikey! I'm not paying you to talk, I'm paying you to work. If you want to talk to your friend you need to at least be doing something productive."An old man stuck his head round the corner of a door behind a counter.  
"Sorry Sir."Mikey sighed. The guy disappeared as Mikey got up and started strolling around the shop. There were two other guys in here coming over some new comic but otherwise the place was empty.

"What a dick."I whispered once we were far from the counter.  
"I know. I'm looking for a new job. One closer to the bean at least. Or home."Mikey sighed.  
"Mikey..."A thought had just occurred to me.  
"Mmm?"Mikey said as he straightened a pile of comics.  
"How old are you?"

Mikey turned to face me,"I'm 16, why?"  
"Why werent you in an orphanage? Did you run away like Gerard?"  
"No uh, Pete's parents are fostering me."Mikey said awkwardly and walked away down an aisle of manga.  
"But doesnt that make you and Pete-"  
"Foster brothers? Yes I know, related in everything but blood it seems. But as soon as I turn 18 they're gonna stop. Pete and I became best friends after Gerard- yeah. And then Pete somehow convinced his parents to foster me to get me out of the orphanage. I know it seems weird that Pete and I are dating but- he didnt want me in the orphanage cause it just it sucked. Like, really sucked. Its the only reason I'm not in the halfway house now because of Pete's parents. I'm so grateful to them. Its why I have this job. So I can help out with things. Gerard tries as well but he doesnt get as many hours here as me. Besides, he hardly ever stays there anymore."Mikey sighed.

"Oh..."I stared about at the anime section. Why anybody was interested in this shit, I had no idea. I preferred the superhero ones.  
"Yeah. Why'd you ask?"  
"I dont know it only just occured to me that you should be in the orphanage or something."I muttered.  
"God dammit, why do people do this?!"Mikey groaned and knelt down on the floor to start picking up all the comics off the floor.  
"People are douches?"I suggested as I got down on my knees to help.

I stacked them into piles for Mikey to sort out but only just realised that he wasnt helping anymore.  
"Hey dude you're the one that works here."I looked up at him to see he wasnt even looking at the mess. He was looking behind me. I looked behind to see nothing.  
"Sorry I just- I'll be back in a sec okay?"Mikey got up and left me on the floor.  
"I aint putting this back! I dont where it goes!"I called over my shoulder as I put the last one on the pile. I moved the pile to the side and stood up with a groan.

"Mikey?"I called. I walked around the shop looking for him. I couldnt find him anywhere so I went to wait by the counter. I started fiddling with some action figures when I knocked a bunch over. I started stacking them all up when someone tapped me on the shoulder.  
"Can I help you?"I turned to a guy with a joker t-shirt on.  
"I'd like to buy these?"He looked at me like I was retarded.  
"I dont work here dude. I'm waiting for my friend. Who does work here. Mikey! Customer!"I called over my shoulder and stepped out of the way.

"No- just- talk to him."I heard Mikey say before stepping through the door and greeting the customers. I felt prickly all over as I realised who was out back.  
"Thanks guys."Mikey smiled at the two guys who thanke him and left.  
"Mikey is-"  
"I'll be two seconds Frank. Sorry."He smiled and disappeared before I could even ask him.

I moved from foot to foot anxiously as I heard low angry whispering.  
"Could you two please do that out there? I'm trying to work here."Mikey's boss said loudly. There was some more whispering before Mikey stepped out and ran a hand through his hair.  
"Whats going on?"  
"Sorry Frank. Come on!"He leaned in the door way and tugged on someone. They were fighting hard. But Mikey won in the end and managed to get Gerard to stumble out to stand there awkwardly.

A thick and heavy silence settled on the three of us for about ten horrible seconds. Each second dragged by as Gerard refused to look anywhere near me.  
"Hey Frank what did you do with those comics?"Mikey asked suddenly.  
"I just pushed the pile to the side. I had no idea where to put them."I said.  
"Awesome. I'll go put them back."Mikey grinned as he left Gerard and I alone.

"So uh..."I started to say but realised I had no idea what.  
"I just forgot my phone."Gerard muttered and looked down at the ground,"But I have it now so I guess I can go."He said it as if I wasnt even there. Like he was talking to someone else. Or no one at all. He walked around the counter and walked past me without a second glance.  
"Gerard!"I cried as I followed him. He sped up as he walked out of the store, calling a bye to Mikey, and rushed to his car.

"Gerard please dont do this."I sighed as I watched him struggle to unlock it. He ignored me and got in the car as soon as it was unlocked. I rushed forward and tugged open the passenger side and got in.  
"Frank please just go."He said into his hands.  
"No."I said firmly. I slammed the door shut and stared straight ahead.  
"Frank will you stop this? If you want to know if I've forgiven you or not its pointless because I dont fucking know yet. Just give me some god damn time will you?"He looked across at me and made me look at him.

"Gerard-"  
"I still love you. I just dont know if I hate you as well."He blinked away a tear and visbly steeled himself.  
"Gerard I still love you. And I feel so horrible for what I've done to you and I understand if you wont forgive me I just- please dont ignore me. If you cant forgive me then I hope we can at least still be friends."I looked out my window and chewed on my lip ring as someone walked past ridiculously close.

"Frank..."Gerard sighed, I faced him and had to fight the urge not to kiss him. His face was flushed and he had obviously just licked his lips. He ran his fingers through his hair and looked at me so intensely that I gave up.  
"Gerard. You may not be able to forgive me for what I did but please forgive me for this."I said. I surged forward and attacked his lips in a kiss. He tensed up but then it was like he melted. His whole body relaxed as he grabbed my shoulders and kissed me back.

I used his shoulders to pull myself closer as he grabbed my hips and lifted me onto his lap. His fingers went into my hair and gripped tightly. I moaned into his mouth as he bucked his hips up. I slid my hands down his chest towards his jeans and started undoing them.  
"Frank- No."Gerard said into my mouth. He moved his lips away from mine and rested his forehead on mine.  
"Sorry."I said. He just sighed, his breath tickling my face lightly.

"Alright off. You want a lift?"He asked as I moved back into the other seat.  
"Uh if you dont mind?"  
"I dont mind at all. I just gotta drop in at Pete's first."He said as he started the car. I nodded and looked down, willing my dick to go down and stop causing me this unneccesary pain.

I couldnt understand it. Not 5 minutes ago he had been pretending I didnt exist, now he had just kissed me and was giving me a ride.  
"Gerard you-"  
"Please dont talk."He said quietly as we drove. I sighed and stared down at my feet.


	46. I've Forgiven Everyone

"Well are you coming in?"Gerard asked me from the open car door. We had just pulled up outside of Petes after a three minute car ride of silence. Gerard was waiting for my answer.  
"Oh I uh I guess so."I muttered and quickly undid my seatbelt. I followed him up the front steps and through the door. The place smelt like sweet potato pie. My stomach rumbled as Gerard marched up to his room.  
"Hey Gerard. Dinner will be ready soon. Would you like us to keep you some for later or do you want it now? Oh hello Frankie."Petes mum appeared in the doorway to the kitchen.

"Uh if you could just keep some for me, I have to go back out later."He smiled and glanced at me before walking into his room.  
"Will you be here for dinner?"She asked me as I rushed after Gerard.  
"Ah no I'm going back to the house to have some. Thats where Gerard is going, I think."I said. He had said later. Like he wasnt going back out for a while.  
"Alright well try to be quiet you two."She called after me. Oh god. What did she think were doing?  
"We will."I said for lack of anything better to say.

I took two steps into Gerards room and stopped. He wasnt in here. I could have sworn he went in here. I turned arouned at the moment that Gerard shut the door. he was hiding behind it.  
"Gerard what the fu-"I started to say but he was already kissing me, pushing me back to his bed. He pushed my jacket off my shoulders as I grabbed his collar, squeezing it tight. He moved his mouth away and made me whine in the lack of contact.

"Frank dont- I need this okay? This has nothing to do with anything I just- as much as it hurts me to say this and hurts you to hear it, this is just like a hook up okay?"  
"Yeah whatev- what?"I pulled back and looked at him. He was serious.  
"I'm sorry I just need this too much."He looked down at where my hands had dropped of their own accord to rest on the loops of his jeans.  
"Gerard I-"  
"Look it was either you or running to Jade."He said cruelly. I flinched and fell back onto his bed, letting go of him.

"I shouldnt have said that. I'm sorry."He said.  
"I thought... Because you wanted this I thought... You wanted m- me. That you had f-forgiven me or something."I looked up at him. His face was even more flushed than it had been in the car.  
"Frankie I'm sorry... But... I... Now that I think about it... This is similar to what I did to you... With Jade and... We- We're just as bad as each other."He giggled. I couldnt help but smile at him.

"Yeah except I forgave you."I mumbled.  
"Yeah after like 3 days of giving me the cold shoulder you dork."He smiled as he sat down on my lap.  
"True..."  
"Luckily I'm not such a dork."He leaned in and kissed me.  
"Does this mean what I think it means?"I asked hopefully as he cupped my face in his hands. He looked at me searchingly before breaking out into a smile and nodding.


	47. Boner

"Oh Gerard I love you so much! You are the greatest!"I gasped as I pulled him into a hug and squeezed him tightly. He laughed and squeezed me back before pushing me onto my back.  
"I love you too."He said as he jutted his hips down and kissed me hard.  
"Oh fuck."I said into his mouth as his hands travelled down my sides. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the feel of him on top of me. It was so much better than Ryan. Everything about Gerard was better. He was perfect in every way. Ryan may have been fun and enjoyable but it was nothing like having someone yyou love more than anything else in the world, feel the same way about you, and share that with you.

"Frank Iero you are beautiful."Gerard whispered as he pulled my shirt off. I couldnt even think. I was too far gone in Gerard. He could have done anything to me.  
"Gerard can you- will you fuck me? Please"I whined as he finally got my pants and boxers off.  
"A-Are you sure?"  
"Just do it."I whispered as he tugged his own shirt off and pulled his pants off.

"If you want me to stop then I will."Gerard said as he opened his drawer and pulled out condoms and a small tube of lube.  
"Fucking hell Gerard. Just go for it."I smiled. It was nice to be worried about. I closed my eyes and held back the wince as Gerard pushed his cold wet fingers inside of me. He added a second finger and made me moan.

"Oh fuck Frank you're so tight."Gerard said as he added a third finger. I moaned as he slowly pushed them in further. I opened my eyes and looked up at him. He was kneeling on the edge of his bed, his hair hanging over his face. From what I could see he looked like he was enjoying himself very much. He glanced up at me and smiled.  
"Gerard I cant stand this any- fuck!"I arched my back up and bucked onto Gerard's fingers at the same time.  
"Right- there?"He moved his fingers the way he had before.  
"Oh god yes jesus."I groaned.

Gerard pulled his fingers out and placed his hands on my thighs,"Roll over."He commanded. I didnt even think. I just did as he said. He could have done anything to me. I was like some obedient dog. I got up on all fours and waited. Gerard moved about behind me for a second before suddenly his cold hands were sliding up my back. I looked behind me and Gerard caught my mouth in a kiss.  
"You really sure about this?"He looked me in the eye. God his eyes were beautiful. The very edges of his iris' were the same colour as mine but as you went in it turned to a bright green. It was amazing.

"Frank? Your silence is a little worrying."Gerard's voice pulled me out of his eyes.  
"Uh yeah sorry I was just- l-lost in your eyes."I smiled over my shoulder at him. My cock was aching from the build up and I just wanted him to end it,"Yes just- go please."  
"Kay."He smiled at me and moved back.

I bit back the sob as the pain sent a shock up my back. As good as it felt to be this close to Gerard, it still hurt like a fucking bitch.  
"Dont hold back."I whispered.  
"Oh fuck."Gerard moaned as he buried his dick in my ass. I clenched the sheets in my fists and lowered my head to the pillow.

"You- are you okay Frankie?"  
"Go."I groaned into the pillow. Gerard slowly pulled himself out and then thrust back in,"Fuck faster."I said as the pleasure took over from the pain.  
"Oh god fuck."Gerard moaned as he picked up his pace.

"Oh fuck do that there again!"I yelped.  
"Fuck yes."Gerard draped himself across my back and continued pounding into me in the same spot.  
"Oh fuck Gerard jerk- jerk me off please."I panted. I shouted out the second Gerard's hand came into contact with my oh so very hard dick.

"Oh geez Frank shit."Gerard's moans started getting obscene. Purely from the sound of Gerard's husky grunts, I came. It would have been a surprise if it werent for that awesome warming in the pit of my stomach.  
"Oh Gerard!"I yelled as my muscles tensed around Gerard.  
"Oh fuck you-re so fucking tight fuck Frank."Gerard continued jerking me off and pounding into me, riding our orgasms.  
"I love you."I puffed as Gerard pulled out of me completely and just sagged onto me. My legs buckled and we just lay there.  
"I love you too."Gerard whispered into my hair.

We were covered in sweat and come. It should have been disgusting but I couldnt get over how hot it somehow seemed.  
"Gerard..."I mumbled. My face was still smushed into the pillow and Gerard was half on top of me, half next to me. We were a tangle of limbs and happiness and satisfaction.  
"Frankie..."Gerard dragged himself off of me so he was facing me. I lifted myself so I was facing Gerard and smiled at him.

"You have no idea how much I missed you."I smiled. A strand of hair was covering my face and I was about to move it but Gerard reached out and tucked it behind my ear, dragging his hand across my cheek.  
"I have some idea..."He smiled at me. I moved forward and kissed him. It was only meant to be a short kiss but Gerard held onto my face and kept me there a few seconds longer than I had expected.

"I love you. I love you so fucking much its- its literally painful when I'm not with you."Gerard looked at me seriously.  
"Yeah well I love you more."  
"Thats not possible."Gerard laughed quietly.

"H-how are you?"  
"I'm uh okay... Sore I guess. But- I feel fantastic."I broke out into a grin.  
"Yeah its great isnt it."He grinned back.  
"Not as great as you."  
"Okay we're not having one of those moments like those stupid chicks in school do when they're saying goodbye to their boyfriend over the phone. 'No you hang up. No you hand up.' God they make me sick."Gerard imitated a girls voice which I couldnt help but laugh at.

"Oh man. I do not want to get up at all."Gerard sighed and rolled onto his back. I moved over and rested my head on his chest.  
"Neither..."My eyes travelled from a Metallica poster on his wall to the clock on his bedside table,"Holy fuck! Is that the time?! Shit shit shit!"I sat up and searched around for my underwear.  
"What? Whats wrong?"  
"Lily was expecting me to get back two hours ago shit Claire is visiting as well they're gonna be freaking out!"I rambled as I got found my underwear,"Fuck, do you have any tissues?"I gestured to the come that was sticking to my stomach.

"Yeah they're over on my dresser."Gerard pointed to his set of drawers where a box of tissues was sitting. Gerard sat up and pulled his condom off.  
"Fuck fuck fuuuuuuck."I pulled my clothes on faster than ever and waited for Gerard to pull his hoodie over his head. He was apparently as fast as I was.  
"Its okay- Lily will understand once she finds out that we're back together. And Claire can easily be bought off with the excuse that you got held up at work or whatever."  
"True. Okay but still, lets go. I dont want them to worry any more than they have to."I grabbed Gerard's hand and pulled him out of the room.

"Hey... Frank..."Pete looked from my face to Gerard's to our linked hands,"Oh yay!"He clapped twice and grinned.  
"Hey uh-"  
"Nice job being quiet bro."Mikey looked at us from his dinner. Mikey, Pete and his parents were sitting in the lounge watching tv while eating their dinner.  
"Shit. Really sorry about that guys."Gerard blushed a deep shade of red and tugged me away from the glares of the unhappy family.


	48. Who Is It?

"Frankie!"Claire screamed the second I was through the door.  
"Hey kiddo!"I grabbed her before she bowled me over and picked her up. I squeezed her tight and smiled happily,"I missed you sweetie."  
"I missed you too Frankie."She said into my hair.

"Hey Claire."Gerard smiled as she jumped out of my arms and ran to Gerard. I sat down on my bed smiled at Lily.  
"I take it you two are- happy?"She smiled, glancing at Claire who was obvlivious to everything going on.  
"Yup."I winked at her and lay down on my bed,"All fine and dandy."  
"I dont want to know. But uh Claire has something exciting to tell you."Lily said as Claire came and sat on my lap.

"Oh! And what would that be?"  
"I made a friend! She is really nice and she wants to take me to hers for a sleep over!"Claire said happily.  
"Really? What- god I'm going to kill Mrs Macy."I sighed.  
"I know. Go call her now."Lily said. She reached down beside and pulled the first Harry Potter book out,"You wanna hear about Harry and Hermione taking Norbert to the astronomy tower?"Lily asked Claire.  
"Oooh yes! But- Malfoy knows they're doing it. Wont he tell?"  
"Well come sit with me and find out."Lily waved the book encouragingly.

"Oh fuck."I groaned as Claire crawled off of me, kicking me in the nuts in the process.  
"Sorry Frank."Claire said as she snuggled up to Lily.  
"Its okay. I'll be back in a minute I just wanna call Mrs Macy."

Once Gerard and I were downstairs I grabbed the phone and called the orphanage up.  
"Hello? Mrs Macy speaking, how may I help you?"Came Mrs Macy's cheery voice.  
"Uh its Frank."  
"Oh Franklin. What can I do for you?"  
"Claire said she made a friend who wants to have her over for a sleepover."  
"She's got a big mouth that one."Mrs Macy laughed.

"Dont I know it. Look, why didnt you tell Lily and I that someone was interested in her? You know that we're parents in everything but blood."I sighed angrily.  
"And legal documents."  
"Yes whatever but- either way we had a right to know. Claire wouldnt go anywhere without being able to see us. You know that."  
Her sigh rattled the phone,"There is a very good reason I didnt tell you. And I'm not going to tell you so dont bother asking."

"Dont you think you could have at least told us? Given everything that happened to us."  
"I know. I know. I'm sorry for not telling you. But you dont need to worry Franklin. After all that, security has gotten a lot more serious around here. The orphanage I run is funded the least out of all the orphanages in New Jersey. But now, we're constantly having social workers over and- this woman has been proved innocent. She and Claire get on very well and Claire is really excited for the weekened with her."  
"A weekend?"I groaned.  
"Yes. Franklin, as much as you and Lily love her, she is still in this orphange and is still up for adoption. If no one takes her by the time you turn 21 then I'm sure the agency would be happy to let you take her if the circumstances were right, but thats not for another 5 years."

I rolled my eyes at Gerard who was silently laughing.  
"Okay well just- a heads up would be nice okay?"  
"Alright. I'll be sure to remember that. Goodbye Franklin."She hung up and I slammed the phone back in its holder.

"Enjoyable?"Gerard smiled up at me.  
"No. I fucking hate her. She always calls me Franklin."I sighed as I sat down on Gerards lap.  
"Yeah well at least you arent living with her anymore."  
"Yes but Claire is. I hate to think whats happening there."  
"They're hardly going to be beating the kids. Dont worry about it."Gerard kissed the tip of my nose and made me smile.  
"Okay. I wont."I smiled and snuggled into his neck.


	49. Reprise Records

"Up next we've got Panic At The Disco!"Di called into the mic before walking off the stage. She came back behind the counter and smiled at me,"You can finish now. You need to get ready. You guys are closing the place down."  
"Awesome. I'll go tell the guys."I smiled. I took off my apron and hooked it on the door to the storage room and went over to where Gerard was sitting with the rest of the guys.

It was a week after Gerard and I had gotten back together. School wasnt nearly as awkward as I thought it would be with Ryan. He and Brendon were fine again and everything was normal. Except for Linda. My Mum. God. I hadnt seen her at all so far but I knew I would have to talk to her soon as much as I just wanted to ignore it all.

"We're closing the place down tonight."I sat down on Gerards lap and locked my arms around his neck.  
"Good to see you Frank. Oh wait thats just your back."Bob said.  
"Fuck you."I smiled at Gerard.  
"God. You're like a new couple. You're in that stupid honeymoon phase."Mikey moaned.

"Get over it bitches."Gerard looked at them over my shoulder.  
"Okay well. You two can stay here. We'll go get all the gear."Bob sighed. There was scraping of chairs and then they were all walking towards the door.  
"Awesome. Time to make out."Gerard giggled.

I leaned in and kissed him, sucking his lip into my mouth.  
"Excuse me?"Someone tapped me on my shoulder. I detached myself from Gerard and looked around. There was a man in a casual looking suit holding something small in his hand.  
"Can we help you?"Gerard asked angrily.

"I'm sorry to disturb you but you wont regret giving me your time."He said as he sat down where Mikey was sitting. I sighed and moved to a seat and waited for the guy to start talking.  
"Right, my name is Rob Cavallo. You are Frank Iero and Gerard Way of My Chemical Romance yes?"  
"Yes... Rob Cavallo... Where do I know that name?"Gerard glanced at me and back at Rob.  
"I uh I work for Reprise Records?"  
"Thats the one!"Gerard snapped his fingers and looked at me,"This guy found The Smashing Pumpkins."

"Holy shit. What do you want with us?"I stared in amazement at Rob.  
"Well, I've heard a lot about you guys and thought I would come meet you for myself. Are you playing tonight?"He was actually serious. Gerard was staring at him agape as well. I cleared my throat and kicked Gerard under the table.

"Sorry yes we are. But- holy shit man. The rest of the guys have just gone to go get our stuff but yeah, we're closing the place."Gerard leaned forward eagerly.  
"Awesome. I'll hang around and listen to you. See if what everyone is saying is true."He smiled and got up.  
"Brilliant uh thank you."Gerard called as he walked away.

"Oh my fucking god?"I looked at Gerard's grinning face.  
"I know right! Wait til the guys get here."Gerard's face took on a weird look.  
"What are you thinking?"  
"I'm thinking we dont tell them. That way if Rob does like us enough to do whatever then fuck yes but if he doesnt, I dont wanna get their hopes up for nothing."  
"Good point."I said as I got back in his lap.

-time lapse-

"What the fuck are you grinning about Gerard? Its really annoying."Mikey grumbled as we got ready.  
"Nothing. Nothing at all."Gerard smiled at him and started humming happily as he continued putting eye liner on. Gerard had somehow convinced the rest of the guys to dress up a bit. I knew why but the others thought he was high.

"Up next we've got My Chemical Romance!"Di called outside. The bathroom was hot and stuffy with all 5 of us in there and the sound of Di's voice shouting through the microphone and the crowd on the otherside of the wall, it somehow made everything worse.  
"Come on guys, we're up."Gerard sighed as he fluffed his hair in a ridiculously cute way and strutted out of the bathroom.  
"Frank did you blow Gerard in the bathroom?"Mikey watched Gerard go looking confused.  
"Nope."I smiled at him and followed Gerard.

Gerard was already at the stage. He was leaning against the side talking to- Ryan. What the fuck? Gerard looked angry but satisfied. Ryan looked embarrassed and annoyed. What the hell were they talking about? I squeezed through the crowd and slowly creeped up to them to eavesdrop. It flopped. I couldnt hear what they were saying from where I was standing and if I got any closer they would notice me. I glanced behind me and saw the rest of the guys moving through the crowd as well.

I sighed and took the last few steps to reach them and immediately regretted it.  
"Frank can settle this."Gerard sighed and turned to me,"Who is better at giving blowjobs? Me or him?"  
"I- are you serious? I'm not answering that."I looked at the both of them, completely flabbergasted.  
"Come on, I wont be offended."Gerard waggled his eyebrows at me.

Ryan looked like he didnt want to be here but he was standing his ground.  
"Are you actually wanting an answer?"  
"Yes."Ryan and Gerard both chorused.  
"Fuck okay um... Honestly? It's been a while since you gave me one Gee. And Ryan? I try not to remember anything that we did."  
"I'll change that tonight."Gerard grabbed me round the waist and pulled me closer to him.  
"Deal."I smiled.

"Right. I'm not needed here anymore."Ryan sighed,"Good luck guys. I heard that someone from Reprise Records is hiding in here."Ryan waved as Gerard and I started grinning again.  
"Honest to god, one of you got blown."Mikey looked at our faces as the finally burst through the crowd.  
"Frank's getting blown tonight."Gerard kissed me on the cheek and climbed up on the stage to cheers.

"Gross."Bob sighed. He pulled his drumsticks out of his back pocket and followed him.  
"What are we even playing tonight?"I asked as I hung Daisy over my shoulder.  
"Uh I'm not sure. I'll ask Gee."Ray lay his guitar down on the stage, climbed up, picked it up again, and went to Gerard.

Mikey and I climbed on stage as well and stood in our place.  
"Whats up guys?!"Gerard shouted into the mic,"Now, Frank over here, he has just started working here! Buy his coffees and keep this place going so we can keep playing okay?"  
The crowd laughed and cheered.

"Ray has told me that we dont know what we're playing tonight. So what do you guys think we should play?"  
There were shouts of American Idiot and Cancer and something else but it was mainly American Idiot.  
"How about this. Would you like it if we played a new song for you? Frank you havent actually heard this yet because I wrote it for you but we've managed to get it finished."Gerard smiled at me.

"I think you should play it."I smiled at him.  
Gerard walked over to me and said without a mic,"Beware, its the music the guys were working on for a while but the lyrics I wrote when I was angry at you and shit..."  
"Oh this ought to be interesting."I smiled and sat down on the stage to watch.

"Frank, we're playing it last."Gerard held his hand out for me to take. I blushed slightly as he hauled me up. Thankfully at that point the lights came on and blinded us for a moment.  
"Alright! Tonight! We are playing American Idiot! Last Caress! And our special new song!"Gerard shouted. I smiled to myself as I put Daisy back over my shoulder. And then we were off. The first two songs past by in a blur. I was covered in sweat and my eye liner was running down my face like I had been crying but I didnt care. I was insanely happy right now. Gerard was happy. Mikey was happy. Ray was happy. Bob was happy. We were all ridiculously happy up here.

"Alright! A brand new song! This song is called Demolition Lovers!"Gerard took a step back as Ray started playing softly. I sat down and watched happily. It went on for about 20 seconds before Gerard started singing,"Hand in mine into your icy blues and then I'd say to you we could take to the highway with this trunk of amunition too. I'd end my days with you in a hail of bullets."Gerard's voice was hoarse but beautiful.

"I'm trying... I'm trying to let you know just how much you mean to me. And after all the things we put each other through. And I would drive on to the end with you. A liquor store or two keeps the gas tank full and I feel like there's nothing left to do but prove myself to you. And we'll keep it running. But this time! I mean it! I'll let you know just how much you mean to me! As snow falls on desert sky until the end of everything!"Gerard's voice became more scratchy.

I couldn't help but shiver as the lyrics hit me. Gerard had been really upset. More upset than I thought.  
"I'm trying! I'm trying to let you know how much you mean! As days fade! And nights grow! And we go cold!"Gerard was barely moving as Ray thrashed about behind him. This whole song was just beautifully haunting. It gave me chills.

"All we are... All we are is bullets I mean this. All we are... All we are is bullets I mean this."The crowd was silent. They were all just staring at Gerard who had his head down, his hair hiding his face. Ray sounded fucking amazing. Bob's drumming was intense. And Mikey just completed it.  
"And as we're falling down... And in this pool of blood. And as we're touching hands.... And as we're falling down! And in this pool of blood! And as we're falling down! I'll see your eyes! And in this pool of blood! I'll meet your eyes! I mean this forever!"

My heart practically somersaulted off of a cliff as Gerard finally looked at me. His make-up was running from sweat and he looked... odd. I couldnt explain it.  
"Thank you!"Gerard smiled at the crowd. It hit me then that they were screaming at us. I stood up and moved over to Gerard.  
"That was amazing. You guys, fucking just- shit man. So good."

Di suddenly appeared at Gerard's side and said into the mic,"Alright people closing down time."  
There were a few moans and groans but slowly people started leaving. I helped the guys unplug their shit when I saw someone pushing through the crowd. I grabbed Gerard's arm and pointed.

"Shit. Okay. Um. Hey guys? Guys!"Gerard shouted and stopped Mikey and Ray fighting over who's guitar case was who's. God only knows why Mikey bought the same one a Ray.  
"What?"  
"The guy from Reprise Records talked to us. Said if he liked what he heard he would bring us into the stud- Hey Rob."Gerard smiled at Rob who was standing at the edge of the stage.

"This saturday. Are you all free?"He held out a card. Gerard leaned forward and took it from him.  
"I have work but I'll call in sick."Mikey looked like he was fighting the urge to jump up and shout.  
"Brilliant. The address is on there as well as the time and where to go. See you boys saturday."He waved at us and joined the throng of people leaving.

"Guys... Did we just- what are- how- holy shit."Ray spluttered with the biggest fucking grin I've ever seen on his face.  
"Damn right. We- fuck! Yes!"Mikey punched the air jovially and grinned at us all.  
"Come on. Its only thursday and Frank and I have school tomorrow so just forget about it til saturday."Gerard smiled. We all started chatting about what was going to happen in saturday as we walked out. All through the car ride home we continued talking about it and Gerard and I were babbling about it to a half asleep Lily. All in all, it was a fucking awesome night.


	50. Great

"Fuck I hate this place."I said glumly as Gerard and I walked round to the art classroom.  
"I know exactly how you feel. At least you only just started here though. Fucking sucks."Gerard sighed.  
"I know. You have my sympathy my man."I squeezed his hand slightly as we reached the classroom.

"Hey guys."Mr Stump said as we walked in.  
"Stumpy."Gerard grumbled as he walked to his desk.  
"Mr Stump."I muttered and followed Gerard. We both hated to be back at school. After everything we've been through, it all had to happen over the school holidays. Not during school. Senior year was going to fucking sweet. Gerard and I had the same timetables. Music. Art. English. That was it. We hadnt bother putting our names down for other classes and they hadn't bothered giving us any. We had just scraped thorugh english last year though so if we were going to pass this year we had to actually pay attention.

The rest of the class slowly filled up and Mr Stump got on with the lesson. Gerard wasn't painting his Mum anymore. In fact I had barely seen him do anything. He was in the middle of a sketch but he had kept it secret from me so I was desperate to see what it was. Mr Stump hadn't given us an actual assignment but apparently if you wanted to pass art this year you had 4 units and 4 pieces to complete for each unit.

I watched but didnt listen as Mr Stump rambled on about something. He was standing next to an end table with shit on it covered with a blanket. I stared at the art on the walls. It had all been changed. Gone were the many painting's of Gerards Mum. They had been replaced with actual pictures of sculptures. I looked closely at a set of 3 and decided I was going to fail art class. There was a fucking tinfoil sculpture in the first 1. It was just a stump but even from here I could see a few lines of definition somehow. The second one was the full tree. Branches, leaves and everything. It was amazing. In the last one it had been painted. Whoever made it was fucking amazing.

"Frank,"Gerard nudged my shoulder,"Pay attention. He's talking about the assignments."  
"Sorry."I said and looked at Mr Stump.  
"So. The first unit is still life."He whisked the blanket off the table to reveal a vase of flowers next to a plate of crackers and a jug of milk. Oh joy.

"You need a charcoal piece of this, a painting and a sketch. Enjoy."Mr Stump went back his desk and started working on something. I looked at Gerard who already had a fresh piece of paper and had started sketching the outline.  
"This is gonna be a piece of fucking cake."Gerard smiled at his paper.  
"For you maybe. Check out that tinfoil sculpture of the tree."I pointed to the photos.

Gerard stared at the wall for a second before bursting out with,"Where the fuck have my painting's gone?!"  
"Gerard shut up they'll be-"  
"Stumpy! What the hell did you do with my paintings? I want them back if they're not on the wall."Gerard said as he got up and marched up to a startled Mr Stump.

Our class was small. It only had about 8 people including Gerard and I in it. Every single one of them was watching Gerard warily. Word had gotten around that he'd gone to juvie for 'killing' Dean. Regardless whether it had been proved that he was actually innocent. People liked to spread rumors. I would quite happily bet my right fucking arm I knew who it was.

"Gerard they're out back okay? I didn't ruin them, I took them down carefully and put them all in a folder carefully. Its fine. They're fine."Mr Stump said in a bored tone. He must have known this would happen. Ha.  
"I want them back. Now. I let you put the up there on that one condition. You better not have broken your promise."Gerard said quietly. Mr Stump nodded and got up. He went into the back room and returned with a huge assed folder full of crisp papers.

"Oh. I didnt even think about how big it would be. Uhh... Wanna hold onto it for the day?"Gerard smiled sheepishly. I shook my head and went back to my blank paper with a grin on my face.  
"For goodness sake."Mr Stump sighed. He shuffled back and Gerard rejoined me.

"Frank can we go? I've got the basics down so you can copy them from me. We can finish this later tonight."Gerard sighed.  
"Yeah sure. Where do you wanna go?"  
"I just want to see Miss Bellato. At the staffroom."It sounded like he added the last bit. I nodded and packed up my shit.

"Bye Stumpy!"Gerard hollered as we left. I smiled at him apologetically and followed Gerard.  
"Why do you need to see Miss Bellato?"I asked casually. Something was up and I was going to find out what.  
"Oh just about something she said in my report is all."Gerard waved his hand at me. Oh. I was stupid.  
"Ooh what'd she say? I havent bothered reading mine yet."I smiled at him.  
"Just that- my voice was a little scratchy or something."Gerard muttered. He was angry about it.  
"Oh. Well I dont think so- I mean last night it was but that sounded good like- it didnt sound bad it worked with the song."I rushed to assure him.

"I know I- that sounds vain. I just want to know what she meant."Gerard sighed as we reached the corridor. Up ahead there were two doors. I halted and stared at Gerard's back.  
"Gerard..."I waited for him to look at me.  
"What? Frank come on. I wanna be done talking to her before lunch."Gerard stared at me impateintly. Maybe he really did want to see Miss Bellato.

I jogged up to him and hesitantly started walking with him again. We reached the two doors opposite each other. One read 'staffroom' and the other read 'health clinic' in shiny gold letters. I was about to take a step back when Gerard sensed my intentions and grabbed my arm before I could.  
"You've gotta talk to her sooner or later Frank. You cant avoid her forever."Gerard said quietly as I tried to get out of his grip and failed.

"Yes- but why- does it have to be- n- now."I spluttered as I continued pulling.  
"Frank you're gonna rip your jacket if you keep pulling. Just come inside and talk with me."Linda was watching us from the doorway. Immediately I stopped tugging and stared at her. She still looked the same compared to the last time I had seen her. The only difference was that her hair was longer.

Gerard took advantage and dragged me into the room. I couldnt put up a fight. Last time I had been mad over Gerard using me in the beginning. Now, after everything that had happened, it seemed the one thing I was craving was a hug from my mum. Gerard pushed me into a seat and sat next to me. Linda took her seat at her desk and stared at us both silently. I looked back at her, trying to find the words to say. I didnt even know what I wanted to say.

"Someone say something this is horrible."Gerard burst out. I looked at him and sniggered. Linda let out a small giggle and just like that the ice between us shattered into a million pieces.  
"I dont know, I sorta like being the most awkward silence ever."Linda relaxed into her seat and smiled at us.  
"Oh yeah. They're just the best thing. That awful thickness in the air. Love it."I smiled back.

"I have a confession to make."Linda looked down at her hands. Gerard and I waited as she started wringing the corner of her cardigan in her hands.  
"Well spit it out."Gerard said after a longer silence than necessary.  
"Sorry I just- I know how much she means to you and- I probably should have talked to you first but I didn't know if you would even see me but when you left me to entertain her..."Linda trailed off and darted her eyes about the room, avoiding mine.

I didnt even need her to tell me. I had already worked it out.  
"You're Claire's new friend. You had her over for a sleepover. What happened? She refused to tell me anything about it and I dont know why. God I swear I am going to gut Mrs Macy."I babbled.  
"Hold the fuck up. Linda do you want to adopt Claire?"Gerard looked from me to Linda with the cutest look of confusion ever.

"Yes. I had to entertain her for a little bit and she was just- it was- fuck. She is the greatest. I can see why you;re so attached to her."Linda stopped playing with her cardigan, wiped her hands on her jeans and folded her arms,"She is such a bright little thing and you can just tell she is going to be the next femal Brian May."  
"Yeah that she is. I plan on teaching her when she turns 5."I smiled sadly as a pang of nostalgia hit me. I wanted to play with Claire. Badly.

"But anyway I know I should have talked to you and I'm sorry I didnt. And I'm sorry I told Claire not to tell you anything about me but- I wanted to talk to you myself than have you hear it from a 4 year old. And I never said sorry properly for getting Gerard to- yeah so I'm sorry about that I really am but- you gotta say, you're both glad I did arent you?"She smiled at our linked hands smugly.  
"Damn right."Gerard kissed my cheek and made my smile widen.

"And- I think I said this already but I'm saying it again. I'm sorry for leaving you. I did what I thought was best. I wanted to get you safe from Him."She wasnt looking at us anymore and she was back to wringing her cardigan.  
"You dont need to apologise for that. I dont- the only thing I can remember of Him is that night. When he hit you. Its the only one I have and I just want to forget it."  
"I dont blame you..."She sighed and rubbed her face.

We sat in silence again for a moment before I stood up and walked over to her. I hadnt made any conscious decision to do this but it felt like I should. I grabbed her sweaty hands and pulled her to her feet. I looked at her seriously before breaking out into a smile and pulling her into a hug. I was hugging my mum. I was hugging my actual Mum. She was- fuck she was hugging me back. We stayed hugging each other for what felt like an eternity but was probably only about 3 minutes.

We finally let go of each other and I saw that she had tear tracks on her face as well.  
"You know, 17 years I've wanted to know who you are. And now- fuck this is just surreal."I smiled and wiped the tears away.  
"I know exactly what you mean. I've been dying to find out who you are. What your favourite cookie is, the music you like, your favourite colour, everything. I had to practically chain myself home to stop from going to see you when I wasn't better."  
"Who cares. You're all better now. Claire seems to love you. Gerard is innocent. We might be getting signed- fuck, everything is great."I grinned at her. Everything really was great.


	51. Promise

Of course I spoke too soon. English had turned out to be horrible. Cole was in our class. He hadnt been there earlier in the week and we hadnt seen him anywhere but now he was back and was boasting about his holiday in England. He must have split from his girlfriend because the main thing he was boasting about was all the chicks he banged. Loudly. Directly in front of Gerard and I. The whole lesson Gerard had been staring daggers at his head. He hadnt forgotten about Lily being kidnapped, me being threatened and Mikey being threatened. Part of me was scared to death of what he would do to Cole. The rest of me couldnt wait for him to get wahts been coming to him for years.

"Man, this one chick, she just kept blowing me. I mean, I tried to pleasure her too but she wouldnt have it. She said my accent was soooo hot."Cole bragged. I rolled my eyes and looked at Gerard. He was staring at the back of Coles head, a muscle twitching in his jaw.  
"Was she hot?"One guy drawled.  
"Of course she fucking was. You think I'd bang an ogre? Fuck no."Cole smacked the guy's arm.  
"Oh my fucking god. Shut. The fuck. Up!"Gerard stood up and waited for Cole to slowly turned in his seat to face Gerard.

"You got a problem faggot?"Cole leered at him. I watched as Gerard smiled politely, all anger disappearing from his face suprisingly fast. Cole flinched slightly but covered it up by nudging his friend who was staring at the whiteboard with a vacant look on his face. He looked round at Gerard and started staring at him. I had never seen him before. I definitely didnt see him in the forest.  
"Oh I have several problems."Gerard gave him a sweet smile.  
"I got 99 problems and they're all you, aye Gerard."I grinned at him. He started giggling at me then turned back to Cole.

"Would someone please explain to me why You are out of your seat and You two are gawping at him and why NO ONE is doing the work I set?!"  
"Shit."Gerard fell into his seat and grabbed his pen to do the work. Cole and his friend quickly turned back around. Mrs Urie marched away from the door and up to the back where we were sitting and glared at the three of them.

"Detention. All 3 of you. After school in here. Dont miss it or I will punish the lot of you for it."  
"No but Miss Ur-"I started to say.  
"Nope. I dont wanna hear it."Mrs Urie went back to her desk.  
"No but Miss I cant go."Gerard pleaded.  
"Yeah we have to be somewhere. Its important."I added.  
"I dont care. You're going. Now Franklin I suggest you shut up unless you want to join them."She sighed, thinking it was the end to the matter.

I glanced at Gerard and whispered,"Well if you're is in detention then I have to wait for you so I may as well be with you."I grinned at him and shouted,"Mrs Urie we really cant miss-"  
"Detention Franklin! You shall join your classmates this afternoon in detention. If I hear another peep out of any of you, you'll all be serving detention on the weekend. Now get on with the god damn work!"She had the scariest look on her face. She meant fucking business. Which is why it shocked me to the bone when Cole called out to her rudely,"This is bullshit miss! I dont wanna be stuck in the same room as those dick sucking faggots any more than I fucking have to!"

Mrs Urie took a deep breath and looked at Cole. She picked up her phone and dialled a number. As she waited for them to pick up she walked out of the classroom.  
"Dont think you're gonna get away with what you did. Or what you wanted to do."Gerard leaned forward and hissed in Cole's ear.  
"Fuck you Gerard. I'm not fucking scared of you. You can do whatever the fuck you want but whats done is done."Cole growled without turning around.  
"Whats done is done? What the fuck does that mean?"Gerard whispered to me and slid back into his seat as Mrs Urie walked back in with the calmest look on her face ever.

The class sat in silence for a few minutes before the principal walked in with the school counsellor. Cole groaned and started packing up his things.  
"Cole. Would you please-"Mrs Urie  
"Yeah yeah I know the drill. Fuck I hate that bastard."Cole grumbled to his sniggering friend.

Gerard and I watched as Cole slowly trudged to the door. Before he left the room he turned to us and snorted,"Seen your brothers boyfriend lately? I have."And walked out. Gerard and I stood up at exactly the same time. I opened my bag and swiped all my stuff off my desk and into it. Gerard hadnt bothered to grab his stuff, he was already racing out the door.

"Oy Cole! What the fuck did you mean?"Gerard growled outside. I grabbed Gerard's bag and quickly walked past a stunned Mrs Urie.  
"We'll be back for detention. But right now this is- yeah."I rushed out after Gerard and found him glaring at a grinning Cole. The principal and counsellor were watching with interesting looks on their faces.  
"What do you think I meant?"Cole drawled.  
"I swear to fucking god if you have done something to him."Gerard snarled.  
"We'll see."Cole smiled and sauntered off.

"Gerard no!"I grabbed the back of his jacket to stop him from getting to Cole. He kept struggling against me so I said,"Gerard! Snap out of it! We need to call Pete!"  
"Fuck."Gerard mumbled and pulled out his phone. He pressed a few buttons and put the phone to his ear,"Come on pick up pick up pick uup."  
I paced around Gerard impatiently.  
"Pete? Pete are you okay? Oh thank god! Where- oh. Okay. Thats- worrying. Hmm... Right. Okay well uh- we'll come get you. No no its fine its only english.... Ha yeah... Okay see you."Gerard hung up and smiled at me,"He was bluffing. But Pete's room was trashed."  
"Okay well lets go then."I gave Gerard his bag and took his hand. We didnt bother signing out or anything we just went straight to his car and left.

-time lapse-

"How do you know it was Cole?"Pete asked.  
"Because he asked us if we had seen you and- this is just his style. I can tell. He wants to scare you and Mikey and then he thinks he is gonna get you. Its ridiclous."Gerard sighed as he put posters back on the walls.

"Fuck! He ripped my fucking music sheets! That bastard!"Pete shouted suddenly. His room was a mess. His mattress had literally been pulled off, his posters had been taken off the walls and everything on his desk had been shoved to the floor.  
"What the fuck."I sighed and fell onto my butt on his chair.  
"Dont worry Pete, we'll get him."Gerard placed his hand on Pete's shoulder then walked out of the room.

"Okay..."I went to go follow him but thought better of it. Pete's room needed to be sorted out. I stood up and hauled his mattress back onto his bed. I bunched his blankets up as best as I could and dumped them on his bed.  
"Fuck I'm gonna kill that stupid mother fucking idiotic douche bag of a dick."Pete scowled as he put his bass back in its stand. Thankfully it was in one piece.  
"I'll hold him down for you."I said as I put everything back on his desk.

"I wouldnt let the cops hear you say that."Gerard said as he walked back in the room, snapping his phone just.  
"Well I'm hardly going to go saying something like that around them am I?"Pete grumbled.  
"No- nevermind. Mikey's okay, he's just at work and now he is really mad. Also the cops are meeting us at Lily's school."Gerard smiled.  
"What? Why?"Pete stopped what he was doing and looked at Gerard like he was insane.  
"I'm fucking sick of that bastard! He deserves everything thats fucking coming to him. Like, prison maybe? Breaking and entering, kidnapping Lily, assault."Gerard ticked them all off his hand.

"Yeah but isnt he-"  
Gerard interrupted me,"He turned 18 two weeks ago so now he fucking paying for it."He gave me a grin.  
"Great well lets fucking do it!"Pete slapped his hands together and grinned at us both.  
"Alright. Lets go to Lily's school. Boy is she gonna get a shock if the cops get there first."I smiled as Gerard grabbed his keys and we all left.

-time lapse-

"You want me to what?! Are you fucking serious?! Please tell me you're joking."Lily pinched the bridge between her eyes and waited for us to tell her we were joking. We didnt.  
"Lily. Put it this way. If you tell the cops then Cole will be out of our lives. For good."Gerard grabbed her hand before she could go back to her class. Lily's face contorted slightly in frustration.  
"Fuck. I didnt want to tell anyone though."Lily sighed,"You guys fucking owe me okay?"  
"Why? He only kidnapped you..."Pete looked at Lily weirdly.  
"Right... Yeah. Um. Cops are here."She pointed out the front doors to the cop car pulling up outside.  
"Jesus. Cant believe I'm doing this."Lily sighed as we walked out.

Before the police reached us I grabbed Lily and pulled her back,"They did only kidnap you right?"I scanned her face. She was hiding something.  
"I- yeah..."Lily looked away.  
"Lily. What arent you telling me?"I said seriously.  
"Later Frank. Okay?"She waved her hand, apparently dismissing me, and walked over to where Pete was talking to the police.

What the fuck was she keeping from me? And why? And why was I only just finding out something else happened that night? All completely unanswerable right now. I mentally shook my head and walked over to join them.  
"... And my bloody music sheets had been ripped. I spent ages writing that."Pete grumbled and folded his arms.  
"Right and... why did we need to be here? We do need to take a look at the room."The tallest of the police said as he wrote things down on a notebook. He had a bristley moustache and thick eyebrows. The shorter one was huge around his waist and was also bald. There wasn't even one hair anywhere on his face.

"Thats because of me. I would like to report a- a kidnapping."Lily glanced at me before staring at the ground.  
"And who was kidnapped?"The shorter one sighed.  
"Me."  
"You? When?"  
"Uh before christmas."Lily muttered.

"Before christmas?! Why are you only just speaking up about it?"The tall one burst out.  
"I uh- can- can we do this in private? Please?"Lily's eyes were darting around in panic.  
"Sure sweetie. Come on, we'll go sit over on that bench and you can tell me all about it."The taller one took Lily's hand and gently guided her over to a long bench.  
"Right. So you think it was who?"The shorter guy turned back to Gerard.

"This guy in our school. Pete- only turns up for music but- anyway. This guy, he has this grudge against me. He used to bully the shit out of because I'm gay and one day they cornered me and-"  
"I know you two... You're the uh- the..."The guy snapped his fingers together,"You were the victims in that case with Dean."He looked at me then at Gerard and his face hardened.

"Yeah thats us. Anyway I uh I got really mad and long story short, he has a burn scar across his chest so he has always had this thought in his mind to get revenge on me. Like, first he kidnapped Lily to get to Frank to get to me and then he threatened my brother and then in class just before Frank and I went to Pete's to-"Gerard broke off as the shorter cop grabbed my arm.  
"She wants you there. Said she'll only be able to get this out once and she needs to tell you."He said sadly.  
"Oh- okay. I'll uh... Yeah."I muttered and followed him over to where Lily was crying silently on the bench.

"Alright, so you were saying sweet?"The man said as we sat down.  
Lily didnt look up from her lap but her hand flung out and grabbed at me. I knelt down on the ground next to her and grabbed both her sweaty hands in mine as she said,"He uh... Cole he um. He said that if I told anyone he would kill Claire and I- fuck. Um. He- he r-raped-"Lily broke into tears again as a familiar anger started growing inside of me.

"Alright sweety I think thats all we need to know. You dont need to worry okay? We'll get him. Its all gonna be okay."The man said as he pulled out a notebook and started writing things down. I squeezed Lily's hands before standing up.  
"This is not even fucking fair. I dont understand why this keeps happening to you Lily. Its not right. I'm going to punch the living daylights out of him."I growled as I let go of Lily and started pacing.

"FUCK!"I screamed. Lily did not deserve to get raped. Again. I just couldnt wrap my head around it.  
"Frank are you okay?"Gerard came rushing over, Pete and the other officer close behind.  
"No I'm fucking not! I'm gonn fucking kill him!"I screeched. Gerard grabbed my hands and pulled me close to him.

"Shhh its okay Frank, c'mere. Its okay shhhh."He said as I sagged against him like a deflated balloon.  
"He needs to pay Gerard. I dont care if I go to prison he is going to pay."I whispered.  
"Dont talk like that Frankie its okay. Shh its gonna be alright."He whispered back, kissing the top of my head. I closed my eyes and clung to his jacket. He made me feel so much better.

-time lapse-

"Right we'll call you when the time comes. Thank you for telling me."The shorter cop, Jeremy, smiled at Lily. She nodded and smilde back.  
"Lets go Jeremy. They're waiting for us."The taller cop whose name was still unknown sighed. He was obviously fed up. He walked over to their squad car and got in.  
"Sorry about him. He's been working all week on a case that just got reassigned to someone else. He aint slept all that much. See you kids later."The man saluted us and got in the car with him.

"Right well... Mum is gonna be home soon so lets clean my room up."Pete smiled as we went back into the house.  
"Fuck no. I've gotta get to the house. Sorry. Gerard can help though."I winked at him as I stopped at the door.  
"Fuck you."Gerard gave me an annoyed look as Pete left us alone. Lily was sitting down on the curb waiting for me.  
"Ooh yes please."I grinned as he pulled me close and tilted my head up.

I stood on my tiptoes and whispered,"Love you."Then kissed him quickly.  
"Love you too."Gerard whispered back before kissing me back, holding me in place. I smiled against his lips when Lily shouted a complain out.  
"I'll see you tomorrow Gerard."I said once he had let me go.  
"Not if I end up coming over tonight."Gerard called as I backed away.  
"Whatever. I dont mind. I'll see you when I see you."I blew him a kiss and waved. He waved back and went inside.

"Come on then. Lets go home."I pulled Lily up from the curb, keeping a hold of her hand.  
"I just want this all to be over."She sighed as she leaned against me. I let go of her hand and wrapped my arm around her shoulders as we started walking.  
"I know. Me too."I sighed right back at her,"We just have to wait for this to be over. It'll get better. I promise."


	52. I Was The Last To Know

"This is ridiculous! I didnt fucking rape her!"Cole screamed, his eyes wild and his hair flying.  
"Cole why the fuck would I make this up? You think-"  
"Because you fucking hate me! Okay yeah, I kidnapped you, but I didnt fucking rape you!"Cole cut over the top of Lily. My eyes were darting between the two of them so fast it was starting to hurt. Jeremey had gotten us in here to confront Cole but right now he was standing in the corner, so still you wouldnt have even noticed him.

"Cole. Let me fucking talk. I was asleep. You crept in and decided to take advantage of me. There is a fucking stain on my sheet from it you fucking bastard."Lily stared at him coldly. I could barely feel my hand she was squeezing it so hard.  
"That could be from your fucking period you have no proof."  
"I have a fucking witness."Lily spat out. Cole's face drained of colour as he broke out into a sweat.

"Yeah? Who?"Cole regained his composure and sneered at her.  
"Sarah fucking McGregor. She heard. Her bedroom is right below us you fucking douche."The corners of her mouth lifted up slightly. I could see why. Cole was sweating profusely now. A drip ran down the side of his head as his eyes darted to Jeremy.

"Alright. I think I've heard enough. Cole Masters? You're under arrest for the kidnapping and raping of Lily Evans. Anything you say can and will be held against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attourney. If you do not have one, one can be provided."Jeremey said as he slammed the struggling Cole down on to the table. Lily pulled me to my feet and over to the door with her.  
"We can go right Jeremy?"Lily smiled at him. She looked under control but I could tell she was a raging fire inside.  
"Yep. I'll need you to make a formal statement but that can be done the day of the sentencing. Thanks guys. I'll call you."He said as he pulled a scowling Cole towards a different door.

"Nice going Lily."I smiled as she sped-walked down the narrow corridor and out the front doors into the sunlight.  
"I'm glad that he is getting punished but I swear to god if I get random people coming up to me in school again cause this has been on tv I'm going to fucking kill someone and go to prison myself."Lily grumbled.  
"Dont worry. I'm sure this wont even get on the tv."I squeezed her hand reassuringly as we waited for Gerard to pick us up.  
"You wanna bet? I'm the victim of Dean. Of course it fucking is. His dad owns some big factory or something and everyone fucking knows him. This is gonna be on the news and you know it."Lily turned to look at me. She looked angry and upset but smiled at me for a few seconds.

"Yeah. Sorry. Just trying to make you feel better."I shrugged my shoulders as I spotted Gerard up the road. he tooted at us and made Lily turn around. He pulled up beside us and we got in immediately.  
"Hey."Gerard smiled as he leaned over and kissed me.  
"Hi."I smiled back.

"How'd it go? What happened?"Gerard turned to look at Lily.  
"He's being arrested. We're gonna be called for the sentencing soon."Lily beamed at him.  
"Fuck yes! Oh my god."Gerard punched the air and faced the front again,"Lets go celebrate."

-time lapse-

"Oh fuck. Claire. Hey kiddo."I groaned out as Claire headbutted me in the crotch. We had barely walked in the door and already Claire had hurt me somehow.  
"Hi Frankie!"She smiled and jumped for me to pick her up. I grabbed her under her arms and swung her around.  
"How come you're here?"  
"I'm here with my friend!"  
"Linda's here?"I asked as I kissed her nose and put her down.

"Who told you? Oh no you weren't supposed to know!"Claire whined as she attached herself to Lily's leg.  
"Hey its okay. Linda told me."I smiled and ruffled her hair as Gerard grabbed my hand and pulled me into the lounge.  
"Come on Claire. Lets go see her aye?"Lily said behind us.

Linda was reading a magazine on the couch while drinking a hot drink. When we walked in she looked up and smiled,"Hey guys. Hows everything?"  
"Oh fine. Cole Masters just got arrested for kidnapping and raping me. How are you?"Lily smiled as she sat down. Linda's eyes went wide and she slopped coffee over her leg.  
"Fuck. Thats hot. But holy shit? What? Lily are you-"  
"Its fine Linda. Really. I know how to deal with it."Lily sighed as she sank into the cushions. I sat down next to her and grabbed her hand. Her eyes were closed and she didnt move except to squeeze my hand slightly.

"Lily I wish you had told me."Linda said sadly. I watched as Linda soaked up the coffee with a tissue. Something about them was too casual. Like they were more friendly than I knew...  
"I'm sorry I wanted to but he- I didnt even tell Frank so- just leave it."Lily sighed as Claire came and sat on her lap.  
"Are you okay Lily?"She said as she snuggled into her.  
"Yeah I'm okay cutie."Lily's eyes opened slightly and she smiled at Claire.

It was barely 3 o'clock on a friday and she looked exhausted. Gerard came into the room and sat down next to Linda. He looked at her seriously before looking at me and saying,"Frankie? We have a question for you."  
"Go shoot."I said as I let myself sink into the cushions as well.  
"Frank this is serious."Lily let go of my hand and sat up as Linda put her magazine down.

"What the fuck is going on? You guys are freaking me out."I sat up properly and stared at them all. Claire was the only one not looking at me. Instead she was going to climbing onto Linda's lap.  
"I just bought a house. In San Diego."Linda said as she gathered Claire up and held her tightly.  
"Oh wow. Thats- thats um..."I didnt want to say that was amazing. Because it wasnt. It wasnt anything good. I knew she was going to adopt Claire and that meant she would take her away from me. No.

"Frank before you go assuming anything just listen."Linda said when I opened my mouth to talk again. Fuck.  
"Okay."I croaked. I closed my eyes and waited for the horrible news.  
Linda nodded and looked up at me,"I've adopted Claire... And Lily."

My eyes flew open in shock. What? What the fuck? How was that-"What the fuck?  
"Frank I know what you're thinking but-"  
"No you dont. Lily how could you not tell me? What- this isnt even fucking- what the actual fuck!"I stood up and glared at them,"I cant believe you guys. How could you do this Lily?"I turned and looked at her guilty face.

"No Frank you need to calm down."Gerard was suddenly hugging me from behind.  
I turned in his arms and looked at him,"You mean you knew? And you didnt tell me?"I waited for Gerard to shake his head. To tell me that he didnt know something that had a major impact on my life. But he didnt. I shoved away from him,"Fuck!"

"Frank we want you to come with us!"Linda burst out. I froze.  
"Us? Is that- Lily and Claire? Or Gerard as well? Cause he seems to know an awful fucking lot as well."  
"Everybody in this room. Look, I love Lily and Claire. They're amazing girls. And I want to reconnect with you Frank. Its too late for me to raise you like I wanted but that doesnt matter because you've turned out wonderfully. Frank please."Linda stood up with Claire and gave her to Lily.

"I-"  
"Frank. I got into the art school there. I got the acceptance letter today. Its one of the biggest most successful colleges in the country. To get accepted is like getting approved to go into fucking space."Gerard took a step closer.  
"You what? You- you didnt even tell me you applied Gerard. What the fuck is going on?!"I screeched.  
"Because I didnt want you to get upset. Because you're only sixteen Linda has every right to take you back. And I'm almost 18. I'll be able to go without a caregivers consent in a few months. Frank I'm begging you to come with me. Please."He had grabbed my hands and was looking into my eyes with such an intense gaze I felt like I was going to go blind.

I looked at Lily's guilty face and Linda's scared face then I saw Claire's bright and happy face as she traced the ugly floral pattern on the couch. I had no right to keep her here. I couldnt stay here. Not when my sisters in everything but blood were moving across the country. And my boyfriend. He wanted to go. This was the opportunity of a lifetime for him.

"You guys all suck you know that?"I said as I let go of Gerard's hands and rubbed my face.  
"I know we do. But we did it cause we love you."Gerard said hopefully. I took my hands away and smiled at him.  
"Alright. Lets get out of this hellhole and move to fucking California."I grinned but my face fell,"Gerard what about the guys? And-"  
"No no its okay. Bob's Mum is taking him back to Chicago for three years. Ray's Mum wants him to go to college next year and my college course is gonna take three years. Bob called Rob,"Gerard giggled,"Bob and Rob. Anyway, he told him what was happening and Rob said to just come back when we're ready cause we're apparently gonna be a big band no matter what time we hit the scene."Gerard smiled.

"What about Mikey?"  
"I havent told him yet but-"  
"He wont mind. He's got Pete."I said confidently. Mikey would be fine. We would all be fine.


	53. Hot? Dirty? Fun?

Gerards POV

"Guilty."The man said confidently.  
"Cole Masters I sentence you to 10 years in prison. Case dismissed."The judge banged his hammer and stood up.  
"No! Please! I'm innocent! No please!"Cole started screaming as they dragged him away.  
I smiled as Lily hugged the breath out of Frank and said,"Its over."  
"I know."He smiled back at her.

"Lets get the fuck outta here."I grabbed Frank and pulled him to his feet.  
"Fuck yes."He smiled. Lily grabbed Claire and we all walked out, ignoring the media, until we found Mikey, Ray, Bob and Pete all waiting just down the street.  
"Ten fucking years guys."I huffed and met Mikey in a hug. The bastard that spent two years bullying me was finally getting his fucking karma.  
"Come on guys. Lets go celebrate at the bean aye?"Pete said as he took Mikey's hand. Frank took mine and we all started walking.

-time lapse-

"Hey guys. Frank you're supposed to start work in ten minutes. Just so you know."Di said as we walked in. The place was quiet and almost empty. The unnamed band that played in the afternoon was there and Di was behind the counter. The place smelt of fresh muffins and coffee.  
"Yup. Gimme a few minutes."He said.  
"Well you've got ten you numpty."Di smiled.

We all squeezed ourselves around one table and started talking.  
"Guys? Frank, Lily and I have something important to say..."I said loudly over the top of them all. They all stopped talking and looked at us,"I uh- you guys- fuck. Um. Mikey- shit. Um."I stopped spluttering and looked at Frank for help.

"You guys know Linda right? The nurse?"  
"Yeah."Mikey said for everyone.  
"Well she adopted Claire and Lily. And bought a house in San Diego. Aaaand she wants me to live with her. Aaaaand Gerard is coming as well cause he got accepted into that fancy art college that I keep forgetting the name of."Frank said in a rush.  
Everyone was silent for a moment before Pete said,"Congratulations Gerard. Thats a big deal. And you Lily. Getting adopted. When are you moving?"

I barely heard him though because I couldnt stop staring at Mikey. I blindly groped for Frank's hand under the table. He glanced at him then at Mikey. His eyes were glassy and blank.  
"Next week. We had to wait til after the sentencing today. We start packing tomorrow."Lily smiled. I was probably about to squeeze Frank's hands off but all I was aware of was the fact that Mikey's face was still blank and unstaring. Almost dead.

"Mikey?"I croaked out. Suddenly Mikey's face was full of life and, shit, anger.  
"What?"He snapped.  
"Are- are you okay?"I uttered out.  
"I'm fucking- I'm fine."Mikey spat out, indicating that he was anything but fine.

"Mikey do you want to go get some fresh air?"Pete said suddenly. Mikey nodded straight away and stood up. He grabbed Pete and dragged him outside.  
"Fuck."I thumped my head down onto the table.  
"Gerard-"Ray started to say.  
"No. Just dont. Okay?"I said to the table. I looked up at Frank with tears in my eyes,"I need to talk to him dont I."  
"It'll be okay. He'll understand soon enough."He reached over and tucked a strand of hair behind me ear then kissed me,"Go."

I blinked away tears and stood up. I walked outside and looked around. Mikey was sobbing on Pete's shoulder a few feet down the road. The door slammed behind me and made them both jump.  
"Gerard just-"  
"Mikey please listen to me."I ignored Pete and marched over to them.

I hated seeing Mikey cry. I had only ever seen it happen twice before. Nana's death and Mums death. He was really upset.  
"Gerard you dont need to explain okay? Its fine. I know this means the world to you I just- I'm gonna miss you."Mikey burst into tears and flung himself on me. I struggled to hold him up as he shook with his heaving sobs.

"Mikey its only for three years. Its okay."I said as he continued sniffing. We stayed like that for a long time. At some point Pete went back inside.  
"Sorry Gerard."Mikey said as he pulled away.  
"No I'm sorry. I should have told you as soon as I got accepted. No. When I applied."I sighed as he wiped his eyes and stood up straight.  
"You dont have to be sorry. I'm just gonna miss you guys. I mean, Lily wont be coming back will she? Bob's gonna be heartbroken."Mikey giggled as we walked inside.

I giggled,"Bob's going back to Chicago for three years so he'll deal with it."  
"Yeah. I'll have Pete."Mikey sounded better already. We sat back down with the guys and settled into an awkward silence. Diane walked over a few minutes later with coffees and a sad look on her face.  
"The guys told me."She said as she pulled a chair over.

-time lapse-

The rest of the night was spent talking to old friends, well my old friends anyway, and saying goodbye to fans. It was crazy. We had fans. That fact still gave me goosebumps. Frank decided to stay the night in my room. We got home late, giggling at nothing.  
"Night guys."Pete whispered as he and Mikey went into their room.

"We should enjoy the last night of not being exhausted from packing."I whispered in the dark. Frank giggled that adorable giggle. I shivered slightly as the cold air hit my chest. I tugged my skinny jeans off and stumbled towards where I thought the bed was. Frank was already in the bed, breathing softly.  
"So how are we going to enjoy this?"Frank breathed as I slid in beside him.

I tugged the blankets right up over our heads and pushed Frank onto his back. I put my leg over him and sat on him. He was already hard like me,"I can think of a few ways."  
"What did you have in mind?"He whispered as I lowered my mouth to his neck. In answer I gave an experimental roll of my hips against his which brought out the sexiest, filthiest moan I have ever heard.

"I was thinking exactly the same thing."He moved his hands up my back and pulled my face away from him. He surged up and kissed me, his sweaty palms gripping my face. I smiled into the kiss as I struggled to remove his underwear. He let go of my face and pointlessly looked down. It was blacker than pitch under the blanket. We finally got free of the last pieces of clothing.

I could barely breathe with how hot it was but I didnt even care. Frank was writhing underneath my hands and mouth. He tasted salty-sweet. My hands slid down his sides until they found his hard slick dick. As soon as I gripped it he was shouting out.  
"Oh fuck- yeah."Frank thrust up into my hand as I started jerking him off.

"Oh jesus."I moaned as Frank's hand was suddenly on my aching cock. As ridiculous as this was, covered in sweat, moaning like a cat in heat and barely able to breathe or see, it was fucking hot. Frank's moans were ratcheting me up higher and higher as we jerked each other off.  
"Fuck- yes. Like that- oh fuck yeah."I puffed as Frank's strokes became faster and tighter and hotter.  
"Oh fuck Gee- Gerard oh god."Frank gasped as he came into my hand. Not two seconds later I came, sealing ourselves together with the sticky mess and moaning his name. I collapsed on top of Frank, barely able to breathe let alone hold myself up.

It was some time before Frank thought to push the blankets off of our heads.  
"God I can breathe now."Frank panted.  
"Sorry."I smiled and rolled myself off of Frank, enjoying the cool air surrounding me.  
"That was uh-"  
"Hot? Dirty? Fun? A good way to enjoy the night?"I suggested. Frank laughed and put his head on my shoulder.  
"All of the above."He sighed happily. I kissed the top of his head and wrapped my arm around him, pulling him closer to me.

"Tomorrow is going to be hell."  
"Fuck. I hate packing."I grumbled.  
"No I meant when we go into school to sign out. Most of Cole's friends werent there the night Lily was kidnapped so they're gonna be pissed we put their ring leader in a jail cell."Frank ran his finger all over my chest, leaving a trail of goosebumps where ever it went.

"We'll be fine. We're just saying goodbye to Mr Stump and Miss Bellato, signing out at the office, grabbing all my art work and leaving. We can do it while its class time. They wont have a chance to yell at us."I rubbed his reassuringly.  
"I guess you're right."Frank sighed.  
"Of course I'm right."My eyes were drooping slightly as sleep started taking over me.  
"Dick."He muttered.

The corners of my lips tugged up slightly in a smile.  
"Goodnight Gee. I love you."Frank breathed quietly.  
"Love you too. Night."I murmered. It took all of to seconds for me to close my eye and fall asleep.


	54. Just Like That

"Good for you guys! Wow, that so amazing. I wish you the world of luck. And Gerard, you need to come back here and see me afterwards okay?"Mr Stump almost looked like he was about to tear up. Gerard nodded and smiled at him. Gerard also looked like he was about to tear up. I didnt really know Mr Stump all that well having been forced to skip most of his lessons last year.

"I will I promise. Hows it going with Miss Bellato?"Gerard said as he slowly started backing away towards the door.  
Mr Stumps face lit up at the mention of her,"She's moving in next week."  
"Oh my gosh! Thats awesome! Wow. If you guys get married you better invite us to the wedding."Gerard said as we reached the door.  
"I wouldnt have it any other way. Bye guys."Mr Stump waved at us and went back to his class. The whole load of students were staring at us like we were freaks. Which we were. Just awesome ones.

"Come on, lets go see Miss Bellato."Gerard thread his fingers through mine and tugged me around the school to Miss Bellatos class. We reached her room and knocked.  
"Come in!"She called. We walked in to see a bunch of juniors staring up at us from their work books. Miss Bellato was putting her bass back in its case. She looked up and spotted us then beamed a huge smile and waved us further in.

"Everyone? Look at these two boys. They're in one of the soon to be, greatest bands ever."She grinned even wider and walked over to us,"Now back to work."  
"Thanks Miss Bellato."I smiled. Gerard's face was flushed and adorable looking.  
"I saw you guys play. Patrick and I went together. You guys were amaaaaazing."She gushed.  
"Yeah about that. Uh- we're moving. To California."Gerard was squeazing my hand. I dont think he even knew.

"Wow. Really? Thats- just you two? Or-"  
"No you remember Claire right?"She nodded."Well you know Linda right? The school nurse?"She nodded again."Well she adopted Claire and is also my birth Mum and she bought a house over there and Gerard got accepted in the biggest art school ever so we're all moving. Its gonna be fantastic."I smiled and let go of Gerard. I shook my hand back to feeling before grabbing his hand again.

"Shit man thats just awesome. Congratulations. For everything. Wow. Shit."Miss Bellato was literally stunned. It was hilarious.  
"Miss Bellato? I'm finished."Some short kid stared at us as she checked his work. He was very angry and bored looking.  
"Well done Travis. Go do the next page or something I'm busy."Handed him his bookwork.  
"Cant I play now? I promise I'll be quiet."He pleaded.  
"Travis you cant be quiet. I'm surprised you know what that word means."Miss Bellato sighed. He just continued looking at her with pleading eyes. With a sigh she said,"Fine. But!"She stopped him from running,"No microphones."  
"Deal. Thanks Miss!"He called over his shoulder.

"Sorry. Boy is nuts over the drums. With good reason. He's a natural."Miss Bellato shook her head in amusement.  
"Right. God. I've never seen such intensity in a drummers eyes."I said as I watched him tug over a microphone.  
"Dammit. He also doesnt listen. I gotta go guys."Miss Bellato sighed as two boys at the back started fighting.  
"Yeah yeah sure. We'll uh- yeah. Thank you for everything Miss Bellato."Gerard waved over his shoulder.  
"Good luck boys! It was awesome teaching you guys."  
"You too! Bye!"I fought back the tears over leaving as we walked away.

I couldnt stop the stupid sob that escaped though. Gerard pulled us to a halt and looked at me,"Hey. I know its sorta sad to be leaving this place. But think about California. Its gonna be so much better. You'll be happy. I promise."He pulled me into a hug and held me tightly.  
"I know. Its weird though. This town has been nothing but shit to all of us. It seems wrong to feel sad about leaving... Maybe its just the people we'll be leaving... I wish we could have like, a massive dinner or something with everyone. It would be awesome. Oh well. Nothing we can do."I sighed as we started up walking again.  
"I know... Think of the friends you're gonna make in California though.It'll be fine I promise. And remember, we're leaving this shitty assed school behind. Thats a good thing."Gerard grumbled. That was probably the best thing.

-time lapse-

"Goodbye school! Fuck you very much for everything! May god have mercy on all the poor souls inside those buildings!"Gerard cackled as we drove away. I smiled and looked out the window, the wind cooling my face and making my eyes water slightly.  
"Oh fuck that felt good. Gerard can we do that again?"I rolled my head to look at him. He was grinning at nothing, his hair flying in the wind.  
"I know. God. Did you see the look on his face? Fuck. He is literally the worst principal in the world."Gerard shook his head and slowed down slightly.

"A part of me feels bad but he fucking deserves it."I smiled.I felt the giggles well up and burst through. In order to leave the school we had to talk to Principal Jackson. Before leaving Gerard had yelled in his face about all the bullying that goes on behind his back and how shitty he is at his job. Principal Jackson had stared at him stunned before I had added that people were having sex in the library. Even though they werent. He had ended up thanking us for going to the school and wished us the best of luck with a face whiter than snow.

"Where are we going now?"I asked as the giggles subsided.  
"Uhhhh tooooo theeeeeeeeee oh. I need to go pick something up. Wont take long."Gerard said as he indicated left and turned onto a very hilly street.  
"What do you need to pick up?"  
"Presents. For you. And Lily. And Claire."Gerard smiled.  
I sat up in my seat and clapped my hands together,"Oooh goodie. What is it?"  
"You'll see."Gerard winked at me and pulled up at the curb,"I wont be a minute. Wait here okay?"

I twiddled my thumbs and watched him go into a, fuck yes, cellphone store. Two minutes later he left holding three boxes. He got in the car and looked at them all before picking one and throwing it into my lap.  
"Gerard you shouldnt have bought all of these. Maybe one yeah but three? Its too much."  
"Relax, Cole's dad paid me money to stop going to the cops and I said yeah sure but he didnt think about Lily. Why do you think I can afford to keep this car running? I havent worked in over a month."Gerard smiled.

"Wow. Cole's dad is a dick. How much did he pay you?"  
"Enough for me to afford these and, another surprise when we get there."Gerard winked at me again and started the car up.  
"Douche. Where are we going now?"  
"Pete's. Linda's sent a trailer there and Pete's Mum has got boxes so we're packing my shit."Gerard's good mood was steadily disappearing. I could feel mine ebbing away as well. We both hated packing.

-time lapse-

"Hey be careful! Fuck- I cant believe you just dropped it! That thing cost me a fortune okay? That thing is my boyfriends life and career now fucking stop just stop."Gerard snatched Daisy from the ground and examined her for scratches. The huge guy who dropped it looked at Gerard angrily before walking back to the two guys' van.  
"Gerard?"  
"What?"He snapped,"Look at this. There are scratches all over it. Fucking dickhead."Gerard shoved Daisy at me and pointed to a tiny chip on the back of the neck.  
"Gerard its nothing. Just take a deep breath okay?" I leaned over and grabbed the stand and set the guitar in it.

"I'm sorry I just- I fucking hate packing. Its so stressful and I'm freaking out because of shit like that happening."Gerard closed his eyes and took a deep breath.  
I grabbed his shoulders and kissed him,"I know. Just relax. Think about San Diego. About art school. Go make a coffee okay? Just let me handle this."  
He opened his eyes and nodded,"Sorry Frankie. I'll uh- dont put Daisy on the trailer. We can put her in the car when we go to the house cause the case is there so yeah."

"Go Gerard."I pushed him away and turned back to the other worker.  
"What the hell is his problem?"He grunted as he placed a box down.  
"He hates packing. He is stressed as hell and just wants to leave. Give him a break will you?"  
"Yeah yeah whatever. That was the last box anyway."He jumped off the back of the trailer and latched the door shut.

"Alright well we have to wait til my friends parents get home so um. Yeah. You guys are free to go. You've been paid right?"  
"Yeah yeah dont worry. Enjoy the move guys."He waved and went over to the van. Two seconds later they pulled away and left me alone outside. I grabbed Daisy and the stand then took them inside.

Gerard was lying down on the couch, a steaming cup of coffee on the floor next to him, and he was talking on the phone.  
"Hold on he's here now,"Gerard took the phone away from his mouth and said,"Have they gone?"I nodded and sat down next to him."Yeah they're gone. You paid them right? Okay good. Yeah he's here now. Okay. Frank, Linda wants to talk to you."

"Hi."I said as I lay down next to him.  
"Hey Frankie. We're in your room right now and we were wondering if you wanted us to pack your stuff or leave it til tomorrow?"Linda's warm voice travelled down the line.  
"Uhhhhh leave it. I'll do it. I have things that need sorting. Privately."I avoided Gerard's questioning look and said goodbye.

"Yeah I'm still here... Okay. We'll see you tomo- oh okay. See you tonight then. Bye."Gerard hung up the phone and dropped it next to his coffee.  
"Whats happening then?"I looked up at him.  
"Lily and Claire are packed and we're gonna leave as soon as you're packed. They all want to leave tomorrow if you can pack your stuff tonight."  
"I can get it done. I dont have much stuff. It could probably be done in an hour."I sighed and snuggled into the crook of Gerard's arm.  
"Brilliant. I dunno about you but I'm feeling like a nap."He yawned.  
"Waaaay ahead of you."I said woozily as my eyes closed by themselves. And just like that we were asleep.


	55. Too Blissed Out To Care

"Gerard?"I croaked. I opened my eyes and realised it was dark. We were in his bed under the blankets and his phone was buzzing on the bedside table. A few seconds of struggling to get up made me realise that Gerard wasnt even in the room. I groped for his phone and waited for my eyes to adjust. Gerard was calling. What the fuck? I opened it up and put it to my ear,"Hello?"  
"Frankie. Did I wake you?"His voice sounded like he had been up for a while.  
"Uh- no um. Where are you? What time is it?"I rolled onto my back and rubbed sleep out of my eyes.

"Its almost 6 o'clock. I'm just at the bean sorting a few things. I'll be back in a few minutes okay? Love you."He hung up before I could even process what he had said. I sat up and got a proper look around.  
"The fuck?"I was at the house. The beds had been stripped except for the one I was in which turned out to be mine and not Gerards. There were two boxes in the corner labelled 'Lily's stuff' and another in the other corner with Claire written all over it in messy scrawls.

I looked at the phone again and struggled to understand how Gerard had called me from his phone, on his phone.  
"Jesus christ."I groaned and fell back down onto my bed. It was the phone Gerard had given me. It was all charged up and when I went through the contacts everyone I knew was there. Gerard had put a star at the beginning of his name so it was top of the list and a bunch of kisses at the end. Dick.

I got out of bed and flicked the light on. My jeans were lying on the floor next to my shoes and socks but otherwise I was wearing my t-shirt and boxers. I pulled my jeans on and stumbled out and downstairs. Everyone was eating in the dining room but Lily and Claire were no where to be seen. I could hear Gerard walking in the front door behind me.

"Hey sleepyhead."Gerard wrapped his arms around my waist and kissed the back of my neck. I smiled as Steven noticed us staring at them all from the doorway and stood up.  
"Can I interest you in a last supper?"He spread his arms wide.  
I was about to say yes when Gerard said,"No can do Steven. We're going out to dinner. But can we get everyone here for breakfast? Our last ever breakfast with you guys?"  
"Of course! I'll make sure everyone is here. Friends and everything."Steven smiled,"You clean up nice, Gerard."

I turned in his arms and gasped. He was wearing a suit. And he looked... Just... Wow... Fucking... fuckable. Kissable. Everything-able.  
"You like it?"He flung the jacket open to reveal a crisp black shirt with a blood red tie. He was wearing shiny black shoes and tight black pants.  
"Mmm hmm."I smiled.  
"You've got one as well."He grinned. Fuck.

"Where are we going to dinner?"I asked as he tugged me upstairs.  
"The fanciest fucking restaurant in town. Carpe Diem."  
"Oooh sounds exciting."I smiled. I had never heard of the place at all.  
"Yeah, we're meeting Linda and that there."Gerard said airily.

I walked into the room and watched as Gerard pulled a bag out from one of the drawers. He threw some black pants, a fresh white shirt and a black jacket at me. I caught it all.  
"I'm gonna grab a quick shower okay?"I said as I looked at it with interest.  
"Alright well dont be too long. The table is booked for half 6."He called as I walked out.

Two minutes later I was pulling the pants on. There was a knock on the door,"Frank are you dressed yet?"  
"Not yet. Dont- dont come in."I said as I towel dried my hair.  
"Okay well hurry up."He called back. I nodded to my reflection in the mirror and decided to look behind it.

There was hair gel, floss, eye liner and, hello, lube. I smiled and grabbed the hair gel and opened it. It smelt extremely fruity. I dabbed some on my fingers and shoved it through my hair. I wasnt even sure what I was doing but when I looked at the result I was happy. It was all 'stickyup' in the middle and it looked... good. I opened the cabinet again and put it back. On a moment of insanity I grabbed the eye liner and smeared it around my eyes.

I grabbed the shirt and pulled it on. The feel of it was really nice. The jacket fit perfectly as well but there was no tie. I dismissed it and opened the door. I walked in to find Gerard with his ass in the air, looking at something under the bed.  
"Hey hot stuff. Whatcha looking for?"I said.

He didnt answer me. Instead he got up and looked at me, his face red from being down on the ground but his eyes were shining.  
"Dayum boy."He whistled and made me giggle.  
"Is the hair okay?"I went to touch it self consciously but he grabbed my hand and stopped me.  
"You look... delectible."  
"Right back at you baby. Now come on. We need to leave."I grinned.

"Yeah I got it wrong. The table is booked for half 7 actually. So we can start on your packing. If you want...?"Gerard raised an eyebrow at me.  
"May as well get it over and done with."I sighed. I reached under my bed and pulled out the rucksack I had packed my shit in to come here. I went and opened my drawer and pulled out the few clothes I had and shoved them in.

"Hey Frank? Do you have room for my stuff? I forgot about my shit here. The trailer is outside though so we can dump it straight away."Gerard came up behind me.  
"Yeah go for it."I opened his drawer and started stuffing Gerard's clothes inside.  
"I'm just gonna grab my shit from the bathroom. I'll just be a second."Gerard muttered.

I continued squeezing his clothes in. Completely unaware of the noise of something rolling around in the bottom.  
"Oh my."I dropped the t-shirt and picked up the purple vibrator.  
"You okay Frank?"Gerard came up behind me which just tipped me over the edge. I couldnt stop myself from laughing. I dropped the vibrator and sank to my knees, clutching my stomach and gasping for air.

"Shut up Frank."Gerard half smiled at me, his face redder than a tomato.  
"I'm sorry Gerard but-"I doubled over with laughing again.  
"Fuck you Frank."Gerard snatched the vibrator away and stuffed it deep in the bag. He put the last of his clothes in the bag and zipped it up,"You're gonna get it."  
"I look forward to it."I giggled. I wiped the tears from my eyes and stared up at him. The laughter was still there, threatening to well up again and take over, but I fought them back.

"Help me up?"I asked sweetly, holding my hand out. Gerard glared down at me and grabbed my hand. He pulled me up and yanked me back with him. We fell onto the bed together causing me to start giggling again.  
"My god Frank calm down."Gerard smiled as he wrapped his arms around me and held me in place.

"I'm sorry Gerard. I just cant stop laughing."I chuckled.  
"Why?"  
"I dont know! Its ridiculous."I smiled as they died down.

"Well we've got about 2 minutes before we need to leave so come on."Gerard sighed, checking his phone.  
"Relax. We'll be on time."I smiled and kissed the tip of his nose.  
"Okay. Lets go then I'm starving."Gerard rolled us over so he was on top of me and said,"Just one second."

He pulled aside the collar of my shirt and started sucking on the side of my neck while grinding his hips down.  
"Oh fuck. Gerard no- jesus. Mmph."I clutched at his back and closed my eyes.  
Gerard stopped moving suddenly and looked at me. I opened my eyes in a daze.  
"Lets go."He smiled and climbed off of me.

I watched him go, completely stunned. Where had that come from?  
"Frank come on!"He shouted, already down the stairs. I pushed up from the bed and grabbed the bag from the floor. I rushed after Gerard and shouted a goodbye to everyone before going outside and getting in the car with Gerard.  
"You ready? Got everything?"  
"Yup."I smiled as he started up the car.

A little bit into the ride I broke the silence and asked,"What time did we go to sleep?"  
"I dunno I think it was about 12? You slept for about 5 hours."Gerard turned the radio down.  
"Shit. And how did I get to the house?"  
"You dont remember? About 4 o'clock I woke up. You were really out of it so I left you and went to the house. Told Steven and Taylor what was happening then grabbed your blanket and came back at half past. You were still mostly asleep when I put you in the car and took you to the house. You fell straight to sleep once you were in bed which was when I went to organise the phones and get everyone at dinner."

We turned a corner and slowed to a stop outside a cute little area. There were pot plants everywhere and big red umbrellas over black tables. All of this was under a glass roof through which you could see the stars shining. A few of the tables had people sitting at them but otherwise there was no one else in sight. I undid my seatbelt and went to get out but Gerard stopped me.

"Everything okay?"I asked. He let go of me and stared at me.  
He had a very thoughtful look on his face before he gestured to the back of the car,"Move to the back."  
"I- um. Okay..."I climbed into the back and waited. Gerard was checking the time.

"Gerard whats going on? You're kinda freaking me out..."I shook my hair out of my eyes and watched as a huge adorably evil grin spread across his face. He turned to me and winked before climbing into the back and sitting on my lap.  
"Wanna have some fun?"He waggled his eyebrows at me which should have looked stupid but just looked seductive and hot.  
"Dont we need to get inside?"  
"We've got ten minutes."Gerard's grin got even wider somehow. Honestly, he was like Jack fucking Skellington.

Before I could do anything Gerard's mouth was on mine and his hips were grinding into mine. An involuntary moan escaped my mouth and mingled with Gerard's moan. My hands were in his hair and his hands were already at my zip. I pushed his jacket off and flung my head back as he started sucking on my collar bone. Damn he was fast. My shirt was open and he was sliding to the floor, my hard dick pushing at my underwear. I bucked my hips up so Gerard could get my hard aching dick into the open.

"Oh fuck- jesus god!"I groaned as Gerard's tight wet mouth closed around my cock. I braced myself with one hand against the side of the door and gripped the upholstery with the other as Gerard sucked me off,"Mmph fuck. Oh god Gerard."I closed my eyes and tried to hold on to my last sane thought but when I tried to register what it was it was gone. Now my mind was just filled with Gerard and those slow methodical movements.

Gerard replaced his mouth with his hand and whispered,"Do it for me Frankie. Come for me."His voice was so desperate and husky and sexy I almost came just at that. But instead Gerard's mouth was back on my dick . He wasnt holding my hips down anymore. He was gripping the base of my dick with both hands. Jerking me off and blowing me at the same time. The sensations running through my body and mind were ridiculously strong as I all but fucked his mouth.

"Oh jesus Gerard fuck- yeah right- fuck oh god Gerard."I moaned and groaned and panted as I came right into Gerard's mouth. He swallowed it. All of it.  
"God you're so fucking hot."Gerard surged up and kissed me hard, pushing me into the seat.  
"Not as hot as you."I said against his lips. I pushed back and somehow managed to reverse us so I was on top of him.

My shirt was still open and my dick was still hanging out, making me look like a complete tool, but I didnt care. I just wanted to taste Gerard.  
"Fuck fuck fuck fuck- oh jesus!"Gerard shouted out as I palmed him through his pants while sucking on his collarbone. God he was so fucking amazing. I didnt bother undoing his shirt I just slid to the floor of the car and struggled to undo his belt buckle.

Gerard tried to help me but I slapped him away, determined to do this all myself. I finally got it undone and straight away Gerard's hips were in the air so I could slide his silky black boxers off. Gerard's dick was slick and hard and fucking huge. I licked my lips and went in for the kill.  
"Mmph- Frank. Jesus."Gerard threw his head back and started moaning so loudly I was scared someone outside would hear us.

I gripped the base, licked at the head and took in as much as I could. Gerard made a hiccuping 'ah' sound and tangles my hair in his fingers, ruining whatever it was I had done with the gel. I continued sucking, drawing out cursing and moans from Gerard. Fuck, I could feel myself getting hard again from this. I was dizzy from not even breathing I was so focused on making Gerard squirm. I pulled off and took one long breath before sliding back onto Gerard's dick. I can barely find a rhythym. I probably wasnt making it all that great for Gerard but I was too blissed out to care. At least my hand was doing doing something useful. Jacking him off, tight and precise.

Maybe my mouth was too though because Gerard was losing it. His eyes were clenched shut, his hands were squeezing the fuck out of my shoulders and he was moaning and groaning like a dying elephant. Gerard's legs clenching around me was the only warning I got before he was coming in my mouth.  
"Oh god jesus- Frank fuck yeah oh my god!"Gerard moaned. I fucking loved sucking dick.

"Shit thats my phone."Gerard panted but made no move to get his chirping phone from the front. I reached behind me and grabbed it from his seat.  
"Gerard its almost 8 o'clock."I handed him the phone.  
"Oops. Come on. Make yourself presentable."Gerard smiled as he opened the phone and put it to his ear,"I know we're late I'm sorry. I had to um. Help Frank pack. We're almost there though."Gerard was doing his pants up as he talked. I fixed the collar of my shirt and checked my hair in the rearview mirror. It looked like I had just been blown in the back of a car. Great. There wasnt anything I could do to fix it though so I left it and got out of the car.

Gerard was out already, waiting for me. I shut the door and he locked it then grabbed my hand and we walked towards the glass doors with the words 'Carpe Diem! The best buffet in town! BYO' in gold letters across them. Inside the carpet was a plush red and there was quiet dinner music playing. A tall man came over to us and smiled widely,"Do you have a reservation?"  
"Yeah, under Way? I think the rest of our uh party are already here."  
"Uh yes the table booked for 15. Right this way."The man walked away, grabbing two menus beforehand.

"15?!"I looked at Gerard, my eyebrows raised so high they were almost off my head.  
"Shush. This is a nice place. Dont be loud."Gerard scolded me.  
I rolled my eyes and smiled,"Just who is going to be here?"  
"You'll see."Gerard said coyly and strolled ahead.


	56. I'm Okay, Trust Me

We went through an archway to reveal a semi-private long table completely full except for two seats opposite each other. Sitting round the table was everyone. Fucking everyone.  
"Jesus christ Gerard."I said and waved at everyone. There was Linda, Claire, Lily, Mikey, Ray, Bob, Pete, Brendon, Ryan, Mr Stump, Miss Bellato, Di and a guy I didnt know.  
"Sorry we're late everyone. Frank's took too long packing. Gerard rolled his eyes and pulled out a seat for me.  
"Mmm hmm. Sure. Packing. Your hair says different."Mikey raised an eyebrow at us.

"Who cares. You're here now so lets eat. I'm fucking starving."Pete stood up.  
"No wait we need drinks."Mikey pulled him down as Gerard clicked his fingers in the air. One second later a petite little brunnette waitress appeared with a notepad and a pen. It took a good ten minutes for everyone to decide on their drinks but we were finally all making our way to the food area.

"Gerard I cant believe you did this."I smiled as we dished up our food.  
"Well you said you wanted a goodbye dinner so I got everyone that I could."Gerard smiled.  
"Well its amazing. The perfect goodbye. Thank you."I smiled up at him.  
"Anything for you."He smiled and moved to the seafood section. I fucking hate seafood. Or more, anything that used to be alive.

"Hey sweetie pie."Miss Bellato bumped hips with me.  
"Hey Miss Bellato."I smiled.  
"Frank. My name is Lindsay. Stop calling me Miss Bellato it makes me feel old."She chuckled.  
"Sorry Lindsay. Liiiiindsaaaaay."Fuck. The giggles were back.  
"What are you laughing at?"She raised an eyebrow at me.  
"Sorry."I gasped and set my plate down,"I've got the fucking giggles again."  
"Right... Well I'll leave you to it."She smiled and walked back to the table.

There wasnt much of a selection for me so of course I was the last to sit back down with a few measly chips and some salad.  
"You havent got much Frank."Linda noted as I sat down two seats away from her.  
"There wasnt much up there for me."I said glumly.  
"Seriously? There is loads up there."Mr Stump said through a mouthful.  
"Not for vegetarians."I muttered and stuffed a leaf of lettuce in my mouth.

"I didnt know you were a vegetarian."Ray, Di and Linda said in unison.  
"At least you wont fill up on dinner. You can fill up on dessert."Gerard grinned. I smiled at him, already knowing what he meant by dessert.  
"They have a really nice looking cheesecake."Brendon nudged me.  
"Oooh I love cheesecake."I grinned. The thought of cheesecake made me eat my disgusting chips faster.

Everyone was laughing and chatting happily. Gerard was talking to Mikey. Ray, Bob and Pete were in a deep discussion about something. Ryan was talking with Di and Lily was talking with Linda. Claire was talking to the guy I didnt know and Brendon, shit, was talking to me.  
"... okay?"He looked at me seriously.  
"Uh... I'm sorry I wasnt listening."I smiled sheepishly.

Brendon sighed and shook his head,"I said, you have to make sure you hunt down The Smashing Pumpkins. They live in LA. You need to get their autograph for me. Okay?"  
"Right right sure. Fuck yeah. Shit man, what if like, I get a job in a cafe or whatever and I get to serve them. Man that would be awesome."I sighed happily, chewing on a chip.  
"Man I'm jealous. I'd give anything to be over there."Brendon sighed as well.

-time lapse-

Everyone had finished eating. I was stuffed and felt extremely sick. We were all talking about good times together and I was feeling okay, but I couldnt shake the sadness creeping up on me as the evening went by. It was close to midnight and Claire was currently asleep in Linda's arms.

"Attention everyone!"Gerard stood up and tapped his glass of coke,"I'd like to give a toast."Everyone stopped talking and looked at him. He immediately started blushing and looked away for a moment. He cleared his throat and looked up,"Almost everyone here knows Mikey and I havent had the easiest life exactly. Those of you I sort of knew from the house or the music lessons from Miss-"  
"Lindsay."I found myself saying.  
"What?"Mikey looked at me along with everyone else except for Lindsay who was grinning at Mr Stump.  
"I uh she doesnt like Miss Bellato... Her names Lindsay."

"Right... Okay. Thanks Frankie... Um."Gerard's face flooded with confusion before clearing,"So anyway as I was saying... Those of you who I know from the orphanage or the music lessons from Lindsay, I love you. You've helped me and Mikey so much. I cannot thank you enough. Now, only one person here doesnt know Frank. And I'll introduce you all to him in a moment. I know that Claire has been keeping him entertained."Gerard smiled and made Claire giggle next to the guy.

"You guys all remember what I was like before I met Frank right?"Gerard looked around at everyone nodding,"So you all know how much of a blessing it was for Frank to sit next to me and try to talk to me. Linda had a bit of a helping hand but- man was I weirded out. Its not very often that someone as gorgeous as Frank sits next to me and tries to talk."Gerard was staring at me very intensely. It made me feel warm in all sorts of weird places.

"Mikey. You are the best brother. I know for a fact that I wouldnt be standing here right now if it werent for you. You have stood by me through everything. Put up with my complaints my- everything. Jesus, you put up with so much. Pete you have done the right thing in staying with him. You guys- fuck."Gerard had tears in his eyes,"I know, that three years may seem like a long time. But I promise you its going to fly by. And then Bob you'll be back from Chicago as well and we can go see Rob and we'll become one of the best bands this world has ever seen. Di, thank you for all the coffee. Its amazing fuck you're amazing."Gerard wiped tears away from his eyes and looked down,"Mr Stump. I- you- man. Why is this so hard?"Gerard turned away and took a few deep breaths.

I quickly got up and went round to comfort him.  
"I'm sorry Frankie. I'm sorry guys."Gerard's voice was shaky and sad.  
"Gerard its okay come here."I grabbed him and hugged him tightly,"Its gonna be okay. Like you said, we're gonna be back in 3 years. Its gonna fly by."I whispered. Gerard nodded and let me go. I sat back down and waited.

"Okay. Sorry about that eh em. So. Josh? Do you wanna stand up and say hi?"Gerard looked to the guy I didnt know.  
"Hey everybody. I'm Josh. I was Gerard's therapist before I was replaced."The smile he gave to everyone warm and friendly. He sat back down and everyone looked back to Gerard.  
"So Josh, he uh he was the first one I ever opened up to. He has helped me with so much. The only thing that pisses me off about him was that he left me with Jade. Fucking bitch."

A giggle burst out of me and made Gerard start giggling.  
"Sorry. Continue."I smiled at him.  
"Right. So. If you ever see Josh in the street, then I want you to say hi. Be nice. He saved my life. Everyone here saved my life in their own little way. Thank you. You all mean the world to me. And I'm gonna m-miss you all s-so m-much. F-fuck here I go again."Gerard rolled his eyes at himself as tears trailed down his face. I stared round at everyone and sighed. I didnt want to go. I would miss everyone too much. My eyes found Claire. She wasnt going to change her mind. She loved Linda. And she loved Lily. They weren't going to stay for me. I had to go. Fucking great. Now I was crying. I got up and went to Gerard again.

We just started sobbing on each others shoulder, clinging to each other desperately. I dont know how long we actually stood there for but at some point Mikey joined us. I let go and looked at everyone. Some of them were watching us but most were just looking at their drinks sadly.  
"Hey everyone? Thank you all for coming tonight. It means the world to us. All of us."I smiled sadly at them all, tears sliding down my cheeks,"I used to hate... everything. The whole adoption system, the people at the orphanage but... Turning 16 was possibly the best thing to happen to me because it allowed me to meet all of you and it made it possible for me to get the greatest boyfriend. Ever. And I know we've had our ups and downs,"My eyes darted to Ryan's blushing face for a second,"But we got through them. With the help of you guys. So thank you. For everything. I love you all so much and I've barely known you three months."

"Guys I think we need to leave."Pete said loudly. We all looked round and saw people cleaning the tables and stacking chairs in the main dining area.  
"Whats the time?"I sniffed.  
"Its quarter to 1."Someone gasped.  
"Oh shoot. We should get Claire home."Linda yawned as Claire snuggled further into Linda's jacket.

Within ten minutes everyone had said their goodbyes and Gerard and I were driving back to the house. Mikey and the others were going to see us off tomorrow morning.  
"Thank you Gerard."I sank into my seat and closed my eyes.  
"You dont have to thank me Frank. Tonight was awesome."Gerard sighed happily.

I could feel sleep taking over me already,"Mmm hmm. Wake me up when we get there."  
"Sure thing. Love you."Gerard said quietly. I wanted to reply but I couldnt function properly I was so tired. And then I was gone.

-time lapse-

"Frank? Sweetie? We need to get up."Gerard sighed in my ear. I opened my eyes and immediately shut them again with a groan,"Come on Frankie."Gerard giggled. His hands snaked around my waist and pulled me closer to him. He kissed the back of my neck softly before patting my thigh.  
"No Gerard come back. My back is cold now. Keep the other side of me waarrrrm."I croaked into my pillow.  
He appeared in front of me and kissed me,"Frank. We need to have breakfast with everyone and then meet up with the girls and the guys."

My eyes flew wide open and I sat up,"Fuck. We're leaving today. We're really leaving. Oh my god."I put my hand to my forehead and looked around.  
"Come on. We've got about 5 minutes to get ready."Gerard was already tugging on a pair of skinny jeans. I groaned loudly again to tell Gerard and the world how unfair it was not being able to sleep a little bit longer.

"I hate everything."I grumbled as I staggered around, pulling my clothes on.  
"I know you do."Gerard chuckled and grabbed my hand once I was dressed. We went downstairs and both gasped in unison. There were goodbye banners everywhere and balloons and everyone was standing around the table grinning.

"You guys. This is amazing."Gerard was the first to go in. I followed close behind, immediately making a beeline for Sarah. She hugged me tightly and sat down. I sat down next to her with Brendon on my other side. Gerard was directly across from me again.  
"Hey Steve?"Gerard said quietly,"I'm sorry for all the trouble I caused you."  
"Nonsense. You were going through a whole heap of stuff."Steven shook his head at him as Taylor appeared with a stack of bowls and a huge steaming pot.

"Hey everyone! I have something to say!"Gerard stood up suddenly. Seems he was obssessed with making toasts. We all looked at him and waited,"Right. I love you."He pointed to Steven,"I love you and you and you."Taylor, Sarah and Brendon,"And I hate you. You and you."He pointed to Jack, his girlfriend and one of his other mates.  
"Gerard stop it."I said quietly. That was really quite rude. Jack had ended up apologising.  
"Fuck off. These guys were just as horrible to me as Cole was."Gerard glared at them then plonked back down.

The room was silent for a moment before Sarah burst out laughing. Brendon started giggling next to me. Before long everyone was laughing.  
"You guys are dicks... I'm gonna miss you both so much."Brendon sighed. I smiled at him and dished up some porridge.

A half hour later I was hugging Brendon and Sarah goodbye then Steven and then Taylor with tears in my eyes.  
"You guys better come back and visit us okay?"Sarah said sadly. I nodded and hugged her again.  
"Frankie, dont forget. Smashing Pumpkins. Hell, fucking everyone."Brendon hugged me again as well.

"Best of luck guys. See you in three years."They all waved as we got in the car. Gerard pulled away from the curb and then the house was out of sight. I sighed and leaned against the cold window, staring out at the blurring lines on the road depressingly.  
"Hey. Its gonna be fine. Okay?"Gerard's hand was on my thigh, warm and familiar.  
"I know."I sighed heavily again.

In seemingly no time at all we were pulling up outside The Magic Bean where Linda's car was parked. No one was in sight this early in the morning. Gerard and I got out and walked inside.  
"Hey guys."Mikey said sadly. A second later he was hugging Gerard, making him choke.  
"Mikey- I cant breathe."He croaked.  
"Sorry."Mikey sniffed. His eyes were red and puffy beneath his glasses.

We walked to the others who were gathered around two tables put together drinking coffee.  
"Here Frank. Gerard."Di handed us a coffee each.  
"Thanks."I mumbled. We pulled up a chair in silence.

"When do you guys have to leave?"Pete asked quietly.  
"Few minutes..."Linda replied, equally as quiet. I looked up from my drink as Mikey let out a sob. Silently we all stood up and walked outside, clutching our coffees for warmth and comfort.

"You'll call every night?"Mikey asked Gerard.  
"Of course. I'll keep you updated with everything. And Frank has a phone now as well so we can all stay in touch."Gerard sniffed. My face was soaked as I hugged Ray and Bob.  
"Drive safe guys okay?"Pete said as he hugged me.

Gerard was still hugged Mikey last and was still hugging him after I had hugged everyone.  
"Guys we really have to go."Linda said quietly. Gerard let go of Mikey and got in the car. I got in the car as well and somehow managed to find the strength to wave at them all from the window. Then we were driving away. Then they were gone. Just like that. Thats when I broke down into tears.

Linda was in the car in front of us but when she turned left, Gerard kept going straight.  
"Gerard?"I sniffed.  
"There is one last thing I need to do before we leave. Will you text Lily and tell her we're just taking a quick detour?"Gerard's voice was dead. I nodded and pulled my phone out. There was one message from Mikey.

yo. we're all at the bean and are just waiting on you.

I ignored it and text Lily what Gerard had said. By the time she text back saying to take the west motorway Gerard was stopping the car.  
"Oh."I uttered as Gerard got out straight away. I quickly followed him and went to grab his hand,"You ready for this?"  
"Yes."He said quietly. We walked down the street and through the alleyway into the forest.

Gerard led the way and slowed a few feet away from a stream. I stared at a tree I had only ever seen in drawings and held my breath. We reached the tree and stopped.  
"Mum? If you're listening and you're here. I love you. I got the bastard. You can rest in peace its okay. We're all okay now. I miss you Mum... I'm sorry it took so long..."Gerard sobbed. I wiped the stray tears from my face and waited patiently.Gerard was leaning against the tree trunk, staring at the ground. A few minutes later he looked up and said,"I'm ready. We can go now."He took my hand and entwined our fingers together. We walked back to the car in silence. As we drove away slowly, Gerard looked out at his childhood home and blinked away a tear.

"I'm okay."Gerard whispered and held my hand. I nodded. We were okay. Everything was okay.


	57. Epilogue

"You ready for school?"I smiled down at Claires eager nodding face.  
"Alright well I cant come in with you today. I need to get to work so you need to be a big girl for me. Can you do that?"I said as I helped her put her bag on.  
"Damn right I can Frankie. I'm a big girl. I dont even need you to hold my hand."She grinned.  
"Thats my girl."I grinned. We walked out to my car and got inside.

Lily was at a friends house. Gerard would already be at course so I couldnt even have breakfast with him and Mum was at work. I started work in half an hour so I really needed to hurry. Claire rambled on about her paintings as I drove. I was still a little freakish about driving without Gerard in the car but I was getting used to it.  
"Okay Claire. Off you go. I'll be here after school okay? Gimme a kiss quick."I stuck my cheek out as Claire scrambled to go meet her friends waiting at the gate.  
"Love you Frankie!"She called before slamming the door shut.

I watched her go, hugging the short blonde girl called Milly before realising I was gonna be late for work. I drove away and fought the urge to smash into the car ahead of me. The dick had just passed me when he shouldnt have. In another ten minutes I was walking past the front windows of work. Someone had written an 'f' over the 'b' so it read Starfucks instead. They'd even drawn someone getting fucked by a star. How original.

"Hey Frank. You've got a request."Mel smiled and pointed to the booth at the very back.  
"Seriously? I havent even started yet. Jesus people gimme a break."I grumbled.  
"Try and be nice to this customer."Mel grinned at me. I gave her a weird look and dumped my shit out back then pulled my apron on. I grabbed my notebook and went to see who had requested me.

"Gerard! Ahh!"I squealed and jumped into his lap, kissing him all over.  
"Course was cancelled cause of a flood in one of the departments. So I've got the day free and I got you the day off as well."He grinned.  
"You are perfect. I fucking love you."I grinned and kissed him again.  
"So, how should we spend the day?"  
"Lets go home shall we?"I raised an eyebrow at me.  
"Good idea."Gerard grinned back at me.

We went and got into my car, giving each other knowing looks. Mum didnt like it when we had sex at hers but hey, she was out at work all day so she wouldnt know. Besides, Gerard's apartment was too far away. Driving through the streets of San Diego was a nightmare. The traffic was probably the most of my worries. We'd only been here for a year and Gerard had managed to keep his promise. Everything was good. Everything was better. All I had to do was Try.

The End.


End file.
